Why I Set Goals, Not Resolutions By Jessica Walker From bpHope

By Jessica Walker 

Last Updated: 14 Dec 2023

Setting goals helps me balance my mental health, find a middle ground, make measurable progress, and give myself grace during the ups and downs of bipolar disorder.

Have you ever had the experience of simply hearing a word and then suddenly having negative thoughts fill up your brain?

Well, I have. And, for me, that word is “resolutions.”

At the beginning of every year, it seems as if everyone in the whole world is focusing on one thing they want to change in their lives.

They do research and buy all the equipment, clothes, drinks, and pills to help them achieve their resolution for the year. They give it all they have … for about three weeks. And then they quit.

There are many reasons why people give up their New Year’s resolutions. Often, it’s trying to make too big of a change all at once, a lack of planning, a lack of support, or not choosing something that they can stay motivated about in the long run. Sadly, they then often feel like they’ve failed — or, worse, that they are failures.

This is why, instead of resolutions, I set goals for myself.

Words Matter and Can Affect Your Thinking

The word “goal” sounds fun.

Well, it does to me, anyway!

Even though some people might think that the words mean the same thing, “resolution” and “goal” have different tones and connotations around them.

Resolutions seem like all-or-nothing situations. You “resolve” to do (or not do) something. It will or won’t happen.

Whereas goals bring up images of playing a fun game and trying to achieve something — and that’s something I’d be interested in.

Setting Goals Is Exciting and Meaningful

Goals are things we want to achieve. Each year, I think about what I want to do, learn, explore, and see. Some of these goals might be things that won’t happen for years, but they’re on my list. (And I love a good list!)

It’s also exciting to really sit down and think about what you want. There are no limitations! With a resolution, it’s about one goal and there is only one thing to do — which is to achieve it. There are no other options or any leeway.

With goals, when you think about what your heart wants, you can really dig deep. Not all goals are life-changing. There are common goals like lose weight, read more books, learn Spanish, get a pay raise, and so on. But some goals could be those bucket-list dreams. And it takes time to reflect in order to determine these goals. It involves getting to know who you are and recognizing what you really want out of life.

Goals to Manage Bipolar Symptoms

Goals might have to do with who we are as people. And they could relate to how we live our lives with bipolar. Maybe now’s the time to commit to finding a new doctor, if your current one isn’t meeting your needs. Or perhaps it’s time to reflect on your lifestyle choices and try to sort out what triggers you could address in an effort to improve mood stability and feel more comfortable day-to-day.

Using Goals to Self-Reflect and Measure Progress

I’ve been making lists of my goals for years, and I really do enjoy it. Some years are fantastic for meeting my goals, others, not so much. Without the pressure of “resolutions,” reviewing the year feels like a good thing.

1. Look Back at Last Year’s List

When I’m making my list of goals, I always look back and the past year’s list. If there are any that were not met, I add them to my new list — but only if they’re still relevant.

Each year, life situations change and so do our priorities. This means the things you wanted in life in the past, even only 12 months ago, might not be what you want now.

Like I said, goals do not have to be just “normal” ones; they can be about building relationships and finding out more about who you are.

Choose a Format That Works for You

When creating my “goals” list, I use the Notes feature of my phone and set it as a checklist. I find that this is the easiest way to make sure I can find the list and keep track of my goals from year to year. Plus, keeping it in a checklist format makes it easier to see each goal; and, when you’re done and you’ve achieved a goal, there is a checkmark next to it. It keeps it organized. And it lets you see what you’ve accomplished.

3. Consider Overarching Goals and Measurable Goals

I list out everything I want to do in life. Here are some of my goals that I have had in the past or that I’m still doing or working toward now:

• Find joy in every day
• Find an amazing job
• Stop being wasteful
• Save money from each paycheck
• Sit up straight
• Read six books
• Lose 15 pounds
• Reduce social media use
• Exercise and yoga
• Mini-vacation (weekend getaways)

As you can see, the list could go on and on. There are goals that can’t be measured (like sitting up straight), and there are some that are number-specific (like reading six books). I’ve heard many times that making sure a goal is number-specific can help you achieve it because there’s something there for you to measure.

Let’s look at two of my measurable goals: lose 15 pounds and read six books. Now, I did lose the weight (and gained it back and lost it again) … but that book goal is getting rolled right over to this year because I only read two and half books.

Looking at these two goals, I don’t feel pressured. I see progress.

4. Give Yourself a Lot of Grace

The reason I set goals and not resolutions is that I feel like goals suit me better. If I don’t accomplish something in that year, it’s okay.

I give myself a lot of grace. I forgive myself, and I don’t beat myself up if things didn’t or don’t go according to my plan.

The Positivity of Setting Goals

In doing this, I’m meeting myself with positivity, which will leave me in a good mental state. In using goals, I find that I’m not denying myself anything. I’m looking to increase something. Even with the weight-loss goal, I’m trying to increase my health.

With each of these goals, I’m trying to make myself better. I am trying to find my middle ground. Balancing out my life with a set of goals in my hand helps me balance out my mental health.

If I’m manic and I get two goals accomplished, then right on! On the other hand, if I’m depressed and something doesn’t get done, it’s OK.

Life is so unpredictable, and we can plan our lives out to the T (which I do), but things change. As the saying goes, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”

Resolutions only go one way and seem so finite to me. I’m hoping to accomplish all my goals for this year. Yes, I have a plan — and I’ll be adding “Go with the flow” to this year’s list.

My goals help me to enjoy life, to find the good in life, and to live it fully. There will be ups and downs, good times and bad, but there’s always grace and forgiveness for myself.

Here’s to accomplishing my goals and, yours! Happy New Year!

She has excellent ideas on how to set goals and how to manage them with Bipolar Disorder.

Melinda

References:

bpHope.com