People who are chronically ill or disabled have little challenges they may not talk about because these are little in comparison to the top challenges.

After leaving the hospital last month, I realized that many small challenges add to the stress I already juggle.

Here’s an example of mine

Not being able to open most lids due to lack of strength, and then spending 30 minutes to screw the lid back on. Sometimes they sit overnight without a lid off, other nights I continue to try for dexterity and concentration.

I tried to take care of myself without going to the doctor. At that time, I wore adult underwear for the first time. My husband doesn’t know how to shop in this category. What good is adult underwear when the crotch hangs low and they gap all the way around the legs which caused many accidents that were quite embarrassing. At the hospital, I was given a mesh boy short underwear that hardly covered anything and I had to add a pad for security.

I have to sit on the toilet to put on socks, jeans, and shoes or I’ll lose my balance getting dressed and standing up.

After the big fall in the shower gave me a concussion, my walking is different. I will walk straight and then my feet move three or four times to one side. I trip over my own feet and when I’m standing close to a wall, my body is like a magnet and I fall into the wall.

The very frustrating one is getting off the toilet and rolling then falling on the floor.

I’m also growing older and my hands do not have much strength. Which I deal with every day. I get tired of asking my husband to open something, it makes me feel even older.

I’m more prepared for the next time.

What’s going on with you right now?

Melinda

IDEAS.TED.COM

Jan 11, 2022 / Ingrid Fetell Lee

This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

I don’t meditate.

It’s a simple fact that often feels like a confession. After all, meditation is hailed as an almost magical cure in self-help circles, and the list of benefits it offers is undeniably impressive. Meditation promotes calm and compassion, decreases stress, and improves attention and concentration. Avid meditators won’t hesitate to point out, breathlessly, that it can actually change your brain. It is one of the most studied non-pharmacologic mental health interventions in the world, and most of the data is overwhelmingly positive.

So why don’t I do it?

At its best, meditation felt like I was floating in the ocean. But I noticed this only seemed to happen when I was already calm. When I was anxious, meditation actually increased my agitation.

It’s not that I’ve never tried. I used the apps and the timers. I tried body scan meditations and mindfulness meditations. I tried sitting, which made me uncomfortable, and then lying down, which made me fall asleep. I focused on my breath (until I began to hyperventilate), and I also imagined my thoughts floating away in little clouds (there were a lot of clouds).

And to be fair, I went through a period of a couple of months when I had some success with it. At its best, it felt like I was floating in the ocean, bobbing on waves of pure consciousness. But I noticed this only seemed to happen when I was already calm. 

When I was anxious, meditation actually increased my agitation. I felt a profound sense of dissonance, my mind bubbling like it was coming to a boil, trapped inside a body that was desperately trying to hold still. At the end of each effort, I felt drained from the failure and worn out by the attempt. Despite the assurances of meditation evangelists that I just needed to stick with it and that feeling like I was failing was part of the process, I suspected that maybe meditation wasn’t for me.

I gained a new perspective when one day I shared with my therapist that meditation has been such a struggle for me.

“Oh, I definitely wouldn’t recommend meditation for someone with your profile,” she said matter-of-factly.

In fact, a 2017 study found that a significant proportion of meditators have experienced fear, pain, dizziness, paranoia, dysphoria and other “challenging” effects.

I was surprised, and strangely relieved. I’d become so used to people extolling the virtues of meditation that I had assumed it was universally beneficial. It never occurred to me that a therapist might not recommend it, or even advise against it. When I asked why, she explained that for some people with histories of unprocessed trauma and physical dissociation, meditation can do exactly what I’d experienced — increase anxiety, prompt flashbacks or trigger other physical symptoms. 

In fact, a 2017 study of meditation experiences found that a significant proportion of meditators have experienced fear, pain, dizziness, paranoia, dysphoria and other “challenging” effects. Researchers believe these effects are often under-reported, because studies aiming to understand the benefits of meditation don’t ask about adverse effects. As a non-pharmacologic intervention, meditation is assumed to be harmless.

The moral of this story isn’t “don’t meditate” but rather, that meditation is like many things — great for some people, but not necessarily for everyone.

If it works for you, wonderful! No need to read any further. 

But if like me you’ve struggled with traditional forms of meditation, yet still crave a way to settle your mind and ease your anxiety, happily, there are other approaches that can create a similar kind of mental expansiveness to that offered by meditation. These techniques don’t have nearly the same fervor or body of research backing them, but they are valuable alternatives, especially for those of us who find meditation unbearable rather than unburdening.

Rather than feeling like I need to sit with uncomfortable feelings or ideas, visualization allows me to transform them creatively and work with them in a generative, dynamic way. 

Here they are:

1. Visualization 

I’d always thought of visualization as a kind of new age-y cousin to manifesting, but it was actually in therapy where I began to use this technique. During our early sessions, my therapist sometimes asked me to envision a place where I felt safe and calm, describing it out loud as I envisioned it in my mind. 

I began to create a garden in my mind, a place I could go when I felt overwhelmed or stressed, or when I struggled to sleep. When anxious, I often come back to this place, adding detail in one corner or another. Some elements are constant, while others change. I always enter the same way, for example, but once inside, I might see different flowers or trees, or I might look around a corner and “find” a new area previously unexplored.

Another time, I was struggling with the noise of constant construction in my building. I was working on my book Joyful at home, and I never knew when the grinding noise would start up, spiking my anxiety and making it impossible to focus. 

My therapist asked me to envision something noisy yet innocuous, and for some reason, elephants came to mind. I imagined a crew of elephants in yellow hard hats bumbling around with tools and jackhammers. Whenever the noise fired up and I felt that pit in my stomach, I pictured the elephants and my tension eased. Of course, it didn’t erase the noise, but it helped me find calm amid a situation where I couldn’t gain control.

I find that visualization gives me the same kind of distance and space that many people find in meditation, but it also engages my imagination in the process. Rather than feeling like I need to sit with uncomfortable feelings or ideas, it allows me to transform them creatively — not to avoid them but to work with them in a generative, dynamic way. I haven’t found great research on the use of visualization as a meditation alternative, but there are anecdotal accountsof nurses using visualization with patients, particularly children, as a method of relieving pain.

2. Coloring 

Adult coloring books had a real heyday in the mid-to-late 2010s, as people sought a creative yet low pressure form of stress relief.

As it turns out, certain types of coloring may help reduce anxiety. In particular, research shows that coloring a complex abstract design such as a mandala or a plaid pattern can reduce anxiety in a meaningful way. Structured patterns like this have strong symmetry that taps into the harmony aesthetic, which promotes calm through symmetry and balance, quieting the visual noise of our surroundings so we can focus more deeply on what we care about. Tied to this, subsequent studies have shown that coloring not only decreases anxiety, but also increases mindfulness and may also improve attention and creativity.

The physicality of coloring may also be helpful to those of us who tend to dissociate from our bodies. The engagement of the hands and the senses can keep us from feeling like we’re swimming in our thoughts.

In one study, a group drumming initiative resulted in significant reductions in anxiety and depression, along with an increase in overall mental well-being.

3. Drumming

OK, parents of a child who recently acquired a drum set might not see this activity as calming, but research shows that the rhythmic quality of drumming can be a powerful aid for mental health. In one study, a group drumming initiative resulted in significant reductions in anxiety and depression, along with an increase in overall mental well-being. Drumming also correlated with a decrease in inflammatory markers in the bodies of the participants.

Why does drumming promote calm?

One reason may be the repetition of the sounds and movements (again, a manifestation of the harmony aesthetic). Percussion is considered one of the oldest forms of music-making (perhaps after singing) and may have originated as a way to promote coordination of work among groups of early humans. 

Drumming is a grounding activity that lets us blow off steam in a safe and non-aggressive way. Notably, drumming is one activity that has typically been studied as a group intervention rather than an individual practice. It’s possible that solo drumming also has benefits, but current research on drumming tends to focus on the physical experience of rhythm, synchrony and belonging as the key drivers of mental well-being.

4. Cloud gazing 

For those who benefit from having something outside of themselves to focus on, cloud gazing can be an appealing alternative to meditation. Cloud gazing draws us outside, which has documented mental health benefits, while amorphous, softly shifting clouds give the attention something calming to focus on. 

Looking upward may also help, as this increases the amount of light that enters the eye, which itself has distinct benefits for mental well-being.

Little research has been done on cloud gazing (sadly!), however one studypoints to the benefits of sky views as restorative, and accessible. While green nature views have been widely shown to help reduce stress, sky views are beneficial because they can be accessed even in dense urban areas.

While it might sound far-fetched, a whole community of internet users have found peace and joy in vintage videos of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting.

5. Morning pages

Morning pages are a creative tool devised by the writer Julia Cameron in her celebrated book The Artist’s Way. To do them, you simply write three long-hand pages first thing in the morning, writing without stopping and allowing whatever thoughts arise to go onto the page. 

For writers, morning pages are a way of breaking through the pressure of the blank page and opening a line of dialogue with your creative brain. No one has to read them. In fact, you can place them directly into the trash when you’re done if you choose.

Though morning pages are billed as a creativity tool, for me they function as a mental health tool. I discovered the technique while working on the later chapters of my book and found it far more effective than meditation at calming my anxiety around my work. Knowing I had the open space of morning pages as a buffer before sitting down to work on my book alleviated so much pressure that I began sleeping better and enjoying my free time more. I regularly return to the practice if not every day, then several times a week at least.

6. Walking 

Walking meditation is a form of meditation in its own right, but even if you don’t have a formal walking meditation practice, some form of mindful movement can be calming. Walking is easy and accessible to most people, and for those who feel stuck when attempting a seated meditation, it can help by engaging the body as well as the mind in the act of quiet reflection.

Benefits of mindful walking include stress reduction and improved cognition among older adults, in addition to the many mental health benefits of increased physical activity that it provides.

7. Watching Bob Ross painting videos 

And if you’re still struggling to find a way to calm your mind, maybe it’s time to turn to a soothing voice and his “happy little trees.” While it might sound far-fetched, a whole community of internet users have found peace and joy in vintage videos of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting.

Some researchers believe that Ross’s soft baritone and the swishy sounds of his brush against the canvas trigger ASMR reactions, also known as “brain tingles.” The popular meditation app Calm has used Bob Ross’s voice in their Sleep Stories series, which is intended to help insomniac users fall asleep. You can watch every episode of his show on YouTube, and if you’re looking for one to get started, here’s a favorite episode.

This post was first published on Ingrid Fetell Lee’s site, The Aesthetics of Joy.

Watch her TED Talk now: 

https://embed.ted.com/talks/ingrid_fetell_lee_where_joy_hides_and_how_to_find_it

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ingrid Fetell Lee is the founder of the blog The Aesthetics of Joy and was formerly design director at the global innovation firm IDEO. 

Melinda

Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight the blog of Homestead On Lakeside.    

Homestead on Lakeside

Welcome to Homestead on Lakeside. I love sharing how our family lives a homemade and budget friendly lifestyle through recipes from scratch, sourdough, and homeschool ideas.

Be sure to check her out, the recipes look delicious. 

Melinda

Looking for the Light

http://mindstrengthorg.in/shedding-toxic-shame-together/

Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series. I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight the blog of Ms. C. Loves.    

Ms. C. Loves

In my world, where my life is ever so happening yet my memory is ever so fleeting, I have decided to dedicate some time weekly to preserve those precious moments for my future wrinkly self.

So here, I present to you: my valiant attempt to document all the big and small things in life that capture my heart (cheesy, I know!)—enjoy!

You have to stop by often to see what new is going on. 

Melinda

Looking for the Light

 

In this fast-paced social media world, it can be difficult to find the time to look within or back in time. I hope you find these quotes and questions interesting. So glad you stopped by today!

Continue reading “Deep Thoughts” →

Psychology Today

Posted Jan 08, 2021 

When life knocks you down, drains you of energy, and weakens your resolve, the last thing on your mind is gratitude. It’s hardly surprising; after all, gratitude is an emotional response of appreciation for what we have. When we feel depleted it can feel impossible to draw from an empty reservoir.

And yet, developing gratitude during hard times is precisely what fills the void. What’s more, gratitude is the key to preventing emotional and physical breakdowns during times of stress.  

The difficult circumstances we find ourselves in are not the only challenge to practicing gratitude. While it’s certainly true that gratitude can be an automatic emotional response to many of our life events, it rarely is. Rather, what’s more true is that gratitude is an internal perspective—a lens we view the world through—and one that we in fact control. The struggle to find gratitude comes from expecting life to be a certain way (and being disappointed and angry when it is not).

Evaluate Your Perspective

Maybe you have not thought about this before—what do you expect life to be like? Take the year 2020, for example—were you expecting a global pandemic? Probably not!

But really, when have we ever known what is going to happen? Over this past year, many good people developed cancer; many kind souls lost a loved one to a drunk driver; many hopeful new parents had a child born with birth defects. They weren’t expecting these life-changing events to occur, but nevertheless, they did. When our perspective of life is limited by the belief that life “should” be a certain way, we will find gratitude difficult to express.

Gratitude is only possible when we realize that all that we have is a gift.

Having worked and traveled in many countries around the world, here is my impression about differing cultures—the more we have, the less we express gratitude for it. In other words, excess leads to a feeling of entitlement. However, the opposite is true for those who live in extreme poverty: people who live in the poorest countries in the world tend to express tremendous appreciation for what they have. Moreover, they are not dissatisfied, anxiously waiting for the next good thing to come their way.

Life as a Gift

There is nothing like sharing a simple meal of bread and tea in the home of a person of modest means; indeed, the experience is humbling. Instead of a sense of anger, bitterness, or irritation for what they lack, they express gratitude for the things they do have—the ability to walk and breathe, to survive; they take note of the beautiful sky at night and the richness that friends and family provide them. Even in their poverty they willingly give away what they have to others in need.

Here’s a simple exercise to try. The next time you are stuck in traffic, frustrated that you “should” be arriving at your destination on time, try to change your focus and see what it does for your mood. A simple yet startlingly effective way to do this? Follow your senses: feel the warmth of the sun coming through the window (or perhaps your car’s heater); smell the cup of coffee sitting at arm’s reach in your cup holder; take a sip, perhaps marveling at the insulated mug that keeps it warm long past the pot; listen to a favorite song on the radio; look at your fellow travelers and allow curiosity to fill in the blanks of where they all might be headed to. Like you, they are people with hopes, dreams, and disappointment. Taking a break from focusing on your current stress will allow a brief reprieve by shifting your perspective to these small gifts in life, (and maybe even seeing all of life as the gift that it is).

The Benefits of Gratitude

When we get a hold of the idea that everything we have is a gift—and we express appreciation for the gift of life itself—we shift our perspective away from what we don’t have to what we do have. In appreciating what we have, we invite important changes to take place in our brain and body. Indeed, expressing gratitude on a daily basis provides many benefits—here are five that might surprise you.

1. Reduction in physical and mental symptoms of distress. Based on a study of 200 chronic pain sufferers, those who expressed gratitude for the good things in their lives reported less depression, anxiety, fatigue, inflammation, and insomnia.
2. Creation of positive changes in your brain. When we feel—and express—gratitude, we can increase the volume of gray matter in the right inferior temporal gyrus of the brain; this helps us to regulate our emotions more effectively. It also enhances dopamine and serotonin and changes the hormones that regulate fear and anxiety.  
3. Enhanced connection with others. When we express gratitude to others, we not only realize their importance to us, but we build stronger connections and feel more supported by those around us. And social support is a well-documented key factor in developing resilience in hard times.
4. When we keep a daily journal of our blessings, we are likely to experience less pain and be more willing to engage in physical activities that help us move toward health and away from dysfunction.
5. Regulation of stress. Gratitude helps us regulate the stress hormone cortisol. Keeping our cortisol levels in check in turn improves our cardiac function when we are under stress and increases our ability to stay balanced.  

Plant the Seeds of Gratitude

Think of gratitude as a garden you plant. When you start incorporating gratitude practices into your activities of daily living, at first you won’t see any immediate change in your outlook on life. Lasting improvements in your emotional and physical health take time, but they will come if you are diligent. In fact, setting the intention to “plant a gratitude garden” in and of itself speaks to your capacity for hope and a more fulfilled life.  And when the fruits of gratitude do show up?  It will have been well worth the effort.

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About the Author

Evan Parks, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist at Mary Free Bed Rehabilitation Hospital and an adjunct assistant professor at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine. He is the host of the Pain Rehab podcast. Online:Chronic Pain Rehabilitaiton book, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn

In this fast-paced social media world, it can be difficult to find the time to look within or back in time. I hope you find these quotes and questions interesting. So glad you stopped by today!

Continue reading “Deep Thoughts” →

Here are a few products I’m loving with right now. I hope you find a product to add to your household or self-care routine. The list may also give you ideas for a surprise for friends, family, or co-workers. All products were found on Amazon.

 

Duerer Arthritis Compression Gloves

 

It was the first time I’ve found gloves that do not have too much elastic around the wrist. Mine were always too tight. These gloves are so soft and easy to put on. No elastic issues anywhere, I’m buying another one for downstairs.

Amazon Prime

I buy most of our products from Amazon even our groceries from there. The two-day delivery time is amazing. They even offer free shipping, actually most of the time. Last year, we started watching the series they offer. We have several that we hope they will come back. We’ve only had a few duds.

They now have a pharmacy, I haven’t tried the pharmacy but I know Amazon will deliver everything they commit to. When I can order our groceries and have them delivered the same day. 

XL Medicine Caddy

I love that they had only two places and it is so easy to open and my knuckles love it. The arthritis in my hands is worse as I age so I had to make adjustments. It’s multi-colored but you can see through to your medication

Paparage Lined Notebooks

They look like Moleskin’s, even with the back pocket. They have a large selection of sizes and I bought the 252-page journal, which is 5.7 inches by 8 inches. This larger size is for my ancestry work.

What products have you added to your life that you love?

Melinda