Notes To Younger Self
Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Moving Forward

Notes To Younger Self

Looking for the Light

I didn’t tell my grandparents about the abuse from my Mother and Step-Father until forced by my school at 12 years old. Looking back, why didn’t I tell my grandparents earlier? I knew I could trust them.

I would say to my 12-year-old self, life will get messy at times, and leaning on those who love us will help us thru the pain.

Melinda

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17 thoughts on “Notes To Younger Self”

  1. I ask myself that same question everyday. Except mine is a little different. I couldn’t trust my adopted mother enough to tell her that POS adopted father was abusing me. She wouldn’t have believed me. She would have blamed me, like she blamed me for her drinking. I ask myself why I didn’t go to the cops and report the abuse, after telling other adult authorities who wouldn’t help me. I always wonder if I would have just kept at it and kept telling people until something was done, would my mental illness be less. Would I have been placed with a much better family that would have loved me the way I deserved to be loved…. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda….I will never know….All I know is I survived something so traumatic and that shows So Much Strength and Resilience within. I am a Survivor 💪🏻💜 Not only that but I have turned such heinous and inhumane abuse into my story of survival

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    1. I understand. My step-father who is a very big guy, hit me in the mouth with his fist not only did my face swell up and bruise but I had braces and it also hurt my gums. I would never have said anything, ever but my music teacher asked me to join her outside the classroom and asked how I got the bruises on my face. I pulled the “I ran into something” but she refused to let me be. She forced me to go to the counselor’s office and talk with her. I begged so hard, to no avail. When I reached her office I said I had to call my grandmother before I talked. The next day Child Protective Services showed up at school and ran me thru a drill of questions for which I told the truth. I knew a horrible beating was in my future once my mother found out. It didn’t take long, they showed up one day and my mother was the best actress you’ve ever seen. I was the mentally unstable kid who needed to be put away. She did enough of a good job they never came back. Like you, I survived and eventually thrived, it took all I had to keep going at times but I’m alive and have a great life now and hopefully help a few people along the way. Have a great day.

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      1. Ohhh my heavens dear🥺 I am so sorry you had to endure that. Your mother sounds alot like my adopted mother. They were the “perfect” parents outside in society and around family and friends and they put on the biggest mask and it made me absolutely sick! No one had the slightest Clue as to all the Hell and torment I went through behind closed doors. My adopted mother/half sister was the biggest drunk. There were nights I had to stay awake at night to make sure she didn’t burn the house down. She would pass out from being drunk and have half a cigarette in her hand and would drop it on the carpet. So I would purposely stay awake at night to grab the cigarette out of her hand before it dropped on the carpet and put it out, just so I can rest easy knowing the house wouldn’t burn down. As far as when it came to the POS adopted father, he tried to kill me when I was 7 years old. He had picked me up by the neck with one hand and strangled me to the point I couldn’t breathe. As many times I tried to wiggle my way out of his grasp, he would squeeze harder while yelling and screaming at me….What led up to that was, my brother John was babysitting me while my adopted parents were at the store and while they were gone, I was getting hungry and just wanted a snack to hold me over long enough until dinner time. Well my brother wouldn’t let me eat. So I went next door and told my next door Marylynne and she called my brother John and ripped him a new one. Well boy did I regret that. The next events that followed were a huge nightmare. After my adopted Father got home from the store, he was absolutely furious what I did. My brother John had called them while they were at the store and told them what I did and the first thing my adopted father did when he got home was grabbed me and picked me up by the neck and held me up in the air for what seemed like an eternity and strangled me while yelling and screaming to the top of his lungs. I was absolutely terrified…and that doesn’t begin to describe the horror that day was. I blame myself for not reporting him. I was scared out of my mind to say a word to anyone due to fearing I would get the beating of my life. And what’s even more disturbing is that POS adopted mother just sat there and let him do it. I will NEVER forget that day. I remember it all so clear like it was yesterday. He has not only sexually abused me all through my childhood but he was extremely violent and evil!….But despite it all, like you, I survived…I don’t know how but I have kept going and have thrived in many different areas of my life. Hopefully some day, like you, I hope to be able to help as many victims as absolutely possible before I leave this world. We are definitely Warriors to have survived such horrific and heinous abuse 💪🏻💪🏻💜💜 Not only that but we have been blessed with an enormous amount of Courage to turn our stories of abuse into a Glorious story of Survival!! 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻 God Bless you Sweetheart💖💖💖

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        1. When we were children our fight or flight kept us going, that’s all we had. Now that we are older, we can process the trauma easier than as a child. I’m no longer bothered by my trauma, I’ve been in therapy for over 30 years. That’s what has allowed me to move to where I am know. Have a great weekend. :)

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          1. Yes So very true ✨😊 If it weren’t for many, many years of therapy and the support of family and friends, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Have a Great weekend dear

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          2. Did you mark your post Weekend Music Share as for subcribers only? It doesn’t make sense, most of your post looked normal, but this one? I’ve seen it on many people today so it makes me wonder if WordPrress is having another problem. :)

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          4. It’s not you, it’s WP again. The post published a second time and came out right. Many people I read today are having this problem. It’s WP. Let’s see if it wouks itself out. then we can look for a solution. :)

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          6. I don’t have any idea, I’ve never done it. I have just looked at about 10 of my followers who are having the same problem. It has to be WP and may work itself out. What happens is the Programmers work on the system live vs in the background or on another machine. So when the programmers make changes to the processes in the live mode, it can affect other processes. I’ve had these conversations to many times with WP and they only change the processes live, so we get the errors. Don’t about it.

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    1. My granny was a religious woman and the best advice she gave me was “God puts challenges in our life to teach us how to handle the next challenge. God may never let us know why we had to go thru hardship but we have to believe it’s to help us learn.” I didn’t start to buy into this until I moved past the traumatic life into the life I have now. I can look back now and see all the learning oportunites God sent my way. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

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        1. She knew from the time I was 6 months old but didn’t know how to handle it I guess. At six months old she came to visit my mother during the day. They sat and chatted for a while and Granny finally said where’s Melinda. She had left me upstair in the bathtub. I believe if she didn’t come over that would have been my last day. She never once treated my brother badly, he was the chosen child, not the one she got pregnant with and had to marry my father for. She. was so cruel, when I was around 9 she told me my father raped her and that is the only reason she married my father. I didn’t say anything to my father for years, one day while in an argument with him, I told him. The look on his face was complete devastation. I always knew she was lying. My childhood was bad but I’ve survived and there are so many that are bitter or never went to therapy to work thru the trauma. Just another snippet of my great childhood.

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