Withdraw: The Scattered Mind
Xanax is an anchor drug in my medication combo for treating Anxiety/Bipolar Disorder. I’ve taken Xanax for 15 years, it works miracles in keeping me grounded. Working quickly is an advantage with little to no side effects, EXCEPT ADDICTION. The downside side is addiction happens quickly after starting. For me withdraw starts on second day, by fourth day I look like a street addict who would sell my soul for a pill.
The emotional and physical breakdown took me to hell. My deep secrets/scars laughed and taunted me.
Here are some of the delusions I experienced.
Learned a new language
Surviving in the desert like Jesus
Discovered potential link for Postpartum Depression
In touch with my families Indian blood
Could feel natural body rhythm
Felt small earthquake
Saw Bobcat tracks on front tree
Started writing Country songs
Tweeting Gwen Stefani, Blake Shelton and Pharrell, talked to Gwen and Blake several times, Pharrell retwetted twice. I was flooded with people wanting to follow me after seeing tweets from Gwen. I was overwhelmed.
Locked all computers down, trying to keep myself from writing.
These are some of the out of control thoughts running through my head non-stop
The physical pain is unbearable
Anger, pain, begging God to stop kicking me in stomach, wailing, screaming, throwing up, four days without food.
Having to transition back one medication a day at a time
Delayed Lyme protocol by a week, reschedule trip to DC by a month
More damage to areas already injured
Strain on marriage
Xanax is a standard drug and withdraw doesn’t cross my mind. I kept some pills in my purse, pills in my office and the remaining pills went into master pill caddy. The trouble is not keeping up with how many total pills you’ve taken. I take several addictive medications for my mental illness and 4-5 addictive medications for Lyme treatment.
I am in pain 24/7 and resisted taking pain medication instead trying to cover pain with Xanax. Two Xanax and I’m asleep a good 4-6 hours without pain. The Lyme protocol called for 4-5 addictive medications but they rarely put me to sleep. It worked the opposite and I would stay awake 2-3 days at a time which made my pain even worse.
Now all medications stay in bottle or main pill case. Photos are daily log of meds taken that day.
Don’t go thru the pain of withdraw, stay on top of how many days worth you have at all times.