In the modern world of divorce, we are seeing that fathers are being left behind. Child separation from their parents, no matter if it’s the father or the mother, is traumatic. They will find themselves without one half of their guiding light and they will have a lesser view of the world because of it. Parents are supposed to be teachers and when children and parents don’t have the opportunity to spend time together, valuable lessons are not learned. Fathers are the hardest hit, as mothers tend to get sole child custody, 80-90% of the time. Let’s look deeper into why this is a problem that we need to talk more about.
Separation as a weapon
Sometimes, parents who have custody of the children will use this as a way to ‘get back’ at their former spouse. This is as horrible and vindictive as it sounds. However, this kind of child alienation can have a bad effect on the parent that is being forced out, and the children. The children will sense they are being used as pawns in your personal vendetta and the parent that is being kept from seeing them will grow distant from them. If you are also making up lies about the former spouse, or think that they are, your children will likely believe them as they are their sole caregiver. This kind of turning against tactics can be devastating in the long term to the point that relationships may never heal again.
A need for guidance
Both parents will give their children a guiding light in life. And when one of them is not there to do this, it can lead to a skewed view of the world. It’s rare for one parent to assume both roles and it can never really work even when they try. A dad’s perspective on life is different from the mother’s and vice versa. Therefore making sure that both parents can fulfill their role as a torch of knowledge in their children’s lives is vital. When one of them can’t do this because of child alienation by the other parent, this can be so harmful that the child will lack a certain type of life experience or knowledge that will end up hurting them more.
What can you do about it?
Can you sense not being able to see your children as you normally would at visiting times? Maybe you can’t even visit them anymore because of what the former spouse is doing to separate you from your children. You shouldn’t give up, even if the court has previously ruled something. You can use a good Family Law Firm to build a case that shows you are being unfairly treated and kept from your children. Fathers especially should look into this, as they will usually face a tougher stance from the family courts.
When it comes to divorce, the children must come first.
This is a collaborative post.
In Health,
Melinda
Looking for the Light 
Yes! It sure is! I found this article so helpful Melinda! Thanks a lot for sharing it!
Children must always come first. We brought them into this world and we must do right by them, always. I told their dad he could see or have the boys anytime he wanted to and as he only lived around the corner, he saw them often.
However, when he started calling to say he couldn’t have the boys that weekend ‘cos he had a date’, I’d hand the phone to the boys so that he had to tell them he couldn’t see them. Why should I always have to see their little faces crumple when I said daddy can’t see you this weekend.
And despite the fact that I took them to activities like karate/football/swimming seven days a week, he refused to even take them to football each Sunday morning – cos he was hungover!!
It’s hard work being a single parent, especially when the other parent couldn’t care less and only saw the boys when it suited him. But I never put him down or told the boys lies about him and I wish he’d shown the same courtesy 😦
That’s the way to have to treat your kids! You’re right you had them and now you have to raise them. I’m glad you handed the phone to him and made him accountable for not seeing them. Then the kids could form their own opinion of him. I wouldn’t want to be a single parent, my mother did a great job with my brother but didn’t want me from the beginning. Too bad back then you had to get married and have the baby. I’m glad I’m alive and survived but if someone doesn’t want a baby they should not get pregnant.
My mum used to put my dad down so I knew what it felt like. Anyway, I wanted the boys to have their dad in their lives (a male figure) but he was no role model unfortunately. He’d take them to the pub as young teenagers and he’d take drugs when he was out with them – they hated it and would leave him in the pub with his stoned/coked up pals 😦
Wow, that’s awful Melinda. Did she actually tell you that or was it just a feeling? I agree with you, they shouldn’t get pregnant, particularly when there’s safety measures.
Women/girls are still doing it today!! Not using protection!
I was told all the time I was a mistake! She was horrible as any mother could be. She will have her day at the pearly gates and have to account for her actions.
Wow! That’s just terrible Melinda! What kind of mother does that to a child? I’m guessing you don’t see her much now – I know I wouldn’t want her around me or my children, spreading her poisonous words 😦
What’s worse is she told me my dad raped her! You should have seen the look on my dad’s face when I told him. He was crushed. She hated him and as she said I was just like him. I put her out of my life many years ago, my therapist helped me see that I owed her nothing just because she was my mother. I had to see her once at my brother’s wedding, I just said hello and turned my chair away so she could see my back. She got the message.
How awful. And I hate it when parents say things like “you’re just like him/her” when they don’t like that person.
It’s good that you got her out of your life cos who needs that poison 😦 And I’m surprised you even said hello at the wedding, but at least she got your back 😉 x
I think that was the best way to not lower to her level and enjoy my brother’s wedding.
Yes, of course 🙂