Category: Communicating

Communicating · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Survivor · Trauma

How Does Domestic Violence Turn To Murder/Suicide?

Looking for the Light30 Comments

 

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Last week a murder-suicide happened in the neighborhood, the house behind us. I was very ill and on pain meds, my husband shielded me from conversations with the Police and the family. I felt the pain of my father’s suicide but quickly focused on the kids in our house.  

The father had been released from jail for domestic violence, but he first stopped to buy a gun, then went home, killing his wife and himself in front of the kids.

My husband came upstairs saying two kids were downstairs, they thought the father killed their mother. I went down to get them something to drink and speak to them, nothing heavy, a half hug. The kids were 8,10,17 years old. My heart was breaking for them and their future pain. I offered some snacks and went back upstairs. By now there are 4 to 6 Police officers in the house. One said the  17-year-old ran out of the house when he heard the shot, and police were surrounding the house. The police knocked on the family’s door and he shot himself as they entered the house.

Both parents are dead. How do tell three kids their parents are dead. Your father killed your mother and then himself. Several officers were fighting back tears. I lost my breath thinking of the kid’s future. The girl called family members, and they were on the way to our house.

Once the family arrived, a few facts came out. The parents had been separated for some time. He was in jail for Domestic Violence. His mother bailed him out and he went straight home. She was helping a son she loved, chances are violence never crossed her mind.

The Police took the kids and family to the Children’s Advocacy Center. The center will start therapy and offer help from trained professionals.

After 11:00 a.m. two guys looking professional were talking to a neighbor. I went over to see if I could help. I didn’t know they were reporters. I shared how little I know. They wanted to do an interview, right or wrong I did. I could only say over and over, that my heart breaks for the three kids, they don’t understand, they’re in shock and they have no parents.

I ask God to carry the three kids in his hands, to help them through the shock, and to cradle them when they need you most. The traumatized kids will need help coping with the unbearable pain and need help working through trauma which can take years.

Xx  M

Repost from 2016.

Children · Communicating · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Mental Health

Researchers: Parents can help their children to face anxiety

Looking for the Light4 Comments

KSAT.COM

Jared Hoehing, Producer Published: 

Behavioral science expert gives some ways to help your child beat separation anxiety

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

NEW HAVEN, Conn. – According to the National Institutes of Health, the numbers of kids and adolescents struggling with anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions have been steadily on the rise. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, which teaches the child coping skills, and medication may help. But for some kids and their families, there is little relief. Now, researchers are studying a new method that helps parents help their children.

Bedtime for some families can become a struggle. But when the goodnight routine for Nicole Murphy’s son began to stretch for up to three hours, she knew she needed help with his separation anxiety.

“His little mind was always racing nonstop. So, it was kind of hard for him to shut that off, I think,” Nicole explained.

Eli Lebowitz, Ph.D., Psychologist, Yale School of Medicine Child Study Center, and his colleagues, developed a method of training parents to support anxious children. It’s called SPACE, or supportive parenting for anxious childhood emotions. Parents go through training to help their child face anxiety. Lebowitz says the first step is to show support and not downplay what their child is feeling.

“I get it. This is really hard, but I know you can handle it,” shared Dr. Lebowitz.

Lebowitz said parents also learn to help their children by not accommodating them. For example, a parent who would limit visitors for a child who gets anxious around strangers, or speaks for a child who gets nervous speaking, learns not to take those steps. In a study of 124 kids and their parents, the Yale researchers examined whether SPACE intervention was effective in treating children’s anxiety.

“Even though the children never met directly with the therapist and all the work was done through the parents, we found that SPACE was just as effective as CBT in treating childhood anxiety disorders,” stated Dr. Lebowitz.

The Murphy’s used the techniques learned through SPACE to coach their son through bedtime. Within a few weeks, he was falling asleep in 30 minutes.

“For us, it was like life-changing, honestly,” smiled Nicolle.

Melinda