Hypomania: Bipolar Rollercoaster

When you have Bipolar Disorder it’s not just up or down, there’s an in-between, it’s called Hypomania. Of all the states of Bipolar Disorder, this is one of the most dangerous because you don’t see it and if you do, you don’t want it to end.

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I experienced Hypomania for 10 years, some of the best years of my life and after the fall, some of the worst years of my life.

My career was at an all-time high, I was an Executive Salesperson, number one in the company, winning award after award and making a very comfortable living.

When you have Bipolar Disorder, hypomania can make almost anything possible. I went to Russia by myself, traveled to France, around the United States, and the Caribbean with my friends.

My doctor kept telling me the higher you go the harder you fall. I didn’t want to give up the person I was. It’s intoxicating, so powerful, and hard to accept that it’s your illness in control.

I crashed hard, straight into the darkest depression. I got fired from my job, blew through my savings, and filed for bankruptcy. Did I mention getting divorced and building a new house? I lost everything.

What I lost was not worth the high. All the negative thoughts came back. My life is not as exciting, anxiety kept me in the house. Many days I didn’t get of bed. I was suicidal, requiring hospitalization on several occasions to receive ECT treatments to help bring me out of the darkness.

It’s been 20 years since I’ve felt manic in any form and it’s been a blessing. I’ve suffered several debilitating bouts with dark depression requiring hospitalization and ECT but my life stayed intact.

I have to give credit not only to my Psychiatrist and Therapist but to my husband. He started going on my doctor’s appointment with me from the beginning and this made a world of difference. I didn’t have to try and explain what was going on, he saw it from my conversations with the doctor and hearing it firsthand. My husband has been critical in helping me manage my Bipolar Disorder.

Don’t let the rollercoaster lure you in! As my doctor said, the higher you go the harder you fall. I know this to be true.

Melinda

15 comments

  1. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I also have bipolar illness. Since 2008 I have been managing with a drug called clozapine which has helped me tremendously with the mania and with the depression. However, I still have a good bit of anxiety to manage. The highs and lows are largely in check but the anxiety still is a big challenge. Hypomania for me has never really been long-lived.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad to hear you’re getting by with just one drug!!!!! I take about 6-7 and two are for anxiety. I could not live without them. They are very addictive so withdrawal is terrible if you find yourself without meds. You don’t take Lithium, strange, really. Some people can get by with Lithium alone if not too bad. I’ve been on it since I was around 19. Take care, I’m always here if you need to talk.

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  2. Thanks for sharing! It’s been 12 years since my major manic episode with psychotic features that landed me inpatient. That was when I received my diagnosis. When my daughter was diagnosed I starting seeing the signs from the outside. This made it easier for me to recognize them in myself. Soon another daughter was diagnosed. Just this week I was forced to admit my youngest daughter into the adolescent unit of a psychiatric facility. Mommin’ mental illness why having your own has been by far the most difficult and eye opening experience I’ve faced. As a single mom it’s tough, but I’m constantly trying to keep myself in check so I can care for my own bipolar babies. I’m stronger even when I struggle. ☮️❤️😊

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  3. I feel this SO hard. Having it myself I know the crash can be extremely crippling despite feeling like you can take on the world during the high. Thankfully my worst high resulted in flunking out a semester of college and some rough financial decisions that I’m still sorting through. You’re right, the higher you fly, the harder you fall. I have a great psychiatrist tho, and for the most part I am stable and high functioning. Still… there are bad times…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would not be alive without my Psych and therapist. So glad you are stable and realize the down falls. Yes, there are still bad times but thank goodness there are meds we can try. I had a bad spell two years ago and it took like four meds before we found Rezulti, it brought me back from the depths. Take care.

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