Rebuilding your finances after any time of significant change can be challenging to navigate. Luckily, there are a few tried and true ways to find the right path to your financial independence.
One of the most recommended courses of action is to increase your income though that may not be a feasible strategy for everyone. Beyond the standard cutting back on expenses and finding ways to turn passions into profit, here are four other ideas to finding your financial independence.
It’s likely that if you have suffered a recent trauma, loss, or another life-changing event, your financial goals have also changed. So before diving into any new financial strategies, revisit your priorities and get clarity around your long-term goals.
For some, it may be paying off a mortgage. For others, it might be funding college for their children or having enough savings to retire early. The steps you take to achieve financial independence will largely depend on your specific goals. Set those goals early and evaluate them annually to make better financial decisions.
Hire A Financial Advisor
When we have medical concerns, we consult a doctor. When we need our air conditioner repaired, we hire a professional. Why then are so many people trying to solve their financial problems?
Hiring a financial advisor helps take the emotions out of the process and focus on the issues that matter. The best advisors will help frame your goals, understand your challenges, and then guide you through making the best decisions that are right for you. Consult this list from Forbes for the best wealth advisors in your state.
Create A Flexible Budget
Whether you’re new to budgeting, taking it on after the death of a spouse or loved one, or getting back on track after a financial crisis, a flexible budget will help you visualize your goals and keep you accountable.
Decide on your spending categories and do your best to track every expense. It may take a month or two to see where your costs can be adjusted or opportunities to increase your income.
List your top three financial goals at the top of your budget and read them often. Then, when it’s tempting to spring for that spur-of-the-moment expense, you’ll be reminded that you’re working toward a larger goal.
Learn About Investments
The stock market, mutual funds, real estate investments are exclusive to the financial community. However, anyone can learn more about investments and educate themselves about how to diversify their income through creating investment opportunities.
Don’t let the new terminology or confusing guidelines discourage you. Talk to your financial advisor about your goals and let them know you’d like to explore different earning strategies. When investing, keep your goals in mind and adjust your risk level based on your anticipated retirement age or expected expenses.
And, play the long game. Of course, the stock market will fluctuate, and it will be tempting to jump ship at the first downturn. However, history tells us that those who play the long game will perform better and come out ahead.
If you’ve gone through a loss and come through the other side, you’re already winning! Implement some or all of these ideas, and financial freedom will be one step closer.
Here are a few products I’m loving right now. I hope you find a product to add to your household or self-care routine. The list may also give you ideas for a surprise for friends, and family. Most of the products were found on Amazon.
Ursa Major Essential Face Wipes
I don’t wear makeup anymore so there’s no need for a makeup remover. The wipes have a light scent and are oversized. I avoid my eyes, not sure their meant for that. The wipes not only keep my skin clean without any breakouts. They are more expensive but you are worth it.
The Body Shop Shea Butter
The 12.9 oz. Shea Body Butter is creamy and it melts right in. It’s vegan and the container is recyclable. This size will last and is affordable. The Body Shop has long been a favorite place to shop.
Pure Enrichment Small Heating Pad
I love having a smaller size for my shoulder, instead of our much larger one. It comes with its own storage pouch which makes it easy to store. There are a variety of settings and turns itself off. I move it under my pillow when not in use.
L’Occitane Nail & Cuticle Oil
The smell is great and there is a small brush to apply the oil on one end. This brand is more expensive but I love their products. I had a large bottle of oil on my nightstand but never used it, now I apply it most days. This is so convenient that you may get addicted to it.
Melixir Clear Lip Balm
Finding a lip balm I like is hard to find and Melixir has many colors if you like a sheer color. It goes on smoothly and lasts for several hours. I think all of their products are vegan and made in Korea which is known for excellent face products.
What products have you added to your life that you love?
People who are chronically ill or disabled have little challenges they may not talk about because these are little in comparison to the top challenges.
After leaving the hospital last month, I realized that many small challenges add to the stress I already juggle.
Here’s an example of mine
Not being able to open most lids due to lack of strength, and then spending 30 minutes to screw the lid back on. Sometimes they sit overnight without a lid off, other nights I continue to try for dexterity and concentration.
I tried to take care of myself without going to the doctor. At that time, I wore adult underwear for the first time. My husband doesn’t know how to shop in this category. What good is adult underwear when the crotch hangs low and they gap all the way around the legs which caused many accidents that were quite embarrassing. At the hospital, I was given a mesh boy short underwear that hardly covered anything and I had to add a pad for security.
I have to sit on the toilet to put on socks, jeans, and shoes or I’ll lose my balance getting dressed and standing up.
After the big fall in the shower gave me a concussion, my walking is different. I will walk straight and then my feet move three or four times to one side. I trip over my own feet and when I’m standing close to a wall, my body is like a magnet and I fall into the wall.
The very frustrating one is getting off the toilet and rolling then falling on the floor.
I’m also growing older and my hands do not have much strength. Which I deal with every day. I get tired of asking my husband to open something, it makes me feel even older.
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.
I don’t meditate.
It’s a simple fact that often feels like a confession. After all, meditation is hailed as an almost magical cure in self-help circles, and the list of benefits it offers is undeniably impressive. Meditation promotes calm and compassion, decreases stress, and improves attention and concentration. Avid meditators won’t hesitate to point out, breathlessly, that it can actuallychange your brain. It is one of the most studied non-pharmacologic mental health interventions in the world, and most of the data is overwhelmingly positive.
So why don’t I do it?
At its best, meditation felt like I was floating in the ocean. But I noticed this only seemed to happen when I was already calm. When I was anxious, meditation actually increased my agitation.
It’s not that I’ve never tried. I used the apps and the timers. I tried body scan meditations and mindfulness meditations. I tried sitting, which made me uncomfortable, and then lying down, which made me fall asleep. I focused on my breath (until I began to hyperventilate), and I also imagined my thoughts floating away in little clouds (there were a lot of clouds).
And to be fair, I went through a period of a couple of months when I had some success with it. At its best, it felt like I was floating in the ocean, bobbing on waves of pure consciousness. But I noticed this only seemed to happen when I was already calm.
When I was anxious, meditation actually increased my agitation. I felt a profound sense of dissonance, my mind bubbling like it was coming to a boil, trapped inside a body that was desperately trying to hold still. At the end of each effort, I felt drained from the failure and worn out by the attempt. Despite the assurances of meditation evangelists that I just needed to stick with it and that feeling like I was failing was part of the process, I suspected that maybe meditation wasn’t for me.
I gained a new perspective when one day I shared with my therapist that meditation has been such a struggle for me.
“Oh, I definitely wouldn’t recommend meditation for someone with your profile,” she said matter-of-factly.
In fact, a 2017 study found that a significant proportion of meditators have experienced fear, pain, dizziness, paranoia, dysphoria and other “challenging” effects.
I was surprised, and strangely relieved. I’d become so used to people extolling the virtues of meditation that I had assumed it was universally beneficial. It never occurred to me that a therapist might not recommend it, or even advise against it. When I asked why, she explained that for some people with histories of unprocessed trauma and physical dissociation, meditation can do exactly what I’d experienced — increase anxiety, prompt flashbacks or trigger other physical symptoms.
In fact, a 2017 study of meditation experiences found that a significant proportion of meditators have experienced fear, pain, dizziness, paranoia, dysphoria and other “challenging” effects. Researchers believe these effects are often under-reported, because studies aiming to understand the benefits of meditation don’t ask about adverse effects. As a non-pharmacologic intervention, meditation is assumed to be harmless.
The moral of this story isn’t “don’t meditate” but rather, that meditation is like many things — great for some people, but not necessarily for everyone.
If it works for you, wonderful! No need to read any further.
But if like me you’ve struggled with traditional forms of meditation, yet still crave a way to settle your mind and ease your anxiety, happily, there are other approaches that can create a similar kind of mental expansiveness to that offered by meditation. These techniques don’t have nearly the same fervor or body of research backing them, but they are valuable alternatives, especially for those of us who find meditation unbearable rather than unburdening.
Rather than feeling like I need to sit with uncomfortable feelings or ideas, visualization allows me to transform them creatively and work with them in a generative, dynamic way.
Here they are:
1. Visualization
I’d always thought of visualization as a kind of new age-y cousin to manifesting, but it was actually in therapy where I began to use this technique. During our early sessions, my therapist sometimes asked me to envision a place where I felt safe and calm, describing it out loud as I envisioned it in my mind.
I began to create a garden in my mind, a place I could go when I felt overwhelmed or stressed, or when I struggled to sleep. When anxious, I often come back to this place, adding detail in one corner or another. Some elements are constant, while others change. I always enter the same way, for example, but once inside, I might see different flowers or trees, or I might look around a corner and “find” a new area previously unexplored.
Another time, I was struggling with the noise of constant construction in my building. I was working on my book Joyful at home, and I never knew when the grinding noise would start up, spiking my anxiety and making it impossible to focus.
My therapist asked me to envision something noisy yet innocuous, and for some reason, elephants came to mind. I imagined a crew of elephants in yellow hard hats bumbling around with tools and jackhammers. Whenever the noise fired up and I felt that pit in my stomach, I pictured the elephants and my tension eased. Of course, it didn’t erase the noise, but it helped me find calm amid a situation where I couldn’t gain control.
I find that visualization gives me the same kind of distance and space that many people find in meditation, but it also engages my imagination in the process. Rather than feeling like I need to sit with uncomfortable feelings or ideas, it allows me to transform them creatively — not to avoid them but to work with them in a generative, dynamic way. I haven’t found great research on the use of visualization as a meditation alternative, but there are anecdotal accountsof nurses using visualization with patients, particularly children, as a method of relieving pain.
2. Coloring
Adult coloring books had a real heyday in the mid-to-late 2010s, as people sought a creative yet low pressure form of stress relief.
As it turns out, certain types of coloring may help reduce anxiety. In particular, research shows that coloring a complex abstract design such as a mandala or a plaid pattern can reduce anxiety in a meaningful way. Structured patterns like this have strong symmetry that taps into the harmony aesthetic, which promotes calm through symmetry and balance, quieting the visual noise of our surroundings so we can focus more deeply on what we care about. Tied to this, subsequent studies have shown that coloring not only decreases anxiety, but also increases mindfulness and may also improve attention and creativity.
The physicality of coloring may also be helpful to those of us who tend to dissociate from our bodies. The engagement of the hands and the senses can keep us from feeling like we’re swimming in our thoughts.
In one study, a group drumming initiative resulted in significant reductions in anxiety and depression, along with an increase in overall mental well-being.
3. Drumming
OK, parents of a child who recently acquired a drum set might not see this activity as calming, but research shows that the rhythmic quality of drumming can be a powerful aid for mental health. In one study, a group drumming initiative resulted in significant reductions in anxiety and depression, along with an increase in overall mental well-being. Drumming also correlated with a decrease in inflammatory markers in the bodies of the participants.
Why does drumming promote calm?
One reason may be the repetition of the sounds and movements (again, a manifestation of the harmony aesthetic). Percussion is considered one of the oldest forms of music-making (perhaps after singing) and may have originated as a way to promote coordination of work among groups of early humans.
Drumming is a grounding activity that lets us blow off steam in a safe and non-aggressive way. Notably, drumming is one activity that has typically been studied as a group intervention rather than an individual practice. It’s possible that solo drumming also has benefits, but current research on drumming tends to focus on the physical experience of rhythm, synchrony and belonging as the key drivers of mental well-being.
4. Cloud gazing
For those who benefit from having something outside of themselves to focus on, cloud gazing can be an appealing alternative to meditation. Cloud gazing draws us outside, which has documented mental health benefits, while amorphous, softly shifting clouds give the attention something calming to focus on.
Looking upward may also help, as this increases the amount of light that enters the eye, which itself has distinct benefits for mental well-being.
Little research has been done on cloud gazing (sadly!), however one studypoints to the benefits of sky views as restorative, and accessible. While green nature views have been widely shown to help reduce stress, sky views are beneficial because they can be accessed even in dense urban areas.
While it might sound far-fetched, a whole community of internet users have found peace and joy in vintage videos of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting.
5. Morning pages
Morning pages are a creative tool devised by the writer Julia Cameron in her celebrated book The Artist’s Way. To do them, you simply write three long-hand pages first thing in the morning, writing without stopping and allowing whatever thoughts arise to go onto the page.
For writers, morning pages are a way of breaking through the pressure of the blank page and opening a line of dialogue with your creative brain. No one has to read them. In fact, you can place them directly into the trash when you’re done if you choose.
Though morning pages are billed as a creativity tool, for me they function as a mental health tool. I discovered the technique while working on the later chapters of my book and found it far more effective than meditation at calming my anxiety around my work. Knowing I had the open space of morning pages as a buffer before sitting down to work on my book alleviated so much pressure that I began sleeping better and enjoying my free time more. I regularly return to the practice if not every day, then several times a week at least.
6. Walking
Walking meditation is a form of meditation in its own right, but even if you don’t have a formal walking meditation practice, some form of mindful movement can be calming. Walking is easy and accessible to most people, and for those who feel stuck when attempting a seated meditation, it can help by engaging the body as well as the mind in the act of quiet reflection.
Benefits of mindful walking include stress reduction and improved cognition among older adults, in addition to the many mental health benefits of increased physical activity that it provides.
7. Watching Bob Ross painting videos
And if you’re still struggling to find a way to calm your mind, maybe it’s time to turn to a soothing voice and his “happy little trees.” While it might sound far-fetched, a whole community of internet users have found peace and joy in vintage videos of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting.
Some researchers believe that Ross’s soft baritone and the swishy sounds of his brush against the canvas trigger ASMR reactions, also known as “brain tingles.” The popular meditation app Calm has used Bob Ross’s voice in their Sleep Stories series, which is intended to help insomniac users fall asleep. You can watch every episode of his show on YouTube, and if you’re looking for one to get started, here’s a favorite episode.
I left the hospital 6 weeks ago and still have an issue with my stay. I will file a claim with the Texas Medical Board on the doctor who told me my eGFR was 20 which would mean, I’m not far from death. He said I may not make it out of the hospital. The lab and doctor made a rookie mistake by not testing again since it was so low. I was in complete shock and started calling my brother. I was crying so hard he could not understand what I was saying and had to call my husband to find out what was happening.
How would you feel?
If a doctor told you something devastating like you’re dying in a few days?
If the hospital loses your medication list and you don’t get your meds for three days? I went into withdrawal due to not having medication?
If the janitor came in with only a screwdriver, rammed it around, then rinsed it off in your sink?
The list is long so I’ll stop here. Please think about how you would react if faced with these challenges.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts and thanks for reading.
The teen years are a time of change and growth. Hormones, new challenges, and trying to figure out who they are – all these things can make the teen years difficult. Parents will often say that it’s hard for them too! As a parent, you may be wondering how you can show your teenager that you care about them. This post offers four ways to do just that:
You may feel like you spend most of the day helping your teen with homework, projects, sports practices, and more. That’s great! But it can also be easy to forget that they have their own lives – friends at school, drama in relationships, or problems with peers. So take time each night before bedtime to ask how their day went and listen when they talk about it. Don’t interrupt them; let them finish saying everything on their mind without interruption. Then give your input if asked for advice, but always try to end by asking if anything else was bothering them today (even if you think you already know).
Talk with them about their interests
Even if you couldn’t care less about the latest video game they’re playing, talk to them about their interests. Ask questions like “What’s your favorite part of this?” or “How do you think that happened?”, then listen and ask more questions (without interrupting). This will let them know that you are interested in what is important to them and help build communication skills! For example, if they love reading fantasy novels, buy one new book each month to read it without spending their allowance on books. If your teen loves sports or music videos online, sign up to sites like Netflix or watch movies online instead of paying for cable or satellite TV.
Help them get rid of bad habits
Getting drunk or high is not only dangerous for teens but can also lead to destructive behavior. So when you notice anything has changed, you might need to consider getting help from American Addiction Centers. Also, make sure your teen knows it’s essential to be safe around friends who may have been drinking – if they show up at home later smelling like alcohol or smoke, let them know you’re glad they came home safely but make sure to talk about their actions too! Encouraging good habits in your teenager will help keep both of you happy throughout this trying time.
Treats or small gifts from time to time
Everyone loves getting a treat now and then, so it’s essential to show your teenager you care about them with small gifts or treats. But make sure these are things they like – if they don’t want it, after all, give the gift away (to charity). Please put some thought into what might be unique for them, though! For example: If they love candy one month but hate chocolate another, get something else instead of just buying chocolates each time.
It can be challenging to show your teenager that you care about them. This is because the teen years are a time of change and growth – hormones, new challenges, and trying to figure out who they are all making this tumultuous period in life challenging for both teens and their parents!
Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight the blog of Homestead On Lakeside.
lookingforthelight.blog 