Whatever this obstacle is, it started 18 months ago, there wasn’t a moment I can pin this inability on. Inability is the right word, I’m not afraid to leave the house, I’ve driven a few times in the past year, I know how to drive and live in the same town.
Yet I have my husband take me to all my appointments even if there just a mile or two away. I never feel nervous when we’re getting ready to go, no uncomfortable feelings on the way there and no sigh of relief when we’re back home.
For the longest time, I denied I had Agrophobia but now understand people drive while suffering from Agoraphobia. The famous Chef Paula Dean was Agrophobic for years, she drove and took care of business as needed but she feared it, didn’t want to drive, couldn’t even walk around the block at one point. Her book helped me understand you can function but it still didn’t convince me I have Agoraphobia.
I feel tremendous pressure to drive to my doctor’s appointments so my husband won’t have to take off work. He has to take an average of five days a month to drive me, sometimes very short distances. Even thou he’s been with the company 20 years that is still a lot of days off. I hate to think of how many days off since 2012 when I first got sick.
There is only one factor I can come up with, my dementia. I have lost big chunks of knowledge, simple things like where I used to go shopping. I don’t remember how to get there. One other factor is our city has grown so big since I got sick nothing looks the same. We passed a restaurant we use to frequent and I barely noticed it because everything had grown around it.
I’m not sure I could drive the 30 miles to my grandparent’s house. I had to really think hard about what streets I would take, exits, what freeways and then doing in reverse. My husband David said he wouldn’t feel comfortable with me driving to their house.
Is this the root cause? Am I afraid of getting lost, not being able to take care of myself as before or forgetting my phone, which I did the first appointments I drove to. Not only did I get lost but forgot my phone. Another small part is I have a different car than before. My previous car was a sexy BMW hot rod and I knew how fast it could get to the on the ramp. I now have a Suburu which is really cool but not the same get up and go. I’m still adjusting to how fast I have to turn in front of someone and all the good things you learn when you get a new vehicle. My Suburu is two years old and has 1300 miles on it. I have driven about 15 of those miles.
Does any of this make sense, is the real issue my dementia and I’m trying to avoid admitting?
Please give any feedback you have, I want to hear every thought and idea. Thanks a million.