At nine years old my brother was my buddy. If someone was my brothers friend, they were mine. I was a tomboy and all my girlfriends lived to far away to play after school. Our gang of misfits would walk the creek nearby, play football, ride bikes, the normal kid activities.
Walking home from school I noticed a couple of friends. One invited me in to the house, he had something to show me. Several other guys were in foyer. I didn’t think anything about the numbers of people there, I just wanted to see what he had. He already owned a crocodile, I was thinking what can top that.
Before I could blink, guys were holding me down, ripping my clothes off, being choked. Every one violated me. I was crying and screaming for help as they choked and hit me. I cried as they touched and hurt me. Begging to let me go, when I was let go my mind was whirling, confused and body in pain. At nine years old I didn’t know about rape. I knew what they did was wrong. I had no one to tell.
I aged a couple of years and realized that was gang rape. I was not a willing participant and not allowed to leave. I was held down, clothes ripping off, touching and kissing me. Each one put their fingers inside me, forced their penis down my throat. Every violation except forcing their penis in my vagina.
I’ve been raped since, I know what rape is. These were distant memories, never entering my thoughts. Until I read a post triggering the memories and pain. I was also angry. How could someone write an article suggesting unless the man’s penis entered the vagina/anus, it was not considered rape. This ripped my guts out and dismissed me as woman.
I’ve never spoken about that day. I’m telling you.
I have spent months thinking about the right thing to do, what’s the best for me or let the memories fade in time. Memories triggered in my hidden soul. I feel strongly telling my story is the right decision. The post may help someone, maybe a mother or father. Possibly give a nine-year old somewhere to go. With the resources available today, you always have somewhere to go.
My goal is to help rape survivors, especially young boys and girls unsure what to do. Rush home and tell a parent if possible. If your family would not understand, go to Police department or hospital. After a doctor checks you for injuries. One of the most important calls is to a Rape Support Center. Most are able to help you work thru fears, anger, the emotional and physical pain. This is a short list of Support Centers, there are several national in other states for support.
Every state has a document which outlines what is considered rape.
SafeHorizon.org 24 hours live hotline is 866-689-4357. Dedicated Rape and Sexual Assault Programs.
RAINN.org (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) Free Online Support and confidential and secure hotline 800-656-4673.
Please don’t wait 43 years to tell your story.