Personal Experience With Suicide, What’s Left Behind?

September is Suicide Prevention Month and I have written several posts about my experiences with suicide. 

My father’s roommate committed suicide with my dad’s gun one evening with my dad and police standing at the locked bedroom door. What is left behind after someone commits suicide you don’t personally know is a very strange experience. 

Earlier in the day, he returned all the items he had borrowed from my dad and mowed the yard. He was taking care of business and finishing his final plan. 

We don’t know when he took my dad’s gun, he didn’t realize it was gone until after the shooting. This is a good reason to keep your guns locked. 

My granny was going over to clean up the room so my dad didn’t have to so I went to help her. 

His room had a bloody mattress, carpet, and wall. 

It was surreal to drag a bloody mattress out to the curb for the neighborhood to see. 

There were no photos in the room, nothing on the walls, no decorations. 

After we cleaned the floor and wall, we gathered his belongings to give to his parents. 

All that was in one drawer was 16 cents. I asked myself if this is what it comes down to. 

There were four black bags of clothes, that’s all. 

Nothing else for his family to remember him by, it was a very heartbreaking day. 

What’s left behind after suicide?



  1. Uncertain of what to share… other than my heart breaks for the loneliness he must of felt. Truly sorry for loss this man’s family is left with, the guilt felt, and for all that has been witnessed and experienced; forever intertwined. Too much sadness in this world. If only we magically eliminate loneliness and pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my goodness. This is just… I don’t know the word for it. Using your roommates gun seems rather unfair as it leaves that other person with a degree of guilt probably. He obviously had a plan, to make good first (returning things he borrowed) and it’s heartbreaking he kept it all to himself, that he felt there was no other way forward. I’m not sure what’s left behind after suicide aside from a lot of space and sad emptiness. This is heartbreaking.

    Liked by 2 people

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