Darkness Overcomes Me

I stand watching the darkness settle in. The black dog comes to torture me. Emotions, negative feelings left behind are brought out like dolls in a toy box.  I fight, fight hard not to fall in the abyss. Mask are taken out of their resting place, the mask are for me, which one will I need today. Lies and hurtful […]

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I Have Bipolar And I Am Not Violent

Reblogged from our friend Amy Gamble at http://www.amygamble.wordpress.com I had an opportunity to teach a group of school teachers about mental illness. After last weeks Florida school shooting I was prepared for questions about mental illness and violence. It’s beyond sad this is an ever occurring topic. But what happens to those of us who live with a mental illness […]

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What It All Means

This video floored me, it’s real for me, he spoke works to come from my mouth, Jim was able to show the guts, inside, raw communication and how struggles are battled. I ran across this last week, I don’t know who to give credit to. I’ve watched over and over and each time I see one of my dark times, suicidal journeys and crawling back from hell. I hope you will watch and reblog on. Everyone can learn from the inside look of depression.  M

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My Father

In the 1950’s doctors diagnosed my father Hyperactive as a teen, with little knowledge doctors prescribed tranquilizers. I can only imagine how this much-loved teen prankster turned zombie like. What doctors didn’t know was my father suffered from Bipolar Disorder. After leaving home, he never sought a second opinion or took medications. He committed suicide in 1992. I can’t say […]

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Bipolar & Dementia

Reblogged from Kitt O’Malley I fear dementia. Both of my parents have dementia and live in a memory care community. They love one another and seem happy where they are now, but it took a while to make that happen. They wanted to maintain their independence. Understandable. I fear dementia. Though I hope by avoiding alcohol and taking my […] via Bipolar

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I keep Moving Forward: *Not allowing My past to Chart the Future*

“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”    Maya Angelo I am a Survivor My grandparents unconditional love pulled me from the abyss. After years of Therapy, I have a clear heart, no anger or self loathing. Not forgiving….forgetting, to allow myself to move forward. Over the years, people brought sunshine into my life. You were like Angels dropping in when I needed a push or pat on back. My mother and stepfather physically and emotionally abused me until 12 years old. My stepfather beat my mother almost daily starting with hitting her head side to side down the hallway, the hallway ended at my room. Everyone in the house lived in hell, I got an extra dose. As a small girl, I dreamed my father would save me from the traumatic abuse. The dream was over, he started sexually abusing me as a child. It was innocent at first or so it seemed. At 12 years old I moved to my father’s. It’s impossible to wrap your head around sexual abuse at any age. In 1992 my father committed suicide. Estranged since my teens, we talked several times before his death. He called delusional and paranoid. Saying someone was tapping his phone. He told me about committing suicide, I told no one. The news devastated Granny her only child was dead. With a closed casket service it’s hard to reconcile death when you can’t […]

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Friday Psychotic Break

Tom Petty incapsulates everything Rock & Roll. I hadn’t seen this version, WOW.  Feel his rage, drugs, possibilities are endless.   Breakdown  Tom Petty & Heartbreakers  12/30/1978-Winterland, San Francisco.  I’m feeling front stage today.  Like version? How about suggestions. I always enjoy you’re thoughts & feedback.  😎M https://youtu.be/G1cmOq9MSo

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I Think Of You Every Second

I’m grieving a life, a life taken to the sky. Why a country song hit me so hard, I don’t know. Does she like country music? The uncontrollable tears may come from God, being there for me, when the pain doesn’t end. The tears maybe the first of many. I did not ask for promises. I shared the challenges of my mental illness, praying you would not feel alone in your pain. Being real but hoping to empower, no-one can make someone change their plan, only they can. I start praying, please God take her in your arms, show her how love feels, please make her journey beyond earth the greatest years of her life. I will miss you, I’m scared, please answer my email today. My heart is bleeding, all I need is to know you’re alive. God will always have your back and never stops loving you. This rendition was updated to celebrate 50 years of Country Music Awards (CMA). Beautiful song, it’s impossible to not appreciate the talent and their voices together. I will always love you. By the One and only Dolly Melinda

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