Men & Womens Health · Moving Forward · Survivor

Washington Doesn’t Want to Talk About Vaginas

Jaha Dukureh is a survivor, driven with incredible inner strength. This article is a great follow-up to the post I wrote on Female Genital Mutilation. 

This is the worst form of abuse on children and women. I can appreciate bringing traditions when moving to America. Female Genital Mutilation is a tradition not excepted in America. The violence and violation of children and women is illegal, not a tradition America has ever followed and is inhumane. Most people are not familiar with Female Genital Mutilation, now is a good time to educate yourself and others. Jaha’s clitoris and labia removed and her vagina stitched leaving only a small hole to urinate and menstruate. Sex is very painful.This procedure is Type 3 FGM. It is a long post but please read her brave and motivating story. Please sign the petition on Change.org. She is a survivor and want’s to teach Americans what to do to stop FGM in America. The Futures Without Violence website http://exchange.futureswithoutviolence.org is a great resource to offer support and educate. 

From the Futures Without Violence Website.

Jaha Dukureh: ‘In Washington, they don’t want to talk about Vaginas’

An Atlanta woman who is a survivor of female genital mutilation is leading a campaign for the US to take action on a brutal practice happening in its own backyard. Jaha Dukureh does not give up easily. When, aged just 15, she was sent to New York from Gambia for an arranged marriage, it looked like her dream of getting an education was over. But she refused to stop trying.

“I went to school after school, begging them to let me join, but because I didn’t have my parents with me they said I couldn’t enrol,” she says. “At the last school I just told them I was all on my own, and I sat in the principal’s office and cried until finally they gave in.” Within days, she had joined the class. “You don’t even know how happy that made me. I was so excited just to sit in class and learn,” she says.

Now Jaha is facing a new challenge: trying to help bring an end to female genital mutilation, otherwise known as FGM, in the US. The 24-year-old mother of three, who now lives in Atlanta, went through the practice – which involves removing some or all of a girl’s outer sexual organs – when she was only a week old. But she knows many girls who, despite being born and raised in the United States, were taken as children back to their family’s country to be cut and hears stories that cutters are also at work on American soil.

“FGM is not something that is happening in a far away place. It is happening here to American girls,” she says. “When these kids are being sent back they are told they are going to meet their families. Often the parents are not to blame, they take their kids back home and it can be done without your permission, you go out and come back to a mutilated child.”

Sign the petition to end female genital mutilation in the US
Ask President Obama to take the essential first step of commissioning a report to establish how many American women and girls are at risk of female genital mutilation. Experts say this is the first step in tackling a crime that persists despite legislation. UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon is backing the campaign saying FGM is a “human rights violation” that must end. Show your support

Change.org Petition to end FGM
After hearing about the campaign of British schoolgirl Fahma Mohamed – who headed a successful Guardian-backed campaign to get more education about FGM in schools – Jaha started a petition on the campaigning website Change.org. She is calling for a new study to find out just how many girls and women are affected by FGM in the US, as the first step to forming a national action plan to tackle the brutal practice.

“There is such a culture of silence about FGM in America. If you stand up and say ‘This happened to me’, people will scrutinise you, but someone has to stand up and say, this can’t go on happening. This is a human rights abuse and it has to stop,” she says.

A culture of silence and fear around the subject – coupled with public apathy and lack of awareness – has allowed the practice to continue under the radar, she says. “When people come to this country they bring their traditions with them – they eat the same food, dress in the same way – what makes people think that they won’t continue with FGM?” she asks. “Yes it’s a cultural issue but I’m from this culture and I am saying, this is not to our benefit. This is abuse.”

Jaha has already spent her life challenging accepted cultural norms. As one of five girls and three boys, she grew up in Gambia and was among the first girls in her family to go to school. “Some family members would complain because instead of coming home and learning to be a woman, I’d be in talent shows and after-school classes,” she says. “My mom was so proud of me, she would sell clothes or take African products to the UK to sell so she could pay my school fees. She wanted me to become a doctor.”

But when she was in 7th grade her mother was diagnosed with cancer. Unable to find treatment in Gambia she went to the UK, taking Jaha with her. “She wanted me to go to school, but it just wasn’t possible, so when I was 14, I just spent all my time going back and forth to hospital.” When her mother was told she had three months to live, she sent Jaha back home. “She didn’t want me to see her die.”

On her return, without a mother to protect her, she was told she had to go to New York to marry a man in his 40s. Still just 15 when she arrived, she soon found out that not only had she gone through FGM as a child, she had been subjected to the most extreme form. Jaha had type 3 FGM, where the clitoris and labia are removed before the girl is stitched together, leaving only a very small hole to urinate and menstruate.

“I went through days and weeks of excruciating pain when [my husband] was trying to have sex with me,” she says. She was taken to a doctor in Manhattan who opened her vagina, and told her she had to have sex that day or the wound would close again. “This happened in America, it was like I went through the FGM all over again.”

When the marriage broke down, Jaha refused to stay with her husband and was taken in by family members. Without anyone to vouch for her, she went to 10 different schools where she was told her she could not be enrolled without a guardian’s consent, before the 11th agreed. “I went to school during the day and waitresses in Harlem in the evening for lunch money and clothes,” she said. “But you know, I went to the prom. I saved up and I bought my prom dress, I got a date, I was a real American girl.”

When she was 17 she moved to Atlanta to be married for a second time. “I was very lucky because my husband understands my passion for education and he is the best dad for my kids I could ask for,” she says. She finished high school and put herself through college, and started work as a bank teller. In three and a half years she has been promoted three times and now works as a personal banker. “When people ask where I am from, I say I’m a Georgia peach,” she says. “This is home now. There are so many opportunities here and there is no way that girls should miss out on that because of FGM. That does not sit well with me.”

Her campaign has not been easy. After she spoke publicly for the first time, Jaha suffered immediate and severe backlash. “People called my husband, my sister, my dad. They said I wanted to get people locked up, break up families – but that is not my message,” she says. Jaha’s husband and father both respect her decision to lead the campaign, as hard as it may be and she refuses to be scared into submission. “Whatever they do, I am not afraid. They are not going to make me stop. The safety of our daughters is more important than that”.

Between looking after her young family and working as a personal banker she tours schools, colleges and community groups to talk about the dangers of FGM , and with other survivors has set up a foundation called Safe Hands for Girls.

But now she is taking her campaign to the top by asking for better data on FGM in the United States and as a first step to creating a national action plan to train educators, health professionals and police – and give survivors a safe place to seek help.

“In Washington they don’t want to talk about Vaginas, they don’t want to hear about this issue and they don’t want to address it,” she says. “Sometimes, I feel is Washington afraid to tackle FGM, are they scared of it?”

She is determined to keep fighting until FGM is recognised as a real risk for American girls and policies are put in place to protect them. “I don’t want to be poster child. I want every woman who has been through this to be able to speak out,” she says. “But you know, in every revolution one person has to stand up to be counted, then other people follow. Right now everyone is turning a blind eye and pretending nothing is wrong – but once we stand up together, they won’t be able to ignore us any more.”

Warrior

Moving Forward · Survivor

Brave Heart Award

The Brave Heart Mission Statement

To encourage all those (men & women) who have been abused (all abuse) to share their hope with others so that they will no longer be a victim but a survivor that knows they are loved.

 

A Victims Journal nominated me for the Brave Heart Award. There are not enough words to express how helpful, positive and inspiring she is to me. I admire her raw and honest post. The feedback she gives is no less raw. Her sixth sense of knowing when you need a boost or a little prodding helps keep me on track. I feel like she reads all of my post and always has a hug and positive affirmation.

 Rules of Acceptance:
Thank the person who nominated you.
Answer 12 questions put before you.
Nominate/award 12 bloggers.
Notify nominees/awardees with a link to their blogs on yours.

12 Questions Asked

1.Tell us a bit about your blog. Who designed it

The blog is an avenue to tell my story of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. I believe it also serves as a resource for men & women alike. I used a Word Press template and designed myself.

2. What is the title and description of your blog?

Looking for the Light is my blog which focuses on my story of abuse  and Mental Illness.

3. Who is your intended audience?

Anyone who has suffered trauma. I believe we can all help each other.

4. How did you come up with the title of your blog?

I’m Bipolar and in my worst times it gets very dark.  It sounded positive and I thought others could relate.

5. Give us an interesting fun fact about your blog.

One of the greatest rewards of blogging is meeting people from around the world.

6. What other blogs do you own and what makes them alike?

I have two inactive blogs. Life Full of Memories and Defining Memories. The blogs include photography and the challenges of being a caregiver to my grandparents. When I decided to blog about abuse and Mental Illness I wanted a fresh start.

7. Do you have any unique talents or hobbies?       

I’m very curious. You will find books on totally unrelated topics in my bookcase.

8. How can we contact you or find out more about your blog?

http://lookingforthelight.me

9. What can we expect from you in the future?

More honest, no holding back post and offering a hand when possible.

10. What can readers who enjoy your blog do to help make your blog more successful?

Ask questions, leave good relies and keep coming back. ReBlog post that can help their followers.

11. Do you have any tips for readers or advice for other writers/bloggers?

Be honest and keep writing what you care about.

12. Before you go, could you share a snippet from your blog?

9 Year Old  Living in Hell

My brother and I called our stepfather a Nazi because he was mostly German and he would beat our mother unmercifully daily. Her crimes as we knew them were not having dinner ready or not warm enough. The kids were to loud, noise was not allowed in the house, he was an alcoholic with major control issues. I was 9 years old, my brother six & half years old and our two-step brothers where much younger. 

Here are my nominees/awardees:

  Please check out each our nominees blog, I’m sure you will learn, laugh or cry.

http://teelahart.com

http:/dietrying999.wordpress.com    Blog: Unspoken Truth

http://armyofangels.wordpress.com

http://brokenarrow.wordpress.com

http://sedge808.com    Blog:Nior

http://frombehindcloseddoors

http://davidkanigan.com    Blog: Live & Learn

http://ellebellblog.wordpress.com

http://hopeinhealingblog.wordpress.com    Blog: More than Skin Deep

http://despairtodeliverance.com

http://rosierdoyle.wordpress.com    Blog:From Behind Closed Doors 

http://dwhinson56.wordpress.com   Blog: Willy Nilly To and Fro

 

Warrior

Moving Forward · Survivor

Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network (RAINN) Monthly Update

Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network        

RAINN MONTHLY UPDATE

http://RAINN.ORG

Online Help – 1.800.656.HOPE (4673) RAINN: The nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization.
One of “America’s 100 Best Charities” -Worth magazine

House Votes to Renew DNA Bill
A bill to renew the Debbie Smith Act, which would help eliminate the backlog of untested DNA evidence from unsolved rape cases, was passed by the House of Representatives.

Learn More on Website
RAINN Teams Up with Degrassi to Help Teens.
TV show Degrassi included a storyline that followed the aftermath of an alcohol-facilitated sexual assault and its impact on the school. In conjunction with the episode, TeenNick aired a PSA that encouraged viewers to get help from the National Sexual Assault Hotline.

Learn More on Website
Survivor Spotlight: Stories of Support
This month, survivors share how loved ones helped them on their paths toward hope and healing
How You Can Support a Friend This Month
If you or someone you love has been assaulted, it’s crucial to have a support system in place. A new series of infographics shares ways you can be supportive.

Learn more on Website

Anniversary of ‘Speak’ Connects with New Generation. RAINN and publishing house Macmillan bring Laurie Halse Anderson’s “Speak” to a new generation of young readers. Learn more about the #Speak4RAINN15 campaign and how a $15 donation can help a survivor today.

Warrior

Moving Forward

Mariel Hemingway presents "Running From Crazy"

Mariel Hemingway is the granddaughter of Ernest Hemingway. Mariel’s documentary explores her famous family’s history with Mental Illness and heartbreaking suicides. Premiering on the OWN network this Sunday at 9:00pm EST. I would double-check the start time. Information about the documentary including start times is probably on OWN’s website. Their family has faced generations of Mental Illness. Mariel is straight forward  about her fears and the past. It looks very interesting, I’ll watch or record it.

Warrior

Moving Forward

Mariel Hemingway presents “Running From Crazy”

Mariel Hemingway is the granddaughter of Ernest Hemingway. Mariel’s documentary explores her famous family’s history with Mental Illness and heartbreaking suicides. Premiering on the OWN network this Sunday at 9:00pm EST. I would double-check the start time. Information about the documentary including start times is probably on OWN’s website. Their family has faced generations of Mental Illness. Mariel is straight forward  about her fears and the past. It looks very interesting, I’ll watch or record it.

Warrior

Moving Forward · Survivor

NO MORE George R.R. Martin

NO MORE EXCUSES MEANS NO MORE EXCUSES. 

It doesn’t mean Television & Cable Networks get a pass. George R.R. Martin of Game of Thorns doesn’t agree. The cliffhanger last week named Breaker of Chains was an INCESTUOUS RAPE SCENE. One viewer said “it was the most disturbing scene ever”. At first George gave lip service saying it wasn’t RAPE which quickly turned to an apology when the Network was inundated with negative feedback. Every news/magazine outlet hit the story hard. One viewer did a rewrite of how the sence should have played out and printed by a major media outlet. This is an opportunity to educate the media on what we do and don’t want to see. If we believe RAPE and other VIOLENCE is wrong, we have to stand up. Until we make our voices heard the cycle continues.

Warrior

Moving Forward · Survivor

NO MORE EXCUSES

No More Silence. No More Violence.

Tune in for the NO MORE Excuses SVU Marathon This Sunday on USA  The link will take you to information about event and how you can help. There’s an extensive list of resources. Mariska Hargitay who plays a cop on SVU, gives a special address. Mariska started the Joyful Heart Foundation in 2004 with the mission to help heal, educate and empower survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse. NO MORE and End the Backlog are featured programs of the Joyful Heart Foundation.

KNOW THE FACTS

The next time you’re in a room with 6 people, think about this:

1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience violence from their partners in their lifetimes.
1 in 3 teens experience sexual or physical abuse or threats from a boyfriend or girlfriend in one year.
1 in 5 women are survivors of rape.
1 in 2 women and 1 in 5 men have experienced some form of sexual violence in their lives.
1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men were sexually abused before the age of 18.

Warrior

Moving Forward

Where I Surf and Blog

Where I surf and blog.
Where I surf and blog.

This is where I start my day, you can see I’m on the organized side. My office would be perfect if I didn’t have three animals in there. They are like children either fighting or having a melt down. Life could be so much worse. Truly I know how blessed I am. I like to buy all kinds of cool things for the office, that way I don’t get bored. This is very close to the office of my dreams. I like it that way because I have to dream. Maybe someday I’ll get that expansive office with built-in wall to wall bookcases. You know a little more about me and a person’s desk says it all. Have an awesome day.

Warrior

 

Moving Forward

Stations of the Cross

 On the third day
ON THE THIRD DAY

This post does not preach or try to convert anyone of any religion. It’s the story of my intersection with the Catholic Church at 13 years old. In my recent post “I Almost Killed My Father” I told of spending a year at a Convent for bad girls. It is here I became familiar to the Catholic Religion. Growing up we did not go to church. I would go with any family who would take me. During the first three months in the Convent you were not allowed to go home and had to attend Mass on Sundays. The Mass services were different from anything I had seen before. Being an easily bored teenager prompted me to ask lots of questions. I started going to Mass every morning at 7:00 a.m.to watch the rituals. It was not a religious journey at this time. More of a learning experience and a way to keep me out of trouble. As far back as I can remember my mother told me I was stupid, retarded and had a low IQ. I did not know this was emotional abuse, it was just the norm. My grandparents worked hard to convince me I could do anything I put my mind to. Off track but worth noting, this is where my Miss America story comes from. I loved beauty pageants as a little girl and watched many with my gramps. He said if I want to be Miss America I could. It’s a story you’ll hear again. As it turned out the affirmation stuck. Back on track. Being at the Convent was good for me, I was away from the abuse of both parents. It was the first time my teachers would ask me what I thought. I became a sponge. There were a couple of people on the campus other than the nuns. My counselor was a PhD. in Philosophy, as tall as lurch and I thought he was the smartest person in the world. He saw my interest loaned me books on Philosophy. My mind had cracks open and we would talk about the books for hours at a time. I was in awe, read poetry by people I had not heard of. Philosophy wasn’t in my vocabulary. I started a newspaper for the school, me the kid who wouldn’t amount too much. My grandparents were the only people who gave me positive affirmations. Starved for positive feedback and learning provided a foundation of leadership. Father George spent an hour everyday trying to teach this tone def kid. He smelled like cigarettes and mold. I ask him questions about the church as they came to mind, probably to shorten the lesson. The affirmations about being smart started sinking in. I was given more responsibility and privileges as time went on. The nuns and staff were devout Catholics and would share information if asked. The convent was huge sitting at the top on a large piece of land, it was over 100 years old. I was studying to become a Catholic at this point. My counselor and Father George instructed me. There was a small chapel on the grounds used mostly by the nuns. One afternoon Father George took me to the smaller chapel to learn The Stations of the Cross. We walked around while he told me the story and why it was important.

Looking back it was one of the first decisions I made. I believe the big decision to convert to a Catholic propelled me in an upward motion. I didn’t want to be told how stupid I was ever again. Father George baptized and confirmed me before leaving. My grandparents came to watch. It was a special time for me in many ways I did not know yet. I leave and go to live with my grandparents. I went to church until 19 years old. The service one Sunday talked about adultery. To make sure I heard the priest correctly, I ask him specifically about adultery applying to someone who remarried. I didn’t enter a Catholic Church for over 20 years. Ok, what about the stations of the cross you ask. During a very dark time I started listening to the bible and programs on television. The Stations of the Cross had left my memory a long time ago. I couldn’t recall any of Stations and did a search to read them. The Stations of the Cross is not a Catholic thing, it’s a Jesus thing. I will butcher the correct way to explain but I’ll give it a go. The Stations are twelve significant events starting with Jesus being condemned to death. I was praying all the time for help with my depression. The Ninth Station is when Jesus falls a third time. I thought about it for a long time, then knew I could get up. Nothing magic, it could have been any of them. The Convent provided me a priceless education and the beginning of my life without abuse.

Warrior