Fibromyalgia Thoughts #1 Fat, Sex & Shame

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I had to accept the loss of everyday control once diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I go to bed with plans for the next day, when the morning rolls around, I can’t get out of bed. In the past, I would beat myself up, feel shame and anger. 

A shower takes an hour, it’s painful and exhausting. Instead, I use hospital approved cleansing wipes to bathe on the days when I can’t handle the thought of a shower. I’m embarrassed to tell my husband. 

I shaved my head yesterday, taking care of my hair takes too much energy. I’m housebound, only doctors see me. My husband doesn’t say anything but I imagine the negative thoughts he has. Why can’t his wife be normal like others, why can’t we go out to eat, why don’t we have sex, I’m fat………the thoughts can consume. 

I can ask myself questions about why/why not every day, I don’t. It’s not productive, not within my control and doesn’t help my health. Stress creates inflammation creates more pain. 

I pray a lot every day. 

Melinda

 

12 Comments »

  1. You say you pray a lot I use to pray a lot too about all my health issues and all I got back was silence. I would see others around me experience healing from prayers but I was never so fortunate. I have stopped praying.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I feel frustration that my prayers aren’t taking care of me so to say but I don’t know how much worse it could be. I do have good days and for those I’m thankful. I look at my challenges as lessons for the next challenge. Sounds corny but I don’t know when God will reveal himself. Have a great day. Thanks for commenting. 🙂

      Like

  2. reading this post breaks me heart. although i can’t completely understand what you are going through, I do know what it is like to live with chronic illnesses and all the crap that runs through your head on a continuous basis. it sucks……….so we pray for better days.

    Like

    • Yes, praying for better days is the answer. I have several chronic illnesses but have just recently started writing about my Fibromyalgia. All my illnesses roll into one and the head chatter gets louder. My husband tries hard to understand but only someone who is in the position or so close to the position can know. I’m sure you know all the feeling well. They come and go, thankfully. Have a great day!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You really have to be very brave to face the problems of this disease. You have to have a strong will to not let you decay. I think you’re a great woman and you’ll get ahead. An immense hug and a lot of strength.

    Liked by 2 people

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