Touched by Suicide

May is National Mental Health Awareness Month and I wanted to repost a very personal story. If someone you know needs mental health support, more now than ever please reach out to the many resources available. If you would like to find some resources you can look at the top of my home page and follow my Twitter feed.

Melinda

Twenty-eight years ago my father killed himself, I was twenty-eight years old. It’s strange that my father has been dead as long as he was alive in my life.

I’ve written about his suicide many times over the years but this year feels different. It’s hard to put into words but I’ll share what words come to mind.

I knew you were going to kill yourself, you brought me to my knees with grief when you started yelling about dying. You said you needed money, I paid your bills for a year, that didn’t change anything. You were no longer the person I knew, you were delusional, you were hallowed.

I arrived at my grandparent’s house last, I walked in and said I knew daddy was going to kill himself. I don’t know if anyone felt anger towards me for knowing and not saying anything.

I felt guilty for a couple of years that I couldn’t stop his suicide but the fact is you can’t change anyone’s mind. Only the person in pain can decide to reach out and get help.

If you are trying to help someone who is saying they are going to kill themselves, don’t think you can help them by yourself. Be there for them but the only way for a positive outcome is to get professional help.

If the person is like my father and refuses to see how sick they are, do everything you can to make sense but know you can’t change a person’s mind.

Melinda

 

 

10 comments

  1. I’ve read a lot about suicide lately because my only child is suicidal. He has sent me funeral arrangements and then he last night told he me would die soon. I called the hotline and they just told me to call the police, I called his therapist who by law can’t talk to me because my son is an adult and I can only hope they connected. See, I also know he is going to kill himself. And I have felt like I have this dirty little horrible secret and I can’t help him. He sees his therapist twice a week and he can’t help him. He’s so far gone nobody can seem to reach him. This is now between him and his maker and this destroys me a bit every single day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know your must be breaking more every day. Suicide is a hard subject, it’s one tied to such emotion. As humans, we think we can help or protect the ones we love. You’re doing everything you can. Be sure to remind him how much you love him, you will try to carry out his wishes but share how hard it is for you right now. Sometimes redirecting the emotion away from themselves can help them get a grip on the permanency of their actions. As with my father, it may be too late, but I know you won’t give up. I’m here if you need someone to talk with. I do understand the emotions you are going thru. 🙂

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  2. I’m so sorry for your loss and the way it came about, Melinda. My last husband also committed suicide and I was the one who found him after he put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. It’s an image I’ll never forget. Naturally the loss of a spouse isn’t like that of a parent, so please don’t think I’m comparing. I just want to let you know that I’ve been touched by suicide as well and what’s so horrific about a loss to suicide is the questions you have that will never be answered and the guilt you have. You accuse yourself of not doing more when really, you did all you could do.

    Again, my heart breaks for you and I wish you nothing but healing and happiness. Bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know the gut-wrenching pain of suicide, it’s different than death. Lossing a spouse must have been very difficult and took a lot of strength to keep moving forward in your life. I pray there were no children involved that you had to raise after his death. That would be extra difficult. Thanks for taking the time to comment, it’s a hard post for many….they don’t know what to say but people like yourself understand where I’ve been. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I sure do, honey! And you’re right, it’s worse than any other death. Luckily there were no children. We were only married 12 days to be exact. I believe he was being bullied at work. He was a correctional officer in the state prison and he saw something he didn’t need to see.

        He was so happy we were married then all of a sudden things changed overnight. He become intensely nervous- frightened and sullen. Two days later he was dead and a part of me can’t help but wonder if it really was a suicide or did someone help him along. That prison was and still is corrupt. The sheriff ruled it a suicide so if it wasn’t, I’ll never know.

        I.almost had a nervous breakdown after I found him. It took me a long time to get my self together again. But I’ve moved on. I’ve married again and I’ve picked up the pieces. Know that you have a friend and that I’m here if you need.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. A confession that shakes the foundations of our being. Definitely a depressed person needs constant professional help because one cannot deal with those kinds of mental problems. Your article serves to alert all of us, what we should do in similar cases.
    A big hug
    Manuel

    Liked by 1 person

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