My legs from my thighs down to my toes spasm 24/7, I choose not to take medicine because who wants another addictive medication. Pain medication does not make the spasms go away. I have to wait until the sleeping medication kicks in and try to ignore during the day.
I think of who I once was and who I am now. Both have an upside, it’s a shame the two can’t meet. The empathy and patience I have now would have seerved me well when I was younger.
If I had friends would they understand? Time and distance already created a divide. How would we reminisces over the good times knowing the chances of me traveling to see them or travel again is unlikely.
Would I be strong enough to support my husband if the tables were turned? Could I be there as he has for over ten years, taking care of me every day, worrying about my health, wondering what diagnosis will come next.
My goals have been completely adjusted, a different mindset is required. I push myself each day to accomplish as much as possible but forgive myself if something has to wait until the next day. It will still be there, there aren’t many task so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow.
I have to make self-care a priority every day. Taking care of myself is great for my mental health, my self worth and my spirit. I do the smallest things to make my day brighter.
COVID has not changed my world, I didn’t leave the house except for doctor and lab visits and a daily Starbucks run. You should see the Clorox bath we go thru before leaving the drive thru lane. We take our dogs, it makes them happy and they always make me smile peering out the window at the Starbucks employees.
Guilt, frustration and anger are not my friends but are my daily reality.