Sunday Thoughts, I Was A Child

I was a child, six months old. You left me in the bathtub while you answered the door. Did you want me to drown?

I was a child, a baby, running a high fever in the middle of winter. You pushed my highchair in front of an open window to cool me down. Did your mother teach you that?

I was a child, a toddler, You dug your nails into my underarms so none would see the bruises. Granny didn’t understand why I cried so hard when you grabbed me by the arm.

I was a child, a teenager. You slapped me for the last time, I fought back. One swing and your husband punches me in the mouth with his fist. Were you glad he came to your rescue?

I was a child, a teenager. You told Child Protective Services I was mentally ill and you were trying to get me admitted to the state hospital. Crazy, who me?

I became an adult, no longer a child, and realized the manipulation and pain you caused and severed all ties. Why do you still send my Birthday and Christmas cards?

I was a child…..

Melinda

32 comments

  1. This is very moving. I hope it was therapeutic to write. I’m sorry you went through so much pain a child should never have to experience. I’m also thankful for your grandparents and your healing.

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      1. I myself escape from my parents after years of beating (even close to death) and sometimes I wish I reported them, but I’m an adult now so it’s too late.
        But no matter how little a child experienced abused, it won’t make it better by knowing someone have it worse.

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    1. Like you, I hurt for all the children hurting today. Every once in awhile I hear a news story that breaks my heart and I have to talk with my therapist. I don’t look back but when I suffer from another child, I hurt for the child I was. Thanks for commenting.

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        1. There’s a story about a nine-year-old girl who was chained to the front porch and starved to death. It hit me like a brick, I never had it that bad but I had to see my therapist because it kept making me cry. That when I learned how much I was hurting for the child in me. It’s so unnecessary, how do people come up with such horrible behavior towards anyone but let alone their own children. Like you God has played a big part in my life and recovery.

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          1. That is horrific beyond words. Pure evil. I don’t understand that.

            My mom tried to gas us all to death several times, among many other things. But at least she fed us, enough to keep us alive.

            Man, that is so sad.

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    1. I wasn’t able to forgive but forgot enough to move forward. I’m not sure you can ever forgive. Although I believe in God, I can’t say I’ve totally forgiven. I don’t’ have a bitter heart and that is what is important. Hopefully, someone will be helped by my sharing.

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  2. I don’t know quite what to say. I hurt for that child, for the adult that still carries those scars. I’m so sorry for what you went through. You came out the other side with a beautiful, untarnished heart, despite all you’ve been through.  ♥

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    1. Thank you, that’s the miracle of it all. If it weren’t for the unconditional love of my grandparents and a great therapist I would have not made it the other side. It certainly helps that I believe in a much higher power. I put that out there since it’s Domestic Violence Areaness month. I have a few more to publish this month. I hope it helps someone to know they can survive and come okay, if people know me well enough they know I don’t have a bitter heart. That’s the important thing. Thanks for reading. I hurt for the child too sometimes.

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