I’m Mourning and She’s Still Alive

My grandmother passed away from Dementia from two strokes in 2005. I’m reposting for the caregivers dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer’s or Dementia. For those who have not been a caregiver, these post may help you down the road. For the caregivers who give every ounce of energy, just one piece of advice if I may. Take time to clear your head, 10 or 30 minutes whatever you can for yourself each week. I did not have any one to offer suggestions and had brain drain after both of their deaths. My body was physically broken down. Due to the nature of the illness it’s hard to take an eye off them, 24/7. I was fortunate we had hospice care for both of my grandparents. My grandfather was healthy enough to help with my grandmother. I don’t know how to turn my brain off.

I’m Morning and She’s Still Alive

As the caregiver for my grandparents my hands are full yet my mind runs at a high level by switching to what I call “caregiver mode”. I can manage tons of information about what drugs they take, schedule appointments, discuss test results or anything else needed to take care of two people who are dying and “switch back” when at home.

Before the fall and broken hip my grandmother knew me. Our conversations limited yet sharing memories with her made my day. She really enjoyed a photo book I put together with many photos of her beloved dog, Blackie. Thinking about Blackie always made her smile, even though he died twenty years ago she remembers him like it was today.

On the way to their house last week tears started rolling down my face, I could not stop crying. It took a few minutes to figure out what was causing so much pain. My mind had switched from caregiver to granddaughter and realized my grandmother no longer knew me. We would not share our memories again. I knew the day would come and say prayers for the memories we shared. The realization was much harder to accept. I am in mourning and miss my grandmother so much.

Xx  M    aka Warrior

6 Comments »

    • It’s okay to cry, and still mourn their loss. They had quite a bond with you, and are missed. I think of my grandmother, and my parents quite a lot. They too, saw when I was in trouble, without my saying a word. I understand that kind of connection.
      Not sure about our travel plans, will be home at least until Wednesday. The MIL and sibs are planning a huge garage sale of what remains in her house, so there is major prep to do. Should be gone 4-5 days, that’s all we can handle ! Did you get my e mail ? Hope so. Talk soon. ☺

      Like

      • My gramps insisted we have a garage sale of my granny’s clothes, I kicked and screamed, tried to reason with his emotions not to mention he picked summer in 1oo degree weather. They lived in what became the old bad neighborhood after 55 yrs. It broke my heart. I knew the Hispanic women were poor and he cared for them. When he hasn’t looking I would load up their arms and say two dollars. My granny didn’t have the same feeling about neighbors.
        I always start my week with long list and best intentions to complete the list, who do I think I am!!!! Today I post about Survivors 2nd anniversary, I would love for you to be available when I post, really everywhere you go you’re there. I can’t wait to post, hopefully you will have as much fun as I. Of course I want your followers to give you a hard time. hahaha! I’m posting this week, goal by Wed. you read when you can, the only surprise is what I wrote!
        Why where they called Sosa Jerks?
        Yes my email is almost fixed, still not getting comment notifications.
        Be safe on the road, I’ll email or comment when posted. Do you have a preference?
        Hugs
        M

        Liked by 1 person

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