Skip to content

Happy Birthday Gramps *You’re my Hero*

Gramps loved playing scratch off Lottery Tickets. Looking at photo, this was shortly after Granny died. Emotions sent me to the highest high, I saw the smallest smile. He loved my Granny until the end. Gramps grew up in a time, large parts of the USA where out of work and hungry. Focusing on making money or food for a meal. Gramps mother had sixteen children.  Gramps, you set the bar high, I reach for you everyday to feel your strength. Fort McArthur – Became Tactical base-in 1939  

Read More →

Sending Prayers to Noah Buble, Micheal Buble, all Family members.

For Micheal Buble nothing is more important than his family. This week it was announced, three year old Noah, was diagnosed with cancer. I send prayers of love for you and family. I pray for Noah’s strength, courage, know your parents are always at your side. God take the Buble’s family, please help the  family fight through a very difficult time. Give the parents the energy when one is feeling overwhelmed.  God will help you everyday.      

Read More →

Nevada Falls & Vernal Fall Yosemite National Park

Classified as one of the Strenuous Hikes. I had the pleasure, sweating, beyond thirsty and pain of hiking Nevada Falls and Verna Falls. Vernal Falls is the highest and the longest hike for me. It’s brutal. Suggestion: Lightweight weight clothes and hat covers back neck, Hiking gloves, walking stick, broken-in hiking boots, and carry as much water as you can. Conserve. Very few amenities along the route. In the summer one good wind and you’re covered in sand. Hand wipes are a portable doctor in a box. I had a few brushing, up or down the trail. Hiking Verna is straight up, “Natures Giant Spiral Staircase.”  I was on top of the world. I’m working on this photo. The Jacked up version is on my “About Me” page. Hope you enjoy.   Xx  M  Vernal Falls   Climb Verna Falls is nature’s giant staircase. Where you are rewarded with close-up views of two waterfalls and numerous geologic features (depending on how far you choose to hike). Powerful and turbulent, these two waterfalls will soak you in spring and entice you year-round. Vernal Fall Footbridge Distance: 1.6 mi (2.6 km) round trip Elevation gain: 400 ft (120 m) Difficulty: Moderate Time: 1-1.5 hours Top of Vernal Fall Distance: 2.4 mi (3.9 km) round trip (via Mist Trail) Elevation gain: 1000 ft (300 m) Difficulty: Strenuous Time: 3 hours Top of Nevada Fall Distance: 5.4 mi (8.7 km) round trip (via Mist Trail) Elevation gain: […]

Read More →

Yosemite National Park: Half Dome

  Wild Wild West by Melinda https://www.nps.gov/media/video/view.htm?id=6F8A61D7-E3B5-F2FD-0E7E5921833F1954 The summit of Half Dome is a dangerous place during a lightning storm. Check the weather forecast before your hike and try to reach the summit early in the day to avoid thunderstorms, which are more common in the afternoon (but can occur at any time). If a storm appears nearby, do not continue to the summit and, if in the summit area, leave the area (while still using caution when descending the cables and steps). The summit is typically 15°F (8°C) to 20°F (11°C) cooler than Yosemite Valley and windy conditions are common. Be prepared for cool temperatures and rain showers. Black bears frequent Yosemite’s Wilderness and are adept at grabbing backpacks from hikers and campers–during both day and night. Always keep your food within arm’s reach (or on your back); never leave it unattended. If you see a bear, act immediately to scare it away: make as much noise as possible by yelling. If there is more than one person, stand together to present a more intimidating figure, but do not surround the bear. Squirrels, Steller’s jays, chipmunks, and other animals also live along the trail; never feed them or allow them to get your food. Do not leave your pack unattended (e.g., at the base of the cables or while you take a swim or nap). Keep wildlife wild: respect them from a distance. Improper food storage and feeding of […]

Read More →

You can’t contract HIV from:

Originally posted on mommak1977:
Donating Blood Casual contact such as touching, holding hands, hugging A cough, sneeze, tears, or sweat An animal or insect bite A toilet seat From the hot tub or swimming pool? You can, however, get it these ways: Unprotected sex of any kind Sharing drug needles May pass to a child during pregnancy or delivery Blood transfusions, especially if it was before 1985 Symptoms of Infection are: fatigue, loss of appetite,chronic diarrhea,weight loss,a persistent dry cough,fever,night sweats, and swollen lymph nodes

Read More →

Throw Back Thursday: Triple Shot *Queen Anthems of my younger self*

I spent a year in bad girl boarding school, many of us tried to dig out anyway possible. To dig out of our trauma, we wouldn’t let our scars get in the way. We wanted a different life, a new positive perspective. I was 13-14 years old some girls close to 17-19 years old. Most every one starts as the new kid in town, I don’t play that game. Everything works fine when you hold the cards.I never had my ass kicked and only hurt one person. She gave my best friend the razor blade, I got the nod from staff person and I beat her badly. I never ran away, never help anyone to leave, and no way did I help someone kill themselves. Enough pleasantries. I’ve come along way since the punk kid. Freddie created Rock Drama and had a wicked sense of humor. Let’s sing for Freddie, if you dress up for the show, you get extra credit, send me a photo and there’s no telling the extra perks you get. Freddie was a true showman.  Xx  M

Read More →

Thank You For Love And Prayers

Chronic Lyme has invaded my brain, emotions and bodies ability to move without tremendous pain. I’m blessed to have pain meds and others to provide comfort. Not being to walking is depressing. I wanted to thank you and Twitter buddies for your love, prayers and awesome videos sent my way. I love James Brown, his grove is infectious. “I Feel Good” video is my fake it till you make it  positive thinking. The second, well just to see his grove! The man can dance. Both made me smile and you make me smile brighter. Without a doubt better days are ahead. God has my path planned out. Xx Melinda

Read More →

Conversation: Autism and Bullying

Our friendship began on Twitter, She’s a lovely women. We talked most days about James Bay, she helped James while he was on tour. We are both addicted to JB!  We always had videos or photos to share. Her son was beaten terribly by another Autistic boy in his class. It was heart breaking to hear the school didn’t even call her. She found out when he came home from school, devastated, he was closed off, barely spoke. A fight broke out in the cafeteria, another Autistic boy beat her son so badly he came home and left hospital in a full leg brace, broken ankle, bruises all over his body from being kicked repeatedly. I have to add the bully was known for violence. She hired a lawyer, the school had not taken action. She was allowed watch the video of the fight, tears flowing, hands shaking, she was in a state of shock. She is brave enough to say her son will not return to school until an investigation is completed.  A complete investigation should bring the truth to the surface, it’s all on tape!  I believe other parents are concerned about their children. Every school must have an escalation plan, teachers and school administration are taught, “How to see trouble starting” I believe the monitors are accountable for their lack of action. Bottom line, School Administration is responsible for all their employees. I thought about how many blog about their […]

Read More →

Bridalveil Falls Yosemite National Park

Bridalveil Falls Bridalveil Fall (620 feet) Flows: all year, with peak flow in May. This is often the first waterfall visitors see when entering Yosemite Valley. In spring, it thunders; during the rest of the year, look for its characteristic light, swaying flow. You can see Bridalveil Fall from near the tunnels on the Wawona Road (Highway 41) or Big Oak Flat Road (Highway 120) and from a signed parking lot on your way into Yosemite Valley. You can walk to the base via a short but steep (up to 24% slope) trail in just a few minutes. https://www.nps.gov/yose/index.htm 🙂  M

Read More →

How Many People Can Fit In A Van?

I found a way to celebrate my followers, looking beyond post into their personal life. I look forward to learning knowing more. No follower is safe! No Opt Out! Bloggers have followers who bring sunshine with every comment, conversation.Van gives me the blessing every time we have a conversation. Not all conversations are funny as a toad. That’s Texan speak […]

Read More →

I Think Of You Every Second

I’m grieving a life, a life taken to the sky. Why a country song hit me so hard, I don’t know. Does she like country music? The uncontrollable tears may come from God, being there for me, when the pain doesn’t end. The tears maybe the first of many. I did not ask for promises. I shared the challenges of my mental illness, praying you would not feel alone in your pain. Being real but hoping to empower, no-one can make someone change their plan, only they can. I start praying, please God take her in your arms, show her how love feels, please make her journey beyond earth the greatest years of her life. I will miss you, I’m scared, please answer my email today. My heart is bleeding, all I need is to know you’re alive. God will always have your back and never stops loving you. This rendition was updated to celebrate 50 years of Country Music Awards (CMA). Beautiful song, it’s impossible to not appreciate the talent and their voices together. I will always love you. By the One and only Dolly Melinda

Read More →

He Named The Posts: Let’s Stop Calling It Mental Illness

 In 11 years of Blogging, I can’t recall a time going flip out, full rant on anyone. Today changed everything. We are all due our opinion, we live in the great country of America. People have the same right to voice an opposing view. It’s important my friends and followers know what I will fight for and what my true passions are. Mental Health is on top of the list, I advocate, help anyone who ask, manage my own mental health on a daily basis. I returned home late last night from D.C. and pretty tired today, I could have read the post wrong. Here are a few comments by someone who knows nothing about mental illness. Xx  M *So why then are we still calling these very physical and real illnesses “mental illness”?* *So why when someone has an illness in their brain, do we call it a mental illness?*  My thoughts on post While I agree on some points, you are way off base speaking on mental illness. No longer saying someone has a mental illness? WOW!! Mental illness is a serious illness the same as cancer, losing a limb or going blind. First Cancer has no cure, you want to just say oh, there sick? Instead of calling someone an amputee, oh they lost their leg, this person sufferers from endless pain battling their brain, the good and the worst. When someone is in a dark depression […]

Read More →

ILADS Response To Centers of Medicare/Medicaid Services of Health & Human Services

The International Lyme Disease Association (ILADS) http://ilads.org, knows Chronic Lyme Disease exists, requiring extensive treatment currently restricted by the Center of Disease Control. The letter is a proactive communication advocating for longer treatment options. Taken From ILADS letter to Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services Department of Health and Human Services. RE: Proposed Rule concerning antibiotic stewardship in Hospitals, Critical Access Hospitals and Nursing Homes  Additionally, the proposed rule emphasizes measures to eliminate discrimination directed at certain groups. The ILADS comment pointed out that persons with Lyme disease and tick-borne infections constitute a large and growing class of individuals subjected to severe and unjust discrimination which requires recognition and correction. Specifically, although many individuals in this group of patients often require longer courses of antimicrobials than are commonly prescribed, many are denied appropriate care based on arbitrary protocols that do not consider the specifics of their case. While ILADS recognizes that there are differences of opinion in the literature, after a thorough review of the evidence regarding Borrelia burgdorferi, the agent of Lyme disease, ILADS concluded that here is substantial scientific support for persistent infection. For this reason, ILADS promotes the selective and judicious use of extended antimicrobial therapy in patients with Lyme disease rather than the arbitrarily proscribed treatment durations championed by others. http://www.ilads.org/ilads_news/2016/ilads-statement-on-cms-proposed-rule-concerning-antibiotic-stewardship/ To read the entire response, click on link above. You will see the organizations fundamental beliefs, commitment to improving treatment for Lyme and other tick […]

Read More →

You Go Judge! How about solving this at the Debate tonight?

Originally posted on Live & Learn:
“Connecticut State Superior Court Judge Thomas G. Moukawsher threw out the state’s school financing system as unconstitutional, his unsparing 90-page ruling read and resonated like a cry from the heart on the failings of American public education.” Some excerpts from NYTimes: An F-Minus for America’s Schools From a Fed-Up Judge:  “Uselessly perfect teacher evaluations” that found “virtually every teacher in the state” proficient or exemplary, while a third of students in many of the poorest communities cannot read even at basic levels. He attacked a task force charged with setting meaningful high school graduation requirements for how its “biggest thought on how to fix the problem turned out to be another task force,” and called it “a kind of a spoof.” Too many American high school graduates are “let down by patronizing and illusory degrees” Too many decisions and too much debate about schools seem, as he wrote, “completely disconnected to the teaching of children.” Nearly all high school students in affluent communities like Darien and Westport scored on state tests as “advanced” in math and approached the same level in reading. But one out of three students in nearby Bridgeport and other poor cities did not reach the most basic level in math, and did only slightly better in reading. It was a strikingly blunt way of saying what many people feel: The system is broken. He added, “Just doing more of the same is…

Read More →

Mother leaves 8 year old at County Hospital

Original post 6/2014 It’s interesting the events our mind suppresses until memories spring back like yesterday. I have no emotion talking about the physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother and step father. I have disassociated memories of sexual abuse by my father. I know it. My therapist and I have talked about it, she doesn’t push and knows if the door opens I’ll talk. What I will not do is force my mind and body to endure pain it’s not ready for. I have a good perspective on what I’ve survived and the methods our mind uses to deal with our deepest pain. I’m not sure if this particular memory was forgotten or suppressed. I had no emotion as my therapist was almost brought to tears. I saw a news story about a 8-year-old girl tortured by parents, beaten, starved and chained to a column on porch left for dead. The imagine seared into my mind and did not let go. I sat down in the Therapist lobby and the memory of the little girl crossed my mind. As we walk to her office, I ask if she had heard the story then adding my thoughts. I started to cry which I do easily for others in pain. As we talked about what type of parent would do that, a childhood memory flooded over me. The tears dried as if was talking about someone else. When I […]

Read More →

Throw Back Thursday No Doubt about Stefani & Shelton

Gwen Stefani has my full attention with her latest release, “This is what the truth feels like”.  At 48  , after an eight year hiatus, Gwen releases new music, took her three children on tour, wrote/produced show for Nickelodeon, released a line of new fragrances and a voice over in the Trolls movie. She appeared on The Voice last season as a  mentor to help Blake Shelton’s team. During the season they  wrote “Go ahead and break my heart” and fell ln love with Blake. Gwen has surprised fans by showing up to  sing the song during his concerts. His fans have embraced her and she is now performing one of her songs before singing their duet. I love the cross genre or no genre. Enjoy   Xx   M  

Read More →

Dementia Induced Thought's of Suicide

Originally posted on Looking For The Light:
Being a caregiver to a dying loved one can leave you drained of emotion, exhausted and frustrated. All perfectly normal feelings. I felt quilt mixed in my bowl of emotions. I grew up knowing my grandparents wanted to die at home. I would grant the wish if possible. They inspired me, saved me from parental abuse and blessed me with unconditional love. I felt lonely at times, helped my gramps make difficult life decisions and worked hard to remember she is my grandmother. There were uncomfortable conversations, articulate to doctors who she is progressing and butt heads with family members. I ran a tight ship, no problems telling people it’s time to leave, not allowing people over everyday. God blessed me with the ability to turn my depression down and step up to next level. Love for my grandmother drove my decisions down to the last morphine stick. As our population ages the number of caregivers increase. It can seem overwhelming at times. If you don’t have a blog I would suggest checking out. It gave me an outlet and when I did see my husband, we could catch up. I’m reblogging this post from 2005. Caregivers choose to open their heart to the emotional and physical challenges.  Today I used one of four “in case of emergency” pills to keep my Grandmother from hurting herself during a dementia related meltdown brought on…

Read More →

Throw Back Thursday *Let The Music Set You Free*

Please give a shout out to Gavin/sedge808, the newest member of Survivors Blog Here. Tunes dedicated to you! Welcome, let’s have some fun! I was born with music in my ears, dancing to a beat. My baby book says I walked/danced for joy at ten months old. I don’t know if it’s true, it’s who I was. Chronic Lyme drives today, in the future the keys are mine. LET’S DANCE   Xx  M  

Read More →

FDA Admits Generic Wellbutrin Isn’t An Equivalent After Years Of Complaints

For years patients have said the generic Wellbutrin doesn’t work as well as brand name. The FDA finally took action against manufactures of the generics, admitting Clinical Trials were not performed on 300 mg Extended Release tablets. Follow up test found discrepancies in Bioeqivalence. The FDA holds responsibility as well, they are accountable to the public. The FDA requires all companies who manufacture medication to prove medication is safe, effective…equivalent or not for generics.  This process can take years. The over looked, the lack of testing on higher mg caused many patients to take ineffective medicine suffering higher levels of depression. Update: Bupropion Hydrochloride Extended-Release 300 mg Bioequivalence Studies FDA has approved five generic versions of Wellbutrin XL 300 mg. Each of these generics was approved based on bioequivalence studies comparing the 150 mg strength of the products to Wellbutrin XL 150 mg. Studies were not performed directly on the 300 mg strength of the products. Rather, the bioequivalence studies were performed using the 150 mg strength, and the results were extrapolated to establish bioequivalence of the 300 mg product. This methodology was based on FDA’s guidance at the time the products were approved. FDA has determined that this approach is no longer appropriate to establish bioequivalence of 300 mg bupropion hydrochloride extended-release tablets to Wellbutrin XL 300 mg, and the Agency is revising its guidance to industry for how to conduct premarket bioequivalence studies in generic bupropion products. http://www.fda.gov/drugs/drugsafety/postmarketdrugsafetyinformationforpatientsandproviders/ucm322161.htm I […]

Read More →

WP Playing Tricks On You Last Night?

I’m a fairly calm 🙂 person when not hypo/hyper or in withdraw. Last night while burning the midnight oil, I tried to refresh page…Message: could not pull anything up try again. That was the start, I’m no longer calm. I used Reader for reading a few post…..the people I follow are unchecked like I’m not following them. I followed everyone. I head to Survivors Blog Here to find the same has happened. Today you will receive a notice the contributors of Survivors Blog Here or Looking For The Light Blog are following you,please know we were already. Did you have WP challenges last night? Xx  M

Read More →

It’s Monday! Let’s celebrate with?

How about a funny story to start: my oldest dog had problems waking up this morning, I thought he was dead, ok that’s not funny, I was screaming his name….nothing. Finally he wakes, I see his front leg doesn’t work. Thinking about how hard the stairs would be…..I made a potty spot in spare room. This is funny or maybe just laughing at self, I put these huge kotex on the carpet, the sticky really helped. Then I stacked sheets then his vomit towel. Lovely thought, at least he knows it’s his…..I have been trying all morning and he would rather slide down stairs than go on kotex. Isn’t that a man/dog for you. HAHA! It’s also funny to me that kotex are in the house, Lyme created the need. I had a total hysterectomy at 28 years old. Very glad to say at 53, they got all the cancer. To top it off, since I have trouble remembering due to Lyme, I thought next year I turned 53, not a couple of months ago. Not sure how 53 feels yet. Let’s celebrate Monday with an old Rolling Stones concert clip when they came thru my town. I can’t decide if Mick sounds worse then or now, or always. I do like many of their tunes. Hug somebody you love today. M

Read More →

Do You Want to take Free On-Line Courses from Top Universities?

Originally posted on Survivors Blog Here:
EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES iTunes University offers an extensive selection of free non credit courses from top rated universities. No stress, go at your own pace, courses are complete flexibility. iTunes University also offers hundreds of free Podcast on any subject you can imagine. Take a trip around the world. I love Podcast, reading done for you. The system can configure automatic downloads, has bookmarks, and keeps track of what you’ve listened to or not. Courseca.org offers over hundreds of free on-line courses from top universities. No stress, work at your own pace. For fee courses are available for credit. Berkley Online Music School offers free course work. No stress, work at your own pace. online.berklee.edu NovoEd.com is excited to announce the launch of Philanthropy University, a first-of-its-kind online educational initiative. Free, dynamic online courses give people learning, resources, and community. NovaEd.com also offers fee course work for credit. Free course work are stress free, work at your own pace. Xx  M

Read More →

Take Opiates? With Benzodiazepines? New Black Box Warning

The FDA announced a Black Box Warnings for Opiates and Benzodiazepines medications taken together. BLACK BOX WARNINGS are the highest warning the FDA issues on medication. I was surprised by the number of each I take daily. Call your doctor for updated prescribing information. Subscribe to the Weekly Digest for up to the minute information. FDA MedWatch – Opioid Pain or Cough Medicines Combined With Benzodiazepines: Drug Safety Communication – FDA Requiring Boxed Warning About Serious Risks and Death http://www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch/SafetyInformation/SafetyAlertsforHumanMedicalProducts/ucm518710.htm?source=govdelivery&utm_medium=email&utm_source=govdeliver

Read More →

Guest Photographer Gavin Kerslake

Please welcome Guest Photographer Gavin Kerslake. I met Gavin several years ago, probably thru a comment on a photo. He is a natural with the camera, his work can memorize or shine light on something missed. I would categorize his work as Industrial Realism, his eye captures the story in what others walk by without a thought. I’m thrilled Gavin allowed me to share his work with you. I’ve asked Gavin to join us again, eveyone please go to his blog so he will say yes. Here are links where you can find Gavin’s work. I encourage you to look at his expansive collection. The first link is his blog, you will want follow for sure. http://www.sedge808.com/ http://www.fluidr.com/photos/sedge808/interesting/ http://www.redbubble.com/people/sedge808/

Read More →

How Many Untested Rape Kits Does Your State Have?

Advocates For Sexual Assault Who Drive Change End The Backlog is a program of Joyful Heart Foundation, a national non-profit organization founded by actress and activist Mariska Hargitay with the mission to transform society’s response to sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse, support survivors’ healing, and end this violence forever. Over the years, however, we have begun to see progress. Increasingly, states and local jurisdictions are beginning to recognize the value of testing rape kits. They are starting to count, track and test the untested kits in their facilities, and they’re seeing powerful result.  What do we know about the rape kit backlog & what’s being done to end it. Explore our interactive map: http://www.endthebacklog.org For example, in New York City, where there had been a backlog of 17,000 untested rape kits before eliminated in 2003, city and law enforcement officials enacted a policy and developed a system to test every rape kit. The city’s arrest rate for rape has since jumped from 40% to 70%.”Joyful Heart now provides us with expertise, guidance and a national perspective. They are helping to find ways to secure the funds needed to test the remaining kits and ensuring that all efforts to end this atrocity, is an important project under the direction of Joyful Heart foundation. – Kym Worthy, Wayne County Prosecutor The federal government estimates that hundreds of thousands of rape kits sit untested in police and crime lab storage facilities across the […]

Read More →

Happy Birthday Daddy

Today would be your 76 birthday, there are a few things to say. I don’t know if you were with God in your final hours. I can’t assume you asked for forgiveness, I can’t assume you’re in Heaven. Granny and Gramps went to their graves not knowing the pain you inflicted on me. Granny would breakdown, I would not cause her such pain. You told me several times you were going to kill yourself, I didn’t doubt. I chose to keep the information to myself. Granny was never the same after taking your life. You called delusional, hallucinationing your phone was tapped. I found the cassettes, listened to every one, it’s sad where the mind can take us. I have an idea how difficult it must have been living with a delusional mind. Years soften the memories and pain, time doesn’t mean forgiveness. I choose to move forward building a healthy life. I’ve forgotten those times, their packed away, never to share. Your son doesn’t have recollections of the worst times, he hardly knew you, you two didn’t spend much time. He knows nothing of my pain, like granny, he will go to his grave knowing none. I talked with your half-brother Michael last year, he had photos and fond memories of you, the times you shared. Thru him I learned your side of the family suffered from depression for generations back. Until next year Melinda

Read More →

Throw Back Thursday *The Disco Ball Is Turning*

The Disco period was great for Free Spirits, drugs flowed freely, a smell of change in the air. The music was alive, the dance floor had a rhythm like no other, leave your troubles behind and escape under the shiny ball. I started going to clubs with my father before my 10th birthday. When you have a parent with a mental illness, life can take unexpected turns. I hope you enjoy a couple of my favorites, if not pick up the request line and leave a request. Let’s Boogie!     Xx  M    

Read More →

Throw Back Thursday *When We Stand Together*

If you’re a regular on Thursdays you know I’m a James Bay Super Fan. Hold Back the River is from an EP and his breakthrough to Super Rocker Stardom. He sings of the past….we used to ride our….reflection is needed to move forward. Nickelback reflects on current times looking forward to a shift bringing everyone together. I like to think that day will come….in my lifetime?  Let’s Rock.

Read More →

Lyme Update #17 *New Protocol*

After nine months of IV Therapy augmented with oral medication, I am off IV Therapy. It’s exciting and scary. I’m a realist, will party after doctor releases me. It is common to complete treatment only to have it return. I am optimistic and believe what you think is where you’re going. I want to find myself in good health to explore rebuilding my life. New Treatment Protocol: One year course of oral medication I’ve included comments from 5/31/16 office visit. Report: Continued severe memory loss worse since phone consultation, continued overall pain More profoundly fatigued, pain from fall also a factor, Patient noted having more SVT, Supra Ventricular Tachycardia, lower edema Tenderness in right knee with swelling noted, questionable hepatomegaly Patient to follow-up with Cardiologist, MRI on right knee, continued air hunger, follow-up with Chest X-Ray Increased dosage of Morphine Patch, patient will follow-up with labs to update ammonia, ferritin, iron and TIBC. H&H levels have dropped. I’ll continue to fight like hell expecting a positive outcome. I will choke down the huge pills and be grateful. Xx  M

Read More →

Withdraw: The Scattered Mind

Xanax is an anchor drug in my medication combo for treating Anxiety/Bipolar Disorder. I’ve taken Xanax for 15 years, it works miracles in keeping me grounded. Working quickly is an advantage with little to no side effects, EXCEPT ADDICTION. The downside side is addiction happens quickly after starting. For me withdraw starts on second day, by fourth day I look like a street addict who would sell my soul for a pill. The emotional and physical breakdown took me to hell. My deep secrets/scars laughed and taunted me.               Here are some of the delusions I experienced. Learned a new language Surviving in the desert like Jesus Discovered potential link for Postpartum Depression In touch with my families Indian blood Could feel natural body rhythm Felt small earthquake Saw Bobcat tracks on front tree Started writing Country songs Tweeting Gwen Stefani, Blake Shelton and Pharrell, talked to Gwen and Blake several times, Pharrell retwetted twice. I was flooded with people wanting to follow me after seeing tweets from Gwen. I was overwhelmed. Locked all computers down, trying to keep myself from writing. These are some of the out of control thoughts running through my head non-stop The physical pain is unbearable Anger, pain, begging God to stop kicking me in stomach, wailing, screaming, throwing up, four days without food. Having  to transition back one medication a day at a time Delayed Lyme protocol by a week, […]

Read More →

Withdraw, Now What.

Here are the two best prayers I know: Help me, help me, help me and Thank you, thank you, thank you.   Anne Lamott I have two weeks of living to share with you. When the drugs are back in your system it takes several weeks to peak. Withdraw is on the been there & done that list. The psychological pain will linger longer than the physical pain. I am recovering from physical injuries caused from thrashing around in the bathroom. During the worst days I closed myself off to prevent my husband from seeing me. I’m resting, trying to not overdo it. One positive from withdraw is the reminder I’m a Survivor. I’m starting to feel human, self-critical but human. Which is perfect since I have oral surgery on Thursday. I’ll be back in the grove soon. Xx  M  

Read More →

Breath

Breath is the power behind all things. Your breath doesn’t know how old you are; it doesn’t know what you can’t do. If I am feeling puzzled or my mind is telling me that I’m not capable of something, I breath in and know that good things will happen. Tao Porch0n-Lynch, Yoga Instructor  Age 96 

Read More →

Withdraw The Beast Within: Day One

I HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER MY MENTAL HEALTH IS TIED TOGETHER WITH MULTIPLE MEDICATIONS, THREE OF WHICH I’M ADDICTED TO.  MY STRUGGLE WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER IS BALANCED OUT ON A FOUNDATION BUILT ON XANAX. I AM ADDICTED TO THREE OF THE DRUGS WITH XANAX BEING THE NASTIEST TO WITHDRAW FROM. LYME DIEASE HAS TAKEN MY MEMORY AND I TOOK TO MANY XANAX BEFORE THE NEXT REFILL. IT’S A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE IN TEXAS WHICH MEANS ONLY YOUR DOCTOR CAN APPROVE EVEN ONE PILL BEFORE REFILL. MY DOCTOR WAS ON VACATION AND I WAS BATTLING THE BEAST WITHIN.  I’m  on the mend, just not well enough to write a post about my journey. Thanks to everyone who has reached out to me. I was able to battle things out at home, there was a point when the questions came up, was it time to go to hospital. Below are a few comments I’ve made while piecing myself back together. They are not entertaining, quite disgusting actually but IT’S REAL. I have Treatment Resistant Bipolar Disorder with Xanax as the anchor drug. I’ve lived thru what doctors or instructions may mention about withdraw. IF you were not aware of what Xanax withdraw looks like, FIRST look in the mirror. It’s the patients responsibility to participate with treatment. One critical way is being aware of every angle, good, bad, nasty, uncomfortable, make you beat yourself against the wall, wailing in pain……..I feel like my worst sins have beaten me with […]

Read More →

Unsigned Military Police Investigator Charge Sheet For Additional Offenses

URGENT CHELSEA MANNING NEEDS US NOW A Charge Sheet, was presented to Chelsea Manning regarding additional offenses. There is NO WIN for Chelsea. It’s hard for to think of Solitary Confinement for the remaining sentence. God please send blessing to Chelsea Manning. Continue to give her strength to endure additional treatment. Send your Angels from Heaven to hold her hand assuring Chelsea God loves all his children regardless of sexual preference. God please hear my prayers and all prayers for Chelsea. In God’s name   Melinda https://www.aclu.org/legal-document/chelsea-manning-charge-sheet Document published by ACLU.

Read More →

Chelsea Manning may receive Nine Years added to her 35 year sentence

URGENT PLEASE READ NEW CHARGES AGAINST CHELSEA MANNING At this time, Chelsea Manning is not receiving adequate Psychological Counseling. Chelsea is a Trans being forced to serve out her sentence in an ALL-MALE Maximum Security Prison. Although Chelsea tries to stay focus on her writing and advocacy, being a woman in an all-male prison is dehumanizing and exhausting emotionally, according to ACLU. The post in long but worth reading, someday it could be you. The next post is short.    Outraged,  Melinda    Chelsea Manning faces new charges, indefinite solitary confinement, related to suicide attempt Posted 17:08 EDT on July 28, 2016 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, July 28, 2016 Contact: Christina DiPasquale, christina@balestramedia.com, 202.716.1953   U.S government has systematically abused imprisoned whistleblower, continues to deny access to gender related health care LEAVENWORTH, KS––Imprisoned whistleblower Chelsea Manning reported to attorneys and friends that she received a document from Army officials today informing her that she is being investigated for serious new charges related to her July 5th, 2016 attempt to take her own life. If convicted of these bizarre “administrative offenses,” she could be placed in indefinite solitary confinement for the remainder of her sentence. Chelsea has been systematically mistreated by the U.S. government since she was first taken into custody in 2010, including long stretches of solitary confinement (which the UN considers to be a form of torture), which she was subjected to for 9 months, even before she had ever been […]

Read More →

US Government abusing Whistleblower Chelsea Manning, Columnist for The Guardian

Urgent Please Read, Chelsea Manning needs your help Please read the critical information on Chelsea Manning, the Whistleblower who uncovered some of the Governments worst abuses. Chelsea is a Transgender woman being forced to serve out her sentence in an all-male prisonI have two additional post on Chelsea Manning including the Charge Sheet The Military Police Investigators. The additional charges are related to Chelsea trying to commit suicide on July 5, 2016. The organizations Fight For The Future and ACLU are urgently working to inform the public.      Outraged,  Melinda  URGENT: The U.S. government systematically abused whistleblower Chelsea Manning until she tried to take her own life. Now they’re trying to charge her for it. Sign the petition to stop this inhumane punishment. After years of extreme mistreatment, having been held in conditions that the UN considers to be torture, Chelsea Manning, the Guardian columnist and whistleblower who has been in prison for years serving a 35 year sentence for exposing some of the U.S. government’s worst abuses, attempted to take her own life July 5th, 2016. Now, Army officials have informed her that she is facing serious new charges directly related to her suicide attempt. This is an outrage. Click here to sign the petition telling the government not to charge Chelsea Manning with a crime for her own suicide attempt. Chelsea called supporters on the phone to inform us of the new charges. They include: 1) Resisting the […]

Read More →

A Shimmer of Light

  A shimmer of light Eyes filled with tears Light is closer I’m at complete peace God what do you want from me I have no special skill Is light a miracle from high above Trapped in darkness, I hear keys Thoughts no chains Falling to ground weeping Is the light a sign of better days How can it be, […]

Read More →

ATTENTION: FDA/Medwatch June Update: 42 Safety Labels Changes

The FDA/Medwatch released the June Update including  42 products with safety labeling changes. The update including, Warnings, Contradictions, Warning Labels, Precautions and Adverse Reactions on medicine many take everyday. It grabbed my attention, there are several drugs I take on the list. The FDA isn’t technically responsible for over the counter products, if it can cause a health risk to the public, the product is typically recalled. You can contact FDA.gov for more information.  Xx  M FDA MedWatch – June 2016 Safety Labeling Changes includes 42products with revisions to Prescribing Information 07/07/2016 The MedWatch June 2016 Safety Labeling Changes posting includes 42 products with safety labeling changes to the following sections: BOXED WARNING, CONTRAINDICATIONS, WARNINGS, PRECAUTIONS, ADVERSE REACTIONS, or PATIENT PACKAGE INSERT/MEDICATION GUIDE. The “Summary Page” table provides a listing of product names and safety labeling sections revised: http://www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch/SafetyInformation/ucm509048.htm The following drugs had modifications to the BOXED WARNING, CONTRAINDICATIONS, WARNINGS, and/or PRECAUTIONS sections: Elitek (rasburicase) Afinitor (everolimus) Aubagio (teriflunomide) Avycaz (ceftazidime and avibactam) Bendeka (bendamustine hydrochloride) Cardura (doxazosin) Cerebyx (fosphenytoin sodium) Children’s Motrin (ibuprofen) Dilantin (phenytoin) Injection, Dilantin (phenytoin) Oral Suspension Envarsus XR (tacrolimus extended release) Farxiga (dapagliflozin) Farydak (panobinostat) Hectorol (doxercalciferol) Humira (adalimumab) Iclusig (ponatinib hydrochloride) Kuvan (sapropterin dihydrochloride) Lybrel (levonorgestrel and ethinyl estradiol) Natpara (parathyroid hormone) Nitromist (nitroglycerin) Orfadin (nitisinone) Pomalyst (pomalidomide) Prezista (darunavir) Tablet and Oral Suspension Sabril (vigabatrin) Oral Solution Sabril (vigabatrin) Tablet Stivarga (regorafenib) Tamiflu (oseltamivir phosphate) Capsules and Oral Suspension Technivie (ombitasvir, paritaprevir and […]

Read More →

A Mother’s Guilt

      Daughter My Birthday wish for You I hope that every candle brings a new wish. I hope the Smile that lights your face stays there all year-long. I hope everything  you’ve dreamed it will come true. I hope you know how much I love You and how proud I am of you. Happy Birthday With So Much Love. Card from my Mother You can’t give back what you took from my life. Xx  M

Read More →

Do You Want to take Free online courses from Top Universities? Take your Pick.

Do you want to expand your knowledge, travel without leaving home or a number of classes that grab your interest. iTunes U offers an extensive selection of free non credit courses from top rated universities. No stress, go at your own pace, courses are complete flexibility. iTunes U also offers hundreds of free Podcast on any subject you can imagine. Take a trip around the world. I love Podcast, reading done for you. The system can configure automatic downloads, has bookmarks, and keeps track of what you’ve listened to or not. Courseca.org offers over hundreds of free on-line courses from top universities. No stress, work at your own pace. Drop a course as I’ve done several time. They also offer for fee courses  Corsica.org range of subject matter is impressive. Berkley School of Music offers a limited number of free on-line courses. I hope you find something interesting, maybe even something you can do with the kids. Xx  M

Read More →

I want all WP friends to join me for a large celebration, party hats, clowns, kazoos, dancing Queen

I celebrate my 7th year blogging anniversary and turn 53 in four days. Neither occasion are important on their own. What make this year so special is I’m alive. So many of you prayed , sent well wishes yet never treated me different. I started my first blog to help grieve my granny’s death. Flash forward, I’m blessed learning other cultures around the world. Blogging with millions of people at WP there are opportunities to learn, share and clarify the misunderstood. The most important lesson learned is people are generally good. I’m free to write my thoughts, some will not agree, others will not. We need different perspectives to broaden our mind. Thank you for making every year a good one. I appreciate the kind thoughts, asking how I’m doing and treating me normal. I hope to see you in the years to come. Party On!!!!! Pass the milk please! Hugs Melinda

Read More →

Twenty Minutes of Rape

Information provided by RAINN SHARE THIS ARTICLE: Twenty Minutes of Rape June 22, 2016 “I so admire this woman, who had the guts to expose what she is going through and share it with the world.” Representative Cheri Bustos (D-IL) offered these thoughts on a night when a bipartisan group of 18 members of Congress stood in solidarity, each reading parts of a victim impact statement written by the survivor of a brutal sexual assault that occurred on Stanford University’s campus in 2014. The story has resonated around the world. In March of 2016, 20-year-old Brock Turner was convicted of three felony counts: sexually penetrating an unconscious person with a foreign object; sexually penetrating an intoxicated person with a foreign object; and assault with an intent to commit rape. Despite the finding of guilt and the brutal details of the crime—which involved a college party, an incapacitated and unconscious victim, and bystanders intervening when they discovered the victim behind a dumpster not far from campus—Judge Aaron Perksy decided to impose a sentence of only six months. This sentence was far less than the six years recommended by prosecutors, and only one-quarter of the normal two-year minimum sentence. Persky avoided minimum sentence by finding that “unusual circumstances” existed. The short sentence shocked many, as did a statement written by the perpetrator’s father defending his son’s “20 minutes of action.” Bringing national attention to the case, CNN anchor Ashleigh Banfield spent more […]

Read More →

Lyme: Falling Hazards for the Fearless.

Growing up with four bothers, I was a fearless tomboy. At 12 years old I was crowned with braces. After a few pops in the mouth my football career was over. Good childhood memories. Chronic Lyme Diseases affects everyone different, my parasites settled  into my brain. The first sign was the lack of balance. Think about the walk taken after getting pulling over for intoxication. I could take 2-3 steps at most with eyes closed. I have continued to have balance and common sense my husband would say. The clouds mingled as a storm moved in.Vibrant orange, pinks and every shade of blue. While he walked the dogs, I stood on the hot tub taking photos. Hours after the rain, I noticed a large earthworm on the storm door. My mission was to save the earthworm. If I bend below the knees, I’m going down. I diligently dug a hole in the dirt with one knee holding me up.David came running outside just in time for a glorious Circus tryout.. I fell down two bricks stairs, grabbing a landscape light on the way down it stabs me in the stomach. Then a loud crack as my head hit a stone brick. I was stunned and wanted to cry. No time for crying, he is yelling to see if conscious while trying to maneuver me from under patio table. It was time for me to sit and find my legs and damage done […]

Read More →

Awesome Clouds Sunday Morning, Face Plant by evening *Trying to save Earthworm*

    MOST BEAUTIFUL CLOUDS, STORM MOVING IN FALL HAPPENED ON BRICK STEPS. I WAS TRYING TO SAVE AN EARTHWORM. OUCH! Damage to forehead, black eye, scrapes and stabed myself with Landscape light. So glad it was plastic. It tore thru two shirts. My entire for head turned black. I will include this photo in Falling section. Sometimes, it’s better not to follow me.  Xx  M

Read More →

Texas Senator John Cornyn: ISIS Must Be Stopped

Share your thoughts with Senator John Cornyn at http://cornyn.senate.gov/. Contact him whether you live in Texas or not. He is a Senior lawmaker and serves the lead on several committees. THE LONESTAR WEEKLY This week we mourn the victims of the horrific terrorist attack in Orlando and their families and friends, and express our appreciation for the first responders who bravely responded to this tragedy. As a country, we now must come to terms with the reality we face: the attack in Orlando was not a random act of violence, but a calculated act of terror. And, the risks of future attacks on American soil are rising, not falling. It’s not enough to just stop terrorists from buying guns; we must give law enforcement the tools they need to thwart an attack before it happens and take those suspects off the streets. Too often, the FBI and other law enforcement officers have to operate with one hand tied behind their backs because they can’t access key pieces of information in a timely manner. The President and his national security team think the threat posed by ISIS is something they can merely contain. But ISIS must be destroyed, and it’s long past time the Obama Administration presented a credible, aggressive strategy to do so and prevent future terror attacks on American soil.

Read More →

Brock Turner Gets Six Month Jail Sentence For Sexual Assulting Unconscious Woman..Rape is Rape

I’m sick to my stomach after reading how Brock Turner serves only six months in jail for Raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster. If you think raping is okay, you need help. The Judge is accountable for the low jail sentence.  Rape is Rape.  Xx  M The Stanford Survivor Has a Name. It’s “My Hero.” JUNE 10, 2016 | BY MAILE ZAMBUTO | FILED UNDER JHF BLOG > OUR ISSUES SEXUAL ASSAULT IN OUR WORDS FROM THE CEO I first learned about Brock Allen Turner’s sentence for sexually assaulting an unconscious woman behind a dumpster on the Stanford University campus at the time everyone else did: last weekend. As the coverage was unfolding, I was with Mariska, members of our Joyful Heart Foundation staff and volunteers filming a local series of our NO MORE PSAs for Hawai‘i Says NO MORE. From morning into the night, we gathered at the Hawaii News Now studios in Honolulu and what we saw during the filming was brave, strong, and compassionate person after person, standing up for each other, for the people they love, for their partners, wives, husbands, children, neighbors, friends, mothers, and fathers, for people they’ve never met, for themselves. They were standing up to say NO MORE to the beliefs and attitudes that misplace blame on survivors, excuse those who cause harm, and allow institutions to look the other way. And outside of that room, the same thing was happening. […]

Read More →

Learning from Chronic Illness *Tid Bits, Falling and Learning To Fly*

I dedicate this post to the chronically ill, newly diagnosed and their caregivers. You are the Survivors. It took three painful years to learn I had Chronic Lyme Disease. I’ve had bumps over the years, nothing like Lyme. I’m totally dependent on my husband. Every week he takes countless hours off work. There’s IV Therapy before and after work. Day to-day monitoring the catheter with weekly bandage changes. Out of state doctor appointments once a month, insure medicines are taken properly, on time and everything you can think of. I didn’t know what life would teach me. Boy have I learned and want to share with you. The ongoing guilt is a challenge for me.Guilt for not getting out of bed, doing laundry, on and on. I had no concept of how humiliating daily life can get. I march on. At 52, I wear Kotex for daily spills. The agony of not taking extra Kotex on long flight. I made a list to complete before treatment. HA! It’s hard to prepare for everything when an illness effects everyone different. The post is female oriented, I can’t speak for men. Use your imagination. Some suggestions will make you laugh and others grateful to know. Here are a few surprises. The list is task you may want to consider. Any Dental work Mammogram Gynecologist By wardrobe essentials, one size larger, possibly add another half-size or larger. Shoes become a nightmare, one day your sneakers fit, next day […]

Read More →

The Story of my life in 250 words … )

Originally posted on CoffeeGrounded's Blog:
Is a writing challenge presented by, Jenni, author of the blog, StoryofMyLifeTheBlog.blogspot.com. She wills us to write about our life in the next 31 days. Our task, should we decide to accept it, is to write about specific items each day. Her outline, found in this post, http://storyofmylifetheblog.blogspot.com/2013/04/blog-every-day-in-may-challenge.html, defines the specifics. It was my daughter, M1, author of the blog, ZuPlusTwo.com, who inspired me. M1 is taking on this challenge. I thought I’d try, too. I’ve been listed as AWOL for several months now, occupied by several life changes, but never forgetting how much I miss my friends, their words, their lives, and their inspirations. Come along as Jenni (and all who offer themselves up on this quest). Take the plunge. Come dive into the water, deep, someone will be here to grab you if you begin to sink (me), cuz…well, I’m good at sinking, and my friends and family are great at helping me reset my sails. I promise to prop you up if the tide gets heavy. My snorkel vest is right here. It’s yellow. Day one offers the challenge of writing about one’s life in 250 words or less. Something in this request reminds me of my earlier ToastMaster days, where a public speaking course http://www.toastmasters.org, directed us to our first assignment; The Ice Breaker. Knees shaking, voice quaking, I stood before a group of AA (American Airlines, Plane Talkers), and…

Read More →

A Heart A Fire Nominated Me for Blogger Recognition Award

  A Heart A Fire nominated me for The Blogger Recognition Award. She nominated me months ago. Lyme Disease truly slows you physical and Cognitive ability. I encourage everyone to spend time at http://www.aheartafire.wordpress.com.  You will enjoy her Blog and fantastic writing. Thank you for nominating Looking For The Light Blog for The Blogger Recognition Award The criteria for this award: Post an image of award Thank the person, mention name of the blog and link them to your post Briefly explain how your blog got started Give a piece of advice to fellow blogger. Nominate 15 bloggers for the award and notify them you to accept award as recognition and appreciation of your contribution to a brighter world; the gift of beauty, inspiration, and enlightenment. A bit of advice to a fellow blogger: Write what you’re passionate about, show people your personality.  If you are can’t be truthful to yourself, people will know and you’ll burn out fast. Good luck. I’m not able to include 15 fantastic Bloggers. I feel like a cheater. Those who know me understand the effects of Lyme Diease and how it robs your ability little by little. I’m grateful and wish my body allowed more energy, Grateful  Xx  Melinda  

Read More →