I’m so glad you stopped by today, I love seeing your smiling faces and hearing your comments.
There are more signs of Spring around our house, as the rain comes and the sun shines, everything is growing and looking so pretty. It’s so easy this time of year, it’s in July and August when you’re watering every day in 100-degree temps that you question why so many fowers.
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.
In the modern economy, motivation is a tricky thing.
A hundred years ago, when people like Frederick Taylor were pioneering the field of scientific management, motivation was pretty easy. The idea was you could switch people from an hourly rate to a piece-rate system to do a set of repetitive tasks, and it would incentivize them to do the tasks faster. It was a rudimentary idea, but in some organizations it’s still the philosophy behind how pay — especially incentive pay — is set. And there’s actually a decent amount of research that incentives like that can work to increase motivation when there is a really clear understanding of exactly what tasks must be done to earn the reward. But in a knowledge work or creative work economy, those easy-to-understand, repetitive tasks are becoming more and more rare.
Fortunately, there’s another option to increase motivation.
The research that began to uncover that option was conducted by two men: Richard Ryan and Edward Deci. Deci and Ryan pioneered what would come to be known as self-determination theory. Self-determination theory essentially argued that people are motivated when they can determine for themselves what to work on and how to work on it.
In other words, Deci and Ryan and other pioneers in this field of research asserted that incentives could actually decrease motivation — because incentives take away a sense of power to determine the work for oneself. But self-determination theory didn’t just point out why so many well-meaning incentive plans fail. It also outlined several drivers of human motivation, drivers that could be built into a job or a team culture to make work more motivating and increase motivation.
Below, I’ll outline the three main drivers of motivation according to self-determination theory — autonomy, competence, and relatedness — and I’ll provide practical ways to leverage the power of each.
People who experience autonomy at their jobs don’t feel micromanaged. Instead, they feel empowered by their managers to pursue objectives and deadlines on their terms.
1. Autonomy
The first motivational driver is autonomy. Autonomy refers to how much people feel in control of their own life and able to make their own choices. In the context of work, autonomy means people feel they have a say in what they work on and how they work on it. They don’t feel micromanaged; they feel empowered by their managers to pursue objectives and deadlines on their terms.
Creating a sense of autonomy in an individual or on a team can come in many forms. It could be by mutually assigning objectives and establishing deadlines. It could also be giving people more freedom over where they work, or incorporating the team or individuals in decision making more often.
One easy way to judge whether you are leading from a place of autonomy versus control is to pay attention to your feedback or coaching conversations with the team. Specifically, do this: Pay attention to how many times you’re giving them advice vs. asking them questions. If you’re often giving advice or telling people how to do something, you could be diminishing their sense of autonomy. But if you are asking questions designed to guide them to finding their own solutions, then you are leaving them in control.
Remind people of the progress they’ve already made — and show them you’re trying to help them make even more progress.
2. Competence
The second motivational driver is competence. Competence refers to our desires to seek control but also to experience mastery. Competence speaks to our natural human desire to be learners, to be growing and feeling like we’re making progress. It could be progress in our career, progress towards a set of objectives or working for a team or a company that is making progress. Anything that helps individuals feel they are moving toward mastery leverages competence as a motivation.
Creating a sense of competence in an individual or on a team might actually be more about what you don’t do. Much of the job of a team leader is providing feedback or constructive criticism. But constructive or negative criticism has been found in numerous studies to decrease a person’s feeling of competence, and thus reduce motivation.
So rather than just focusing on constructive feedback, make sure you’re taking the time to celebrate wins, large and small. And make sure that even when you are giving people constructive feedback, you are pairing it with a lot of positive feedback and praise as well. That way it reminds them of the progress they’ve already made — and show them you’re trying to help them make even more progress.
If you can ensure the members of your team know who exactly is being helped by their efforts, you can almost guarantee they’ll be willing to work hard to help those people.
3. Relatedness
The third and final motivational driver is relatedness. Relatedness refers to our will to connect with others, interact and care for other people. In terms of research, we’ve only just begun to grasp just how important relatedness to others truly is. But we know that humans are much more motivated to take actions when they’re seen as pro-social — that is, when they’re seen as being able to help other people.
Creating a sense of relatedness in an individual or on a team means making sure people build connections to each other. But it also means making sure people know the significance of what they’re being asked to do and how it relates to the whole team and the team’s and organization’s larger objectives. Even better, you might frame the team’s work in a way that makes it quite clear exactly who is helped by the organization’s, the team’s and even the individual’s actions.
This is not about reiterating the company’s mission statement — instead, it’s about creating a connection between the mission and the specific people who are served when that mission is accomplished. If you can ensure the members of your team know who exactly is being helped by their efforts, you can almost guarantee they’ll be willing to work hard to help those people.
Now if you’re read this far, you probably noticed what hasn’t been discussed yet. I haven’t talked about salaries or about perks like free food or a keg in the refrigerator. I didn’t talk about how many hours people are working or any of things typically discussed when employers are working to build a more engaged and motivated workplace. Yes, those things are all great. They just don’t do much for motivation — at least when compared to creating a sense of autonomy, competence and relatedness.
When people have the ability to determine how they work, the means to judge their progress and the feeling that their work helps other people, they can’t help but be motivated to get to work.
This article originally appeared on DavidBurkus.com and it’s been adapted with the author’s permission.
Watch his TEDxUniversityofNevada Talk here:
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
David Burkus PhD is an organizational psychologist and bestselling author of five books, including Leading from Anywhere: Unlock the Power and Performance of Remote Teams.
Back in 2006, psychologists Jordan Litman and Paul Silvia identified two main “flavors” of curiosity, which they dubbed D-curiosity and I-curiosity.
The D in D-curiosity stands for deprivation, the idea that if we have a gap in information, we go into a restless, unpleasant, need-to-know state, while the I in I-curiosity stands for interest, the pleasurable aspects of the hunger for knowledge. In other words, curiosity — our drive for information — can induce a state that is either aversive or pleasant.
Deprivation curiosity is driven by a lack of information, often a specific piece of information. For example, when you see a picture of a famous actress and you can’t remember her name, you might start racking your brain to remember who it is. Trying to remember might get you into a contracted state, as though you are trying to squeeze that answer out of your brain. Then when you go to google for help and see her name, you feel a sense of relief because you’re no longer deprived of the information.
This extends to texting and social media. If you are out to dinner and you feel or hear a text come into your phone, you might notice that suddenly it’s hard to pay attention — not knowing what the text says can make you restless, causing your body temperature to rise, and that fire of uncertainty is only put out when you check your phone.
Each of the curiosity “flavors” feels different in our bodies — deprivation feels closed, while interest feels open.
Interest curiosity is piqued when we’re interested in learning more about something. Usually this isn’t a specific piece of information (like an actress’s name) but a broader category. For example, did you know that there are animals who keep growing in size until they die? They are called “indeterminate growers” and include sharks, lobsters and kangaroos. In fact, based on its size, one 20-pound lobster was believed to be 140 years old. That’s one big, old lobster! Isn’t that fascinating?
Interest curiosity is when you dive into an internet search and realize hours later you’ve learned a whole bunch of stuff and your thirst for knowledge has been quenched. It feels good to learn something new. This is different from filling a deficit, simply because you weren’t experiencing a deficit in the first place. For instance, you didn’t know about big, old lobsters but when you learned about them, you were intrigued and delighted to know more.
Unlike the D-curiosity — which is about reaching a destination — the I-curiosity is more about the journey. Each of these curiosity “flavors” has different “tastes”, and they feel different in our bodies. Deprivation feels closed, while interest feels open.
What this means is getting more and more curious about what anxiety feels like in your body, instead of assuming you know everything about it or that it will never change.
Most of us approach ourselves and the world with D-curiosity, like a problem to be solved. But we’re all in the perfect place to tap into our I-curiosity, which we can leverage to help ourselves break old habits and build new ones.
In practice, what this means is getting more and more curious about what anxiety feels like in your body and how it triggers your worry and procrastination habit loops, instead of assuming you know everything about anxious or that your feelings will never change or you have to find a magic pill or technique to cure you of it.
Over the years, I’ve found that curiosity is a simple tool that helps people — regardless of language, culture and background — drop directly into their embodied experience and tap into their natural capacities for wonder and interest. It puts people right in that sweet spot of openness and engagement.
Let me walk you through a curiosity exercise that I teach everyone on Day 1 in the Unwinding Anxiety app. This exercise can work as a kind of panic button for when anxiety hits, and it takes about 2 minutes.
Whenever I do this exercise, I like to use the mantra “Hmmmm”. It allows me to bring a playful, even joyful attitude to what I’m doing.
Step 1:
Find a quiet comfortable place. You can be sitting, lying down or standing up; you just need to be able to concentrate without being distracted.
Step 2:
Recall your most recent run-in or incident with a habit loop, which is any habit you find yourself returning to whenever you’re worried or anxious.
See if you can remember the scene and relive that experience, focusing on what you felt right at the time when you were about to act out your habitual behavior. What did that urge to go ahead and “do it” feel like?
Step 3:
Check in with your body. What sensation can you feel most strongly right now?
Here’s a list of single words or phrases to choose from. Pick only one — the one you feel most strongly:
tightness
pressure
contraction
restlessness
shallow breath
burning
tension
clenching
heat
pit in stomach
buzzing/vibration
Step 4:
In terms of this feeling, is it more on the right side or the left? In the front, middle, or back of your body? Where do you feel it most strongly?
And was there anything you noticed about being curious about what part of your body you felt the sensation in? Did being a little curious help with getting closer to this sensation?
Step 5:
If the sensation is still there in your body, see if you can get curious and notice what else is there. Are there other sensations you’re feeling? What happens when you get curious about them? Do they change? What happens when you get really curious about what they feel like?
Step 6:
Follow them over the next 30 seconds — not trying to do anything to or about them — but simply observing them. Do they change at all when you observe them with an attitude of curiosity?
Whenever I do this exercise, I like to use the mantra “Hmmmm” — as in, the hmm you naturally emit when you’re curious about something (and not to be confused with the traditional mantra “Om”). I find saying “hmm” to myself gets me out of my head and into a direct experience of being curious. It also allows me to bring a playful, even joyful attitude to what I’m doing; it is hard to take yourself too seriously when you are hmm-ing.
If you notice that by being curious you gained even a microsecond more of being with your thoughts, emotions and sensations than you have in the past, then you’ve taken a huge step forward.
This short exercise is just intended to give you a taste of curiosity and to support your natural capacity to be aware about what is happening in your body and your mind at any moment instead of getting caught up in a habit loop. If you notice that by being curious you gained even a microsecond more of being with your thoughts, emotions and body sensations than you have in the past, then you’ve taken a huge step forward.
Here’s what a patient in the Unwinding Anxiety program told me about curiosity: When I first started the program, I didn’t quite buy into the benefits of curiosity. Today, I felt a wave of panic, and instead of immediate dread or fear, my automatic response was “Hmm, that’s interesting.” That took the wind right out of its sails! I wasn’t just saying it was interesting; I actually felt it.
Sometimes I get the question “What happens if I’m not curious?” My response is to use the mantra of hmmm to drop right into your experience. Ask yourself: “Hmm, what does it feel like not to be curious?”
This helps people move from their thinking, fix-it mind state into a curious awareness of their direct sensations and emotions in their bodies and move out of their thinking heads and into their feeling bodies.
Watch this TED-Ed Lesson about panic attacks here:
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Judson Brewer MD, PhD Judson Brewer is the Director of Research and Innovation at the Mindfulness Center and associate professor in psychiatry at the School of Medicine at Brown University, as well as a research affiliate at MIT. As an addiction psychiatrist and expert in mindfulness training for treating addictions, he has developed and tested novel programs for habit change, including both in-person and app-based treatments for smoking, emotional eating and anxiety. Based on the success of these programs in the lab, he cofounded MindSciences, Inc. to create app-based versions of these programs for a wider audience. He is also the author of the book The Craving Mind.
Veneers have become much more common in recent years as they have become more affordable. Good veneers can repair your smile, and make you look younger and more confident. But they also need proper care if they’re going to last you and keep looking good.
When you first have veneers fitted, some patients will experience some tooth sensitivity directly after the dental veneers procedure. This temporary sensitivity is completely normal and nothing to worry about, even if you order veneers online, although it can be uncomfortable.
During the veneer procedure, some tooth enamel is reduced to create enough space for the veneers. Thinner teeth are more susceptible to sensitivity, so this causes this temporary discomfort. This sensitivity is completely normal and should go away on its own after a few days.
Treat dental veneers like natural teeth
You don’t need to go overboard with dental care to keep your veneers white and in good condition.
Treat your dental veneers in the same way as your treat your own teeth, by maintaining routine dental hygiene and oral care. The best way to take proper care of your veneers is to brush twice a day, floss on a regular basis, and use a mouthwash to keep your teeth and veneers healthy.
Buy a better toothbrush
Using the right toothbrush makes a lot of difference in taking proper care of dental veneers. Bristles that are too hard will dull the shine and the polish of the veneers. If you brush too hard with firm bristles, you can scratch the veneers.
Dental veneers are strong, but any damage to them can’t be put right without replacing the entire veneer. The best way to avoid scratching the veneers is to use a soft-bristled toothbrush and brush in the proper way.
Stop grinding your teeth
It’s common to grind your teeth while sleeping. This grinding is damaging to the teeth and is especially dangerous for dental veneers.
Grinding can wear down the veneers and damage their structure and placement. Wear a mouthguard at night to stop this from happening, if you’re a tooth grinder. Custom mouthguards can be made by your dentist to get the most comfortable fit.
Revisit the dentist
Always talk to an expert. Book any follow-up appointments and checkups your dentist recommends to make sure your veneers will be taken care of by someone who is familiar with exactly how they should look.
Your dentist will be able to give you advice on how to avoid any damage and suggest treatments or lifestyle changes to make sure that your veneers last as long as possible.
Avoid damaging substances
Remember that if something can damage your own teeth, it can also damage your veneers. Veneers are subject to normal decay, and there are a few things that you should avoid to maintain the appearance of dental veneers. This includes hard or sticky foods or foods that stain teeth such as coffee, wine, and dark juices.
“What we need right now is more women who are full of themselves,” writes activist Glennon Doyle in her book Untamed. One thing that can hold them back: Unhelpful and unhealthy beliefs about being a mom.
Every generation of parents receives a memo when they leave the hospital with their baby.
My grandmothers’ memo: Here is the baby. Take it home and let it grow. Let it speak when spoken to. Carry on with your lives.
My mother’s memo: Here is your baby. Take her home and then get together each day with your friends who also have these things. Drink Tab before four o’clock and wine coolers after. Smoke cigarettes and play cards. Lock the kids out of the house and let them in only to eat and sleep.
Lucky bastards.
Our memo: Here is your baby. This is the moment you have been waiting for your entire life: when the hole in your heart is filled and you finally become complete. If, after I put this child in your arms, you sense anything other than utter fulfillment, seek counseling immediately. After you hang up with the counselor, call a tutor. Since we have been speaking for three minutes, your child is already behind. Have you registered her for Mandarin classes yet? I see. Poor child. Listen closely: Parent is no longer a noun — those days are done. Parent is now a verb, something you do ceaselessly. Think of the verb parent as synonymous with protect, shield, hover, deflect, fix, plan, and obsess. Parenting will require all of you; please parent with your mind, body, and soul. Parenting is your new religion, within which you will find salvation. This child is your savior. Convert or be damned. We will wait while you cancel all other life endeavors. Thank you.
Now the goal of parenting is: Never allow anything difficult to happen to your child.
To that end, she must win every competition she enters. (Here are your four hundred participation trophies, distribute accordingly.) She must feel that everyone likes and loves her and wants to be with her at all times. She must be constantly entertained and amused; every one of her days on Earth must be like Disneyland, but better. (If you go to actual Disneyland, get a fast pass because she should never be forced to wait. For anything, ever.) If other kids don’t want to play with her, call those kids’ parents, find out why, and insist they fix it. In public, walk in front of your child and shield her from any unhappy faces that might make her sad, and any happy faces that might make her feel left out. When she gets into trouble at school, call her teacher and explain loudly that your child does not make mistakes. Insist that the teacher apologize for her mistake. Do not ever, ever let a drop of rain fall upon your child’s fragile head. Raise this human without ever allowing her to feel a single uncomfortable human emotion. Give her a life without allowing life to happen to her. In short: Your life is over, and your new existence is about ensuring that her life never begins. Godspeed.
We got a terrible memo.
Our terrible memo is why we feel exhausted, neurotic, and guilty.
Our terrible memo is also why our kids suck.
They do, they just suck.
Because people who do not suck are people who have failed, dusted themselves off, and tried again. People who do not suck are people who have been hurt, so they have empathy for others who are hurt. People who do not suck are those who have learned from their own mistakes by dealing with the consequences. People who do not suck are people who have learned how to win with humility and how to lose with dignity.
Our memo has led us to steal from our children the one thing that will allow them to become strong people: struggle.
Our terrible memo is also why we stay busy with the trivial while the world our children will inherit crumbles. We obsess over our children’s snacks while they rehearse their own deaths in active-shooter drills at school. We agonize over their college prep while the earth melts around them. I cannot imagine that there has ever been a more overparented and underprotected generation.
Glennon Doyle is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Love Warrior, an Oprah’s Book Club selection, as well as the New York Times bestseller Carry On, Warrior. An activist, speaker and thought leader, she is also the founder and president of Together Rising, an all-women led nonprofit organization that has revolutionized grassroots philanthropy — raising over $20 million for women, families and children in crisis, with a most frequent donation of just $25. Doyle was also named among OWN Network’s SuperSoul 100 inaugural group as one of 100 “awakened leaders who are using their voices and talent to elevate humanity.” She lives in Florida with her wife and three children.
Whether you put on your cap and gown last week — or last century — these honest answers can give you some insight and guidance.
“If you don’t know what you want to do with the rest of your life, you’re not a failure. Give yourself time and get yourself experience to figure things out.” — Angela Duckworth (TED Talk: Grit — the power of passion and persistence)
“Although I think I already knew this back when I graduated from college, I didn’t do it enough: trust your instincts. Deep inside you, you already know what you need to do to pursue your goals. And just as importantly, do not seek permission to pursue your goals. Pursue them. Only by doing so can you show the world what you had in mind and get the support of others.” — Alejandro Sánchez Alvarado (TED Talk: To solve old problems, study new species)
“Don’t take yourself, your decisions, your outcomes or even your mistakes so damn seriously. There’s nowhere special to get to and no special accomplishment to check off the list. The moment is now; the place is here; the person is you. Make choices that make you feel alive. But here’s my advice about my advice — I couldn’t have possibly done this myself when I was a new college graduate because I was Wrapped. Way. Too. Tightly. This would have sounded like loosey-goosey hokum to me, and I’d have rolled my eyes and gone back to alphabetizing my soup shelf. Truly, what I wish I’d done differently during the past 20 years is enjoyed the ride and engaged in less hand-wringing over my decisions. I wish I’d trusted myself more, trusted the universe more, trusted the love and support of family and friends more, and realized this: ‘I’m enough, and it’s all going to be great.’ Because it has been marvelous.” — Casey Brown (TED Talk: Know your worth, and then ask for it)
“It’s okay to quit your first job — even if it was really hard to get it, it paid well, and everyone seemed to admire you for getting it. If you hate your job, you’ll be wasting your life acquiring skills, contacts and a reputation that you don’t want to use. The sooner you find something you love, the better.” — Tim Harford (TED Talk: How frustration can make us more creative)
“The world can only thrive when people know what they’re talking about. Find the thingthat makes you want to know what you’re talking about. Then talk about it.” — Ruth Chang (TED Talk: How to make hard choices)
“The advice that I wish I’d gotten when I graduated from college is: Pay attention to the difference between the quick hits of excitement that come from that first kiss of a new relationship or job and those feelings you get when you think about your strong connections with family or friends. Don’t get fooled by shiny things — that shine fades over time, while the gold of strong relationships never tarnishes. Remember the differences between these feelings to help you make decisions as you go forward.” — Judson Brewer (TED Talk: A simple way to break a bad habit)
“1) Your high heels are not too high, even if you are a scientist. Someday, your unusual shoe choice will be just the right height to carry you into prestigious research labs and important business meetings, and help you peer into a wasp nest and discover a microorganism that will change the beer-brewing world. Your heels are just right for your journey. 2) There can be great beauty and great utility in what at first evokes feelings of fear and disgust, so dare to explore. 3) Remember to stop and sniff the microbes. This will probably help you gain perspective, but it will definitely help you discover future microbial technologies.” — Anne Madden (TED Talk: Meet the microscopic life in your home and on your face)
“Regarding relationships of all categories (platonic, romantic, professional, etc.): Don’t let someone take up your emotional real estate if they aren’t paying rent.” — Sarah Kay (TED Talk: If I should have a daughter … )
“Never stop learning. When we graduate college and start our careers, we often understand that we have a lot to learn, so we approach our jobs with a learning orientation. We ask questions; we observe others; we know we may be wrong; and we realize we’re works in progress. But once we gain competence in our jobs, too many of us stop learning and growing. The most successful people — in work and in life — never stop deliberately continuing to learn and improve.” — Eduardo Briceño (TED Talk: How to get better at the things you care about)
“I felt a lot of urgency to ‘do good’ right out of the gate after college, working in nonprofits and government right away. I wish someone had urged me to build my skills instead, so I would have received mentoring on my professional performance and communication early on. Then, when I transitioned into the social good sector, I’d have had a good set of tools and habits to bring with me.” — Jessica Ladd (TED Talk: The reporting system that sexual assault survivors want)
“Graduation is a euphoric moment, but soon after, people often experience withdrawal symptoms. One reason is that your immediately accessible social network has been pulled out from under you, and entering ‘the real world’ means that you lose the effortless social interaction from dorm life, organized clubs and regular parties. Rather than feeling down, be intentional about maintaining and building a social world that brings out your richest self. And, when you hit your lowest points, in addition to turning to your strongest and closest relationships for support, have the courage to widen both your thinking and your networks as well.” — Tanya Menon (TED Talk: The secret to great opportunities? The person you haven’t met yet)
“Look for people’s inner worlds. Imagine their hopes and fears and what it feels like to be them. Seeing into other hearts can make you more effective in achieving personal and professional goals. It may also give you the comfort of remembering how deeply alike we all are.” — Bill Bernat (TED Talk: How to connect with depressed friends)
“I was the first to attend college in my family, so neither my parents nor my siblings could advise me on my graduate school or career plans. I heeded my inner calling and pursued two master’s degrees in information systems at same time, and it all worked out well. Remember: your best academic counselor and career advisor is your heart.” — Navi Radjou (TED Talk: Creative problem solving in the case of extreme limits)
“I know the anxiety-provoking notion that you have to specialize or you will never become successful is weighing heavily on you right now. There’s good news! It just isn’t true. You can do and be many things and still thrive professionally. Over the next ten years, you’ll meet amazing people who are doing all kinds of things, such as a programmer/comedian/author and a filmmaker/teacher/carpenter. It’s OK to be a complex, multifaceted person who doesn’t fit neatly in one box. In fact, it’s actually a lot of fun.” — Emilie Wapnick (TED Talk: Why some of us don’t have one true calling)
“Be less afraid of getting older — way, way less afraid. Our fears are way out of proportion to the reality, and we squander a ridiculous amount of our youth worrying about it.” — Ashton Applewhite (TED Talk: Let’s end ageism)
“Give yourself more time. So many college graduates immediately start wanting to make all their dreams come true at once — this can go wrong in many ways. The first is the frustration that you’re not ‘there’ yet. It’s going to take time to find (or build) your dream career. The second is burnout. If you find your career early, you can find yourself setting all sorts of unrealistic goals with arbitrary deadlines and chase them until you drop from fatigue. You can have it all — but not all at once.” — David Burkus (TED Talk: Why you should know how much your coworkers get paid)
“Whenever possible, get as uncomfortable as possible. Challenge yourself to get outside of your comfort zone regularly — spend time with people you deeply disagree with, read books about experiences you will never have, travel to places where you don’t speak the language, and take jobs in industries you’ve never worked in before. And if you feel yourself resisting, try again. Those experiences will help you build deep empathy, and we could all use more of that.” — Anjali Kumar (TED Talk: My failed mission to find God and what I found instead)
“Surround yourself with people who help you be the best versions of yourself. Avoid those who don’t. And get enough sleep.” —Lisa Feldman Barrett (TED Talk: You aren’t at the mercy of your emotions)
“When I graduated, I wish I’d known the research showing that future success doesn’t lead to happiness. I sometimes got paralyzed by the fear that happiness existed only if I found the perfect job, degree or position. In truth, the research is clear: happiness exists down almost any life path as long as you are grateful for the present, and develop meaningful relationships. Choose optimism and gratitude now and invest more in others, and happiness will be a lifelong advantage as you pursue your dreams.” — Shawn Achor (TED Talk: The happy secret to better work)
“You don’t have to pursue what you studied. I followed my heart, and now I’m happier and more satisfied with life than I could have ever envisioned. We kill ourselves looking for jobs in our fields of study, while there are a million other things we are able to do. I also wish somebody had told me money doesn’t equate to happiness. When you get a job and start working, don’t forget to live.” — Kasiva Mutua (TED Talk: How to use the drum to tell your story)
“You don’t have to do something extraordinary to lead a meaningful life; you don’t have to cure cancer, become an Instagram celebrity, or write the Great American Novel. Freud said that the meaning of life lies in love and work. So: In your relationships, lead with love. Be generous, be vulnerable, give of yourself to others, and don’t do the expedient thing just because it’s more convenient for you. Make the effort to put others first. In your career, find work that makes you proud and adopt a service mindset — remember how what you’re doing helps others, no matter how big or small the impact may be. Touching the life of just a single person is a powerful legacy to leave behind. Finally, make gratitude a part of your daily life; don’t save it for Thanksgiving. Every day, reflect on one or two things that happened to you which you’re grateful for. Not only will it make you happier, but it will also put you in touch with what really matters. Then, when you experience setbacks or hardships, it will also be a good reminder of how blessed you really are.” — Emily Esfahani Smith (TED Talk: There’s more to life than being happy)
“When you finish college and begin your first job or internship, you’ll be keen to learn all you can and impress your employer so you can start on the path to promotions and raises. But the important thing that you might not see amidst all this excitement is the great idea that could someday become a great business or entrepreneurial venture. I’ve found the most interesting employment that life offers is often something of your own creation that you do full time or in addition to your main job. So, after you graduate from college, take the time to identify a venture that you’d like to do by yourself or with friends, and start building it. One day, you’ll be glad you started early.” — Washington Wachira (TED Talk: For the love of birds)
“Move toward the light — toward people, activities, ideas that make you see more, that nourish you. Do this for at least five years. At that point, you can take stock and decide if you need to do some utterly practical, careerist, traditionally ‘wise’ thing. But give yourself a chance to follow your heart and your mind first. The best careers are built by people who have had a breadth of experiences on which to draw. Don’t get anxious if for a while your life seems to be made of a lot of fragments; in time, they will seem like facets of a diamond.” — Sherry Turkle (TED Talk: Connected, but alone?)
“That adage about pursuing things you’re passionate about does eventually pay off. When? No one knows. I suppose that’s why it’s a pursuit.” — David Sengeh (TED Talk: The sore problem of prosthetic limbs)
“It’s traditional at graduation to offer neat, packaged stories of triumph over difficulties. But life isn’t like that — it’s open-ended, subject to a million contingencies and constant change. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make plans. But it does mean you should be alert to all the changes in the world and in yourself that could render your plan suddenly obsolete, unattractive or perverse. Be open to change. Be prepared to experiment. Take risks. Keep learning. Make your life your own.” — Margaret Heffernan (TED Talk: Dare to disagree)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rebekah Barnett is the community speaker coordinator at TED, and knows a good flag when she sees one.
I’m so glad you’ve joined me this week for another edition of Weekend Music Share.
At 13 years old I was sent to a boarding school for bad girls at a convent. It was a drastic change from the wild drug-induced life I was living. Music was one of the only outlets we had to the outside world, especially in the first three month when you could not go home.
I meet other teenage girls of all ages and economic backgrounds, it was quite interesting. Music has been my friend since I was a small child singing along to the radio with my father. We weren’t allowed to listen to the radio but did have a record player and could bring your albums in. Here are a couple of songs we had on constant repeat during the year I was there.
My favorite song at the time was Mercedes Benz by Janis Joplin. We would sing the whole time we were working in the laundry each morning.
The nun’s and my grandparents saved my life.
Have a great weekend!
Melinda
Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.
Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.
Buying gifts is always a challenge, but one way to find the ideal gift for a special person in your life is to focus on a niche that you know is of interest to them. So if you know someone who loves gardening, you’ll be glad to learn there are lots of gifts that are ideally suited to people who love to garden. We’re going to look at the best of the bunch today, so keep reading to find out all about them.
The great thing about birdbaths is that they’re not just about adding something functional to the garden. They also act as great ornamental pieces, so if you’re looking for something to give that brings a visual impact, an attractively designed birdbath could be exactly what you’re looking for. There’s no shortage of designs and options out there to choose from these days either.
Gardening Gloves
If you want to make the process of gardening a little more comfortable for a special person in your life, a pair of high-quality garden gloves can make the perfect gift. Again, there are lots of styles and designs out there, just make sure you choose a pair that fits well. It’s a good and affordable gift option so it should definitely be considered.
A Seed Subscription
Right now, subscription services are all the rage. There’s a subscription service for just about everything, so you might not be surprised to learn that there’s also a subscription available for seeds. That means you can get different seeds sent to your door each month, so this could be a great gift idea. You could pay for their seed subscription for a year, for example.
The Latest Top Books
There’s a range of great gardening books released each and every year. They might be guide books, general advice, or even photo books. There’s something for just about every garden lover on the shelves of your local book store, so it’s an avenue you should definitely explore. This article is A Review Of The Best Gardening Books in 2020, so it might give you some interesting ideas for which you might want to buy.
Solar-Powered Outdoor Lanterns
You don’t have to choose something that’s focused on the task of gardening; it might be a good idea to choose a gift that adds something new and fun to the garden and has a social dimension. Some solar-powered outdoor lanterns allow you to light up the garden at night and carry on the party into the evening. It’s a good gift idea and they’re also eco-friendly as the battery can charge up during the night and be put to use during the day.
If you’re looking for gifts for the gardener in your life, the ideas above should provide you with the inspiration you need. Find a gift they’re guaranteed to love and help them get even more out of their love of gardening with the kinds of gift options we’ve discussed here.
According to a Johns Hopkins research team, 250,000 deaths in the United States are caused by medical error each year. This makes medical error the third-leading cause of deaths in the country.
Fact: Sloths have more neck bones than giraffes
Despite physical length, there are more bones in the neck of a sloth than a giraffe. There are seven vertebrae in the neck of giraffes, and in most mammals, but there are ten in a sloth. Still, giraffes are among 23 of the world’s biggest living animals.
Fact: Bees can fly higher than Mount Everest
Bees can fly higher than 29,525 feet above sea level, according to National Geographic. That’s higher than Mount Everest, the tallest mountain in the world.
Fact: Ancient Egyptians used dead mice to ease toothaches
Pig bladders were used in the 19th century to store an artist’s paint. The bladder would be sealed with a string and then pricked to get the paint out. This option wasn’t the best because it would often break open. American painter John G. Rand was the innovator who made paint tubes from tin and screw cap in the 19th century.
Fact: Humans have jumped further than horses in the Olympics
The Olympic world record for the longest human long jump is greater than the world record for longest horse long jump. Mike Powell set the record in 1991 by jumping 8.95 meters, and the horse Extra Dry set the record in 1900 by jumping 6.10 meters. Don’t miss 13 more Olympic moments that changed history.
Fact: The Terminator script was sold for $1
James Cameron is the award-winning director of movies like Titanic, Avatar, and The Terminator. In order to get his big break with The Terminator, he sold the script for $1 and a promise that he’d be able to direct.
Fact: Pigeon poop is the property of the British Crown
In the 18th century, pigeon poop was used to make gunpowder, so King George I confirmed the droppings to be property of the crown.
Fact: Onions were found in the eyes of an Egyptian mummy
Pharaoh Ramses IV of Ancient Egypt had his eyes replaced with small onions when he was mummified. The rings and layers of onions were worshipped because people thought they represented eternal life. This aligns with the reason for mummification: to allow the pharaoh’s body to live forever. Let’s hope these interesting facts don’t all apply to practices used today.
Fact: Abraham Lincoln was a bartender
You know that the 16th president of the United States fought for the freedom of slaves and the Union, but what you didn’t know is that he was a licensed bartender. Lincoln’s liquor license was discovered in 1930 and displayed in a Springfield liquor store. Wayne C. Temple, a Lincoln expert, told the Southeast Missourian newspaper that in 1863 Congress wanted to fire Ulysses S. Grant because he drank a lot and Lincoln’s response was to send Grant a supply of whiskey.
So glad you are enjoying these posts, I love hearing your hilarious comments. Have a great weekend.
I’ve been stable for about three years and it was a long journey during that depressive period. After being stable for several years I spiraled into a dark depression, getting numb and darker by the day. I tried four different drugs before finding the drug I’m on. It has worked like a miracle.
That’s how my life has gone since I was 19 years old. Stable or depressed or hypo or manic or dark depression or unable to function. It’s been a difficult journey and one that I almost didn’t make several times. The first time I tried to kill myself was at nine years old, that should have been a sign that something was wrong with me.
I have been hospitalized several times sometimes for up to a month a time and have had 21 Electro Convulsive Treatments. The journey has been very dark at times and I’m so thankful that I had family and a husband who fought hard when I wouldn’t.
The only thing I can say to anyone who is suffering from Mental Illness or a Mental Health challenge, it can and often will pass. I’m not going to sugar coat it, there are some Mental Illnesses that reaching stable is as well as you will get, that’s a huge achievement.
I have Bipolar Disorder and for the past 25 years have been on the depressive side. For the prior 20 years, I lived in a blissful Hypo Manic state. It was blissful until I fell off that cloud and crashed so hard I almost didn’t make it up.
One key to my success is having a Psychopharmacologist as my main doctor and seeing a therapist regularly. I know Psychopharmacologists are more expensive and harder to find but they know the brain in detail and how medications work so they can connect the dots with what symptoms you’re having with the medication you need. I’ve seen my doctor for 30 years and it scares me he is about to retire and I don’t know who is going to take his practice.
I believe strongly that for ongoing challenges with Mental Health/Mental Illness medication is required for some period of time. For me, it’s a lifetime, for others it’s until they’re stable.
I also believe strongly that seeing a Therapist on regular basis is as critical as medication. Sometimes we sabotage ourself and a Therapist can help us thru negative self-talk. The key to remember is what each doctor or Therapist does as a specialty. If you’re seeing a Psychiatrist/Psychopharmacologist you are only going to get medication, you are not going to get any therapy. There are also different types of Therapists so you need to make sure you are getting a referral for the right type. I am not skilled enough to tell you what type you need but your Psychiatrist can.
I’m almost 58 years old and at times I didn’t think I’d ever see 30 years old. It takes everything you have and more to deal with your Mental Illness or Mental Health and it’s worth the effort.
What goes up must come down again!
If you’d like to read more about my journey with Bipolar Disorder, check out my archives.
Moving home can be a stressful time for anyone. There is so much involved when it comes to moving out of one place and into a new one, and it can be easy to forget just what has been completed and what hasn’t. But, it’s important that you try to stay organized as much as possible, or you could find yourself in a sticky situation when moving time comes along. As such, if you’re thinking about moving home, then the advice in this article was written with you in mind. We’re going to take a look at some of the things that you don’t want to forget to do! Keep reading if you want to find out more.
You shouldn’t move just anywhere because this is a huge waste of time. If you are going to move, then it has to be somewhere that you love, and if you can’t find somewhere you love, there should at least be a reason behind this. Whether you need to move quickly for a job offer, or simply because you want to be closer to family, these are both acceptable reasons to find a house that you could potentially grow to love, rather than one that you love right now. It can take quite a bit of time to find a place that you love enough to want to call home, but we suggest you take this time if you can.
When you move, it might be hard to say goodbye to your old home, and the moving process might not seem worth it if you’re not moving somewhere that you adore. When you walk through the front door, you want to feel the excitement, and like this is the place you belong, not that you’ve had to move here even though you didn’t really want to. Look online, visit estate agents, and be sure to look around to find the best place for you if you’ve got the time to do this.
Another thing that you’re going to have to do is consider all of your finances. You can use a site like MortgageCalculator.org to work out what kind of mortgage you’re going to be able to afford before you start looking. This just means that you will have a better idea as to what price range you should be looking at if you’re not going to be buying outright. But, of course, there is more than just a mortgage to consider when you’re moving home. You’ve also got to think about whether you need to sell your old home first or whether you can move without this help.
Then, there are the costs of actually moving. So, you are going to need an attorney or conveyor, someone to value your current home for when you put it on the market, you’re going to need the help of services to actually get you out of one home and into the new, etc. There is so much to think about, and we want you to consider all of this before you start the process. You don’t want to get halfway through only to realize that it is costing you a lot more than you originally planned for.
Make Your Home Marketable
The home that you’ve got now is likely going to go on the market, which means you’ve got to make it an attractive prospect. This means that if you’re not going to be selling it as a fixer-upper, you’re going to need to make all the repairs. Or, you’re going to have to lower the asking price if you know there is something that needs to be fixed. This is also a good solution if you need to sell the home fast because a good deal is something that people are always looking for.
When you’re preparing your home for sale, remember that potential buyers are looking for somewhere that they can see themselves living. They don’t want to see your family pictures all over the walls or anything like this, they want a blank canvas that they can imagine their own items being in. Paint the walls white to give this effect and make sure that it’s more like a showhome than the place in which you live.
Another thing that you should do is consider the state of the market right now. It might not be the best time to buy, and if this is the case and you can afford to wait, it will be in your best interest. There is nothing worse than selling your home at a lower price and then paying a higher one for the new property. So, it’s important that you consider what kind of state the market is in at the time. If you don’t understand how this works, then you need to speak to someone who does so that they can tell you whether now is a good time or not.
Speak To An Agent
Finally, we highly recommend that you speak to an estate agent because they have access to more properties than the ones listed. More often than not, there are at least one or two properties that haven’t been listed online or in the window just yet, but if they think it’s right for you, they will show you before anyone else gets a chance to see it. You also might be able to get a better deal on the home you want to move to if you use an estate agent as they know the market. We know that this costs money you might not really want to spend, but it’s the best way to ensure that you get what you’re looking for!
We hope that you have found this article helpful and now have a better idea about some of the things that you don’t want to forget to do if you’re going to be moving home. Good luck, and we hope that you end up exactly where you want to be without it being too much of a nightmare!
One of the most exciting things that can happen in life is searching for and buying your new home. Finding that dream location or home takes time and you need to be meticulous about it. You want to make sure that you move into a home that you have chosen and in an area in which you are happy to live. There are a lot of ways to hunt down the perfect home for you so that you can make the moving day one of pure excitement.
Searching for your new home doesn’t have to take forever, whether you are looking for luxury homes for sale or you are looking at building companies to help you to build your first home, you can live exactly where you want to live. With this in mind, here are five great tips for finding your ideal home.
What does your ideal home look like in your head? Where is it located? Do you build it or buy it? When you make a list of what you want, you can ensure that you write down the things that are most important to you. Know what you would be willing to sacrifice and what you are looking for the most, and you can bet you’ll learn what’s important for you very quickly.
Know Your Budget
You can’t buy a new house – or build one – without knowing what you can afford. Speaking to a mortgage broker or a lender at the bank can give you a better understanding of what you can afford going forward. Knowing exactly what you can afford each month will help you to work out where you should live.
Location, Location, Location
The world is your oyster – literally. Wherever you want to go, you can go there, all it takes is some research and some savings to get it right. Have a look at the different areas in the world that appeal to you, and you can make some choices for your new home based on those areas.
Conduct Your Search
Bringing on a mortgage broker or a personal real estate agent to help you to find your new home is smart. You can search for the ideal home more efficiently when you have the right resources on your side. You can even ask family and friends to help you if you are looking in specific areas. Find success with your search when you have more help on your side!
Dig Deeper
Once you find your ideal home, think about what you need in the future. Can you afford the long-term costs of living in a new house? The fixes you may need to make if the house settles incorrectly and cracks? These are costs that you have to consider on top of all of the other costs of a mortgage and owning/running a house. You should dig into the costs and know that you have the right salary and monthly paycheck to cover all of these costs.
A few weeks ago I participated in a collaborative post for Fibro Directory and I wanted to share the complete post. I’ve also included some additional posts from other great bloggers who posted their Fibromyalgia tips.
What is Fibromyalgia? It’s a difficult question and even more difficult to diagnose. If you feel you have Fibromyalgia and have been told no by a doctor after doctor you’re not alone. If you’ve told it’s all in your head you’re not alone! Push forward until you get answers, it’s sad to say how many years it takes some people to get a proper diagnosis.
Here are few posts from great bloggers who also share their Fibromyalgia Tips.
“It feels so good to feel like a real person again.” I was feeling emotional as we were leaving the park and heading to our local bookstore to continue our Saturday morning excursion. We had only been downtown for breakfast and to the park. Now we were headed to to the bookstore before we went […]
Jane from D’Amore Mental Health contacted me and asked if I would include their organization on my resources page. With May being Mental Health Awareness Month, I can’t think of a better time to add a new Mental Health resource.
Mental Health Disorders affect every aspect of your wellbeing. That’s why D’Amore Mental Health’s approach to addiction and mental health treatment is holistic and personalized, providing care for the mind, body and spirit.
D’Amore challenges the idea of inevitable hospitalization for mental illnesses and specializes in preventive treatment by creating an environment that reduces the shame cycle. Our Build Me Up Program fosters behavioral and cognitive change through positive reinforcement.
If you or someone you know is having challenges with their Mental Health please share with this website information and the other resources listed on my Organizations Who Can Help page.
I’m so glad you stopped by today, I love seeing your smiling face and hearing your comments.
Here are more signs of Spring around our house. The Lilly’s are producing more flowers this year than ever before. I don’t know if it’s because they are more mature or if the winter storm had something to do with it. It’s going to be a beautiful summer. I’m including a photo of what the Lilly looks like when in full bloom.
New Orchid Roots
What Orchid Looks Like, this is the first year it has bloomed for me. It’s taken almost a year to get it to bloom. It doesn’t have enough moisture in the air to help it along. I’m thankful it’s blooming.
It’s a bumper crop for both rose bushes this year. This is my trusted orange rose.
Fibromyalgia isn’t about me, it’s not me and it’s not a pity party.
I am a whole person who has an illness or several but has many other aspects to my life that have to be met.
There’s a saying, you become what you think about. that works for the positive and the negative. If all you think about, read about, talk, and WRITE about is Fibromyalgia you become Fibromyalgia. You control your internal language.
I am grateful for the simplest of things, if the ice doesn’t spill over into the floor I’m grateful. If I cook dinner or even participate in cooking dinner, I’m grateful. I have to give myself some grace. There are many times when these things aren’t possible but if I’m not grateful for what I have then what do I have?
Our Mental Health is as important as our physical health if not more important. We can’t function fully in life with poor mental health. If I need to take a nap or sleep several days in a row, I don’t beat myself up over it. I don’t make Fibromyalgia personal, it’s an illness, not me. Again that’s where grace comes in. Work hard to take think about the positives vs the negatives.
Fibromyalgia is one of many invisible illnesses and it can be difficult for those who love us and those around us to understand. You owe no one an explanation for your illness, by that I mean, if a person doesn’t believe or continually ask but doesn’t understand, it’s not on you to change their mind or educate them. If someone cares enough about you they will look the information up and educate themselves in an effort to better communicate and support you.
Doctors can be our greatest allies or nightmare! That’s a fact we have to accept, it sucks but it’s reality. We aren’t going to change it and we can’t keep asking why. What we can do is stay the course. Take excellent notes, use a journal or a wellness guide, be specific with symptoms or the best you can. Sometimes there aren’t words for what we are feeling, give an analogy or something to help them understand what you are experiencing. Be optimistic, go into each appointment with high expectations but know that it may not find the answer. You stay the course and find another doctor, each one will get you closer to the answer. Don’t give up.
Whether you’re just getting on the property ladder or you’re moving to a larger home, finding the right property is essential. When you’re searching for your dream home, you don’t want to rush the process. By taking your time and waiting for the right property to come on the market, you can be sure that you’ve truly found the property of your dreams. To help you plan your search, take a look at these top tips now:
1. Know What You’re Looking For
Before you start viewing properties, spend some time thinking about what features your dream home should have. It’s easy to be swayed once you start looking at homes, so taking the time to prioritize your ‘must-have’ features will ensure you have a clear idea of exactly what you’re looking for.
2. Get Financing in Place
You don’t want to find your dream property only to miss out because you don’t have the funds ready. By getting the financing in place now, you can ensure you’re ready to make an offer as soon as you find your dream property. Many mortgage firms and banks offer pre-approval, so you can get a mortgage lined up, ready for when you can complete a purchase.
3. Choose the Right Location
No matter what features a property has, it won’t be right for you if it’s not in a good location. Consider your commute to work, how close you are to amenities and, if you have them, what your kid’s journey to school will be like. By choosing the right location for your next home, you can ensure you have the lifestyle you’ve always dreamt of.
4. Stay Up to Date
When a dream home comes on the market, it probably won’t be available for long. Once you’ve decided what location you’re looking at, stay up to date with what properties are on the market. Fortunately, the internet makes it easy to keep on top of new properties. By searching for https://www.camijoneshomes.com/kansas-city-homes-for-sale/, for example, you can see the latest homes that are available. With regular checks, you’ll be the first in line when your dream home is listed for sale.
5. Think About Your Future
If you’re buying a dream home, then you want to think long-term. Imagining your future and how your lifestyle might change will give you an idea of how your dream home should look, feel, and function. The potential to increase the size of the property might be useful if you want to start a family, for example. Alternatively, the proximity to the local business center might be advantageous if you’re thinking about a change in career.
Searching for Residential Real Estate
If you want to locate your dream home, it can be beneficial to build a good working relationship with local realtors. They’ll be the first to know when a property is coming on the market and can let you know when something fits your criteria. By moving quickly, you can ensure that you’re in a position to make an offer when the property of your dreams comes on the market.
Buy to rent has really become an invaluable asset for the last 20 years or so. Many individuals are turning their hand to this form of investment so that they can get a major source of income. Right now, market confidence is high and the property market is certainly looking bright too. If you are thinking about making a property investment then believe it or not, now is certainly the right time. If you are a first-time investor then it helps to know where to start so that you can make yourself aware of the decisions you are going to have to make when buying a property so that you can come out on top overall.
Before you do anything, you have to make sure that you do all of the right research. If you are a first-time investor, then you need to make sure that you think about which property is right for you and even what you can achieve from it. It doesn’t matter whether it’s capital growth, rental income, or even a mixture of both. At the end of the day, there are many different types of property out there for you to buy and it helps to consider things like renovation and even what type of tenant you are hoping to achieve. By doing this, you can then begin to get the best result out of your investment and the goals that you set for yourself overall. If you want to make a smaller property investment, why not look into bungalows for sale?
The location that you choose will make all the difference between a successful investment and an unsuccessful one. Some investors choose to actively limit their property search to areas where they live so that they can have some peace of mind. It may be wise to consider some of the other areas if you want to maximize the returns you are going to get. Do your research and find out how you can capitalize on the highest amount of profit depending on the city you choose to invest in. If you do this well, then there’s no reason at all why you shouldn’t be able to come out on top.
You have to know that purchasing a buy to let property is very different from buying a home for yourself. If you are looking to try and attract young professionals or even students as your tenants, then you need to try and think about all of the amenities that are likely to appeal to your market. Bars, shops, schools, restaurants, or anything else of the sort can easily increase your rental yield by a huge amount. While these factors might not be something that you personally look for when buying a home, you may find that it is in fact a deal-breaker for any potential tenants.
There is absolutely no doubt that buy to let can be profitable, to say the least. A lot of landlords will use the properties that they have as their sole source of income. Increasing your portfolio will give you the chance to maximize the returns that you have but at the same time, you have to make sure that you have a good outlook when it comes to your finances. You have to make sure that you make a budget and that you plan how much you can afford or borrow. It doesn’t matter whether you are a cash buyer or whether you have a buy to let mortgage because there will be various tax implications that you need to keep in mind.
Ultimately, it is very crucial for you to decide what kind of property landlord you would like to be. If you want to remain more hands-on then you will need to try and find tenants, conduct any viewings, and also maintain the property as well. If you are a hands-on landlord then you will be able to save some money by simply opting for a DIY approach. This will give you some extra responsibility, however, and you may not be able to manage all of this. If you are time-limited or if you have a lot of properties, then you may want to think about adopting a more hands-off approach instead. If you are willing to pay a small fee, then there are tons of letting agents out there that will manage your property and you won’t have to get involved at all with the day to day dealings of having a tenant. This includes any ongoing maintenance, viewings, paperwork, and more. So many landlords prefer to go down this route because it gives them way more time to focus on some of the other ventures. It also helps to try and start out slow so that you can build gradually as well, so keep this in mind if you can.
Knowing what you want will really help you to create a nice and coordinated time frame for your achievement. If your objective is to try and make a return in a very short space of time, then it may be wise for you to flip properties instead. This may sound like the best way forward but at the end of the day, it does put you at a very high level of risk. If you want a high return over a much longer period, then buy to let may be a much more suitable option. Yields of around 12% can easily be expected, but of course, you do have to think about things such as vacancy rates and even maintenance costs as well.
Try and make sure that you don’t use more than 50% of your mortgage when financing a property. This may be difficult when you are first starting out but as you explore the idea of property investment, even more, you will soon find that you can make it more feasible. Even though there is a lot of surface attraction with mortgaging, you have to remember that it is in fact a bad idea. The longer you carry on this way, the more pain and stress it will cause you at a later date.
Even though a shared mortgage can give you the chance to take out an even bigger mortgage, they do require one person to be the main borrower. The other person will then borrow less. The person who has the highest income will usually be the core borrower. If you have a lower credit rating, then you may find that your interest rates are much higher as well and this is the last thing that you need. Shared mortgages tend to allow for one property owner as well so arranging all of this can be a stressful and daunting process.
It’s also very helpful for you to constantly review your plan. Keep some clear notes of your process and also make sure that you plan at least 6 months in advance as well. You have to remember that no two six-month periods are the same, so you have to make sure that you are able to adjust your investment according to property prices rising and falling. If you can do this, then you will soon find that it is easier than ever for you to reap the benefits.
If you do not have enough confidence in the world of domestic property, then why not try and use foreign currencies to your advantage? At the end of the day, there are so many markets out there that don’t require as much investment, but that can easily give you a much higher yield. You have to make sure that you don’t just look at the value or even the potential of the property. Instead, think about the economy, the stability, and the political state of the company too. If you know that there is a tourist hot spot then this could indicate that the market is lucrative. Overseas hotspots include Berlin, Sofia, Sao Paulo, and even Istanbul too.
You have to know that timing is everything when it comes to investments. Knowing when you need to exit is half of the job. You have to make sure that you keep an eye on the market and you also need to know when to pull out of a certain investment too. If you have a valuable workplace exit strategy, then this will save you a lot of time and effort when the time comes for you to liquidate. Remember that the property market gives you way more data now when compared to just a few years ago. Keep track of it and take your time but never make any knee-jerk reactions. If you do, then you will soon find that you are able to make better decisions and that you can also stabilize your investment too.
I’ve updated my page Organizations Who Can Help to include the following Headache/Migraine Resources. Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com Theraspecs The Conversation MRF eMedicine Migraine Trust CDC WHO BMC Neurology Huffington Post Science Daily Migraine Trust Research Gate AMF Mayo Clinic Migraine Again Statista NCBI Headache Australia MCZ Migraine.com Very Well Health Excedrin Springer Migraine […]
Whether it’s the slow drifting apart from a childhood friend, the sudden, sharp distance created by a disagreement, or one of the many relationships that have quietly fallen away during the pandemic, losing someone that you thought would always be in your life is profoundly jarring.
But friendship breakups will happen over the course of our lives, and we need to start learning how to deal with them in healthy ways, says friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson.
The most significant thing we need to do, says Jackson, is normalize the fact that sometimes friendships do end and that can actually be healthy.However, we haven’t been taught to carry this expectation into our friend relationships.
“We’re not looking at our friends through a lens of ‘Gosh, I hope this works out’, but we’ll do that with a romantic partner for sure,” says Jackson. “With a partner, we wonder if they’re going to be the one. But with friends, we assume they’re the one from the minute we establish that we like each other.”
And because we don’t view the loss of a friendship as a normal occurrence, it feels like a personal failing when it happens and something we should be ashamed of. Or, as Jackson puts it, “If friendship is supposed to be easy and yours ended, what did you do wrong?”
But that isn’t the case.
Friendships, like any relationship, sometimes aren’t meant to be — and even if they are, maintaining them takes real work. Kristen Newton has been interested in this work for years and founded HEARTConvos, which aims to help people who feel stuck in unsatisfying friendships have the kind of open and honest communication that keeps a friendship healthy.
“[Otherwise] I think we feel blindsided because we belittle the value and significance of our social connections and friendship. Yet we recognize the weight that they carry when they don’t work out, and we experience that hurt and disappointment,” she says. Here, she and Jackson share their advice.
How do you get over a friendship that has ended?
1. Give yourself space to grieve the loss
This is the most important place to start. Be honest with other people in your life about what you’re going through, and try using the same language and self-care that you would during a breakup with a partner.
“Definitely get the ice cream!” says Jackson. “I think some of us try to be tough, and it feels a little juvenile — maybe a little vulnerable — to say ‘My feelings are hurt and I am sad over a friendship’. Feel the feelings the same way you would grieve over a romantic breakup.”
Newton agrees. “To the brain, a breakup is a breakup,” she says. “Sometimes people are wrestling through stages of grief. Then you start asking yourself: ‘Was I unhealthily attached to this person in a romantic way?’ [Because] I’ve only ever associated this type of pain in a romantic connection or with an egregious hurt in my family.”
But friendships are just as important and the feelings tied up in them just as profound — more even, because we expect them to last much longer.When Jackson posted a TikTok about this emotional significance of friendship early in 2021, the comments took an unexpected turn. “I was surprised by how much pain there was surrounding lost friendships. That wasn’t even what the video was about, but that’s where the conversation went. So I think a lot of us are still hurt by those things and looking for a space to process how to move on.”
With a romantic partner, there’s usually a breakup conversation and you know that you’re either in the relationship or you’re not, says Jackson. “But the very blurry nature of starting and ending friendships makes it hard to navigate to the end — because when is it the end?”
Newton recommends “diagnosing” what has gotten you to where you are — this means asking yourself a lot of questions. What exactly happened? How is it affecting me? No, how is it really affecting me?
Then, you can do your best to get clarity from your friend at this stage. “You can think about why everything is settling the way that it is. That is not in an effort to change the other person’s mind, but just so that you have a sense of closure as you’re going into that loss,” Newton says.
If a friendship has ended badly, this may mean accepting that you won’t get to have a final conversation with them, says Jackson. “Try your best to stop replaying and rehearsing what you should have said. But if a part of your healing process might be to say your piece, or to apologize if you are the one who did something wrong, then you need to apologize whether they write you back or not.”
3. Identify what you need to do to move on
“Once you have a proper diagnosis of the impact of the breakup on your life and on your mental and emotional state, then you can treat it properly,” says Newton.
This might mean talking through things with someone you trust, creating space for yourself to grieve some more, or removing things from your life that trigger memories you’re not quite ready to process yet.
Jackson recommends moving towards using the language of gratitude.“Once you can start to put the relationship in the language of the past tense and say, ‘You know what, I’m so thankful they were in my life during this season,’ you can have gratitude for it and not feel bitter.”
4. Assess the health and boundaries of your other friendships
One of the biggest worries that comes with a friendship breakup can be how it will impact your wider group of friends. Trust these other connections, says Newton, and don’t try to hide what’s happening. “If I cut off my hand, the rest of the body is going to notice that I don’t have a hand anymore. But when friend groups don’t have healthy boundaries as a part of their friend culture, if one person falls out with another person within the group, the whole group is going to fall away.”
Great, you’re thinking — even more loss! But if that’s what ends up happening, it means those friendships weren’t healthy to begin with, and they are not well set up to support you. A huge part of maintaining healthy boundaries, says Newton, is realizing that it’s OK to have different levels of connection with each other within a group. You can feel very close to some people; others only enter your life because they are friends with your friends.
Make it a habit to take the pulse of your most important friendships regularly. “Be in the habit of debriefing your relationships, keeping tabs on one another and saying ‘Hey, how are we doing?’,” says Newton.
It’s easy to assume our friends will always be there, but close relationships require maintenance. This involves having very real conversations, and regularly checking in with each other in a meaningful way that can flag problems before they become problems.
5. Remember that you still deserve friendship
It’s not always easy to meet new people, especially once you get past your 20s, but it’s important not to let the loss of one friend make you feel unworthy.
“I see it become a barrier sometimes to making new friends,” says Jackson, “because we find so much of our identity in our friends. So when a friendship is over, what does that mean for me and who I am?” Losing that sense of belonging and acceptance is hard and all the more reason to work on developing an unconditional sense of self-worth that is innate and can support you through difficult times.
Lastly, Newton says, it is important to understand that “the overwhelming sense of emotion that we feel amidst a breakup sometimes can feel paralyzing.” It can be very difficult to cope with. “Give yourself the freedom and permission to feel what you feel, remind yourself of what is true, and act on what you believe.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mary Halton is Assistant Ideas Editor at TED, and a science journalist based in the Pacific Northwest.
Looking back from where I am now, I can see the signs that things in my body had been changing for quite a while before my final year of teaching and Fibromyalgia diagnosis. What I didn’t understand was the chronic pain I had become accustomed to would demand that I give up teaching to finally take care of my body’s cries.
I can’t think of any other time in my life where thanking nurses is so important. Nurses have given so much, some even their lives to help save COVID patients. They have long been the unsung heroes but with COVID we’ve seen stories on the news every day about the toll COVID has taken on their mental health. That’s not something I would normally think about but when you consider over 500,000 people have died in the United States alone, that’s a lot of death to deal with. I can only imagine how thankful families are for the nurses who spent hours every day giving their all to keep their loved ones alive.
Personally, I’m preparing to have a knee replacement in June and was so relieved to find out I get to go back to the same hospital. I’ve received some of the best care in my life there. When you are totally dependent on another person for everything but blinking you really appreciate every little step they take.
When I had my right knee replaced several years ago it was quite a shake as to what you would go thru after surgery. I was in the hospital for three days and could not get out of bed by myself. There were times I wished my bladder weren’t so active when I would have to use the call button again. When you really understand the care you’re getting is when you get out of bed. You are strapped with support to the nurse who helps you walk to the bathroom. They patiently wait outside time after time, maybe that’s the best time of day in which they get to sit down. I don’t know but I wouldn’t find that a good part of my day. They were so prompt with my pain meds, right on the dot every four hours, not once did I have to ask for medicine.
It was after Amy Kartheiser, an interior designer based in Chicago, lost her brother to suicide in 2014 that she realized others in her community were impacted by a similar loss. She cofounded Under the Same Sky, which works with American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, to both help those struggling and to push open the door to meaningful discussions about mental health. “One of the biggest goals of Under the Same Sky, outside of raising funds to support those who have lost a loved one to suicide, is getting people to talk about suicide and mental health in general,” she tells AD PRO. “We truly believe that we must open the conversation to make a significant change for those struggling with mental health and for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. It’s the driving force of our mission.”
Amy Kartheiser Vibe Tribe Creative
Alexis O’Brien, public relations director at American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, elaborates on the importance of such dialogue. “Amy found that people seemed to be afraid to talk to her and that they didn’t know how to approach the subject. This can be a common experience for suicide loss survivors, which leads to feelings of loneliness and isolation,” she says.
Kartheiser’s Under the Same Sky organization helps fund the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Healing Conversations program. “All volunteers for the program have themselves lost someone to suicide,” O’Brien explains. “Healing Conversations welcomes survivors of suicide loss as they are, wherever they are in their grief. While our volunteers won’t have all the answers, they are able to point those who are grieving to places they might find ongoing comfort, such as a local support group.”
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, observed in May, Kartheiser shares some impactful ways that the design community can get help for that journey—and get involved in the conversation.
Amy Kartheiser: The idea of “talk” is going to be threaded throughout all programming that we push out on my Instagram page, @AmyKartheiserDesign, and in tandem with Under the Same Sky’s content. We’re kicking off our very first “walk and talk” social media challenge for designers and interested participants, not only to spark conversation around the topic, but also to raise vital funds in support of our partner, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention—specifically AFSP’s Healing Conversation program.
The #WalkandTalkChallenge idea was sparked because I use my daily walks to keep me sane, and to spiritually connect with my brother, Mark. I literally walk and talk to him out loud. (I try to check over my shoulder for passersby before starting to chat to him, but sometimes I am that woman.) It’s been so therapeutic in healing and processing, so I wanted to encourage people to get out there, get some fresh air, move their bodies—it does wonders for the mind!—and talk.
We hope this challenge will not only bring awareness to the mission of Under the Same Sky, but will also push the design community to bring mental health conversations to the forefront of all that we do. It is such a high-demand industry, and one that is focused on beautiful things and the smallest of details, but real life is messy. I’m hopeful that by sharing my own journey grappling with the aftermath of suicide following Mark’s death, I can encourage fellow designers and the A+D community at large to do their part in bringing to light these conversations.
Lastly, we have our next pop-up taking place virtually at utsscharity.org from May 13 through June 13, where all purchase proceeds will go to AFSP. I personally source products from makers around the globe for these shops, and we also have some amazing donated pieces from artists and designers that have found UTSS and were inspired to support our mission. It’s a fun way to shop—or source—for a good cause!
How do you choose which designers and artisans to spotlight in the shop? How can designers get involved?
I chose pieces that capture my heart. Every single item featured in the shop has been handcrafted by a true artisan; their stories and processes are what compel me to spotlight their products.
When I’m on my travels, for both personal and sourcing trips, if something or someone catches my eye, I stop to learn and experience—whether it’s Egyptian vases that have been crafted the same way for hundreds of years, intricate paper artworks with imperfections and unevenness, or caftans and pajamas hand-sewn by a husband and wife right there in the market in front of me. These are incredibly skilled craftspeople that have learned and honed their work from generation to generation.
Combined with the fact that I can easily envision any of the items I select in one of my client projects, I think the collection is a wonderfully unique place for other designers to source pieces for their own projects.
In a bigger way, donations—both donated goods for the shop or monetary gifts—are most certainly a welcome way for the design community to make the largest impact in support of our mission, and to do their part in working towards the much broader mission of ending the suicide epidemic.
What are some of the moments that have been particularly meaningful for you as you’ve grown the nonprofit?
One of the first things that stuck out to me following our launch was the response that I received from a Chicago Tribune article that featured UTSS. The outpouring of support and notes from readers from around the world took me by surprise, and that was the first time I really paused and thought, Wow, we are actually changing lives!
Also just as meaningful has been the amazing design connections we’ve made along the way. We had an incredible studio—Ark Papers out of Cape Town—reach out to us on Instagram about collaborating and supporting our mission. To think our charity has found its way to South Africa kind of blows my mind.
I’ve been so overwhelmed by the designers and showrooms that have asked to donate products and floor samples, or who have inquired about making products specifically for the shop. I’ll never really be able to express how cool that is for me—to turn something so devastating and disorienting into this beautiful thing that people want to be a part of, and all within the industry that I love.
The “Frozen” star struggled to manage her anxiety and depression as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold.
Like many Americans, Kristen Bell found herself glued to the TV as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold in 2020.
“I have trouble distinguishing between my emotions and someone else’s emotions, and that’s not a compliment to myself. That’s a very dangerous thing to toy with,” Bell told Self in a story published on Monday.
The news cycle took Bell, 40, to such a dark place, that her husband, Dax Shepard, had to intervene. Shepard, 46, was concerned about how Bell’s mental health was affecting their daughters, Lincoln, 8, and Delta, 6.
Kristen Bell recalls Dax Shepard confronting her about her mental health
The “Frozen” star struggled to manage her anxiety and depression as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold.May 3, 2021, 11:53 AM CDT / Source: TODAYBy Rachel Paula Abrahamson
Like many Americans, Kristen Bell found herself glued to the TV as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold in 2020.
“I have trouble distinguishing between my emotions and someone else’s emotions, and that’s not a compliment to myself. That’s a very dangerous thing to toy with,” Bell told Self in a story published on Monday.
The news cycle took Bell, 40, to such a dark place, that her husband, Dax Shepard, had to intervene. Shepard, 46, was concerned about how Bell’s mental health was affecting their daughters, Lincoln, 8, and Delta, 6.
“‘Hey, real quick, are you helping anyone right now by sitting and crying in your bed, or are you just being self-indulgent?’” Bell remembered Shepard saying. “Either get up and donate money or donate your time or do something to help, or take that story in, give it some love, and come out here and be a good mom and a good wife and a good friend and live your life in honor of the suffering that happens in the world.’”
Initially, the “Frozen” star was outraged. Then, she realized Shepard had a point.
Bell, a longtime mental health advocate, first started taking medication to deal with her anxiety and depression while studying at New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts.
“I wasn’t suicidal…. It was just a generalized dark cloud over me. I felt like my real personality was in a tiny cage inside my body,” she revealed.
Kristen Bell recalls Dax Shepard confronting her about her mental health
The “Frozen” star struggled to manage her anxiety and depression as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold.May 3, 2021, 11:53 AM CDT / Source: TODAYBy Rachel Paula Abrahamson
Like many Americans, Kristen Bell found herself glued to the TV as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold in 2020.
“I have trouble distinguishing between my emotions and someone else’s emotions, and that’s not a compliment to myself. That’s a very dangerous thing to toy with,” Bell told Self in a story published on Monday.
The news cycle took Bell, 40, to such a dark place, that her husband, Dax Shepard, had to intervene. Shepard, 46, was concerned about how Bell’s mental health was affecting their daughters, Lincoln, 8, and Delta, 6.
“‘Hey, real quick, are you helping anyone right now by sitting and crying in your bed, or are you just being self-indulgent?’” Bell remembered Shepard saying. “Either get up and donate money or donate your time or do something to help, or take that story in, give it some love, and come out here and be a good mom and a good wife and a good friend and live your life in honor of the suffering that happens in the world.’”
Initially, the “Frozen” star was outraged. Then, she realized Shepard had a point.
Bell, a longtime mental health advocate, first started taking medication to deal with her anxiety and depression while studying at New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts.
In addition to a daily selective serotonin inhibitor (SSRI), Bell uses exercise to boost her endorphins. Earlier this year, she shared a photo of herself after completing a cardio workout.
“I’ve been struggling the last 2 weeks, for who-knows-why-slash-ALL-the-reasons,” Bell wrote at the time. “Today I finally got back on the treadmill, figuratively and literally. And I’m proud. To anyone who’s been feeling the same, you can do it.”
Bell has also found that knitting and working on jigsaw puzzles help to clear her mind and keep her off her phone.
“I know that I present someone who is very bubbly and happy all the time, and a lot of the time I am, because I have really good tools,” she explained while speaking with Self. “But there are definitely days when the alarm goes off and I go, ‘No, I’m staying right here. Nothing’s worth it… I’m just going to stay in this cocoon because I need to be; because I feel very, very, very vulnerable.”
“It occurred to me that I was showing this very bubbly, bright persona, and that it was unauthentic. Because it wasn’t telling the whole story,” Bell told TODAY Parents in 2018. “I had a pit in my stomach for almost feeling ashamed that I had hidden it for so long, because it could’ve helped people before if I had talked about it.”
Fact: Cap’n Crunch’s full name is Horatio Magellan Crunch
He’s also been called out for only having the bars of a Navy commander, but the so-called cap’n held his ground on Twitter, arguing that captaining the S. S. Guppy with his crew “makes an official Cap’n in any book!” For more fun facts, find out other characters you didn’t know had full names.
Fact: The CIA headquarters has its own Starbucks, but baristas don’t write names on the cups
Fact: Europeans were scared of eating tomatoes when they were introduced
Scholars think Hernán Cortés brought the seeds in 1519 with the intent of the fruits being used ornamentally in gardens. By the 1700s, aristocrats started eating tomatoes, but they were convinced the fruits were poison because people would die after eating them. In reality, the acidity from the tomatoes brought out lead in their pewter plates, so they’d died of lead poisoning. These facts about our world are so surprising, they’re hard to believe.
Fact: The inventor of the microwave appliance only received $2 for his discovery
Percy Spencer was working as a researcher for American Appliance Company (now Raytheon) when he noticed a radar set using electromagnetic waves melted the candy bar in his pocket. He had the idea to make a metal box using microwaves to heat food, but the company was the one to file the patent. He received a $2 bonus but never any royalties. Here are 16 more random facts about money.
Fact: The Eiffel Tower can grow more than six inches during the summer
A cattle rancher in New Jersey is credited for inventing glitter, and it was by accident. Henry Ruschmann from Bernardsville, New Jersey was a machinist who crushed plastic while trying to find a way to dispose of it and thus made glitter in 1934.
Fact: Creature is a vegetarian
Victor Frankenstein’s Creature is actually vegetarian. Frankenstein and Creature are fictional characters created by Mary Shelley in her novel, Frankenstein. In the novel, Creature says, “My food is not that of man; I do not destroy the lamb and the kid to glut my appetite; acorns and berries afford me sufficient nourishment.”
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