Fibromyalgia Thoughts #1 Fat, Sex & Shame

This is a much-loved post from the archives about my life with Fibromyalgia. 

I had to accept the loss of everyday control once diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I go to bed with plans for the next day when the morning rolls around, I can’t get out of bed. In the past, I would beat myself up, feel shame, and anger. 

A shower takes an hour, it’s painful and exhausting. Instead, I use hospital approved cleansing wipes to bathe on the days when I can’t handle the thought of a shower. I’m embarrassed to tell my husband. 

I shaved my head yesterday, taking care of my hair takes too much energy. I’m housebound, only doctors see me. My husband doesn’t say anything but I imagine the negative thoughts he has. Why can’t his wife be normal like others, why can’t we go out to eat, why don’t we have sex, I’m fat………the thoughts can consume. 

I can ask myself questions about why/why not every day, I don’t. It’s not productive, not within my control, and doesn’t help my health. Stress creates inflammation, inflammation creates more pain. 

I pray a lot every day. 


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