Don’t Let Self-Esteem Sell You Short

Many of us have self-esteem problems at some point in our life and I’ve certainly had my share. This is a deeply personal post I wrote to show you how subtle it can be and how to recognize it in your own life. Stop in your tracks and speak up! If that means the end of a relationship, then so be it. 

I’m giving examples of life with my ex-husband and partner of 13 years. We were only married for five years so you would think I would have realized/seen or done something different other than getting married. 

I met my ex-husband when I was 27 years old, had lots of baggage, and just starting to grow my career. We moved in with each other after six months. RED FLAG. 

Not long after he went on a guy’s trip, about a week later a woman called the house asking for him. Come to find out he and his friends had partied with these women, he apparently didn’t tell her he was involved. The next day we were scheduled to go see family, I’m still fuming but I go anyway. Pretending everything was fine to our friends. 

About a year into our relationship I was given a trip to Jamaica by my boss. I booked the nicest room which happen to be the honeymoon suite. I didn’t say we were on our honeymoon just wanted the nicer suite. When he found out he went ballistic. Spent the evening flirting with another woman and ignoring me. I lay across the bed crying while he parties in the hot tub. 

We were on vacation in the UK and I got my hair cut while in London. My hair was mid-length and I had it cut short. He wouldn’t talk to me for three days. WFT was wrong with me, why didn’t I pack up when we got home?

We went tubing down the river every year with a bunch of friends, one year I got separated from the group. No water, beer, or money. After six hours of floating alone, he never stopped to wait for me. I got heat exhaustion from the day and had to go to the hospital. Never said he was sorry. Then to top it off wants to drive three hours out of the way home to pick up something. I’m in excruciating pain but went along. 

These are all things that happened before we were married. I didn’t see how he ran all over me and I let him. I don’t know what I was thinking, but did I think I deserved this behavior. Now he wasn’t always this way. He was magnetic, charming, outgoing, romantic, good looking. 

This is the day that broke the camel’s back. 

We were scheduled to go out to dinner and he came home four hours late, drunk, and never called. When I asked why he did care enough to call he blew me off. I was fuming. I got in the truck to go to dinner and he lifted his hand towards me. That was it. I got out of the truck, went to bed, cried, and decided to file for divorce. 

The thing is I didn’t realize how bad he treated me until I met my husband. It became clear that there are people who know how to treat people with love and respect. 

Don’t be a mouse, speak up for yourself and get out of a relationship where you are not valued and equal. 

Melinda

7 comments

  1. Mine had probably a different name and face, but he was basically the same guy… and you know what ? Turns out that my father was not really treating me better when I was little. And no, it is not a coincidence…
    That said, I wonder if we all don’t go trough an experience like this at least once, before we understand that kindness and respect are actually a criteria for choosing a partner.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think we dated the same person. Not really, but your tubing trip was my hiking trip. He walked ahead, I fell. He didn’t stop, return or even slow down and someone’s husband stopped to see if I was okay. We live, learn and find that was are truly loved by God and those experienced tend not to happen ’cause we know what true love is and how it acts and reciprocates love.

    Liked by 1 person

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