It’s Been 28 years………

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It’s been 28 years since you killed yourself.

Too many Birthday, Christmas, and Thanksgivings.

Wishing I could say I missed you but that would not be true. I do have some great snippets, little memories from my early childhood. Other memories, more unstable memories from my teens when I lived with you.

Driving down the freeway, the speed limit was 70, you drove 90 while punching the radio dials looking for something worth listening to while smoking Swisher Sweet cigars with the window closed as we choked in the backseat.

You would pick me up from daycare and take me to the convenience store around the corner, buy two RC Cola’s, sodas required a 10 cent deposit back then, we would sit in the car singing to Charly Pride and Hank Williams Sr. to the to of our lungs until we finished our soda’s and go in for our deposit. 

I ran away, you drove around with a 357 magnum pointing it at my friends, threatening them to tell you where I was. Cary won an Academy Award for his ” I have no idea where she is speech” as I lay crouched on the floorboard.

You bought me a bag of weed so I would stay home and smoke with you and your friends instead of going out with mine. What is wrong with this picture, I was 13 years old. You thought everything was fine. Like any parent would do the same.

I tried to kill myself, instead of taking me to the hospital five minutes away, you called Granny saying you are going to drive me to see her thirty minutes away. When she said no, you took me to “the club” and had them give me a glass of milk before taking me to the hospital. I almost died just from your lack of action. You had no grasp on reality.

It’s been 28 years since you killed yourself…….

19 comments

    1. Thank you for the words of encouragement, I’ve been very fortunate in my life and have come miles away from the abuse of my parents. We all have our baggage, some get more than others, many days I feel very lucky. I read so many stories that make mine look like June Cleaver. So glad you took the time to read and hope you keep coming back. I don’t write on deep subjects very often, it’s something I’ve started doing again on Sundays. I guess I need a little cleansing right now.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. This is why I can relate to many of your posts, the underlying pain may come from a different place but trauma is trauma to some degree. Thanks for commenting. I’m so glad I had my grandparents to save me. 🙂 What do you think of the new Survivors theme?

      Liked by 2 people

    1. You understand. I thank God am okay. Years of therapy helped me deal with my dads abuse and death. The abuse from my mother is a different story. One I’ve forgotten but not forgiven and moved on from. I’m sure you’ve heard many worse stories from people who’s parents are mentally ill or abuse them. I don’t discuss my dad’s sexual abuse other than saying it happened. Thanks for your comment.

      Like

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