Fibromyalgia Thoughts #8 Giving Myself Grace

It’s been a year since I wrote Fibromyalgia Thoughts #7, I had no idea how well I had been managing. Until today, when I wasn’t managing at all. A wave came over me after breakfast just as I was going outside to water the plants, and the life drained out of me. I had to go back to bed even though I had a good night’s sleep, maybe the best sleep I’ve had in days.

The temperature here has already reached 100 degrees and the humidity is high. We’ve touched on several record-breaking days already and it’s not even July. July and August are usually the hottest months in Texas, but we are having average temps in June. The heat is exhausting.

I go out to water most days by 9:00 am but today I was delayed by an hour since I laid down. Boy, what a difference an hour makes. It’s not that I was feeling so much better but knew that if I could muster the energy it would be much easier to water now than wait or ask my husband for help. He’s always glad to help, but it’s my passion, my flowers, and my sanctuary. I thought if I could just get out there I would somehow feel better. NOT. 

I’ve been battling many symptoms that have progressed over the past year, I don’t know if they are all Fibro since other things are going on with my health. I think telling myself it’s something else has somehow allowed me to keep pushing on.

I see a new Rheumatologist at the end of the month and I hope to have some answers. I’ve been keeping detailed notes of each symptom by body area and tracking the progression. I can only sleep for 2-3 hours at a time before the pain wakes me, I have to roll over and wait for sleep to come again. It’s very tiring.

The other morning the muscles in my legs were so tight I could hardly walk, I lay in bed thinking how am I going to do this. I took my muscle spasm medication and moved to the chair. I realized today that the limp from my hip is more pronounced, that’s from my Brusitis. I am late on my steroid injections and can tell. 

I know this afternoon will include a nap, which I give myself grace. I’ve beat myself up for too many years for not being the best wife or granddaughter or best self. In fact, the best self I can be is to take care of my health, do what I can, be honest about what’s going on, and take the pass when I have to. 

I’ll keep you posted on my Rheumatologist appointment. I work hard to not over-research my symptoms and go in with a layman’s diagnosis. I’ve taken very precise notes and the symptoms will hopefully lead to answers or in the right direction. 

Melinda