Thoughts Of An Abused Child
Celebrate Life · Mental Health

Thoughts Of An Abused Child

Looking for the Light

I’ve kept these thoughts to myself but this post came together as thoughts of my childhood and teenage years. My life didn’t get better until I went to boarding school and went to live with my grandparents 14 years old.

“how many times can I scrap the food off my plate and spit the rest into my napkin before an explosion happens”.

“no way will I invite anyone to the house, it would probably be the last time I see them”.

“why me and not my brother, I forgot he’s the chosen child”

” house is an explosion to happen, either I get beat or she gets it, it will happen”

“you cut my hair so bad, probably on purpose”

” I can’t make any noise so most of the time I’m in the closet.”

“I won’t make friends because I don’t want anyone to find out.”

“you tried to kill me at 6 months old by leaving me in the bathtub and going downstair to talk to granny, you left me to die?”

“you always tell me how much you hate my father and I’m just like him. Does that mean you hate me? I think so.”

“my first attempt at suicide was at 9 years old.”

“you abused me starting at 6 months old, you’re a monster”

“out of sight, we called him Hitler.”

“because you were forced to marry Daddy when you got pregnant, might I add that you were engaged to someone else?”

“you let your mother and her mother say such horrible things like, I was a mistake, you’ve ruined your mother’s life time after time.”

“you didn’t tell me anything about menstruation. I went to the bathroom at school and totally freaked because something was wrong with me. A teacher had to come get me.”

This is all I can write, so many emotions to deal with. Sharing is good for others in the same place or know someone living with domestic violence.

Melinda

My smile is for my granny while taking me to get a photo taken.

Melinda

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17 thoughts on “Thoughts Of An Abused Child”

  2. Melinda you had terrible beginnings. At least it got better at some point. I want to tell you something. I am a scapegoat who was quitting my family finally. They always thought that I would stick around for their promises of money. I got wise and when I said that I was moving away it wasn’t allowed. I was threatened and it sounds like they are wanting to take my rights from me as in legal guardianship saying that they care when in fact they don’t want their victim to leave. My second private attempt at moving is coming up soon. When I get to the other State I’m going to have to see a lawyer to find out what my rights are. I’m thinking both my mother and her brother are socio/psycho paths. I was being gaslit etc it was terrible. The better I do in life the worse it gets. It’s just me and them. Everyone else has died off. This would never be tolerated if deceased family members were still alive.

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      1. Yes thank you. Some friends were telling me to stay here and fight it legally if I have to. That’s not a chance I want to take. My mom was saying that she would study law and lie. We are no contact yet she sent a package to my home last week. I thought carefully. If I don’t respond that gives her a reason to react. So I just tried to be neutral short and to the point. Thank you for your encouragement.

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          2. Go to police and put a restraining order on her and any other negative people. Don’t let her put that on you. Tell the police up front what she might do. Clear up all your business, if there is anything your mother is involved in or could tap into your funds. If so get that changes right away. Keep cutting all the ties she has on you will make it much easier to move. Once you move, you can’t share the information with anyone in your family or friends. You can do it! When I feel overwhelmed, I take a break then write what you have to do to accomplish the end game. Having something to look at everyday keeps the focused on covering your back. Then get out of dodge! :)

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          3. Here’s the thing. To get a restraining order I believe you have to have proof. I have proof of a no contact request and then contact being made anyway but that’s not much. The worst of it was done over the phone and no I didn’t know how to record a phone call.

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          4. That will only work her coming over but there must be other types of action. Stay focused on building your life, don’t worry about all that is said by your mother. If fact I would not answer her call or open the door for her. If she has a key, get it back or change your locks. It’s not payback time, it’s time to focus on making your life healthier. As long as you keep thinking about all she has said or did to you will not allow you to move forward. Getting even doesn’t make you feel better, it hinders your growth.

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          6. Why do you have to run? Start laying out the boundaries, share with family and don’t let the boundry slip one or they will keep doing it. Think about why do you have to move, and what you can do to stay here without being hassled. You have different ways to deal with family. I cut the people out of my life. :)

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          7. They are psychopaths and have money that I don’t. Plus I’m psych disabled. If they pursued legal guardianship I’m not up to the fight. They are both clever and dishonest. I say to run out of harms way. I have already been worn down for years by now. What if they did win?

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