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Could you hit your child?

Original post 3/2014 Both of my parents and stepfather abused me. We’re not talking spanking, we’re talking banging your head into the wall. I am 100% for discipline, accountability and house rules. You see children who have involved parents and the childs demeanor. I see parents yelling at the child while grocery shopping, belittling them in front of strangers. What we can’t see is child abuse. Child abuse is a taboo topic for most. My mother physically and emotionally abused me. I never told anyone, not even close family. I walked on eggshells at home. My first attempt at suicide was at 9 years old.  One morning I went to make breakfast and my mother told me I could not wear those jeans to school. This was the early 1970’s I was in 7th grade and probably argued with her. All the years my mother abused me, I never hit back. This morning was different. She started calling me a slut. She came to grab me and I hit her in the face. We were fighting and my stepfather walks in. Picture a 100 lbs. 12-year-old with braces getting hit in the mouth with a fist by of grown man. The inside of my mouth was bleeding from the braces breaking the skin. I had a bruise from nose to chin and some blackness around the eyes. I was not allowed to go to school for several days. When I returned most of the bruising […]

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Running to Stand Still

Original post from 3/2014 The song “Running to Stand Still” by U2 pierced my soul. I can’t explain the feeling. It describes my life in four simple words. I have fought most of my life to stay alive, many from my own bad choices. In the early sixties my parents met at a party. I don’t know if they dated […]

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Throw Back Thursday *Wild Child Days*

Reading a post earlier brought back memories of my drug addicted wild child days. My boyfriend was a dealer so I did everything but a needle. Many scary times living with my father. I ran away, he pointing a 357 magnum at the friends he could find. Threatening to kill them if lying. Good thing he didn’t know I was crouched in the front passenger floorboard. I never forgot the music we were getting stoned to. LET’S ROCK AND ROLL   Xx  M

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The import from previous Blog is completed *Adding close to 500 additional post*

Time to celebrate!!!! Bring your kazoo, streamers, silly string and lots of cupcakes. I can finally say Looking for the Light has merged with Looking for the Light Blog. The conversion took longer than expected. Now Looking for the Light (previous) blog completes the transition to http:lookingforthelightblog.wordpress.com. The conversion added almost 500 new post dating back to 2005. I have learned a valuable lesson, starting a new site and importing post from previous blog will give you grey hair. The confusion during the holidays was crazy for me and many followers. I appreciate those who stayed with me. Many people didn’t know where my blog would be the next day. Neither did I, every morning was a guessing game. A special thanks to friends and followers, we completed the journey from hell. Xx  M  

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Throw Back Thursday *Stop! Heart Breaks Ahead*

For Valentines, I share my heart with you. For me, great music is watching an artist caressing the guitar like a lover. I want lyrics to pull me close with intense emotion and yearning. WP is playing again tonight. I add third video, presto one is deleted. No problem here, will have double the fun. Enjoy! Working on second Throw Back Thursday now. Surprises? Xx  M    

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Throw Back Thursday *Rock Your World*

Hello from Texas, I like spending Thursday with you. I’m starting my Rock Star weekend now. I loved watching James Bay jamming at Buy Guy’s place. Cocaine, What a great tune. Memories of the year I spent in BAD GIRL Boarding School. I had red tee shirt with cocaine written on it, the nuns and probation officer didn’t see the humor. My probation officer made it clear. I was a ward of The State and she could transfer me to Boot Camp style school. Nothing like a memory from the past. Nickelback, what is there to say? They are great when you want to jam and look at Chad. Have a safe weekend. Xx  M

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I’m Mourning and She’s Still Alive

Originally posted February 27, 2006 My grandmother passed away in 2005 from Dementia brought on by two strokes. I’m reposting for caregivers with a loved one with Alzheimer’s or Dementia. For those who have not been a caregiver, the post may help you down the road. Caregivers commit every ounce of energy to keep their loved one comfortable, take care of yourself. Your body can physically break down. Due to her lack of memory it’s hard to take an eye off her, 24/7. I was fortunate we had hospice care, allowing Gramps to play domino’s everyday until the last months. He was strong in accepting his life changed dramatically. He never complained. A month ago my grandmother fell and broke her hip, a bad situation for any 85-year-old. Made worse with the memory loss. The hospital had the worst staff.. She’s home after a week in the hospital and another in a nursing home. That was hard on me, thinking about leaving her there and the response when Gramps wasn’t at her side. I took the grave shift and slept on floor next to her. My mind runs to at high level by switching to what I call “caregiver mode”. I can manage tons of information, what drugs each takes, scheduling appointments, discuss test results or anything needed to take care of two people who are dying and “switch back” when at home. Before the fall, my grandmother knew me […]

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