Happy Father’s Day Gramps

Many of you know I was extremely close to both of my Grandparents, we loved each other dearly. Not only did they pull me from rock bottom, but they made sure I had the tough love needed to get away from the bad crowd I was hanging with, my drug addiction, and recover from my childhood trauma. It was truly unconditional love. I went to live with them after a year of bad girl boarding school at the age of 14 and they became my legal guardians. 

My Granny worked with my Social Worker to find the right type of rehabilitation, it was a boarding school at a Convent that she remembered from her youth. It was just what I needed. They paid for my uniforms, the necessary towels and sheets, and a monthly allowance of $40 to buy a soda pop and a candy bar daily and they bought my cigarettes. Since I was a ward of the State of Texas, the state paid the yearly tuition. They came every Wednesday to the family group sessions and Granny would make enough goodies for my dorm or bring enough of the good candy everyone loved. We weren’t allowed to talk but the nuns let them come in for a minute to give me the goodies to share. 

My Gramps had just retired and no doubt thought more about hunting, fishing, and his daily squirrel run to the levees. But he embraced me and taught the lessons of life, the ones that matter, they became my foundation. They cooked every day except for Saturday when they went to El Chico’s for Mexican food, I joined them long after leaving home, it was a special time between us. 

Gramps enjoyed scratch-off games and we often gave them as treats, he would not but for himself. So we did.

These were his core values:

Work hard

Do it right the first time

If you borrow something, give it back in better shape

Always make time for family

Don’t hate

Stand up for yourself

Marriage was sacred

If you can do it yourself it means more

He was right on target and I have those values today and what I looked for in my husband.

He was very protective all my life but when it came to boys, he was extra tough.  With a strict curfew, I couldn’t drive my car on weekends, only to school, to take Granny shopping or doctor appointments, and to work. He knew my schedule like clockwork. I had to pay him 8 dollars a week for gas and 50 dollars for the extra insurance. He taught me responsibility and accountability. There were no excuses unless it was a freak thing and I had to call before my curfew. Even 5 minutes late was late. I can’t thank him enough.

My Gramps was from a very poor family who were sharecroppers and self-taught wielders. He joined the Army in 1939 to leave poverty and build a better life for himself and he did just that. After leaving the Army, he worked as a mechanic for Greyhound Bus Line’s for 38 years, and he never accepted a promotion, he felt most comfortable working with his hands alone and had no BS from management. I can understand that.

 He married only once to my Granny and loved her to the day she died. He had the strength to move forward and he built a full life after her death, by going to the recreation center every day, eating a 1 dollar lunch, always giving his milk to a man who needed it, and then playing dominos, for an hour or two. He made great friends there and they were in his life until the end. He tried indoor swimming which shocked me, even had a couple of friends visit him and he visited them. He believed in taking something every time he visited someone.

Money was important to build a simple humble life, never wanting more than he needed to provide. He accepted my Granny’s only son, my father, and no doubt he was a handful. He didn’t discipline my father, that was Granny’s job because he never wanted to impose on her. He was a happy man, witty, like a clean but dirty joke, not raunchy. He accepted people for who they were and felt everyone was equal except for a few. He was racist towards blacks, I’m not sure where that came from. He didn’t hate them but didn’t allow them in his house. He never spoke ill of anyone even though many family members deserved it. 

He loved his family and the ones that mattered the most to him who were still alive, visited him during the last few weeks of his life. He didn’t tell anyone until I brought the phone book into the living room one day and said it was time to call family and friends. 

The mold was broken when they made my Gramps, he was a proud man, who kept his word and took people at face value even to a fault. There were many hillbilly’s in the family and a few shady dealers but it didn’t matter to him. 

Gramps called me Pud since I was a child until the end. It was something just between us and always meant love to me. I’m the person I am today abuse of their love and faith in my future. He only went to 3rd grade and Granny to 5th grade, that is what happens when you are poor and can’t afford the clothes or were needed at home to work. They made sure I went to school every day except the few occasional Granny would write a note so we could go have fun shopping for the formals I needed for high school. We pinched pennies, went to outlets, and found all my formals for under 20 dollars. Gramps wore nothing but Dickies work pants and they wore them out before buying new. I learned late that you don’t need more, but the best you can afford, don’t show off and be proud of what you have. 

I spent the last 5 months of his life caring for him around the clock, sleeping in the front bedroom/junk room, and boy was he a handful. He expected me to be like Granny and keep everything like clockwork which is exhausting when you’re a caregiver. He was hard-headed and I get that from him. 

My Gramps was a true American, as Toby Kieth sings, he fixed everything with a Craftsman wreck and WD 40, always drove American cars, did all the maintenance and car repairs he could, was an excellent lawnmower repair man, and fixed many for others.  

I can go on and on but I will leave it here for another time. He was the only father I had, yes, I had a biological father but he didn’t know how to be a one due to an undiaonosised mental illness and he was an alcoholic.  

The video says it all. RIP Keith, your songs added to the fabric of our lives. 

Toby Keith – Made In America (Official Music Video)

 

Melinda