Celebrating 17th Wedding Anniversary

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It’s hard to believe it’s been seventeen years, so many have been spent caring for loved ones or being sick. I’ve lost so many years, no they weren’t technically lost, I was present during the first three years of our marriage, we had fun cooking together, enjoying a late-night swim and grocery shopping together.

When your vows say for better or worse you don’t think the worst will come so soon. You also don’t realize those years aren’t the worst, they get worse.

I was caring for my ill and dying grandparents over an eight-year period during the last years of their life. I stayed for weeks at a time. Absent, absent from my husband, our life and myself. It’s not a pity party today, it’s a real reflection of how marriage can be so different than you plan.

The year my gramps died I started getting sick and a year-long journey with a neurologist started. Every test was abnormal but she could not make a diagnosis. Luckily, I learned Internet search skills from my previous job and could start my research. I narrowed my guesses to eight autoimmune diseases and took a wild guess at Lyme. This is one of those times I wish I were wrong. Lyme and the illnesses it brings along have been in the driver seat since 2012.

This post isn’t about me, it’s about my husband. I’ve been absent, mentally unavailable, sick and dying since the early years of our marriage. I do think he got short-changed. We don’t know what we are committing to when we make our vows. The difference is those who stay committed to the vows no matter how shitty life gets.

I still expect the other shoe to fall, he’s never given me any reason to feel this way, it comes from from my traumatic childhood. Complete trust is impossible for me but I continue to build towards 100%.

When you’re chronically ill quilt is constantly over your shoulder, as I approach our anniversary day guilt has tainted my feeling of celebration. It angers me I’m not up to going to a restaurant for dinner, enjoy a bottle of wine or hold hands walking thru a park under the stars.

I am blessed to find someone who stands by their vows no matter how hard it gets.

Happy Anniversary Honey

Melinda

 

26 Comments »

  1. No, he did not get shortchanged. He got lucky, just as you did. It’s a shitty hand you’ve been dealt with your health. It shows that your love is real and that’s already far stronger than the marriage of many healthy people. Happy Anniversary to you both! 🌹β™₯🌹β™₯🌹
    Caz xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Aww, congratulations on 17 years. I know exactly what you mean about waiting for that other shoe to drop, after a traumatic childhood.

    I refollowed you, I don’t know how I ended up not following you. This has happened with several blogs that I follow, more than once. Sigh. Maybe I am following too many, I don’t know.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations on seventeen years of strength, courage, and perseverance. Even when you didn’t feel strong physically, your marriage was and is strong spiritually. This is truly something to celebrate in whatever way works best for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Happy anniversary and you really have been seasoned by the caregiving years and then the Lyme – and I seriously hope we discover more about Lyme and morgellons and other chronic afflictions – and prayers to you and your spouse as you find small joys to help anchor your love every single day…

    Liked by 1 person

      • well I know a lot about it because I had health issues back in the day and many of the symptoms at first were similar to LYME – but then wayyyy different – and it turns out that mostly for me – the root cause was an invasive fungal infection and a toxic body – and so I detoxed and worked hard on rebuilding the terrain and getting off sugar. Oh I also had super high heavy metals in my body (most sick people do and mine was from years of stuff but when I got all my old fillings taken out that was when mercury was released in my system – and then I had a seafood parasite – likely from when I was in Bahamas – sounds like a lot but many people have myriad of things going on inside their body and have multiple things to target – but I digress…
        in sum….
        Had to find what worked for me – took years – but I am also in a lot of healing groups with folks who have Lyme, Morgellons, MS and various ailments –
        and, I plan to write about it all later – in a formal sense – but in the meantime I just continue to praise God that I did not get cancer – because in my learning I also see the causes of cancer (fungus in the body, low immune system – steady stream of carbs and sugar and chemicals and industrial oils and no good fast)
        and I was headed that way for sure. I believed int he lie of the fat free diet back in the 80s – but thank goodness I still had some great fats and meats coming in –
        anyhow – all that I have been through has been a huge blessing to prevent that nasty cancer affliction.

        Liked by 1 person

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