Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic violence not only traumatizes the woman but also their children. My mother married my stepfather when I was seven years old and I watched him beat her to a pulp almost daily until I moved out at 12 years old. She screamed out in pain, begged for her life, and cared for her wounds privately to not set him off again. He was an alcoholic but that is not what made him an abuser, that came from within for reasons no one will know.

I watched him drag her down the hall, beating her head from side to side so she would hit both walls, all the while she was begging and crying for him to stop. What’s crazy is that I hated my mother, she was my abuser but down deep she was my mother and it pained me to watch her be treated that way. She stayed married to him until he was beating her and my brother took out a shotgun and made him leave.

You might ask “Why didn’t she just leave?” There are so many reasons women don’t leave, one is their children. How do you prepare to leave when you are watched like a hawk? How do you squirrel away enough money to live, relocate, move your kids out of school, and pay rent? It’s nearly impossible. One attitude the abuser takes is that they own the woman and they will go to any lengths to keep her. To get her to come back, the most common is the sweet personality change and wooing her back only to beat her more.

At the same time, they are beating a woman, they are also degrading her and some women think they deserve it over time which causes them to stay. Some women stay out of fear and others know they will be hunted down, some will have a child kidnapped or the abuser will call the police claiming she left with the kids and make up a wild story that the police have to check out.

I’ve met many women while blogging who were in violent relationships and saw what they went through to leave, the heartbreak after, and all the horrific acts towards them and each one was so traumatic you ask yourself, “How did they make it?” Each one is a survivor!

It’s important to know that men also have violent relationships. There can be shame involved and that is why many men don’t come forward but they are not forgotten. They are survivors as well and often carry a big burden by not seeking help or telling anyone.

How to Offer Support

1. Get Resources – don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.
2. Supporting Survivors – what to say and how to help
3. Bystander Intervention – real-life examples to help prepare you to take action

Melinda

Reference:

https://www.nomore.org/know-the-facts/