Celebrate Life · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How To Set Boundaries With Children

Setting boundaries is no more than communicating what you expect from the other person. All people need boundaries in their life. Some boundaries are harder to set than others say like the Internet and Cell Phones, boundries have to start young.

The difficulty with setting boundaries gets harder when your children are adults however if you’ve set clear boundaries growing up it isn’t a problem, maybe a conversation or to reclarify.

As a teen I was raised by my grandparents so I skipped a generation, meaning my grandparents were from deep poverty and the war generation. I went to live with them at 14 years old as a troubled teen. Boundaries were clearly needed.

Boundries My Grandparents Set

No phone calls after 9PM

In bed by 10PM

No leaving the house after 9PM

Curfew was midnight sharp!

Doors to the room were left open unless needed for privacy

Could only drive the car to take Granny shopping, run family errands, to school and back, basketball, special school dances, to write for school or local newspaper.

Once I started working I had to pay Gramps $8 a week for gas and the extra $50 a year it cost to add me to the insurance policy.

No sleepovers

Had to meet every date and friends

Today’s challenges

The biggest challenge faced by a pre-teen and teen is the Internet and Social media. Neither was around in my day. I didn’t buy my first computer until 1991.

If you start setting boundaries very early in life with will be much easier to set them with an emotional teen. One of the biggest challenges is peer pressure at this age and you will have to stand on what is appropriate for your specific child, are responsible enough, and is there a reason.

Now there are a few things to remember, I grew up in a strict environment and believe the boundaries and consequences are appropriate for a healthy relationship.

You have the opportunity to set boundaries are soon as your child is a toddler and the more boundaries as they get older. Be prepared for meltdowns, calling names, which is another boundary to set, and being mad at you.

If you want to try to be a friend to your child all their life you can stop reading here. I don’t buy into that style of parenting.

One of the first things that might come up is what language is appropriate to use in the house, for example calling names.

We’ll eat at dinner time and not in the bedroom. Even if your child is studying, they need a break from the books and this is your time to communicate with your child. How was their day?

A big bone of contention is the Internet and Cell Phones. This is where you will get the most push because this is one huge peer pressure in your pre/teen’s life.

If your child is under 16 years old, but the computer is in an open but quiet part of the house to use. After they reach 16 or are very mature and responsible for their age you can move into their bedroom. The key here is, having a tracking device and blocking sites and apps they can use. Also, give them a limit to how long they have per day to use the computer. If the whole time is taken up for doing school work, too bad they have to wait until the next day.

The other teaching experience is learning responsibility and this can be done by boundaries. If you give your child an allowance, determine how much they should pay you for the computer and phone. Make them save for it. If they don’t save, it’s not that important or they are not responsible enough.

My granny knew how bad I wanted a camera, she said if I would save half she would pay for the other half. That was so appreciated because I didn’t expect it. Those lessons from my grandparents set me up for some great lessons in life. 

I’m strict and believe that many problems today are created by the Internet and children’s exposure at too young of an age.

Photo by PhotoMIX Company on Pexels.com

Cell phones are another battle with children. There is so much peer pressure. You have to decide if the phone is needed, are they responsible enough to keep up with it or buy a new one themselves. Same if they lose it. If the child is working, I would have them pay a portion of the bill.

Make sure you buy the lowest Data plan, put a tracker on, and block sites. You are to have the code to the phone at all times and be free to read text. This is not only setting boundaries it’s teaching them responsibility.

A crucial part of setting boundaries is there will be times when they need to be broken, that’s life and you have to monitor the reasons. If there is a mass shooting, they can use all the data they have in one day! The key is communication and understanding why they ran out of data if it’s not apparent. It’s critical that you let your child know you are monitoring their computer and phone activity. If you sneak around you’ll have a hard time gaining their trust again. If they know up front, they have to make wise decisions or not be smart enough to try. It’s that simple. 

As your children move out and learn to spread their wings, you’ll have to set new boundaries. But that’s for another post.

Melinda

Repost

 

Chronic Illness · Climate Change/Global Warming · Health and Wellbeing · Lyme Disease · Medical · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Tick Borne Illnesses

Resources to help figure out your next move-Critical Information For Children & Adult’s

Social media. We spread the word via FacebookTwitterInstagram and Pinterest.

Our free weekly email newsletters keep you informed on Lyme-related developments. Click here to sign up.

US National Lyme Online Support Group: Information and emotional support for people dealing with Lyme and other tick-borne diseases.

MyLymeData patient registry: This big data research project allows patients to privately pool information about their Lyme disease experiences. So far, more than 17,000 people have enrolled in the project, providing millions of data points on Lyme disease demographics, tick bites, diagnosis, symptoms, lab tests, co-infections, treatment and quality of life. Add your Lyme data to MyLymeData to help find a cure for Lyme disease.

Lyme disease posters

Children and Lyme disease

Basic info about children with Lyme disease Gestational Lyme disease LymeHope, a Canadian Lyme advocacy organization, has taken a particular interest in the issue of mother-to-fetus Lyme transmission.

LymeAid4Kids–Financial assistance for Lyme treatment for those under age 21.

Lymelight Foundation–financial assistance for Lyme treatment for children and young adults through age 25

.LivLyme Foundation–Financial grants for children with Lyme disease (under 21).

Mothers Against LymeAdvocacy and education about congenital and childhood Lyme

Video: Lyme Disease & Pregnancy: State of the Science & Opportunities for Research

Book: When Your Child Has Lyme Disease: A Parent’s Survival Guide  by Sandra Berenbaum and Dorothy Kupcha Leland.

Book: Brain Inflamed: Uncovering the Hidden Causes of Anxiety, Depression, and other Mood Disorders in Adolescents and Teens  by Dr. Kenneth Bock

.Book: Protecting Your  Child From the Child Protection System, by Beth Alison Maloney

Book: Finding Resilience: A Teen’s Journey Through Lyme Disease, by Rachel Leland and Dorothy Kupcha Leland

.Article: Healthy Mom Best Prescription for Healthy Baby (The Lyme Times) (PDF)

Wrightslaw.com–Website with information about Special Education law.

PANS/PANDAS

ASPIRE: The Alliance to Solve PANS and Immune Related Encephalopathies

New England PANS/PANDAS Association

Northwest PANDAS/PANS Network

PANDAS Network

Moleculera Labs

Three books by Beth Alison Maloney:  Saving Sammy,  Childhood Interrupted: The Complete Guide to PANDAS and PANS, and Protecting Your Child from the Child Protection system (The author of these books is the mother of a child who healed from PANDAS. She is an attorney/advocate for the recognition and treatment of PANS/PANDAS, and advises parents about legal issues related to PANS/PANDAS and other complex medical conditions.)

Parenting with PANS

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Ticks

Types of ticks

How to protect yourself from ticks

Find the repellent that’s right for you (EPA website)

Help! I’ve gotten a tick bite. Now what?

TickEncounter Resource Center—University of Rhode Island

Tick testing. There are various places to get ticks tested. Here are several: IGeneXTickCheckTicknologyTick Report

MilTICK—free tick testing and identification service available for ticks removed from Department of Defense (DoD) personnel and their dependents. 

Mast cell activation syndrome and food-related issues

MCAS, when your immune system goes haywire

The agony of mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS)

Healing from mast cell activation syndrome

What to eat when you’re allergic to everything?

Severe weather can worsen mast cell activation syndrome

Alpha-gal syndrome

There is growing evidence that certain types of tick bites can trigger alpha-gal syndrome (AGS) a life-threatening allergy to red meat and meat-related products.

Alpha-gal syndrome–symptoms, diagnosis, treatment

Tick-Borne Conditions United

Alpha-gal Information Website

Other Lyme-related symptoms & issues

Lyme carditis and heart block

Lyme disease can affect the heart in complicated ways

Lyme disease and cognitive impairments

Gastrointestinal manifestations of Lyme

Psychiatric manifestations of Lyme 

Lyme disease and hearing loss

Lyme and multiple sclerosis 

Lyme and allodynia 

Medical marijuana and Lyme disease 

The dreaded Jarisch-Herxheimer reaction

How Lyme disease can affect your vision

12 ways you can help yourself manage chronic pain  

Morgellons

The Charles E. Holman Morgellons Disease FoundationMorgellons: The legitimization of a disease (book review)Skin Deep: The Battle Over Morgellons (documentary film) 

Treating Lyme disease with disulfiram

What is disulfiram and why does it spark excitement in Lyme community?Treating psychiatric Lyme symptoms with disulfiram

Co-infections

The Lyme Times Special Issue on Co-infections (PDF)About Lyme disease co-infectionsCo-infections poster

Mold

Lyme and mold 

Survivingmold.com

Dealing with Lyme disease and mold illness at the same time

Mold Testing Guide (How to test your home for mold)

Your guide to mold in your home

Clean indoor air on a budget

Are you unknowingly ingesting toxic mold?

How to donate blood and tissue for Lyme research

Lyme Disease Biobank

Lyme and pets

Basic information about Lyme and pets

Parasite prevalence maps Educational website includes a US map down to the county level, showing where dogs have tested positive for Lyme, anaplasmosis, erhlichiosis and other diseases. Also, information about protecting your pet from tick-borne diseases.

Companion Animal Parasite Council website has comprehensive information about how to protect your pets from ticks and other parasites.

Books (Treatment, healing modalities, family life)

Brain Inflamed: Uncovering the Hidden Causes of Anxiety, Depression, and Other Mood Disorders in Adolescents and Teensby Dr. Kenneth Bock

CHRONIC: The Hidden Cause of the Autoimmune Pandemic and How to Get Healthy Againby Dr. Steven Phillips and Dana Parish

Conquering Lyme Disease: Science Bridges the Great Divide, by Brian A. Fallon, MD, and Jennifer Sotsky, MD

The Deep Places: A Memoir of Illness and Discovery, by Ross Douthat. The New York Times columnist delves into his personal years-long battle with chronic Lyme disease.

Finding Resilience: A Teen’s Journey Through Lyme Disease, by Rachel Leland and Dorothy Kupcha Leland. Based on the journal Rachel kept during the worst years of her illness, with additional insights from her mother, Dorothy.

How can I get better? An Action Plan for Treating Resistant Lyme and Chronic Disease, by Dr. Richard Horowitz

The Lyme Diet, by Dr. Nicola McFadzean. What to eat while healing from Lyme.

Recovery from Lyme Disease: The Integrative Medicine Guide to Diagnosing and Treating Tick-Borne Illnessby Dr. Daniel Kinderlehrer.

TOXIC: Heal Your Body from Mold Toxicity, Lyme Disease, Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, and Chronic Environmental Illness, by Dr. Neil Nathan.

When Your Child Has Lyme Disease: A Parent’s Survival Guide  by Sandra Berenbaum and Dorothy Kupcha Leland.

Why Can’t I Get Better? Solving the Mystery of Lyme and Chronic Disease, by Dr. Richard Horowitz.

Books (History, Policy, and Science)

Bitten: The Secret History of Lyme Disease and Biological Weapons, by Kris Newby

Cure Unknown: Inside the Lyme Epidemic, by Pamela Weintraub.

Lyme: The First Epidemic of Climate Changeby Mary Beth Pfeiffer.

Film and Video

I’m Not Crazy, I’m sick, Lyme documentary, available on various streaming services.

The Quiet Epidemic, documentary film about chronic Lyme disease, available on various streaming services.

Under Our Skin, award-winning Lyme documentary film.

Under Our Skin 2: Emergence (sequel)

The Red Ring, documentary takes a global look at Lyme disease.

Your Labs Are Normal, feature film based on real-life experiences.

Financial assistance

LymeTAP.com–Lyme Testing Access Program. Financial assistance for Lyme diagnostic testing.

Needymeds.com–Clearing house for information about various kinds of financial assistance for obtaining medication.

Lymelight Foundation–financial assistance for Lyme treatment for children and young adults through age 25.

Lyme Treatment Foundation–financial assistance for Lyme treatment. No age restrictions.

LivLyme Foundation–Financial grants for children with Lyme disease.

LymeAid4Kids—grants for young Lyme patients (up to age 21).

Partner in Lyme—grants for Lyme treatment for residents of Connecticut.

Applying for Social Security benefits for Lyme disease

Outside of the United States

ALCE Asociación de Lyme Crónico España (Spain)

Canadian Lyme Disease Foundation

LymeHope (Canada)

LYRI (Mexico)

Lyme Disease Action (UK)

LymeDiseaseUK

Lyme Disease Association of Australia

Karl McManus Foundation (Australia)

France Lyme

Tick Talk Ireland

Lyme Poland

Association Luxembourgeoise Borréliose de Lyme (Luxembourg)

Onlyme-aktion.org  (Germany)

Lymevereniging (Netherlands)

This is one of the most comprehensive articles Lyme Dieases and co-infections. When you talk to a expert on the subject matter be sure to ask for referral, it took me two doctors to find the right doctor. I can say that you General Doctor is not the right type of doctor for your treatment and surgical. YES, it’s that important. The best source for referrals for Lyme Literate Doctor is ILADS.

Melinda

REFERENCE:

TOUCHED BY LYME is written by Dorothy Kupcha Leland, LymeDisease.org’s Vice-president and Director of Communications. She is co-author of When Your Child Has Lyme Disease: A Parent’s Survival Guide. Contact her at dleland@lymedisease.org .

Celebrate Life · Family · Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

10 tips for cultivating creativity in your kids

IDEAS.TED.COM

Mar 31, 2020 / Mitch Resnick

Turns out, it’s less about “teaching” creativity to children — and more about creating a fertile environment in which their creativity will take root, grow and flourish. Researcher Mitch Resnick, director of the Lifelong Kindergarten Group at MIT, explains how we can do this.

There’s a common misconception that the best way to encourage children’s creativity is simply to get out of the way and let them be creative. Although it’s certainly true that children are naturally curious and inquisitive, they need support to develop their creative capacities and reach their full creative potential. Supporting children’s development is always a balancing act: how much structure, how much freedom; when to step in, when to step back; when to show, when to tell, when to ask, when to listen.

In putting together this list, I am combining tips for parents and teachers, because I think the core issues for cultivating creativity are the same, whether you’re in the home or in the classroom. The key challenge is not how to “teach” creativity to children, but rather how to create a fertile environment in which their creativity will take root, grow, and flourish.

The list is organized around the five components of what I call the Creative Learning Spiral, a process that encourages children to imagine what they want to do, create projects through playing with tools and materials, share ideas and creations with others, and reflect on their experiences.

For each of these five components, I’ve suggested two tips. However, these tips are just a very small subset of all of the things you might ask and do to cultivate children’s creativity. View them as a representative sample, and come up with more of your own.

IMAGINE

1. Show examples to spark ideas

A blank page, a blank canvas, and a blank screen can be intimidating. A collection of examples can help spark the imagination. When we run Scratchworkshops, we always start by showing sample projects — to give a sense of what’s possible (inspirational projects) and to provide ideas on how to get started (starter projects). We show a diverse range of projects, in hopes of connecting with the interests and passions of workshop participants.

Of course, there’s a risk that children will simply mimic or copy the examples that they see. That’s OK as a start, but only as a start. Encourage them to change or modify the examples. Suggest that they insert their own voice or add their own personal touch. What might they do differently? How can they add their own style, connect to their own interests? How can they make it their own?

2. Encourage messing around

Most people assume that imagination takes place in the head, but the hands are just as important. To help children generate ideas for projects, we often encourage them to start messing around with materials. As children play with LEGO bricks or tinker with craft materials, new ideas emerge. What started as an aimless activity becomes the beginning of an extended project.

We’ll sometimes organize mini hands-on activities to get children started. For example, we’ll ask children to put a few LEGO bricks together, then pass the structure to a friend to add a few more, then continue back and forth. After a few iterations, children often have new ideas for things they want to build.

CREATE

3. Provide a wide variety of materials

Children are deeply influenced by the toys, tools and materials in the world around them. To engage children in creative activities, make sure they have access to a broad diversity of materials for drawing, building and crafting. New technologies, like robotics kits and 3-D printers, can expand the range of what children create, but don’t overlook traditional materials. A Computer Clubhouse coordinator was embarrassed to admit to me that her members were making their own dolls with “nylons, newspapers, and bird seed,” without any advanced technology, but I thought their projects were great.

Different materials are good for different things. LEGO bricks and popsicle sticks are good for making skeletons, felt and fabric are good for making skins, and Scratch is good for making things that move and interact. Pens and markers are good for drawing, and glue guns and duct tape are good for holding things together. The greater the diversity of materials, the greater the opportunity for creative projects.

4. Embrace all types of making

Different children are interested in different types of making. Some enjoy making houses and castles with LEGO bricks. Some enjoy making games and animations with Scratch. Others enjoy making jewelry or soapbox race cars or desserts—or miniature golf courses.

Writing a poem or a short story is a type of making, too. Children can learn about the creative design process through all of these activities. Help children find the type of making that resonates for them. Even better: Encourage children to engage in multiple types of making. That way, they’ll get an even deeper understanding of the creative design process.

PLAY

5. Emphasize process, not product

Many of the best learning experiences happen when people are actively engaged in making things, but that doesn’t mean we should put all our attention on the things that are made. Even more important is the process through which things are made.

As children work on projects, highlight the process, not just the final product. Ask children about their strategies and their sources of inspiration. Encourage experimentation by honoring failed experiments as much as successful ones. Allocate times for children to share the intermediate stages of their projects and discuss what they plan to do next and why.

6. Extend time for projects

It takes time for children to work on creative projects, especially if they’re constantly tinkering, experimenting and exploring new ideas (as we hope they will). Trying to squeeze projects into the constraints of a standard 50-minute school period — or even a few 50-minute periods over the course of a week — undermines the whole idea of working on projects. It discourages risk taking and experimentation, and it puts a priority on efficiently getting to the “right” answer within the allotted time. For an incremental change, schedule double periods for projects. For a more dramatic change, set aside particular days or weeks (or months) when students work on nothing but projects in school.

SHARE

7. Play the role of matchmaker

Many children want to share ideas and collaborate on projects, but they’re not sure how. You can play the role of matchmaker, helping children find others to work with. In the Scratch online community, we have organized month-long Collab Camps to help Scratchers find others to work with — and also to learn strategies for collaborating effectively.

8. Get involved as a collaborator

Parents and mentors sometimes get too involved in children’s creative projects, telling children what to do or grabbing the keyboard to show them how to fix a problem; other parents and mentors don’t get involved at all. There is a sweet spot in between, where adults and children form true collaborations on projects. When both sides are committed to working together, everyone has a lot to gain.

A great example is Ricarose Roque’s Family Creative Learning initiative, in which parents and children work together on projects at local community centers over five sessions. By the end of the experience, parents and children have new respect for one another’s abilities, and relationships are strengthened.

REFLECT

9. Ask (authentic) questions

It’s great for children to immerse themselves in projects, but it’s also important for them to step back to reflect on what’s happening. You can encourage children to reflect by asking them questions about their projects. I often start by asking: “How did you come up with the idea for this project?” It’s an authentic question: I really want to know! The question prompts them to reflect on what motivated and inspired them.

Another of my favorite questions: “What’s been most surprising to you?” This question pushes them away from just describing the project and toward reflecting on their experience. If something goes wrong with a project, I’ll often ask: “What did you want it to do?” In describing what they were trying to do, they often recognize where they went wrong, without any further input from me.

10. Share your own reflections

Most parents and teachers are reluctant to talk with children about their own thinking processes. Perhaps they don’t want to expose that they’re sometimes confused or unsure in their thinking. But talking with children about your own thinking process is the best gift you could give them.

It’s important for children to know that thinking is hard work for everyone—for adults as well as children. And it’s useful for children to hear your strategies for working on projects and thinking through problems. By hearing your reflections, children will be more open to reflecting on their own thinking, and they’ll have a better model of how to do it. Imagine the children in your life as creative thinking apprentices; you’re helping them learn to become creative thinkers by demonstrating and discussing how you do it.

Melinda

Reference

This article was originally published on the MIT Press Reader site.

Watch Mitch Resnick’s TED Talk here:https://embed.ted.com/talks/mitch_resnick_let_s_teach_kids_to_code

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mitch Resnick is professor of learning research at the MIT Media Lab. His research group develops the Scratch programming software and online community, the world’s largest coding platform for kids. He has worked closely with the LEGO company on educational ideas and products, such as the LEGO Mindstorms robotics kits, and he co-founded the Computer Clubhouse project, an international network of after-school learning centers for youth from low-income communities. He is the author of “Lifelong Kindergarten,” from which this article is adapted.

Reposted

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Medical · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Book Review I Can’t Have That, I Have Allergies by Katie Kinsella

 I want to give a special thanks to Managing Editor Soraya Nair for sending me I Can’t Have That I Have Allergies by Katie Kinsella for review. 

Blurb

All the animals in the woodland are headed to a party – that is, except Hedgehog, who can’t attend because of his food allergies. But one of his kind friends, Deer, decides to learn more about his condition, and she comes up with a plan so that Hedgehog can safely celebrate, too!

I Can’t Have That, I Have Allergies is a sensitively written story by a mother whose daughter has life-threatening allergies. It will enlighten those unfamiliar with the severity of such allergies, and it will help children who suffer from them to know that they aren’t alone.

My Thoughts

Have you missed school on a special day? You were probably sad that you could not participate in the fun. The Hedgehog has a similar story, he has severe allergies which limit what he can eat. It’s not fun going to a birthday party and not being able to eat cake.

As each of the Hedgehog’s friends stop in on the way to a birthday party, he explains why he can’t go to the party. His friends go on their way but they have a big surprise for him. They cared so much for their friend, they contacted his mother to get a list of what he can’t eat and they made a cake he could. They show up at Hedgehog’s house and have a big Birthday party which allows the Hedgehog to have fun and not worry about what he can or can’t eat. 

The book does an excellent job of describing Allergies children can understand. I think the bigger picture is when Hedgehog share’s with his friends why he can’t go, they didn’t abandon him, they embraced him instead. It’s important for kids to know they can talk about their problems instead of keeping everything in.

For every parent who has a child with Allergies of any kind, this is the perfect book to show if you share what is going on with your friends they will have your back.

Trigger Publishing

TriggerHub.org is the first mental health organization of its kind. We are bringing mental health recovery and balance to millions of people worldwide through the power of our books.

We have built a first-class resource of curated books produced and published in-house to create a unique collection of mental health recovery titles unrivaled in quality and selection. We work with experts, psychologists, doctors, and coaches to produce our books, but we also work with real people looking to share their stories to reach out to others and provide hope, understanding, and compassion. These brave authors also aim to raise awareness of mental health’s “human” face and its impact on everyday lives. 

Melinda

Looking for the Light

Chronic Illness · Communicating · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Medical · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Mental Illness · Moving Forward · Self-Care · Survivor · Trauma

Happy Birthday Daddy 1940-1992

The morning after you killed yourself, we went to secure the house. I knew immediately you suffered slowly. Among the papers, trash, and clothes  and I found your lockbox. The divorce paperwork to my mother, every card I gave you as a child. I found the pad you were writing on. Your Bible on the coffee table, dried tears as you were reading Job in the Bible.

The note had 11:30 a.m. written in the corner. I could see you called your best friend and the phone number to a suicide line. There were words and a drawing that made no sense. Granny paralyzed, crying, asking why. The house ransacked, nothing anything made sense to her.

Dirty dishes piled high, nothing in the refrigerator, how did you live like this, how long? You phoned me several times in the months before your death. Delusional and highly paranoid each time. Someone was tapping your phone, they were trying to get you and the rest I could not understand, you were already gone. As much as I hated you, I cried, begged you not to kill yourself, trying to reason with him that Granny would never be the same. I paid your bills for months. You weren’t in touch with reality.

The outcome will not change if determined. I knew you would take your life and told no-one. I’ve wondered what went through your mind in the hours doodling to writing the note, then killing yourself. I received the call at 10:00 p.m., Gramps said your dad has done away with himself. I called right back to see if you were dead or going to the hospital.

The boxes of cassettes next to your bed, taking months to listen to. You were mentally ill, not under the care of a Psychiatrist, no medications. Your temper went 1-10 in seconds, obnoxious, loud, racist, screaming, out of control.

 

 

You had hit the bottom and I didn’t know because we were estranged,

I’ve experienced being suicidal more than once, God and my husband saved me. If you are thinking about suiside, call your Psychiatrist right away or go to closet hospital, be open with your doctor and follow all medications instructions, these actions may save your life. I’ve stayed in Psychistratic Hospitals multiple times, I had 21 ECT Treatments, and I feel no shame. My mental heath is critical to living a balanced life.

I think of you one day a year.

Melinda

Reposted

Celebrate Life · Chronic Illness · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Chronic Illness and Marriage

When you get married you commit for “better or worse and in sickness and in health”. You don’t think those two things will happen early in your marriage if you think about them at all. Marriage is full of ups and downs, good and bad, and is very hard at times. When you add a chronic illness to the mix it can get complicated. Not every person is ready for the “better or worse, or in sickness and in health”.

Sacrifices are essential to living with someone with a Chronic Illness. There were years where my husband had to fill my medicine case each week, cook every meal, do all the laundry, help me shower, get me dressed, help me in and out of the car, walk me up and down the stairs, the list goes on and on. I haven’t seen the inside of a grocery store in years.

He gave up several hobbies he loved to make sure there was always time to take care of my medical and mental health needs. It comes at a cost to the partner’s mental health. I encouraged him to seek counseling which he did and it helped a great deal.

My husband has been caring for me and my health since we first married. Long before Lyme Disease, an Immune Deficiency Disorder, and Fibromyalgia, there was my Mental Illness to care for. I have Bipolar Disorder, which is a serious Mental Illness that requires constant monitoring and several medications to stay well.

From the very beginning, he had to keep an eye out for signs and symptoms. Ask gently if I had taken my medication and help me deal with my depression when the Black Dog moved in.

One of the things I asked from the very beginning was for him to sit in on my appointments with my Psychiatrist. I wanted him to understand how sick I was and hear it from the doctor, to hear me talk to the doctor. This would prove immensely helpful in the years to come.

One critical step my husband took is put my health before his career, it was a huge guilt trip for me. He passed up promotions and great opportunities to travel so that I would not be home alone. Just last week his boss asked all of the VP’s to lunch and he had to decline due to the rising cases of Omacrom. Ouch, that burns sometimes!

I don’t know what I would have done over the past 23 years without his sacrifices. If you have a chronic illness make sure you are transparent in the struggle and what may be required of them. If a dating relationship can’t withstand that challenge then a marriage certainly won’t.

Melinda

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Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Must-Read Non-Fiction for Personal Growth by Guest Blogger Damon Ashworth Psychology

I enjoy reading Damon’s post, he is a great writer, makes complex subject matter easier to read and is a nice guy. Be sure to stop by, read through his archives and be sure to say hello.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun · Mental Health · Music

#Weekend Music Share-Murray Head – One Night In Bangkok 1984

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

 I’m glad you joined me for another edition of Weekend Music Share this week.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda

Welcome back to Weekend Music Share, the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the Weekend Music Share banner in your post, and use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Hobbies Can Boost Your Mental Health

We all know that life can get busy. As a result, it can be hard to find the time to treat ourselves or indulge in doing the things that we really love. However, there are a number of reasons why having a hobby can be a really great thing. Hobbies are often much more than just enjoying ‘me time as they can also be something that can be so vital for our overall well-being and our mental health. A hobby is one of the best ways that you can spend your spare time, unwind from your normal routine, and feel happier and healthier as a result.


Photo by Steve Johnson on Pexels.com[/caption]

In fact, there is research that has shown that people who have hobbies are much less likely to feel stressed, low mood, or depressed. So if that isn’t enough reason to find a hobby that you love, we don’t know what is! No matter what kind of hobby you choose, from an academic hobby, a creative hobby, an athletic hobby, or something else more personal, it is important to find things that give you meaning and that you ultimately find enjoyable. When you enjoy it, you will want to carve out time for it to make sure that it happens. So with all of this in mind, here are a few hobbies that can work wonders for your mental health. What would you choose?

Photo by Elviss Railijs Bitu0101ns on Pexels.com

Music

If you have an interest in music and want to learn to play an instrument, then it can be an amazing hobby for a number of reasons. Playing music is something that is a fantastic way to help yourself to feel less stressed, and it can be useful when wanting to channel any uncomfortable feelings or emotions that you might have. You can also enjoy the social aspect of a  musical hobby if you are interested in joining a group, a band, or an orchestra. Having goals is all part of beating anxiety or depression, and there are plenty of things that are goal-orientated when it comes to music. You will also have the distraction of learning an instrument as you need to fit in time to play it. That will require your focus and mean that you don’t have to focus on other things that are causing you stress or worry.

Gardening

Gardening is a great hobby for people that love to be outdoors and be at one with nature. Even if you’re not too keen on the outdoors, getting out in your yard can work wonders when you are feeling low. You can plant your favorite flowers which will require planning or research, as well as planting fruits and veggies. You will need to do research to know what will be best to do and when, and it can be a hobby that can definitely help you in a physical way, as well as from a mental health perspective too.

Gardening can be a hobby that is very rewarding, as you will see things that will grow because of your efforts in taking care of them. Appreciating nature and the outdoors can also go a long way to help your stress levels, as well as anxiety. So it should be a hobby to consider if you are looking for something new to try.

Cars and automobiles

If you have a passion for cars and automobiles, then it can be a good idea to incorporate those into a hobby of yours. You could have a hobby of making kit cars, which can be extremely rewarding as you see something come together that you can then use, all from your hard work, research, and expertise. You could look at replacing things like car batteries, but make sure that you use a good battery finder to get the right one for your needs. You could also look into repairing engines and learning how to do things like oil changes, which can be such a useful thing to know and save you a lot of money down the line.

From another point of view, you could also get into cars and automobile hobbies by getting into racing. It could be off-road racing, it could be sports car racing, or even something like biking, trail bikes, and even BMX biking. 

Photo by Chevanon Photography on Pexels.com

Yoga

There are a number of benefits to our mental health that come from physical exercise. Yoga is one of those ways that you can exercise that does have a benefit to mental health. It has grown and grown in popularity in recent years, due to it being a way to move and be active and help your mental health. Yoga works well as a hobby because it can calm our nervous system. It can also help with depression and help to reduce any muscle tension. You can watch classes online or attend them locally. Some easy poses can be done at home, although it is a good idea to seek advice from an instructor if you want to take things to the next level. When you are doing something new, your focus is on the task at hand, which can take your mind off other things.

Writing

Writing is a great hobby, and it is one of the most simple choices out there. It costs very little and can be done at any time. Writing out on pen and paper, rather than on a computer or phone notes can do great things for your mind. You could have the creative element of writing a novel or using the time to write more of a journal which can be very cathartic. As a result, it can offer a number of benefits, and help you to relieve stress, help depression, eliminate anxiety, and even help your memory and improve your sleep. 

Putting thoughts down on paper means that you can identify some negative thoughts and behaviors, and then they are no longer in your mind. You can also use this time to write down how things are going as a way to replace negative thoughts with happier and more positive ones. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

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Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Self-Care

Overcoming Stress & Depression – 5 Tips to Bring Back the Sunshine

Mental health is in decline across the world. Many people are quietly struggling with stress and depression, and it is causing mental breakdowns and suicides. It is especially sad considering that these conditions can be managed and treated.

Photo by Khoa Vu00f5 on Pexels.com

Here are five easy and reliable tips to overcome stress and depression:

Talk to Someone

Social support is one of the best remedies for stress and depression. People are social beings, and their mental health requires healthy social ties. To this end, loneliness has been identified as a catalyst for stress, depression, and other mental conditions.

You will feel your emotional and mental woes ease when you talk to someone about your troubles. Your friends and family members will offer unconditional love and support to help you overcome your problems.

Additionally, you can get professional help by talking to a therapist if your depression feels too difficult to bear. Bottom line: talk to someone and surround yourself with a positive company.

Distract Your Mind with Entertainment

Don’t get lost in your mind. You will just keep pondering over your problems and making them feel bigger than they are. It will be more exciting and relaxing to distract yourself with something entertaining.

You have lots of entertainment options at your fingertips. You could listen to some soothing music or watch a thrilling movie. Just ensure that it is something you like, and preferably something that will make you laugh.

Exercise

Exercising can work miracles for depression. Working out helps you feel like you are physically unloading your mental and emotional burdens. Exercising also helps reduce the levels of stress hormones in the body and triggers the production of hormones associated with relaxation. Additionally, the physical and health benefits of exercising are a confidence booster.

Exercising is also recommended for seniors struggling with depression because of their physical and mental conditions. For example, exercising can help improve memory retention, easing the depressing effects of Alzheimer’s.  

Learn Something New

Learning is another way of distracting your mind and doing something productive in the process. For example, some therapists recommend learning new skills such as cooking as a form of therapy. Other people struggling with depression find solace in photography.

There is no limit to the variety of new hobbies or activities you can undertake to manage your depression. However, make sure that it is something that interests you if you want it to work.

Get a Pet

Pets are unconditionally loyal, loving, and everything nice. They always have time for their masters, and they are the best listeners. More importantly, they will learn new tricks just to please you. To this end, a cute pet such as a dog can ease the emotional and mental strain causing stress and depression. A pet will keep you company and bring you back to your loving self as you both bond.

Final Thoughts

Stress and depression can make life look gloomy, without an end in sight and they can lead to worse mental conditions and even drive patients to suicide. As such, practice these tips for yourself or a loved one to overcome depression and stop suicide in its tracks. 

This a collaborative post.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun · Mental Health · Music

#Weekend Music Share-John Fogerty – Centerfield

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

 I’m glad you joined me for another edition of Weekend Music Share this week.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda

Welcome back to Weekend Music Share, the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the Weekend Music Share banner in your post, and use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Mental Health

Wordless Wednesday-Sunflower Sunshine

I’m glad you joined me on Wordless Wednesday and I hope to see you soon.

 

 

It’s always a good day when Sunflowers greet you.

Melinda

Chronic Illness · Chronic Pain · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Self-Care

Blogger Highlight-Musings on Life with Fibromyalgia

Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week I highlight Musings on Life with Fibromyalgia. Sarah is a tireless advocate for Fibromyalgia and she breaks down the chronic illness is a way that everyone can understand. She also shares her experiences and what’s she’s learned along her journey.

   Musings on Life with Fibromyalgia

I’ve lived with fibromyalgia for around a decade now, made many mistakes along the way, but learnt a lot about how to manage the condition and this is what I’m keen to share with readers of this blog.

So, if you want to find out more about living with fibromyalgia and other chronic illness, how life can change and yet still be full of everyday joy, then that’s where this blog aims to help.

I hope at least some of my blog posts will resonate with you – happy reading!

Sarah

Questions Asked

What is your favorite post and why?

My favourite blog post is this one about journaling. I’ve always journaled on and off since my teenage years and I find it such a powerful tool, not just for dealing with chronic illness, but for navigating life’s challenges generally. There’s real magic that happens with a pen and a blank page and it’s often amazing what will spill out onto the page.

What inspired you to start a blog?

After being diagnosed fibromyalgia, I thought my life was over. Everything changed for me – job, finances, physical capabilities and relationships (through not being believed about this illness). I hit rock bottom. Fortunately, my doctor suggested a CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) course for chronic illness, which started to turn things around. I learned to meet myself where I was at the time (not where I used to be or where I wished I was) and create some new goals. 

Slowly but surely, over a period of several years, I began to rebuild my life. I then began to read blogs about fibro and chronic illness and was both informed and inspired by the content. From there, I thought that blogging would be a good way for me to share what I have learned. My blog is about the stuff that I wish that I’d known when I was first diagnosed with fibro. We get a lot of good medical information from health professionals. But where I struggled was with things like, how can I still lead a meaningful life when everything has been turned on its head? What can I do so that I don’t just give up and spend the rest of my life sitting on the sofa wishing things were different? My hope is that through the blog, I can share all of this with others who might be feeling as lost as I was in the beginning.

Published Work

Articles below have all been published in UK Fibromyalgia magazine.

February 2019 – Swimming, fibro and me

March 2020 – Gardening when you have Fibromyalgia

July 2019 – Reasons to Snuggle Up with a Book – the Value of Reading

2020 – Fibromyalgia Magazine – 20th Anniversary Issue

February 2020 – What I’ve Learned about Fibromyalgia from my Dogs

August 2020 – Fibromyalgia and the Perimenopause

September 2020 – My Experience of Lockdown Yoga

December 2020 – Chronic Pain and Rural Living

March 2021 – Benefits of Time Spent in Nature

April 2021 – Open Water Swimming when you have Fibromyalgia

April 2021 – Audiobooks

May 2021 – How Living with Fibromyalgia Might Change You as a Person

June 2021 – Childhood Symptoms that might have been Fibromyalgia

February 2022 – Navigating a Bad Fibro Day

July 2022 – Summertime Blues and Fibromyalgia – page 1 page 2

December 2022 – Anxiety, Fibro and the Festive Season

February 2023 – Experiencing Covid when you have Fibromyalgia

March 2023 – My Top Five Difficulties Living with Fibromyalgia

May 2023 – Reframing the Experience of Living with Fibromyalgia

She’s is also a contributor to The Mighty.

Stop by Sarah’s blog, read through her archives and be sure to say hello.

Melinda

Looking for the Light

 

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Just Pondering

Hi, I’m glad you stopped by and I look forward to reading your comments.

“Take solace in gentle rhythms of the ritual, in ceremonies of the ordinary. Are tea, fold cloths, knead bread, walk to mailbox. There is much savor in slowness, when quality attention allows noticing each detail-wisp of steam rising, soft folds in well-worn shirts, hands and dough working together, snow crunching underfoot at moonlight.Celebrate this walk through the dark days, this chance to do it differently, to revel in slowness while light waits its turn”
Heidi Barr

Melinda

Reference:

Stampington

 

Celebrate Life · Fun · Mental Health · Music

#Weekend Music Share-Van McCoy – The Hustle (Official Music Video)

Bring Disco back!!!!!

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

 I’m glad you joined me for another edition of Weekend Music Share this week.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda

Welcome back to Weekend Music Share, the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the Weekend Music Share banner in your post, and use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Mental Health

Wordless Wednesday-Large Rosemary Plant

I’m glad you joined me on Wordless Wednesday and I hope to see you soon.

How this plant survived winter outside is beyond me. I’m adjusting to new eyeglasses and the photo looks slightly burry. I apologize if my eyes were off.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Just Pondering

Hi, I’m glad you stopped by and I look forward to your comments.

“I am going quite mad with the knowledge of accepting the overwhelming number of the of things I can never know, places I can never go, and people I can never be.

Sylvia Plath

Melinda

 Reference:

Stampington

Celebrate Life · Fun · Mental Health · Music

#Weekend Music Share-James Bay – Best Fake Smile

So much fun! James Bay is one of my favorite UK artist.

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

 I’m glad you joined me for another edition of Weekend Music Share this week.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda

Welcome back to Weekend Music Share, the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the Weekend Music Share banner in your post, and use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Mental Health

Wordless Wednesday-Birthday Surprise

I’m glad you joined me on Wordless Wednesday and I hope to see you soon.

 

My husband surprised me with this awesome arrangement for my birthday. You can’t beat Roses and Hydrangea.

Melinda

Chronic Illness · Health and Wellbeing · Medical · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Self-Care

How Cognitive Behavorial Therapy Can Help People With Fibromyalgia

  • New research has found that cognitive behavioral therapy may help people with fibromyalgia.
  • The researchers were able to identify differences between fMRI scans between participants as well as a significant reduction using survey-style tools. 
  • Experts are hopeful that these finding can help support patients and clients while reducing bias and barriers to care. 

For those in chronic pain, mental health supports are both vital and lack availability. A new study, published September 20 in Arthritis & Rheumatology, has found that the use of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be especially helpful for those living with fibromyalgia. 

The research—conducted by a team from Harvard, Norway, and Pittsburgh—included 114 participants and found that CBT was better at helping to reduce catastrophic thinking related to the disease. 

This was compared to people using educational materials alone.

Understanding catastrophizing, according to Dr. Chandler Chang (PhD), clinical psychologist and founder at Therapy Lab, is key to supporting people with a chronic illness like fibromyalgia.

“Let’s say you have fibromyalgia and you start thinking, ‘The rest of my life is going to be like this, my life is ruined, everything is going to suck after this.’ Those are examples of catastrophic thoughts that you might have,” Chang said.

How CBT can help with pain and catastrophic thoughts

The researchers used tools such as Brief Pain Inventory (BPI), BPI Pain Severity, the Fibromyalgia Impact Questionnaire-Revised (FIQR), and the Pain Catastrophizing Scale (PCS), to assess participants alongside the scans. Once the participants participated in the imaging, they were either given eight weeks of CBT or educational materials about fibromyalgia and chronic pain. 

Those who received the CBT were provided weekly sessions across eight weeks.

The researchers used the Pain Catastrophizing Scale (PCS), a tool that is scored out of 52, to see how CBT could impact people with the condition. 

They found that those who received CBT therapy saw an average reduction of 8.7 points on the scale while those receiving educational materials saw a much lower drop of 4.6.

The team also used an fMRI scan and were able to see the impact of catastrophizing thoughts in the brain patterns. After the CBT, they could see evidence that changes in brain patterns coincided with people who benefited from CBT. 

Kelsey Bates (LPC), founder at Women’s CBT, says that catastrophizing is a particularly impactful element of both fibromyalgia and CBT treatment but that providing mental health support for those with chronic illness, in her practice, requires the use of trauma-informed tools.

“Reframing our thoughts is important. But we also need space to acknowledge the grief that might happen when people are going through a chronic illness or dealing with chronic pain,” Bates said. “There’s a level of acceptance that we have to figure out.”

Dr. Jeff Krauss, Chief Medical Officer at Hinge Health and Staff Physician at the VA of Palo Alto, says that this study could help reduce stigma and lead to better patient outcomes.

“One of the problems with chronic pain is that it’s very hard to see it. People used to get, and still do get, accused of faking their pain, because doctors will look and see that there’s nothing wrong with their back, or there’s nothing wrong with their knee… It’s really exciting that we can start to see it in the brain, and know that these feelings that people have are very real, even though it might not be correlated with tissue damage.”

Bates says that while “pain doesn’t discriminate” she also regularly sees clients who feel left behind by the medical system when it comes to the mental health side of chronic illness and chronic pain.

“I meet folks and they’ve felt really gaslit by medical providers, especially with fibromyalgia in particular, that they have heard the phrases like you just need therapy, you just need to relax, just manage your stress,” Bates said.

One of the stated limitations of the study was that, while fibromyalgia does disproportionately affect women, and all the participants were female, more work can and should be done to include both men and non-binary people in future research. 

Difficulty getting treatment for fibromyalgia

As for what comes next, Krauss says that while these results are encouraging they are still part of a larger picture that has many barriers to treatment for those experiencing these symptoms.

“I think until we have the ability at scale to do this very expensive imaging, and to find those interventions that can actually change the way the brain processes pain through some sort of pharmacologic intervention or something, through a drug, then we’re really left with a lot of these very foundational lifestyle changes that are so effective and necessary for treating chronic pain.”

Bates, meanwhile, says that her hope is that research like this can add to a more integrated approach when it comes to CBT, one that prioritizes trauma-informed care as well as other modalities like Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT).

“My personal outlook is that chronic illness and chronic pain is considered medical trauma…So I think it’s our clinical duty to provide a safe, warm therapeutic space that’s conducive to holding space for all of those things.”

Takeaway

A new study, published this week in Arthritis & Rheumatology, has found that the use of CBT can be especially helpful for those living with fibromyalgia.

Melinda

Reference:

Celebrate Life · DIY · Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Mental Health · Self-Care

Easy To Make Calming Essential Oil Blends

This combination smells lovely and helps to soothe anxious feelings. You can keep one in your purse to have on hand throughout the day.

YOU WILL NEED

Carrier oil: fractionated coconut oil/grapeseed oil/jojoba oil

Glass roller bottle 10-ml.

6 drops lavender essential oil

6 drops orange essential oil

6 drops patchouli essential oil

4 drops frankincense essential oil

TO MAKE

Add the carrier oil to the glass roller bottle. Add essential oils to the bottle, and shake to combine.

Melinda

Repost

Reference:

Willow and Sage by Stampington

Chronic Illness · Chronic Pain · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Fibromyalgia Thoughts #1-Fat, Sex & Shame

I wrote this post many years ago, I think the last one written was #17. This was written during a difficult time when Fibro ruled my life. I haven’t had a bad flare in several months and I’m so thankful.

————-

I had to accept the loss of everyday control once diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I go to bed with plans for the next day, when the morning rolls around, I can’t get out of bed. In the past, I would beat myself up, feel shame and anger. 

A shower takes an hour, it’s painful and exhausting. Instead, I use hospital approved cleansing wipes to bathe on the days when I can’t handle the thought of a shower. I’m embarrassed to tell my husband. 

I shaved my head yesterday, taking care of my hair takes too much energy. I’m housebound, only doctors see me. My husband doesn’t say anything but I imagine the negative thoughts he has. Why can’t his wife be normal like others, why can’t we go out to eat, why don’t we have sex, I’m fat………the thoughts can consume. 

I can ask myself questions about why not shower every day, I don’t. It’s not productive, within my control and doesn’t help my health. Stress creates inflammation creates more pain. 

I pray a lot every day. 

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun · Mental Health · Music

#Weekend Music Share-Chris Isaak – Wicked Game (Live)

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

 I’m glad you joined me for another edition of Weekend Music Share this week.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda

Welcome back to Weekend Music Share, the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the Weekend Music Share banner in your post, and use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Communicating · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Mark the anniversary of the 988 Lifeline by taking action today!

Action is needed!

Melnda,  

Three years ago, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline launched to connect people in emotional distress with trained crisis counselors – 24/7, free, and confidential. Since then, 988 has fielded about 16.5 million calls, texts, and chats from people needing urgent support. But a crisis resource like 988 is only as strong as the resources we give to it. Congress must continue to invest in 988 to ensure it’s there when people need it most. That means more capacity at local crisis centers, more training for staff, and more availability of follow-up services that can save lives. Take 2 minutes today to urge your members of Congress to support robust federal funding for 988.
Take Action
Together, we can protect and strengthen this vital service. According to today’s new poll from NAMI and Ipsos, 86% of Americans believe that funding 988 should be a priority for Congress. Let’s make sure we tell Congress how much we care about continuing to build and improve 988 and crisis services. Read more about the poll here.

Melinda

Reference:

 nami.org