I’m happy to see you for another Wordless Wednesday, and I look forward to seeing you again.

Melinda
I’m happy to see you for another Wordless Wednesday, and I look forward to seeing you again.

Melinda
Made from stinging nettle plants, organic nettle tea can help relieve seasonal allergy symptoms with its natural antihistamine. You reap all the benefits of antihistamine symptom relief without having to take conventional medicines. You can drink the daily as a preventative or as needed.
Spirulina is a superfood full of amazing plant nutrients, like iron, calcium, vitamin A and C, and protein. While great for overall health, spiraling may be beneficial during allergy season because it is high in antioxidants and has been shown to protect the body from anything that might compromise the immune system. It is high in chlorophyll and is detoxifying. Other superfoods like Kale, turmeric, mace powder, hemp, and flax are great for reducing inflammation and boosting your immune system.
A probiotic can help boost your gut and immune system health, which plays a big part in seasonal allergies. You can digest probiotics by eating fermented items like sauerkraut, and kombucha, or by taking a supplement. Make sure it is a high-quality probiotic from an organic source.
Apple Cider Vinegar is detoxifying and practically a remedy for everything. Taking as little as 1 tablespoon a day can help you feel and be healthier, which will, in turn, reduce your allergy symptoms. Make sure you purchase unfiltered organic Apple Cider Vinegar.
Essential oils, such as melaleuca, peppermint, lavender, frankincense, lemon, and eucalyptus, help with seasonal allergy relief. I like to fill a roller bottle with a carrier oil and 5-10 drops of each chosen essential oil. I apply this to my nose, on my temples, and behind my ears when I begin to feel swollen or puffy, as well as to the bottom of my feet. You can use these as needed as well as preventative.
All great ideas from one of my favorite bookazines, Williow & Sage by Stampington.
Melinda
Repost
Sending prayers to police officers who fought for country and the vote happened. Each officer faught for their lives and the public during an non-succeesful Government take-over or thier life, many officeries were injured that day.
Melinda
Facts About Blood Needs

The Red Cross provides about 40% of our nation’s blood and blood components, all from generous volunteer donors. But supply can’t always meet demand because only about 3% of age-eligible people donate blood yearly. Each new donor helps us meet patient needs.
Spending too much time thinking about the past is holding you back from planning your future. Daydreaming about the future is very healthy, we use our imagination and we can manifest a brighter future. That’s not to say I never look back, there’s great joy in thinking about my grandparents and looking at old photos all the way back to when I was born.

Thinking about the past all the time can stagnate your growth and could mean you have unresolved anger or trauma. I first experienced trauma shorthly after I was born because my mother abused me. I’ve had other trauma’s like being stalked, sexually assaulted and my father’s suicide, I don’t want to wallow in those memories. Seeing my Therapist for 32 years has helped me resolve my trauma and I don’t look back.
The future is wide open and you have the ability to live your best life.
Melinda
Notice the heading is Mental Wellness, not Mental Health or Mental Illness because they are each separate topics. Good Mental Wellness allows children and adults to live a fullfilling live and is critical for overall health. Put any preconcieved ideas aside and read the post for your health.
Mental Wellness is a term that considers psychological, physical, emotional, and social well-being. Looking at the whole self in this way can help people flourish. Mental Wellness is relevant to all of us, not just those experiencing mental health challenges.
Mental wellness encompasses emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It influences how we think, feel, and act, and is not merely the absence of mental illness. Instead, it represents a proactive approach to maintaining a balanced and fulfilling life. Key components of mental wellness include:

Working on Mental Wellness daily is like taking care of our body only a salad isn’t the answer.
Don’t let your misunderstanding of what Mental Wellness emcompasses stop you from living your best life.
To your health!
Melinda
References:
What would be the greatest gift? WOW, that is a big question however true love and committment are the greatest gifts for me. I’ve been fortunate to have received expensive gifts and small simple gifts and honestly they both made me happy but love can’t be bought.
I’ve been married 23 years and everyday my husband shows me he loves me in little ways that make me feel joy inside. Sometimes, like for Christmas this year he bought me a couple of small Swarovski Crystal trinkets including an ornament for 2025. He is the only person to buy me the trinkets and it’s been at least 15 years since he purchased the last one, it was quite a surprise.

Love is all a we need!
Melinda
Leaning on the hard-earned wisdom of others helps shift your perspective and uplift your spirits, serving as a reminder that resilience is possible even on the toughest days.
May these words serve as a gentle source of inspiration and comfort. If you have a specific quote that helps you through the hard times, we invite you to share it in the comments.
“Love has, at its best, made the inherent sadness of life bearable, and its beauty manifest.” ~ Kay Redfield Jamison (An Unquiet Mind, 1995)
“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
~ Rabindranath Tagore
“In times of pain, when the future is too terrifying to contemplate and the past too painful to remember, I have learned to pay attention to right now. The precise moment I was in was always the only safe place for me.”
~ Nicholas Sparks
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
~ Mary Anne Radmacher
“Of all that is good, sublimity is supreme. Succeeding is the coming together of all that is beautiful. Furtherance is the agreement of all that is just. Perseverance is the foundation of all actions.”
~ Lao Tzu
“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul — and sings the tune without the words — and never stops at all.”
~ Emily Dickinson
“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge; myth is more potent than history; dreams are more powerful than facts; hope always triumphs over experience; laughter is the cure for grief; love is stronger than death.”
~ Robert Fulghum (All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: Uncommon Thoughts on Common Things, 1986)
“Life is like a piano; the white keys represent happiness and the black show sadness. But as you go through life’s journey, remember that the black keys also create music.”
~ Ehssan
“Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.”
~ Alan Cohen (Wisdom of the Heart, 2002)
“It isn’t the language of painters one ought to listen to but the language of nature…. Feeling things themselves, reality, is more important than feeling paintings, at least more productive and life-giving.”
~ Vincent van Gogh (letter to Theo van Gogh, The Hague, on or about Friday, July 21, 1882)
“Hello, sun in my face. Hello, you who made the morning and spread it over the fields… Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness.”
~ Mary Oliver (poem, “Why I Wake Early,” 2004)
“Living well is an art that can be developed: a love of life and ability to take great pleasure from small offerings and assurance that the world owes you nothing and that every gift is exactly that, a gift.”
~ Maya Angelou (Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now)
“Happiness is what greases the wheels of life, what opens the floodgates, raises the sun, aligns the stars, beats your heart, finds true love.”
~ Mike Dooley
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt (You Learn by Living, 1960)
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
~ Joseph Campbell (to Diane K. Osbon, as recorded in Reflections on the Art of Living: A Joseph Campbell Companion)
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
~ Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)
“If you can’t fly, then run; if you can’t run, then walk; if you can’t walk, then crawl; but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.”
~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (“Keep Moving from This Mountain,” speech at Spelman College, April 10, 1960)
“For what it’s worth: It’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. You can change or stay the same; there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it.… I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
~ Eric Roth (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, film, 2008)
Melinda
Reference:
Melinda
Reference:
Thank you for joining me for this week’s Friday Quote.

Melinda
Be prepared to laugh so hard it hurts!
Robin was the brightest star with humor in his blood. He shared his talent with us and we are thankful. His life was cut too short from mental illness.
It’s the weekend!!!!!!
I’m glad you joined me for another edition of Weekend Music Share this week.
Have a great weekend!
Melinda
Welcome back to Weekend Music Share, the place where everyone can share their favorite music.
Feel free to use the Weekend Music Share banner in your post, and use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.
Thank you for joining me on Wordless Wednesday and I look forward to seeing you again soon.

Melinda
Happy New Years Eve!!!!!! We celebrate the end on 2025 and welcome in 2026 with open arms. I haven’t been a party person in over 20 years but sure remember some doozies. If you out and drinking, be sure to have a safe driviner with you, who wants the year to start on very bad note. We celebrate quietly with a table full of finger for and desert and may watch some early New Years Even programs if they are before 9PM. I have a hard core bedtime hour.
Have fun making memories with family, friends reminiscing on the old days and tomorrow you can start thing about what you want to accomplish in 2026. No wish list, wishes down’t come through, make a set of goals and remember to work towards them everyday to manifest them.
See you next year!
Melinda

We have spent 23 years building our finances around living comfortably in retirement and beyond and buying a new house. David retired last April, our house is paid for and we have no debt, just as we planned and saved for.
Yesterday we made an offer on our first house and now David is pulling all the financing together for a mid-February move-in date. I am so in love with the house and have dreamt of living in a one-story without a pool for the longest time.
The seller accepting our offer is just the start. We plan to move into new house, then upgrade our house and sell it. This will be a longer process but I’m screaming inside with excitement.
I’ll give an update if the offer is accepted. We went in with a low offer because it’s been on the market for over a year and no one is living there. The market is down and continuing to go down in our area. Now is the time to buy before the market swings upward.

Melinda :)
Her perspective on life and brutal honesty can help us live our best lives.
Melinda
That’s a great question because I’m not into sports. I watch a tiny bit of football or golf with my husband on occasion but not a fan of any. I do appreciate the great play’s in any sport, that is the excitement of the games.
Of the college & professional football teams, most mascot’s are boring. I would chose an animal like a leopard, koala, or a marine animal and a color combination that works best for the animal. If I had the ability to make the decision, I would teaming up with an appropriate charity or conservation organization with a percentage of money from each game, or concessions to make a difference and educate the public with out having it crammed down their throat.

Melinda
Keep the feedback coming, I sure enjoy your comments each week.
Enjoy!
Melinda
What happens to those dogs that are just too much dog for people to handle? “You know them — you go to your friend’s barbecue, their dog is so happy to see you that she pees on your feet, and she drops a slobbery ball in your lap,” says Megan Parker (TEDxJacksonHole talk: Dogs for Conservation), a wildlife biologist and dog expert based in Bozeman, Montana. “You throw it to get as much distance between you and the dog as possible, but she keeps coming back with the ball. By the 950th throw, you’re thinking, Why don’t they get rid of this dog?” All too often, their owners reach the same conclusion and leave their pet at a shelter.
Thanks to Parker and the team at Working Dogs for Conservation (WD4C), some of these dogs have found a new leash lease on life. They’re using their olfactory abilities and unstoppable drive in a wide variety of earth-friendly ways, working with human handlers to sniff out illegal poachers and smugglers, track endangered species, and spot destructive invasive plants and animals.

Parker first considered using dogs in conservation when she worked on the reintroduction of wolves to Yellowstone Park and was asked how researchers could track wolves through their scat, or droppings. “I started thinking how best to detect their scat off a large landscape, and the idea came up for dogs,” she says. In 2o00, she cofounded WD4C to train and use canines in conservation work. Most of their dogs are adopted from shelters or from organizations or work settings where they didn’t quite fit in.
While it’s fair to say almost all dogs love toys, wildlife-detection dogs areobsessed with them. “They’ll do anything to chase a ball or a tug toy,” says Parker. If their preferred plaything is thrown far into the brush or buried in a massive pile of leaves, no worries — they won’t stop looking until they find it. No food, obstacle or distractions can deter them, and WD4C staff have turned this single-minded focus into a powerful incentive. Their canine friends are rewarded with their favorite toy every time they locate a desired wildlife-related scent, anything from elephant ivory and poachers’ guns in Zambia and trafficked snow leopards in Tajikistan to predatory Rosy wolf snails in Hawaii and invasive Argentine ants on California’s Santa Cruz Islands. The dogs are careful not to disturb or touch any specimens they pinpoint; it’s all about the toy.
Lily, a yellow Lab, is one of the group’s many sad-start-happy-ending stories. When the then-three-year-old came to the attention of WD4C trainers, she’d already bounced her way in and out of five different homes. She couldn’t sit still and she never, ever wanted to stop playing. Oh, and she was a bit of a whiner. Since joining WD4C in 2011, she has been trained to recognize a dozen different conservation-related scents and been deployed to track grizzly bears and sniff out the eggs, beetles and larvae of emerald ash borers, an insect that has killed millions of trees in the US and Canada.

The three-dozen-strong WD4C pack also includes purebred working dogs who weren’t right for their intended occupations. Orbee, a border collie, had the enthusiasm and live-wire energy required of ranch dogs, but there was one problem: he had zero interest in herding sheep. He also barked a lot. Since joining WD4C in 2009, Orbee has had a globe-trotting career — he has spotted invasive quagga and zebra mussels on boats in Alberta and Montana, monitored the habitats of the endangered San Joaquin kit fox in California, and assisted scientists in northern Africa in counting up Cross River gorillas, the world’s rarest gorilla.
Jax is a Belgian malinois, a sturdy breed frequently used by the police and military. He was in training to serve with the US Army’s special unit, the Green Berets, until his handlers realized Jax doesn’t like to bite people — just toys. And, boy, does he loves toys; he’s even tried to climb trees to reach prized objects. Since 2017, Jax’s athleticism and high spirits have been used by the WD4C to perform tasks such as mapping the movements of bobcats in the western US.

“Different dogs have different strong suits,” says Parker. She and the WD4C team try to place their charges in environments that match their skillset, likes and dislikes. Unlike many dogs, Tule (above), a Belgian malinois who flunked out of a job with US Customs and Border Patrol, has absolutely no desire to chase small animals such as cats, squirrels and rabbits. This made her the perfect fit to help researchers monitor black-footed ferrets, which live in the same territory as a large, scampering prairie-dog population. The ferrets, once thought extinct in the US, were reintroduced in Wyoming in recent years. Tule alerts her handlers to the scent of live ferrets or their scat, information that allows state wildlife officials to map their distribution and see if the population is recovering. Without Tule and her pack, researchers would be forced to study the elusive creatures with cameras or live traps, undependable methods at best.
The dogs’ efforts have resulted in positive, substantial changes. The organization teamed up with the nonprofit Wildlife Conservation Society so their dogs could track the scat of four keystone carnivores (grizzly bears, black bears, mountain lions and wolves) through the Centennial Mountains in Idaho and Montana. Five years of doggie data showed that all four species depended on the mountains to move between the Greater Yellowstone ecosystem and central Idaho wilderness areas. Thanks to this information, activists were able to stop construction of a housing development that would have interrupted their migratory pathway.

Some dogs are searching for animals and plants that are most wanted for the opposite reason: they’re invasive species proliferating where they don’t belong and driving out native flora and fauna. There’s the previously mentioned zebra and quagga mussels, which spread by clinging to boats and watercraft, and which clog water and sewage pipes, foul up power plants, and destroy good algae. Tobias (above) is a specialist in finding them. In one test, WD4C dogs identified 100 percent of the boats with mussels aboard (human screeners spotted 75 percent). The dogs did the job more quickly, and they could also detect the mussels’ microscopic larvae.
Former shelter dog Seamus (shown at the top of the post), a border collie, is an expert in searching out dyer’s woad on Mount Sentinel in Montana.Humans have tried to eradicate the invasive weed by spotting its flowers and pulling out plants by hand, but these attempts barely made a dent. By the time it’s found, it’s often already seeded (and a single plant can produce up to 10,000 seeds). Seamus’s keen nose, along with those of three canine colleagues, learned to sniff out woad before it flowered, a time when it’s extremely hard for human eyes to see. They also found root remnants left in the ground. At a recent checkup, just 19 of the invasive plants were found on the mountain. “It will be a complete extermination,” says Parker. “It’s just going to take a long time because we don’t know how long their seeds last in the soil.”
The dogs’ hunting grounds even extend into the water. Although prized in their native habitat, brook trout are an invasive species elsewhere; in some places in the Western US, they are pushing out the native cutthroat trout. WD4C was brought to Montana by the US Fish and Wildlife Service, the US Geological Survey and the Turner Endangered Species Fund to see whether their animals could learn to sniff out live fish in moving water. Reports Parker, “This project confirmed what we long suspected: that dogs can detect and discriminate scents in water.”

Pepin (above), who worked on the brook trout project, is part of an ambitious charge to train the dogs to detect infectious diseases in animals.“He’s done the first of a lot of things for us, because he’s so game,” says Parker. Some wildlife carry brucellosis, a bacterial disease that is particularly harmful to cattle. It’s difficult to tell when animals are first infected because they typically don’t display symptoms, so in areas where the disease is prevalent, ranchers tend to keep livestock and wildlife as far away from each other as possible — severely limiting the territory and movement of both kinds of animals. The hope is that dogs could provide a fast, reliable way to identify infected herds. So far, Pepin has shown he can discriminate infected elk scat with higher and lower concentrations of the bacteria, and W4DC is eager to explore this use of dog power. “We have proof of concept,” says Parker. “I’d like to move that work forward.”
There are so many other unexplored capacities and environments where dogs could help, Parker believes. To that end, WD4C started a program in 2015 called Rescues 2the Rescue, which aims to help shelters around the world identify would-be detection dogs and place them with wildlife and conservation organizations. What kind of dogs are they looking for? Ones that are, uh, crazy.
To clarify that adjective, we’ll close by telling you about Wicket, a black Lab mix who retired from WD4C in 2017 at the top of her game, having detected 32 different wildlife scents in 18 states and seven countries. Wicket languished in a Montana shelter for six months, barking up a storm and scaring away potential owners, until WD4C cofounder Aimee Hurt found her there in 2005. When she went to adopt her, the shelter director said, “You don’t want that dog — that dog’s crazy!” To which Hurt replied, “I think she might be the right kind of crazy.”
It’s the weekend!!!!!!
I’m glad you joined me for another edition of Weekend Music Share this week.
Have a great weekend!
Melinda
Welcome back to Weekend Music Share, the place where everyone can share their favorite music.
Feel free to use the Weekend Music Share banner in your post, and use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.
Thank you for joining me for this week’s Friday Quote.

Melinda
I’ve been a car lover since high school after meeting several guys how had awesome and fast cars. It’s not just fast cars that catch my eye, I’ve been to many types of local cars shows or car club meeting over the years. It’s hard to pick one car when I appreciate so many however being the owner of a 1963 Corvette fully restored would blow my mind.
At every Corvette meeting, I would chat up every owner of a 1963-1967 Corvette, they are the same body style but 1963 is the year I was born. Adding icing to the cake. I also love many old salon type cars, for that matter I enjoy cars old and new.
If you are thinking about buying a Corvette, I suggest you drive one and get in and out many times. The car lays close to the ground and getting in and out can be awkward at times. I bought a white Corvette in my early 30’s not thinking about logistics, like getting in with an umbrella or taking a older client to lunch.
I had to take care of a baby for a half a day, my friend managed to get Cowboy’s tickets on Thanksgiving day. I wrangled the car seat in and headed to my brother’s for our gathering. The baby was a huge surprise from me and the only thing I had to do was change a diaper and found out later it was on backwards. All the women kept passing the baby around that I had little to do, which is great since I know nothing about babies except you feed them and shortly after it’s time for a diaper change.
Go Corvette!
Melinda
Growing up I couldn’t wait to arrive at my Grandparent’s house for Christmas. My Granny would go over the top with food and sweets. We opened our presents on Christmas Day. They usually bought lots of clothes. I still have all of their ornaments, they are frail, and I don’t use them but I have them to look at and bring back old memories.
Today we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the son of God. Please take a minute to think of the reason for the season.
Around 12 years old
Have a blessed Christmas, I hope you have family and friends to celebrate with and enjoy a good meal by starting with thanks to God for sending his only son who died for our sins..Melinda
Melinda
Growing up our family didn’t have any traditions, we just waiting for Santa. If we were celebrating Christams with my Grandparents and the holiday fell during the week, Gramps had to work and we had to wait all day until he came home from work, it felt like forever.
At 27, I decided to make Christmas Eve a celebration as well. Presents were opened in the early evening followed by a table full of hard meats, cheeses, crackers, olives and desert. For me it was an evening to make special memories more centered on relationships, walks down memory lane, expressing joy and love.
On Christmaas we have a full meal focused on the birth of Jesus and how blessed we are.
What are your Christmas Eve traditions? I love to hear all the ways people celebrate.

Melinda
Thanks for joining me on Wordless Wednesday, I appreciate you.


Melinda
Before we move into the new year, I want to thank you for your kindness. I stopped judging my blog’s success by the numbers, engagement is what’s most important to me. You’ve contributed greatly to the success of Looking for the Light and I thought a glace at the numbers would reflect your contribution.
In 2025 to date there have been 35,034 views
686 Post
16.2K Visitors
21.9K Likes
4K Comments
137 countries stopped by to date
39 Referreral Sites

You have brought me enlightenment, support, motivation and inspiration with each of your posts.
Numbers are a form of measurement however that is not how I judge the health of my blog. Engagement in the form of likes and comments are how I judge if my blog is successful.
Each conversation makes me smile, when a new country visits it intrigues me, having long tern followers are special and all of these help me grow.
Here’s to 2026!
Melinda
Let’s shine a black light on it, so you can know where the smell is coming from. You already know that basically everything in the media is there to sell you thinness — the shellacked abs in ads for exercise equipment, the “one weird trick to lose belly fat” clickbait when all you wanted was a weather forecast, and the “flawless” thin women who fill most TV shows. The Bikini Industrial Complex, or BIC, has successfully created a culture of immense pressure to conform to an ideal that is literally unobtainable by almost everyone and yet is framed not just as the most beautiful, but the healthiest and most virtuous.
But it’s not just magazine covers, ads and other fictions that get it wrong. The body mass index (BMI) chart and its labels — underweight, overweight, obese, etc. — were created by a panel of nine individuals, seven of whom were “employed by weight-loss clinics and thus have an economic interest in encouraging use of their facilities,” as researchers Paul Ernsberger and Richard J Koletsky put it.
You’ve been lied to about the relationship between weight and health so that you’ll perpetually try to change your weight.
But listen: It can be healthier to be 70 or more pounds over your medically defined “healthy weight” than just five pounds under it. A 2016 meta-analysis in The Lancet medical journal examined 189 studies, encompassing nearly four million people who never smoked and had no diagnosed medical issues. It found that people labeled “obese” by the CDC have lower health risk than those the CDC categorized as “underweight.” The study also found that being “overweight” according to the CDC is lower risk than being at the low end of the “healthy” range as defined by the US federal government and the World Health Organization.
Another meta-analysis even found that people in the BMI category labeled “overweight” may live longer than people in any other category, and the highest predictable mortality rate might be among those labeled “underweight.” Taking it further, newer research is suggesting that doctors warn their middle-aged and older patients against losing weight, because the increasingly well-established dangers of fluctuations in weight outweigh any risk associated with a high but stable weight.
Our culture has primed us to judge fat people as lazy and selfish. And it goes deep. Amelia conducts a children’s choir, and she has to teach her kids to breathe. At ten, eight, even six years old, they already believe that their bellies are supposed to be flat and hard, so they hold their stomachs in. You can’t breathe deeply, all the way, without relaxing your abdomen, and you can’t sing if you can’t breathe. So Amelia has to teach children to breathe.
Please: Relax your belly. It’s supposed to be round. The BIC has been gaslighting you.
We’re not saying the people or companies that constitute the BIC are out to get you. Frankly, we don’t think they’re smart enough to have created this system on purpose. But they recognize there’s money to be made by establishing and enforcing impossible standards.
We all encounter the BIC every day. So how can we make it through the fray?
One strategy: Play the “new hotness” game.
When we reconstruct our own standard of beauty with a definition that comes from our own hearts and includes our bodies as they are right now, we can turn toward our bodies with kindness and compassion. Well, easier said than done.
Amelia is vain about pictures of her conducting, in which she inevitably has her mouth wide open and her hair is a sweaty wreck. Emily watches herself on TV and worries that her chin is too pointy because one time, somebody said it was. (We are identical twins.)
Neither of us has ever had the skinny proportions of a model, and we watched our mom — who was model-thin before she gestated two seven-pound babies at the same time — look at her reflection in mirrors and cry at what she saw there. What she saw there is very much like what we see in our own reflections now.
Which is why we play the “New Hotness” game, a way to let go of body self-criticism and shift to self-kindness. One day, Amelia was at a fancy boutique, trying on gowns for a performance. Attire for women conductors is hard to find: solid black with long sleeves, formal yet not frumpy is an unlikely combination. Finding all of this in her size is even more difficult.
She tried on a dress that looked so amazingly good she texted Emily a dress selfie, with a caption paraphrasing Will Smith in Men in Black II: i am the new hotness.
And now “new hotness” is our texting shorthand for looking fabulous without reference to the socially constructed ideal. We recommend it. It’s fun.
Maybe you don’t look like you used to, or like you used to imagine you should, but how you look today is the new hotness. Even better than the old hotness.
Saggy belly skin from that baby you birthed? New hotness.
Gained 20 pounds while finishing school? New hotness.
Skin gets new wrinkles because you lived another year? New hotness.
Hair longer or shorter, or a different color or style? New hotness.
Mastectomy following breast cancer? New hotness.
Amputation following combat injury? New hotness.
The point is, you define and redefine your body’s worth, on your own terms. It’s not necessary to turn toward your body with love and affection — love and affection are frosting on the cake of body acceptance, and if they work for you, go for it. But all your body requires of you is that you turn toward it with kindness and compassion, again and again, without judging all your contradictory emotions, beliefs and longings.
No doubt after you finish reading this, you will go out into the world and notice the diversity of bodies around you. And you will still have reflexive thoughts about the people who don’t conform to the aspirational ideal, envious thoughts about the people who do, or self-critical thoughts about the ways the world tells you that you fall short. And then you might even have emotional reactions to your emotional reactions: “Darn it, I shouldn’t think that!”
Change happens gradually. Your brain has been soaking in the BIC for decades; any time you step outside your door, you’re back in it; any time you turn on a TV, you’re back in it; and any time you put clothes on, you’re back in it. Just notice it, as you’d notice a fleck of dust floating through the air. Smile kindly at the mess. And know what’s true: Everyone is the new hotness. You are the new hotness. So is she. So are they. So are we.
Excerpted from Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. Copyright © 2019 by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. Used by permission of Ballantine, an imprint of Random House Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Melinda
Melinda
The post talks about how positive thinking and affermations help with Bipolar Disorder, the truth is everyone can benefilt from the post. What we think and say is what our brain believes.
Words — whether spoken or thought — carry incredible weight. They are capable of healing or harming. The unkind phrases people tell themselves so often can easily turn into beliefs, shaping an unfair and cruel view of who they are.
If words hold so much sway, why, then, can’t they be used for good?
What if your words and what you tell yourself hold the key to a better life? Imagine if, instead of riding along with the usual negative stream of consciousness, you said aloud: “I am worthy.” “I have the strength to overcome any challenge.” “I have come this far — I am capable.”
Appropriately termed “affirmations” or “self-talk,” these are positive statements that can help you confront and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts and beliefs. When you repeat them often and believe in them, you can start making positive changes and rewriting your story.
Most people spend much of their waking time talking to themselves, although they might not always be aware of it. And that internal chatter is much more influential than many realize. Mood is created by the balance of chemicals in the brain — neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and so on.
Yet even your thoughts or self-talk can alter your brain’s chemical reactions, shaping emotions and behaviors. What you say to yourself has real-world consequences.
“What you tell yourself is how you are programming your internal navigation system,” says Jill Sylvester, LMHC, MEd, who has a private practice in Hanover, Massachusetts, and is the author of Trust Your Intuition: 100 Ways to Transform Anxiety and Depression for Stronger Mental Health.
In this way, a person’s inner speech functions much like an internal compass or brain-based GPS. The tone of this self-talk influences our feelings, judgments, self-esteem, and actions — guiding them to move forward, change course, or settle into the status quo.

Sylvester’s metaphor is fitting and raises an important question: If someone isn’t paying attention to their self-talk, who is at the wheel? And where, exactly, are they going?
Repeated often enough, this silent self-address ultimately establishes a person’s default or foundational beliefs about themselves, those around them, and the world in general. So, in a sense, engaging in mindless self-talk is a lot like living on autopilot.
Even so, anyone can take back the controls. That voice in your head, after all, is your own.
The notion of thinking good thoughts is at the center of much psychotherapy, in fact. Reframing your negative thoughts is a powerful way to heal from past trauma. Furthermore, thinking positively to make yourself feel better is not self-deception, says Gregory L. Jantz, PhD, founder of the Center: A Place of Hope, one of the leading facilities for the treatment of depression.
In his book Moving Beyond Depression, Dr. Jantz writes that positive self-talk is “not mentally looking at circumstances with eyes that see only what you want to see. Rather, positive self-talk is about recognizing the truth in situations and in yourself…. [It] allows you to discover the obscured optimism, hope, and joy in any given situation.”
Lorenzo L. of New York City knows this firsthand. In his youth, Lorenzo struggled with “massive mood swings” that much later would be recognized as symptoms of bipolar disorder. Showing wisdom beyond his years, Lorenzo lifted himself out of depressive states by slowing his breathing and using positive affirmations.
With regular meditation, Lorenzo has learned to quickly identify his state of mind. Once he is fully aware of his current mood, he directs his self-talk accordingly: “When I’m coming down from mania or hypomania,” he says, his mantra is, “‘Don’t doubt yourself today. It’s okay that you don’t feel as joyful or productive today.’”
“When I’m cycling up to mania or hypomania,” he continues, “I say, ‘Try not to get too carried away. Use all of this extra energy for productive and healthy activities.’”
And when he is feeling balanced, he uses positive, encouraging inner speech to continue his sense of stability: “I can sustain this mood for more than this moment or day.”
“Self-affirmations,” Sylvester explains, “are positive statements that put a person in the driver’s seat of their life and create a path from which to grow.”
And grown he has. Working full-time and studying to become a certified public accountant, the 37-year-old Lorenzo credits his healthy mindset to meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). With the help of his psychologist, he has solidified his initial forays into mindfulness and self-affirmation into a practical, tried-and-true strategy that improves his mood and alleviates his symptoms.
When the terrain is rocky and you’re struggling to stick to your wellness plan, positive self-talk can help you persevere by encouraging you to become proactive instead of reactive. In fact, you can harness your inner monologue to promote what psychologists call “self-regulation” — your ability to exert conscious control over emotional and physical responses to external situations.
You can strengthen your self-regulation by consciously distancing your thoughts from your experiences. One way to do this is to switch your self-talk from first person (“I,” “me,” “my”) to third person — using your own name instead.
An older randomized controlled trial found that doing so during times of stress fosters a sense of perspective, with net benefits including decreased anxiety, improved performance, and faster, more complete emotional recovery.
So, if you’re feeling anxious about an upcoming event or want to gain a bit of emotional separation from an experience to change your response, consider replacing “I” with your name when speaking or thinking your affirmations.
In times of overwhelm, it can be helpful to remind yourself who you are and what defines you as an individual. From there, you can make better decisions.
When Cheryl W. M. faces negative thoughts, she tells herself, “I don’t sweat the small stuff.”
By linking her desired mindset to her self-image in this way, she makes it easier to follow through with her goal of not letting minor inconveniences or difficulties become roadblocks.
Cheryl explains that her affirmation “helps to keep me centered and positive.”
Science supports Cheryl’s experience. In one study, participants with high levels of chronic stress showed reduced problem-solving ability. However, those who engaged in a brief self-affirmation activity performed significantly better on challenging tasks than those who didn’t.
This suggests that self-affirmations can protect against the negative effects of stress, such as impaired creativity and problem-solving.
Confirming the importance of linking affirmations to your identity, Sylvester says that empowering affirmations work best when they begin with “I am,” such as “I am true to myself,” “I am capable,” or “I am smart.” Set in the present tense, they “affirm that things are happening in the present, versus in the future.”
This is when first-person self-talk can prove beneficial, eliminating the emotional distance between your identity and what you want to affirm.
Kim S., understands the power of using self-talk in this way. Every time she looks in the bathroom mirror, she tells herself that she loves herself; then she says, “I am surrounded by love. I am strong today. I can make it right now, just for right now.”
In addition to using “I am” statements that focus on the current moment, Kim, who’s in her early sixties, also imagines being surrounded by white, healing light and beautiful hearts. “And if I have to,” she continues, “I repeat this five times per day.”
When you’re dealing with bipolar depression, it might feel inauthentic or untrue to say to yourself, “I am happy” or “I am capable.” Depression feels heavy and can often rob you of the belief that you can get out of bed, continue with your routines, and return to happiness. At these times, it’s essential to remember that your brain is mistaken.
Clinical psychologist and author of Overcoming the Destructive Inner Voice, Robert W. Firestone, PhD, identifies the “critical inner voice” — the stream of negative, self-defeating, and highly critical self-talk — as the “enemy within.” He writes that this enemy can be overcome only by recognizing it and actively working against it.
By distancing yourself from the “enemy within” and aligning with your true identity through positive, emotionally charged affirmations, you can move toward a more balanced and uplifting state of mind.
That sense of control can feel especially empowering when your mood seems to dictate your days.
Because internal self-talk influences both beliefs and behavior, cultivating awareness of that inner voice enables more intentional, affirming thought patterns.
Lorenzo says, “I know it’s difficult. If you’re struggling, there are ways to adapt your lifestyle and cope with difficult emotions. Such as, for me, affirmations and positive self-talk.”
“It’s a journey,” he says, “for sure.”
There are many ways to increase your sense of personal power and inject some positivity and affirmations into your daily routine. Here are a few to get you started.
Our mental health stays balanced from many forms of help and we need to look at all angles.
Melinda
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