Moving Forward

Live my life

Loved tune, first time addicted. Goes perfect with last nights post. Please come by, I would love the names of others bands, in America I get saddled with what I know. I’m thirsty for new, different just not nasty rap. Hope to receive a comment back. Be well my friend. Xx M

Moving Forward · Survivor

I keep Moving Forward: *Not allowing My past to Chart the Future*

“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”    Maya Angelo

I am a Survivor

My grandparents unconditional love pulled me from the abyss. After years of Therapy, I have a clear heart, no anger or self loathing. Not forgiving….forgetting, to allow myself to move forward. Over the years, people brought sunshine into my life. You were like Angels dropping in when I needed a push or pat on back.

My mother and stepfather physically and emotionally abused me until 12 years old. My stepfather beat my mother almost daily starting with hitting her head side to side down the hallway, the hallway ended at my room. Everyone in the house lived in hell, I got an extra dose.

As a small girl, I dreamed my father would save me from the traumatic abuse. The dream was over, he started sexually abusing me as a child. It was innocent at first or so it seemed. At 12 years old I moved to my father’s. It’s impossible to wrap your head around sexual abuse at any age.

In 1992 my father committed suicide. Estranged since my teens, we talked several times before his death. He called delusional and paranoid. Saying someone was tapping his phone. He told me about committing suicide, I told no one. The news devastated Granny her only child was dead. With a closed casket service it’s hard to reconcile death when you can’t see inside.

I battle with Treatment Resistant Bipolar Disorder. Diagnosed at 19 years old, I struggled for years without medication or over medicated. Thru the years I ‘ve taken over 40 prescriptions or drugs cocktails. A medication or medications worked for a while, then I had to try another mix.

Bipolar Disorder is a Mental Illness without a cure. I manage my illness everyday and each is different. Through advances in medicine and treatments, future generations may not struggle with Mental Illness. We can pay it forward by participating in questionnaires, clinical trials and talking about our illness. Educating others is the road to Breaking The Stigma.

I am alive with the help of God, Husband, Grandparents, Therapist and Psychiatrist. I’m blessed with a husband who won’t give up no matter how hard it gets.I get mean & nasty when going thru withdraw, Psychotic or Suicidal. 

My background and Mental Illness is NOT a complete picture of who I am. Photography, Art and Music are my passions. I love vintage cars, riding motorcycles and the great outdoors. As a teenager I set a  goal to see the world, the Bucket List is growing.

Student of Ancient History, Roman Architecture, World Religion and Art. I’m an animal lover. I’m sickened by animals being abused and killed testing dog food or facial cream. I’m concerned about extinction, global poverty and the planet. Above all Education, children are our future.

 

This is a snapshot of my past, I believe with the right team of doctors, treatments, extreme patience, Survivor attitude, most with Mental Illness  can reach a level of control. If it just came with a guarantee to not get out of balance. The only failure is not getting up again.

A hurdle in my twenties was telling my doctor I wouldn’t take a medication. I was vain, gaining twenty pounds wouldn’t work for me. I received many attitude adjustments, whats my reality? How did I expect to get less Depressed. My doctor is hard on me 20+ years later. He is a blessing, the commitment to me is the reason I’m alive today.

M

Men & Womens Health · Moving Forward · Survivor

Vivid Memory #2 Guest Margie Lakefield

Vivid Memory #2

Continued

WHERE IN HELL IS THAT FAMILY OF MINE? ARE THEY EATING PRIME RIB AND CELEBRATING? I’LL BET THEY ARE. THEY HAVE THE EASY PART IN ALL OF THIS. THEIR THEATER TICKET OFFERS A FREE DRINK AND REFRESHMENTS…while I stroll through hell…

The little girl dances into my world after midnight. Drug free from day one, but moms chucking her insides out and there are four nurses pummeling me, explaining something about blood flow, placenta, oh hell, I don’t know the jest of it all! I was too busy loosing my insides, suffering a notorious headache and begging for water.

Now, the vivid memory.

I am not sure how to write about it, other than to say that it belongs to my Megan. It belongs to her and I. Beginning early in the days before we even left the hospital, something was amiss. Sadly, I felt no maternal bliss, and I feared that I knew nothing. All those books I’d read on childbirth, the before and after. None of those had prepared me for the roller-coaster ride , the journey in to hell and the fear that would one day it would descend into thoughts of infanticide.

I warn you. This is not an easy read, and although Megan is almost two thousand miles from me today, I would give anything to sit beside her and hold her hand as I attempt to answer her questions and to allay her fears. But I can’t, and since I have promised that I would find a way to communicate something to her within the 31 days of May’s Challenge, today is our day.

I could not sleep. For three days in the hospital, and for days, off and on, once we were home. Irrational fears would enter my head and I would quickly try to change my thinking. I cuddled my angel. I played with her. I fed her and I connected with her as best I could, but I was afraid that those so-called baby blues would consume me. I tried talking to my husband about them, but he didn’t get it, and how could he, had anyone in the male species been through this birthing thing?

Days dragged, literally. I became consumed with schedules. I laboriously centered my life around a list of ‘to-do’s’ to fill my time, to keep me busy. But, I still was not sleeping. And then one day I could not eat. Literally. I could not swallow. I choked each time I tried. But I had to eat and drink, I had to sleep. I had a little one that relied upon me and I was breastfeeding, so it was more important than ever that I find a way to get ahold of myself.

Then I found myself dwelling on a pair of scissors. I’d been in the baby’s room wrapping a gift. I saw the scissors, and I remember thinking, “These could kill the baby.”

The thought became obsessive. It overwhelmed me with grief and shame. And try as I might, I could not shake the image, nor the auditory, “These could kill the baby.”

I tried hiding the scissors, but I couldn’t find a place to put them, somewhere that was ‘safe’ … someplace where they couldn’t talk to me.

I forced myself to put them back in the spot where I always kept them. If they could talk to me. I could talk to them. I could tell them, “NO!”

For days I fought this battle, until I realized it was beyond me. I attempted to express my concern for the baby to my husband, but I did not tell him about the scissors, or the voices.

I became so exhausted. And then the hallucinatory began its foray. I was fighting an army, and I was ill-equipped for its challenge.

I no longer felt connected to anyone except for my baby. I felt as if I could protect her I could win the inner war, but I was losing.

The phone would ring. I wouldn’t answer it. I had nothing I could communicate.

Survivor

Southern Rock Legend Gregg Allman RIP 5/27/17

A couple of my favs.   XxM  Greg you gave us all.

AOL Story:  https://www.aol.com/article/entertainment/2017/05/27/southern-rock-music-star-gregg-allman-dead-at-69/22112691/

 

Moving Forward

Howard school staff, mental health experts weigh in on suicide depiction in Netflix series

Andrew Michaels Contact Reporter Howard County Times

The Netflix hit series “13 Reasons Why” has the Howard County school system, and schools in neighboring counties, warning parents about the show’s graphic depictions of teen suicide, rape and bullying. At the same time, many are saying the show opens a doorway into conversations on suicide and other “uncomfortable” topics.

The streaming service’s show caught viewer attention nationwide after its debut in March. The show follows the story of high school student Hannah Baker, who commits suicide and leaves behind 13 cassette tape recordings for her peers, who she said contributed to her decision to end her life.

Based on a 2007 novel with the same title, the graphic depictions in the 13-episode show – rated TV-MA for mature audiences only – raised concerns among mental health experts, educators, parents and youth. Efforts against the show include that of Oxford High School students in Michigan, who started their “13 reasons why not” project, discussing their uplifting stories about getting help during tough times every day throughout May.

Three episodes feature explicit material, such as rape and suicide, and have “viewer discretion advised” warnings. In a statement earlier this month, Netflix said that they added more warnings before the first episode, following critic response. Original messages before the graphic episodes also reemphasized its content.

After becoming the “most tweeted show of 2017,” according to Variety, “13 Reasons Why” was renewed for a second season, to debut in 2018.

Howard County schools spokesman John White said the school system released a letter to parents and the community on May 1 in response to reports of students discussing the show with their peers and teachers. The letter was written by staff and student services employees, with input from counseling support and school psychology staff and nursing staff.

“While people may have differing opinions on the appropriateness of children and adolescents watching the series, we can use this as an opportunity to reinforce positive mental health practices,” the letter states. “It is critical that we consider safe messaging when we talk to all youth and adolescents about suicide, whether it is about this series or a situation that involves them more closely.”

A memo was also sent to principals throughout the school system, said Frank Eastham, executive director of school improvement and administration. The memo states that “13 Reasons Why” is not approved for viewing in Howard County schools.

Eastham said parents are encouraged to talk with their children about whether they’ve heard of or seen the show as well as provide an outlet for open discussion regarding suicide, rape, bullying or other concerns.

“When anything hits national news, such as this particular Netflix series, we want to make sure principals are equipped with the message and resources they need to speak intelligently about the issue,” Eastham said. The memo and letter included links to more information on mental health and contacts for mental health experts.

Prince George’s County schools followed suit on May 10 when Adrian Talley, executive director for student services, sent a letter to parents, which provided additional resources from the National Association of School Psychologists and the American School Counselor Association. Talley said teachers discuss suicide with eighth-grade students during the health education class and continue discussions in the high school health issues course.

Courses review causes and warning signs of suicide as well as ways to help someone suffering from a mental health illness or contemplating suicide. The material aligns with the Maryland State Health Education Curriculum.

“Our school psychologists, nurses and professional school counselors are trained to recognize risk behaviors in our youth and take seriously all reports of suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts,” Talley said.

Similar courses in Anne Arundel County public schools address suicide, and the school system posts a parents’ guide to school health on its website and includes information on how to talk to kids about suicide.

Critics respond

In Howard County, Kami Wagner, the school system’s instructional facilitator for school counseling, said she hasn’t watched the show, but heard about it from colleagues who are watching the series. The more she heard about its content, she said, the more she wanted to inform everyone about proper responses and available resources for those who need help.

Suicide, rape and bullying are part of the school system’s ninth-grade health curriculum, which White said uses educational resources based on fact rather than fiction.

Parents need to be part of the conversation, Wagner said.

“For young kids to be watching it, not that they shouldn’t watch it, parents need to be involved,” she said. “Our goal is not to have students watching this by themselves. If they are going to make the choice to watch it, we want parents to be actively engaged in the conversation.”

White and Wagner agreed that they’ve heard students talk about how the show is related to their own experience, specifically regarding its depiction of peer conflict in school. Technology and social media are contributing factors to this issue, Wagner said, with the negative effects also depicted in “13 Reasons Why.”

As a parent, White, who’s currently watching the show, said he’s talked about the series with his daughter, a high school senior who also watched the series. Despite some critics’ response saying the show “glorifies suicide,” White said it’s “less of an idea that you’re glorifying and more of the need to communicate and have conversations about the topic.”

“This is a very well done program from the movie and cinematic viewpoint,” White said.

Because certain aspects are relatable, he said, they raise awareness of the negative consequences that may follow and how to help people who need it.

However, Howard County Mental Health Authority Executive Director Madeline Morey said the show might trigger a contagion effect or copycat behavior among vulnerable youth, despite the intention of the show’s creators and producers to shed light on the issues. Individuals involved in the series creation and development discussed their intentions in a 30-minute Netflix documentary, “13 Reasons Why: Beyond the Reasons,” which accompanies the series.

In this case, the contagion effect refers to children who are vulnerable or might already have a preexisting mental health condition, Morey said. If they watch something like “13 Reasons Why,” they may be more likely to repeat certain actions as a solution to a stressful situation.

Morey said she believed those behind the show unintentionally “promoted some of the behaviors” as viable options in their depictions of suicide or bullying.

“From what I could tell, the intent of it was to introduce the subject that may be difficult for people to talk about,” Morey said. “It certainly is hard for parents or anyone to talk about some of these difficult subjects, like violence, self-harm or suicide. I think that what the producers of the show or the show itself may not take into account is that the adolescent brain is really wired for risk taking.”

It’s important to know how to properly broach the subject, she said.

The county’s mental health authority recently completed its needs assessment report and FY18-22 strategic plan, which is based on input from focus groups conducted with 111 participants, including mental health recipients and providers, family members and school personnel.

In the behavioral health system, according to a focus group within the strategic plan, a top area in need of improvement was suicide intervention in children and youth up to age 17, and reducing the stigma among adults, ages 18 to 59. Another behavioral health need identified among children and youth was discussing and understanding self-worth. Focus groups in the same category revealed parental involvement and family support as strengths, with improvements suggested in school-based mental health in the behavioral health system.

“It’s important to seek advice from a qualified professional,” Morey said. “Even as a parent, you may not be equipped to deal with some of these sensitive subjects. If a child is expressing, or you have concerns about, any behaviors, go to a professional and make sure you have attempted to address what you’re seeing or witnessing.”

White said counseling is available in all Howard schools every day, in addition to a crisis teams, if needed.

“It’s difficult to talk about this happening to any child, especially for a parent thinking about it happening to their child,” White said. “This isn’t the first time any school has had to talk about suicide. It has just been elevated by this production. We have to be aware that if children want to watch it, they’re going to find a way these days. We have to be prepared on how to engage them on their level.”

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/howard/elkridge/ph-ho-cf-thirteen-reasons-why-0518-20170517-story.html

For more information or to find help, contact Grassroots Crisis Intervention Center at 410-531-6677; Howard County Mental Health Authority at 410-313-6300; or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Men & Womens Health · Moving Forward

Training To Service.org *LGBT Aging Resources*

Minneapolis ranks 4th among U.S. cities in percentage of gay, lesbian and bisexual residents. Approximately 12.5% of Minneapolis identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Transgender was not a category in analysis. (UCLA School of Law’s Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law & Public Policy)

There are an estimated 48,000 LGBT older adults living in Minnesota. Many LGBT older adults do not have the same support networks that are available to heterosexual peers. LGBT older adults are five times less likely to access senior services than heterosexual peers. By not accessing these services, LGB&T older adults are more susceptible to experiencing increased isolation, depression, substance abuse, and institutionalization.   M

http://www.trainingtoserve.org/lgbt-aging-resources

Moving Forward · Survivor

I Salute Men & Women fighting in Combat & War on Homefront- Today & Yesterday for American Freedom

Home of the Free

Sending prayers to family and friends for their loss of loved ones serving the Military.Daily I’m reminded of the sacrifices made to defend the freedoms we enjoy today in America. I pray every soldier comes home soon.

Gramps, I’ll never forget the sacrifices you made to win WWII. I love you.

Xx M

 

Gramps
Protecting our ports after Pearl Harbor.

 

 

Moving Forward

Just Doing a little off-roadin!! Wishing I had my mountain tires on!

It takes sheer will to move forward everyday, check out Casey Sims @https://livinwithparalysis.wordpress.com, his site in new and awesome. He’s one cool dude!

M

Living With Paralysis

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Fun · Moving Forward

Triple Shot Thursday*From Reguest Line*

Today’s awesome tunes requested by good friend Charly Priest. He may have a rough exterior at times, he’s made of sugar. Leave request in my comments box for next weeks entertainment.  Get ready for a musical treat. :) M

3 tunes that I like in different times during the day

1 – in the morning https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLhN__oEHaw&list=RDMMhLhN__oEHaw

2-afternoon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR3Vdo5etCQ

3- late https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MnF6tonFY4atnight

 

Men & Womens Health · Moving Forward

A Vivid Memory #1 By Guest Margie Lakefield

5/22/2017

“A Vivid Memory”

This may take me all of today and well into the night. I had written in an earlier post that I would revisit something. I made a special promise to my oldest daughter. And today is the day I fulfill that promise. It began the day that she was born.

She arrived three weeks early. And, just like any new child’s arrival she came without a warranty clause, a type-written instruction manual and no return address label.

I’d practiced the natural birthing process, The Bradley method. The 8.25 months of pregnancy went without a hitch, except for mom catching the flu at five months of pregnancy.

Birthing went almost according to plan. No pain meds, no spinal block, but after several hours from having my water break, the doctor(s) where concerned that infection or stress of labor may cause concerns to the unborn baby. They prescribed Pitocin, and with knowledge I’d gained in birthing class, I clung to my hope of having a natural child-birth, but was also warned that the induction could produce rather strong contractions, and it did not offer a buffering from any pain that I would incur by its introduction. I kept with Plan A. Let me bear this baby, naturally. (The following link provides further details on Pitocin via Yahoo)

*http://pregnancy.about.com/od/induction/a/pitocindiffers.htm

Now, I have to give my doctors and St. Francis hospital in Tulsa, kudos for the way they helped my delivery. My labor had begun at work, around 8:30 in the morning, and by 10:00 a.m., I was strapped to a gurney, and plugged into all the machinery a labor and delivery room can offer for the monitoring of baby and mama. Noon came, but no lunch, who cares though, laboring the birthing of a baby you really have hunger on the last of your lists of wants.

Hubby and I logged miles around the nurses desk and lobby. Too many to count, and at one point a nurse beckoned me back to my appointed room for a vitals check and centimeter observation. I tried resting, but I was too anxious. I was on top of the world and could not wait to see my, Megan Kathleen. I had dreamt of this moment for so long. The afternoon rolled on, more walking, more monitoring, and finally at six p.m., my doctor arrives and tells me that he thinks it’s time we get this baby something to speed up her arrival. It’s that drug, Pitocin. I agree, but only after he can confirm that I can still birth her naturally, no pain meds, spinal taps, nada, zip and zero. He assures me he will follow my directive, but warns me that the drug used to induce labor can also cause severe labor pains, and if the time came that he felt it was too much for baby and me he would medically do what he needed. I couldn’t fight with him there. He’s the educated soul. He graduated medical school, a certificate that required 12 years of laborious studies. Let’s rock and roll! You carry the knowledge and I’ll try marathon walking until this unborn baby charges to the finish line. Deal?

Shortly after six my husband’s family arrived from Texas. Someone mentioned they were hungry. The folks had spent four hours en route, and I know that Cliff hasn’t eaten since breakfast. I knew that I couldn’t, but more importantly, as the Pitocin’s effects began to work on my body, and labor earnestly began, eating was the furthest thing from my mind. I asked them to go, give me a breather, grab some food, enjoy themselves. Linger if they wished. Why hell, I’ve been here all day and it looks as if I’ll be here all night trying to birth this baby.

8:30 p.m., and where in the heck were those fools? Did they not have any clue about what I was going through? I’m not a screamer, but I do enjoy a hair-pulling now and then. The R.N. assisting me was becoming less than jovial as I started practicing my Bradley method of breathing. Every now and then she would ask, “Are you sure you don’t want something for your pain?”

“Sister, where were you when I gave my directive? Is my clipboard of info missing from the foot of this bed? Has the doctor given YOU the board certification to overtake his assigned SEAT at my party?”

I tried to deliver it humorously. I tried to cajole her into seeing my side of it. She tried to get me to see her side. We both failed, Communication Skills 101.

To be continued