If your marriage has broken down and you have children together, it can be a complex situation to navigate; still, it is not impossible, and there are some skillful ways to make the process easier and more pleasant for everyone. Read on to find out how to avoid arguing with your ex-partner, how to hire a quality divorce lawyer, and how to manage your emotions on the way.  

Key Takeaways: Marriage Breakup 

• Learn to avoid talking about the past and triggering past trauma that you both have
• Understand when to argue your case and stand your ground and when to walk away 
• Work closely with your children to help them manage their emotions and move on 
• Learning how to understand your ex-partner can help to resolve any difficult emotions 
• It’s helpful to maintain a healthy emotional and physical distance from your partner

Don’t talk about the past 

You and your ex-partner have a lot of history; chances are you have spent many years together before the divorce, and you know your personalities, reactions, and thought processes pretty well. But when it comes to divorce, it’s a good idea to let go of the past and treat the new arrangements independently. Learn to respect your ex-partner’s decisions and life choices. 

Because you understand a lot about your ex-partner, you can predict their behavior, lifestyle choices, and decision-making, especially when it comes to the children. At the same time, they will understand your patterns and weak points. There is a tendency to bring up the past and use it as leverage, but it is not a healthy dynamic. Avoid these issues with quality divorce lawyers.  

Know when to argue 

Arguments are unavoidable, even after divorce. When you have children involved in a family breakup, there is a lot to organize on a daily basis, even when you are not on the best of terms. Of course, this can lead to arguments and fallout that only serve to make the situation harder.   

Some battles are worth fighting, while others are worth avoiding; over time, you will learn to recognize the difference between them and when to stand your ground. If you find yourself reacting or overreacting, don’t beat yourself up; instead, forgive yourself and learn for next time.  

Learn to stand your ground 

It’s important to stand your ground on some issues. If you have made an arrangement with your ex-partner about looking after the kids or attending an event and they let you down, you don’t want it to happen again. In this case, you are within your rights to stand your ground and insist that you resolve a pattern of behavior that could become an issue in your future life situation. 

If the issue is a one-off and unlikely to happen repeatedly, there’s no point in starting a fight or falling out over it; you can simply let it go. There are good and bad ways to stand your ground; what you don’t want to do is to become reactive and defensive; instead, imagine you have a strong back and a soft front – a bit like a turtle -, and you can stand your ground successfully.     

Talk with your children 

The innocent party in any divorce is the children, who have their own lives and emotions to manage and navigate; the difficulty is that children don’t have the same experience and resources to manage emotions that adults do. Make sure your children have lots of support.

Talk to your children about the situation and make sure they know that it has nothing to do with them and they are still loved by both parents. Give them plenty of opportunities to ask questions and consider offering them some outside support so that they can talk openly to a third party. 

Avoid the legal entanglements

When it comes to a family breakup with children, legal entanglements are highly likely, chances are there will be a custody battle of some kind involved, and you will all have to go to court.

Instead of hiring an expensive lawyer and going to court, which will cost money and time, you could talk to your partner amicably and come to some arrangement that will keep everyone happy. Chances are there will be some debates and fallouts, but remember, the welfare of the children is the most important aspect of any child custody arrangement in or out of a courtroom.  

Practice forgiving your ex 

You and your partner have decided to divorce, and even if there is a clear-cut reason for this, it’s never totally one party’s fault. Chances are there are failures and grievances on both sides, so there is plenty of room for understanding and forgiveness. Forgiving someone is often possible. 

Forgiving someone is the step you need to make to move on with your life and resolve a lot of the bitterness and suffering that has accumulated over the years. Remember, forgiving someone that has hurt you is a way to bring more peace, joy, and love into your new lifestyle.   

Try to understand your ex 

Forgiving your ex-partner might seem difficult, but it is much easier when you know how to understand them and other people in general. We spend so much of our lives inhabiting our personal world that it can be hard to see things from someone else’s point of view; this is why clashes and disagreements happen on such a regular basis between family and friends.  

Attending court can be difficult and stressful for everyone, and it can be expensive for parents; if possible, find a way to avoid these legal entanglements and come to an arrangement outside. 

Understanding is the pathway to compassion and a more harmonious way of life; it’s the best way to overcome the hardships of a relationship breakup and move on with your life, allowing your ex-partner to move on with theirs. When it’s an ex-partner, there is an even better opportunity to understand their point of view because you know them and their needs.   

Try not to get defensive 

If your ex-partner is talking to you or pushes your buttons, your natural reaction might be defensiveness leading to an argument of a fallout. When you feel like you are becoming defensive, it’s time to recognize that and step back. A feeling of defensiveness will lead to a better understanding of yourself and your triggers, which can be useful for self-improvement. 

Maintain a healthy distance 

If you have some children to think about, it can be tempting to live close to your ex-partner for logistics and convenience, but this is a double-edged sword because it makes it more difficult for you both to move on with your lives. If you have responsibilities and arrangements, find a way to maintain a healthy distance from your ex-partner by living in a nearby town and traveling more. 

Learn to manage jealousy 

Jealousy is inevitable following a family breakup; there might be some jealousy around who the children gravitate towards, and there could also be jealousy around how your ex-partner is moving on with their life. Either way, jealousy is simply an emotion that can be managed and transformed into something more positive using skillful attention and attitudes of mindfulness.   

Final Thoughts 

A family breakup is never easy, but there are good and bad ways of working with the processes to ensure the situation is resolved in a helpful and progressive way. Using the advice in the article, you can ensure that your family remains amicable and happy in the short and long term. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda