Daddy was 52 on 2/22/1992

I’m reposting for Mental Health Awareness Month because I feel it’s important to share. Suicide is a voodoo subject and it is a fragile subject yet we must learn to talk about it, and then do the best we can to learn on the fly. Be patient and don’t judge or tell anyone what to do, instead ask during a casual conversation, not all in a row, or they will put up a wall. Simple questions like “How was your week”, or “Is there anything I can do for you?”. Simple questions that blend naturally during a conversation, a grilling will get you nowhere. 

Melinda 5/21/24

I’m reposting this because May is Mental Health Awareness Month and think it’s important to acknowledge those who have committed suicide or try to understand those who might. As I’ve said many times, you will not change a person’s mind if they are determined to kill themselves but you can hopefully intervene early enough to get them the help they need. I was not able to do that for my father.

Don’t ever give up, no matter how hard you have been pushed away, try another route. Just keep trying.

Melinda 5/29/21

Below is a post written in 2014

My father suffered from Mental Illness his entire life. When he was a teen, the Doctor told Granny he was hyperactive and gave him tranquilizers. I doubt he took one pill.

Estranged since I was thirteen years old, I could not look my abuser in the eye. Daddy started calling when I was 28 years old. He was delusional, talking in sentences that made no sense. I picked up he needed money, and I started paying his bills. He said he was going to kill himself and kept rambling. I could not get through to him. I did not tell anyone in my family either.  He was so far gone, he could not process what I was saying.

On February 22, 1992, my father took his life. I felt overwhelming guilt. Unsure how my Granny would react to me not telling her. It’s a guilt I’ll carry to my grave. At 28 years old it was hard to feel pain and remember the past and having a closed casket funeral made it harder.

In the note, he asked me to handle the arrangements. I did what I’d always done, I stuffed my emotions down, acted strong, and got it done. Many people have a Mental Illness or have a relative who suffers to those who have experienced suicide in the family who suffer in silence. Healing from child abuse is difficult, it can feel impossible when the abuser is a parent. I never told my grandparents about my father sexually abusing me.

Every day is one step in forward motion. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at 19 years old and didn’t seek treatment until I was 28 years old, after his death. I read that children who have a parent or family history of Mental Illness have a 75% chance of committing suicide.

I’ve mostly healed since my father’s death. I forgave him long ago but you never forget. I hope you can take the first step and reach for support. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Melinda