On my first business trip, I was 24 years old and clueless. The company was celebrating a milestone. Once we were bored, around 20 of us found a bar and settled in. This is the time for a stalker, large groups of people, and pick your target.
First, he sent me a dozen white roses every day. I was young and naive about stalking. I assumed he had money.
The cards started coming and he started asking me to come to Boston. The phone calls were coming more often. I didn’t know how a stalker reeled in their target.
After months of roses and cards, I gave in. Once in Boston, his lies were easy to see. The parents owned the house, he lived in a small house over the garage. My radar is up about but nothing else. There was a party at a friend’s house, let’s see how many are losers. The party was fun I talked about food, wine, and traveling. He paraded me around like a 100 LB piece of meat.
We had a selection of drugs, hash, cocaine, and some using a needle. I don’t use a needle period. I enjoyed the selection of smokes. We left heading for his house, he was high and driving. We arrive, had problems with the stairs, which were too high, and laughing ass off. I told him before arriving, I would not sleep with him, ok no problem he says. We started doing a line of coke, no memory of how many lines, it didn’t matter
I was stoned. He tried to get to lay on the bed and he wouldn’t touch me. The other sleeping option was the couch, I chose the couch. His personality changed to anger. He begged me for what seemed like an hour. He finally gave up, leaving him to plan his next move.
I left my cell phone at home and used his phone to call Granny. BAD MOVE. We had lunch with his parents. They seemed normal, which was good, maybe the thoughts are a reaction from past experiences.
We went to the mall so he could buy me a leather jacket. WEIRD. Before leaving he takes me to a 5-star restaurant on the water. Then off to the airport, and listened to more lies.
The calls to my office and home were nonstop, leaving messages on my phone with his voice getting angrier, making threats. What can he do to me he’s in Boston. NAIVE.
The fear escalated over a six-year period, always looking over my shoulder, and avoiding crowds. Dating was worse, you have to tell them about this crazy person. One guy I dated had two boys, and afraid for them he would go to the car alone in case a bomb ignited.
It’s been 15 years and more traumatic memories. Now another Stalker has me in sight. I’m 53 not a kid anymore and I still get scared. I thought the Stalker had left me alone, there still watching, always there, letting me know.
I wrote in an earlier post about how I taunted the Stalker. Don’t take my lead and attack back, expressing your anger. Their anger can grow and aggression can escalate.
Please keep close at hand resources you can contact in an emergency. Don’t keep the secret to yourself, it’s a heavy load.
Melinda
Looking for the Light 
only people who have experienced it really know what it’s like.
Pure Hell !
Boy is that the truth. Stalking is a silent trauma, one with little proof. It’s one thing to have someone with no desire to physically hurt you. The anger and aggression can escalate over time. So far they have communicated with me for months, no indication of wanting to hurt me.
Xx M
Sounds like a terrible experience. These people can smell our vulnerabilities. We have to be careful. You’re re-blog button is visible to me.
Hello. I’ve never had an experience of this kind. I use double authentication which requires me to type in a unique code every time I log in. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to attack the Survivor’s Network.
I have no idea, the target is me. Little damage was done to Looking site. That goes along with conversations with them, they hurt me more by hurting people I care for. They said it was late last year when they hooked onto me. I found tons of horrible tweets sent to people I followed. I tried to delete as many as possible, it to big to worry with. The trauma hit home when they started speaking for you and Gavin. Some how they were able to change Gavin’s DNS settings to look like it was him. I’ll tell you all the nasty things they said for you.
Stalking is a type of abuse that’s hard to get a finger on. Police are no help without proof, I almost went to jail last month trying to get them to understand. It triggers the isolating feeling I had as a child/teen.
I will have to go to the double step. If that doesn’t work, I’m clueless. They know every post, who I talk to, it’s scary but it makes be angry more than scared.
Hugs
M
They were able to make it look like I was saying nasty things from my email account? Did you take screen shots?
All communication came thru iMessage on my phone and seeing what was happening on Twitter. I sent you an email. I don’t even know how to do a screen shot.
Xx M
Screen shots? Hit print screen on your keyboard and then do a copy/paste into a paint program.
I’ve googled ‘Rob Goldstein’ and I get mostly doctors and lawyers and then eventually me. I don’t see anything unusual other than the usual stuff.
That’s great to hear, many of the tweets shown me were actually not sent, just messing with me head. Have you thought about how you want me to move forward storing your About page? They deleted your page and photo. Actually several photos. I also stopped by yesterday and your reblog button was turned off. Do you turn if off for certain post or leave on. I’ve had problems with reblog, it’s crazy, the setting is correct and I have to pretend edit and update before it will show.
Frustrating.
Life goes on
M
I think If you’re looking at post on the home page the reblog button isn’t available. You have to click into the post to access it.
I know nothing about the setup on the network. I’ve been very symptomatic since the death of my Sister in January. I’ve had a chaotic five months.
I know your dealing with your Sister’s death and having issues with your mood. I wanted to make it easy for you by setting up your About page the best I could with cut and paste. The only item I may have a problem with is the photo you use for gravatar. I’ll work on it and when I hit a stopping point maybe you can provide the photo. I may be able to copy it to.
Take care, let yourself feel all of your emotions keeping an eye on staying level as possible.
You very strong Robert, you’ll come out stronger on other side.
M
I finally ‘came back’ and checked my email. I sent you an updated bio. Forgive me, but I’m a bit confused because I’ve lost over a week, though you wouldn’t know it from the blog.
Robert
The blessing and the curse is you can keep your pain at bay from others view. It’s only when you share do your friends and family know of your struggles. You and I have suffered trauma and pain throughout life, we get good at putting a mask. Many times the mask has saving me when I couldn’t handle another question about a topic. I became a pro at hiding my depression all the years before medication stabilized me.
You have a huge heart and a piece is grieving, feeling pain that you can only feel for a sister.
Hugs
I don’t recall an update but I’m making my way through email. If not found I’ll let you know. Thanks Robert.
M
Yes. It’s disturbing when I tell people I’m ill and they don’t believe me.
I still don’t quite know how to deal with that in my online relationships.
It’s baffling.
I’ve come to except the fact, online relationships should not be hard or have to ask or answer lots of questions. You are so open about BPD and your Alternates, I would never have know without your ability to write and put art with the personalities. I’ve tried to not ask very personal or personal questions in general. Its not to say I’m always successful. I have empathy and want to help, I learned a dramatic lesson in helping and my views of friends online have changed. People don’t ask me many questions but I can see where it’s a daily occurrence with you. When someone ask a question to truly understand, if you feel like answer. I’ve learned when not up to answering questions or don’t want to, I send a smile back. End of story. You could see what works for you. You and your health is most important, you owe none an answer or to take on someone who wants to learn everything. For me that’s a signal to run.
People who don’t understand you are ill need to read a fucking cooking blog.
M
It happens more with people who don’t read my blog — I do understand that I have to educate people even as I am learning. The only way to ‘see’ all of me is to read my blog. Different parts of me emerge at different times of the day and under different circumstances. I don’t even know all of me. I welcome honest questions asked with respect. I can’t possibly think of everything a person might want to know or find confusing.
More recently, because of the sudden death of my Sister, I’ve lost
some of the integration I had achieved.
What that means is that memory barriers are back and I’m easily triggered.
I switch more frequently, have more panic attacks and lose more time.
It doesn’t help that in my mind
the political atmosphere in the U.S. resembles the one in which I was abused.
One little point that makes a big difference for people with DID.
I do not have BPD. BPD may be a trauma related illness as well as
genetic components.
Some people with DID have an alter with BPD but I’m not one of them.
I think it’s why I can function as well as I do despite the severity of my illness.
You are the most important thing in your life, your happiness, stable health or learning to go with flow health. It must be scary to have pieces of you unfold when you know so much already. I had the error of saying you had BRD because that is the illness of the person I tried to help. It will forever be a traumatic experience and one I won’t repeat. There’s part of my brain that says I can help everyone and everything. Of course it’s not logical but it doesn’t stop my all the time.
Everyone in the group is cool, we all have our challenges, triggers and flat out crappy days. I work hard at being sensitive to everyone and when I reach out leave it open to if they need me. I care deeply for the team, most important the team is strong, fearless, letting others in on trauma if current or past takes a strong backbone and desire to help. I am most proud of the willingness of the team members opening up to help others. December we’ll celebrate three years, I have no doubt we have helped, transformed and helped loved ones to understand.
I did receive you profile. I may look on your site to beef it up, your time spent helping others by opening your life….more personal. You are a referable man.
M
No, you can’t help or please everybody. I’ve learned that the most I can do is set my limits and hope that friends and colleagues understand that my limits are genuine.
All we can do is our best. And our best will always be flawed.
Amen to that!!!! Did you get my email invitation to Survivors, The short cut worked. On accepted I can go to each post I reblogged and change to your name. You will want to look at About” page. I took the wording from your page and added one photo. You will want to pretty the page up.
If you didn’t get let me know, it was two days ago.
M
I’ll have to look. I lost almost a week so I’m in catch up mode. If you use twitter and you see ‘me’ tweeting away it’s an alternate. Different alternates use different social media platforms. It’s not the most efficient way to live but it’s the only way I know.
I knew had lot going on, when you get a chance to accept we can roll on like before. I am slowing learning when your in a alternate. Take care of you self. I’ll continue to reblog and change all back to you one invitation is signed.
Take care.
M
Thanks
🙂
Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry for what you went through and that it’s happening again. Do you have anyone to help you?
I’m truly so sorry. Do you know who it is? I know police aren’t always helpful in situations like this, but have you tried contacting a group like the National Center For Victims of Crime, or cyber civil rights.org?
Ugh! I hope this resolves soon and you’re feeling better. Please take care.
Hugs!
Thank you for sharing positive thoughts with me. I’ll work thru it, if they don’t have a desire to harm me they will get bored and move on. If aggression starts I’ll have to take another action. I’m worried but it’s not running my life.
Thanks
Xx M
Reblogged this on Survivors Blog Here.