Good Times on the Highway to Hell Part 4

More antics in my life.

I moved to a new apartment and it had a fireplace. I was so excited until I lit it. I knew nothing about fireplaces and didn’t open the flue. My place was filling up with smoke, and my fire detector was going crazy. I ran downstairs to the only person I had met and he opened the flue for me. What an embarrassment. Not to mention it got black gunk on the only expensive piece of art I owned.

I’ve always been a curious person, even as a child I was always getting into trouble. When I was five years old, I snuck into the janitor’s closet at daycare. There were big plastic buckets of paint. I opened the lid on one and it looked dried out. So I stuck my arm in the paint and to my surprise only the top was dry. I had to tell on myself because my arm was covered to the shoulder and dripping paint.

Photo by Skitterphoto on

This is one of my best stories and one that makes me laugh every time. I stopped to get gas, I put the nozzle in the car as always and put my card in to pay. It wasn’t working, after a few tries, I went in to see what was up. The guy said they were changing shifts and it would be another 30 minutes before the pumps would work. I was so angry, I jumped in my car and took off. I’m driving up the street and people are pointing to the back of my car. I then realized I had torn the nozzle off the gas pump. I laughed till I cried. I got home and threw it in the trash.

When I was 12 years old, my dad’s friend left his car at the house. It was a hot rod and I wanted to drive it. I didn’t know how to drive but I was determined. I asked Daddy, and he said no of course. He was on the phone so when he got really involved in the call, I snuck the keys and went for a ride. I drove it around the cuddle de sac and back to the house. I parked, then thought I was too far away from the curb so I moved it. The only problem was we had a fire hydrate by our driveway and I got on the gas too much and ran right into the fire hydrant. My dad came out screaming words I won’t use here but he was a maniac.

Photo by Jesse Zheng on

My best friend was close to my grandparents, one day she placed a huge cucumber in the toilet. She didn’t even tell me. Gramps was the victim! He got such a kick out of it.

These are the Hotel Stories

I lived in a swanky hotel while it was being finished, my job was to expedite all the furniture for the hotel and by night I ran a temporary crew of about 10 guys. The halls were not carpeted yet so I wore my roller skates to make sure they were putting furniture in the right room and placed where specified. I did this for 8 months, it was exhausting but I learned so much.

Speaking of the hotel, all the craftspeople were still working so getting an elevator is always a wait because there are so many waiting. One day my boss and I were going to lunch, a full elevator stopped and I jumped in. The doors didn’t shut, people were hanging on to me, and we fell four floors. My boss was looking and couldn’t find me. I was in shock and had crawled around the corner leaning on a wall-shaking, and thinking I could have died.

Also while working at the hotel, the Fire Department was testing the fire alarms all the time, several times a day. We stop paying attention and kept working. A Fire Marshal comes into our office and says the fire is in this room. I looked down and sure enough, my trashcan was on fire. Guess my cigarettes were the cause.

At night before the team started placing furniture in the rooms, we would meet in a staging area and discuss the plan for the night. I also ran the elevator while they worked. We always had to use the service elevator. I had the elevator stop between floors on me, one not open, and one time I had to crawl out the top. Not to mention falling four floors. It’s surprising I’m not afraid of elevators.

I hope you’re laughing with me!



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