Survivor & So Much More *First Posted 4/21/2014*

I am alive, happy, productive and helping other Survivors. I’m very blessed. My childhood and teenage years were so difficult I truly believed suicide was the only answer. My first attempt was at 9 years old, I took all the pills in my dad’s medicine cabinet. I got a buzz then my stomach pumped. Suicide was always on my mind since the abuse was every day. If it wasn’t physical abuse, it was constant mental abuse by my mother. At the same time, I saw my mother physically and emotionally abused by my alcoholic stepfather. At 13 years old I left my abusive life behind. It sounds great but you are so wounded you don’t want to look anyone in the eye, they may hit you or call you names. My mind stripped down and filled with trash, my mother took every drop of confidence I had. Over time my confidence grew and I started building who I am today. I did get called names and had a couple good fights. Sounds like any teenager trying to spread their wings. I have many unresolved emotions, responses, and fears. Who doesn’t? What I can say for sure, I’m a survivor and so much more. Survivors have to dig really deep after being kicked down. It took years for me to discover what I liked and longer to get over my fear of failure. My mother told me I was stupid all the time. I know better […]

Read More →

The Asp Wrangler For A Day

The Asp Wrangler For A Day        Summer and searing heat are just ahead, it’s time to introduce you to the Texas Asp. One morning while pruning roses I noticed these furry cream-colored caterpillars. I grabbed my camera and started clicking. Something about them was familiar, I just could not put my finger on it. I had taken photos of critters all week so my husband was not surprised I discovered something new. Curiosity got the best of me, I had to see what kind of caterpillar they were. I had thoughts of beautiful butterflies flying around my yard. To my surprise and horror they were Asp! If you are not from the South you can’t fully appreciate the terror growing within. It is close to impossible to kill them. When you get stung by an Asp it’s like having acid poured on you. Their hairs can get imbedded in the skin and every time you touch the area it’s like a new dose of acid. When I was a kid one fell from the porch ceiling at my grandparents house. It fell down the back of my shirt. I was screaming and crying so hard it was difficult to stop to tell granny something was on my back. They leave a mark that looks like a branding iron. My back looked like red tire tracks. With this memory I had to go out the next morning a […]

Read More →

New Chapter in My Life Begins

I’ve started to walk again, it fells great and very unstable. Throughout my battle with Lyme I prayed for my Granny’s strength. My Granny had to learn to walk twice as an adult. The first was from a terrible accident leaving her in a wheelchair or walker for years. She cleaned new houses for extra money, whatever the job required […]

Read More →

I Need Your Opinion, Only Three Questions. :)

Does the site look crowded? I’m still not sure about the Twitter roll. Is there something you would like to see? Do you ever look at Footer Widgets? I want the site to flow, easy to read with the post taking center stage. Thanks a million for your help! Hugs to my friends and followers. You keep me running when there’s no energy to move! There are so many people helping in this small community. Xx  M

Read More →

I am thrilled to accept the Respect Award from Robert at Robert Goldstein

I am thrilled Robert chose me for The Respect Award. If we don’t have respect what do we have? Robert works hard advocating for mental illness services. He also fights hard for complete access for mental illness services. He is an amazing artist, Robert writes informative and beautiful stories. I love when his post include artwork. Pull up a chair and dig in, you may find a new friend and someone to follow. Robert has Dissociative Identity Disorder. I’m proud he is completely open about his mental illness and how he’s open to helping others. Robert describes what his site is about. “I’m a writer and amateur photographer who lives in San Francisco. I enjoy good conversation, history, technology and learning new skills. I have strong political views, a lifelong interest in literature, poetry, and social justice. I think I’ve finally found a format for this blog that I can live with. It evolves as I learn. Thank you Robert  🙂 You’ve made my day. Rules for award Recipients don’t have to do anything for this award. They can choose to copy the award art created by Robert and pass it on to people who have earned their respect — or they can do nothing. The only requirement has already been met when the award is given: Being someone worthy of respect. I have tremendous respect for so many, you’re not forgotten in this award. I pass the award along to Coffee […]

Read More →

Putting foot in the Dirt *Nominated Me For Liebster Award* Yay!

Michelle from puttingmyfeetinthedirt.wp.com  nominated me for the prized Liebster Award. Michele’s blog is informative, Christian based and makes you stop and soul search at times. I really enjoy talking to her and learning about her life outside of blogging. You have to check out her site puttingmyfeetinthedirt.wp.com , Michelle’s writing will inspire you. 11 facts about me I watch true crimes programs on tv. I’ve learned so much about basic self-defense, stalking and how many family members kill each other. It’s very informative. I’m concerned about underserved children in my community and shelters. My concern expands to children around the world. Working with children is the first initiative of the charity. I love Pop Tarts, grateful for delicious gluten-free brands. I loved jewelry as a child and have several necklaces made as a little one. Making  jewelry builds my confidence, growing when each piece comes out correctly. A family of Hawks hang out on the bird bath. They enjoy drinking and cooling off. Sometimes three get in bath, making it a bit overcrowded. I love to compost, worms and all. Love to decorate and or planning changes. Enjoy mapping my Ancestors, have found big surprises along the way. Enjoy learning, there are thousands of free courses. I recently started a course at Stanford University on Human Trafficking. Riding horses is a spiritual experience. Love antique Leica rangefinder camera’s. I have to duck out on nominations due to health. Take a look […]

Read More →

Third and Last Day of The Quote Challenge

“This to shall pass” Believed to originated in writings of the Medieval Persian Sufi Poets.  The quote appeared in tales by the English Poet Edward Fitzgerald and in speech by Abraham Lincoln before becoming president.  My granny used the quote probably before I was born. Times were very difficult for the family when her father died in 1930, granny was 9 years old. They had no money, insurance and no idea what tomorrow would bring. Both my granny and her mother were deeply religious, my guess this quote comforted them. I started using at some point simply because if I can survive, tomorrow can bring a blessing. The quote was not a religious quote to me. Fast forward to being a caregiver to both of my grandparents. I loved my gramps so much but several times a day I wanted to strangle him. I’d say to myself  “This to shall pass”. I tell you the above because the quote “This To Shall Pass” is religious to me now.  I changed in the 10 years taking care of my grandparents, what came after depression, ECT, hospitalization, Heart problems and Lyme Diease…….One day I woke up and the quote felt different, like God sent a message I’m at the wheel. Today there is a warmth in my heart to help others. The awakening gave the strength to become an Ordained Minister and start charity, God’s Tree of Life Ministries. I have enjoyed the […]

Read More →

It's my sixth anniversary on WordPress *Get out the streamers*

I received a reminder from WordPress today, it’s my 6th year anniversary! Wow, time fly’s when having fun or not. I’ve written 303 post on Looking for the Light, in less than two years. I must have a lot to say. I had several blogs before starting Looking for the Light. The greatest reward of blogging is the people I meet daily and hearing about the adventures of long-term followers. Thank you for reading, commenting and filling my heart with joy. Enjoy the Picasso, photo taken in D.C. ACHIEVEMENT 6 Year Anniversary Achievement Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com! You registered on WordPress.com 6 years ago! Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging! M

Read More →

Survivors Blog Here is thrilled to announce Robert Goldstein has joined our team.

“As far as your eyes can see, the universe can see farther”  Oprah Survivors Blog Here http://survivorsbloghere.wp.com is breaking out the happy dance. We’re excited to announce Robert Goldstein has joined our team. Stop by, pull up a chair, his site http://artbyrobertmgoldstein engulfs you then pulls you back looking for another gem. Robert is a strong advocate for mental illness, he […]

Read More →

Randstien Brightens My Day With No Strings Attached Award

Ride on! Rough-Shod if need be, Smooth-Shod if that will do,but ride on.  -Charles Dickens- My friend Randstien from Hyperion Strum https://hyperionsturm.wordpress.com Honored me with The No Strings Attached Award. Two in one week is awesome. I now get the pleasure of passing the award to other great blogs..  The No Strings Attached Award designed on Alfreds Almanac using input from his readers. You can check out his original post by clicking  https://thenostringsattachedaward.wordpress.com . It is with great pleasure to introduce  you to:  http://myweb-municipality.com https://beautifuliceland.wordpress.com I enjoy both sites and look forward to their new post. Please visit both their sites, you’ll find two great site. XO  Warrior

Read More →

Throwback Thursday * Reflection….What if today was your last day? *

There are three tick born illnesses making a home in my body. I’ve been kicked in the gut, stomped to the ground and rolled over by a truck the past few weeks. The monsters inside have met their match. I ain’t going down that easy. I’ve been to sick to update my Lyme Journal, many days I feel like death. On better days I feel like an ice pick is stabbing my forehead. My body rejects me, today falling when only three feet from the ground. The doctor said I could die at my last appointment. I do not visualized myself not getting up and won’t. I want to live each minute, feel it, make plans, add to my bucket list (Tango Lessons), keep learning and looking forward. Both songs are strong inspirations to me, enjoy today, the people I love and keep an open heart. Many have sent me words of encouragement, love, well wishes and lots of laughs. Thank you from the bottom of my big Texas heart. I appreciate everyone who prays for me and takes the time to write. My heart overflows with sunshine. Life is short, if we could live each day like it was our last, what a wonderful world it would be.   XO Warrior

Read More →

"When I Find Love Again, I'll Be Much Better Than The Man I Used To Be" **I see in his eyes and Body Language **

Many of you know I’m a huge James Blunt fan. How many converts will sway to his new song. I love the black and white video, fit’s perfect. Men may enjoy the babes shaking it. I find the men dancing and kicking up the dust quit satisfying. James married Sofia in September, I believe his music will show a happier man. He comes from a long history of military officers and James takes pride in serving. He’s dated some of the most beautiful women. He met is match with Sofia, who comes from long line of royalty. I wish them the best.    Warrior   Let me know what you think??

Read More →

Can Anyone Tell Me What Day It Is? **Yosemite National Park Here We Come**

      I’ve been in the house so long there’s no reason to keep up with the day of week. Today is a perfect example, Throw Back Thursday is on Wednesday. I want to cry and laugh at the same time. The neurological effects of Lyme Disease sucks. In the Chronic phase the virus can set up house in the brain causing neurological damage. To remain as positive as possible I don’t focus on the effect to my brain. There is no way to know if the damage is permanent or not. One side effect is memory loss, like walking to the kitchen and not remembering why. It’s annoying and a reminder you have a virus boring thru your brain. I choose not to focus on the what or why even with constant reminders. I am not at the wheel and trust God to get me to the other side.I’m on a long journey that will give plenty chances to laugh, laugh with me, not at me. Overlook the missing words in a post, thanking you for stopping by more than once and Throw Back Thursday on Wednesday. Life is too short to worry about the little things. Let’s laugh, then focus on how we can help someone and have our collective voice heard. Sending a heart-felt thanks and Texas size hug to you. M  

Read More →

Throw Back Thursday**Triple Shot with Country Legends Tanya, Reba,Loretta,Tammy and Dolly** Hang on to your hats!

  Enjoy the songs from my childhood, give or take a few years. Tanya Tucker’s Delta Dawn has a place buried in my heart. Many of the songs are simple, no fancy videos or special effects. What they have in common are words that grab your heart and still have meaning today. I bet there are many who aren’t familiar with the artist or words to the songs. Get on your shit kickers and get line dance warmed up!  Enjoy. M

Read More →

Throw Back Thursday **Triple Shot With Neil Young and Janis Joplin**

Triple Shot Thursday, who can turn the volume down on Neil Young or Janice Joplin. The first Neil Young gives you a glimpse at his sense of humor. Who knew? The video is priceless, today you won’t see an artist not prepared for a set. It cost money. The exchange with the audience is real and the foundation of good music. The second Neil Young and Janis Joplin videos have special meaning to me. While in bad girl boarding school I met people from every economic group and fours corners of America. One thing we all had in common is we were damaged, for different reasons yet all suffering. Music became the glue, we had music in common. Needle and Damage Done effected me deeply. Not for the reason he sings about, I was a drug addict without using needles. My mind focused on Damaged Done. At 13 years old I felt my life was damaged beyond repair, it’s amazing what a year in a positive environment can do. Mercedes Benz by Janis brings memories of hard work wrapped around fun. The boarding school had a fully functional laundry, it was a way for the Convent to make money. They did laundry for The Greenhouse Spa. When you graduated from kitchen duty you moved to laundry. In the middle of one room was a mangler machine. You feed the sheets in properly and they came out the other side ready […]

Read More →

Look Who Recieved the Liebster Award**Celebrate Dance to the Music**

I received the Liebster Award by Silver Lining at HopeFulDepression.  It took a minute to pull myself up off the floor. I’m grateful for the nomination. The Liebster Award has a long history in the blogging community. The award is given to blogs with less than 1,000 followers as a way to acknowledge and motivate new blogs. I discovered the word Liebster is of German origin which is perfect since I’m of German origin. Nothing like a mix of German, Neanderthal and American Indian. I’m honored to receive the Liebster Award from a long time follower. Her work is powerful, I urge you to stop by to see for yourself.   http://hopefuldepression.wordpress.com  How did you come up with name of blog? I have Treatment Resistant Bipolar Disorder and have spent years in darkness. Looking for the Light could sum up your hopes for relief.  Has the experience been what you expected? I’m having so much fun meeting people from across the globe. Shortly after starting my blog, I joined The Cut Throat Club a collaborative group of survivors. We support each other in recovery and offer support to the community. I’m privileged to share my experience of abuse and depression with others. If sharing helps one person, my heart will smile.  One thing that scares you? Spiders, snakes and sharks. One song that makes you the happy? Beautiful Tonight by EC. Do you have special talent or play an instrument? Don’t play […]

Read More →

Russian Gothic Architecture

  I visited St. Petersburg, Russia in 2001 shortly after 9-11 happened. I was boarding my plane when the first tower has hit. When air restrictions lifted, I left with a heavy heart yet thankful for a distraction. Nothing says adventure like traveling alone half way around the globe not knowing the language. I didn’t know what to expect except cathedrals, ballet and art museums. St. Petersburg is so much more. People knew I was American since most women don’t travel alone. Russians and people from several countries came up to say how sorry they were about the tragedy in America. I cried knowing someone a world away cared. We can live in a bubble sometimes. The Russian people tried so hard to help me when asking for directions even thou we didn’t speak each other’s language. I walked everywhere even at night with little worry of crime. Restaurant owners would watch for me knowing I was a women walking alone. The food was outstanding, caviar superb and service was excellent. I felt like a princess, the gypsy music never sounded better. I stayed at The Astoria Hotel, one of the two five-star hotels in St. Petersburg. They had me at hello! From the Mercedes at the airport, to the tour of the hotel, fresh flowers, chilled champagne with hand written welcome note. The doorman knew my name when I arrived. I had a personal taste test of the different […]

Read More →

Free to Fly

My emotions are raw today. It’s 4:45 pm and still in my pajamas. I’m sad and confused. When buried memories bubble up I work hard to lock them back up. I saw the ladybug on the roses, it brought the biggest smile. The excitement was enough to grab the camera. A smile is a great distraction, half a smile is better than none. All I can give is a half-smile today. Guilt took over, guilt tells me I’m lazy and my husband is going to leave me. I know it’s the illness talking but it hit me hard today because I was weak. Melinda

Read More →