Memories: I Was Stalked For Six Years
Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Moving Forward · Survivor

Memories: I Was Stalked For Six Years

Looking for the Light

Repost from 2017 and the memory wasn’t a trigger, just life. Be aware of how people with an agenda can reel you in and they can take years to do it. Don’t fall for it.

On my first business trip, I was 24 years old and clueless. The company was celebrating a milestone. Once we were bored, around 20 of us found a bar and settled in. This is the time for a stalker, large groups of people, and pick your target.

First, he sent me a dozen white roses every day to my office. I was young and naive about stalking. I assumed he had money.

The cards started coming and he started asking me to come to Boston. The phone calls were coming more often. I didn’t know how a stalker reeled in their target.

After months of roses and cards, I gave in. Once in Boston, his lies were easy to see. The parents owned the house, he lived over the garage. My radar is up about but nothing else. There was a party at a friend’s house, let’s see how many are losers. The party was fun I talked about food, and one conversation about escargot stood out, they were amazed I knew how to say it right, wine, and traveling. He paraded me around like a 100-lb piece of meat.

We had a selection of drugs, hash, cocaine, and some using a needle. I don’t use a needle period. I enjoyed the selection of smokes. We left heading for his house, he was high and driving. We arrive and had problems with the stairs, we were too high, and laughing our ass off. I told him before arriving, that I would not sleep with him, ok no problem he said. We started doing a line of coke, no memory of how many lines, it didn’t matter

I was stoned. He tried to get to lay on the bed and he wouldn’t touch me. The other sleeping option was the couch, I chose the couch. His personality changed to anger. He begged me for what seemed like an hour. He finally gave up, leaving him to plan his next move.

I left my cell phone at home and used his phone to call Granny. BAD MOVE. We had lunch with his parents. They seemed normal, which was good, maybe the thoughts were a reaction from past experiences.

We went to the mall so he could buy me a leather jacket. WEIRD. Before leaving he takes me to a 5-star restaurant on the water. Then off to the airport, and listened to more lies.

The calls to my office and home were nonstop, leaving messages on my phone with his voice getting angrier, making threats. What can he do to me he’s in Boston. NAIVE.

The fear escalated over six years, always looking over my shoulder, and avoiding crowds. Years went by and I thought it was over, in 1992 I moved to another city 70 miles away for my job.  He wrote me a letter at my new address. Dating was worse, you have to tell them about this crazy person. One guy I dated had two boys, and afraid for them he would go to the car alone in case a bomb ignited.

In 2017 someone I knew from WordPress started stalking me only now there was technology that allowed them to intrude on my entire life. I’m not a kid anymore and I still get scared. I thought the stalker had left me alone, yet they were still watching, always there, letting me know via text. This went on for two years and ended with the police pulling a gun on me in front of my house and neighbors.

I wrote in an earlier post about how I taunted the stalker. Don’t take my lead and attack back, by expressing your anger their aggression can escalate.

Don’t keep the secret to yourself, it’s a heavy load.

Don’t allow yourself to become bait, you know when something is off. Your gut will tell you.

RAINN is an organization I strongly believe in and they are on the top of my yearly donation list. The link is to resources for Stalking and Cyberstalking.

Melinda

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15 thoughts on “Memories: I Was Stalked For Six Years”

  1. Your experience, Melinda, is similar to my brother’s. Mike is a recovering alcoholic. For years he tried to help other alcoholics but then learned, he needed to keep focused on his own recovery. He’s since done extraordinarily well. We all have our gifts and battles.

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    1. I ws jaded as a child, more so as a teen and even more now as an adult. That’s who I am and I accept it. I work hard to look beyond but it really happens. On my old collaborative site, Survivors Blog Here which we started in 2014 and I closed down last year. It was just what the blog name meant and I got very involved trying to help people, that’s my nature. I’ve learned many lessons thru the experience and no clearly I can’t help people, they have to help themselves, I’m not a Psychiatrist and I can’t make seriously ill people take there meds. They are to far gone and even on meds, the most difficult mental illness have no control over their brain. Their different personality are all different and many are cruel to them and in return they can be too. I have even had to learn to stop follow several people in the last six months, I can’t help, don’t want to get involved and can’t read the post any longer. They still follow me. I rarely if at all comment back. Bipolar Disorder is the first complex mental illness which is what I have but from there it’s a whole new level. It’s heartbreaking, but I can’t let that in anymore. I spent so many years deeply involved and it cost me not only my mental health, 24 hours a day on the computer and stalked. I’m working hard to not be negative and rant and cutting all negativity out of my life. It affects me too much. I’m still not watching the news. I’m writing less post and spending my days on what I love, my indoor and outdoor plants, the birds and slowly cleaning our dirty house. I get little help with the house and our dogs can’t handle a maid service. We just started putting Griffy on an anxiety med because she had such a traumatic background and we didn’t train and treat her separation anxiety. We only give the smallest amount on the days he leaves for hours to run errands and when service people come to the house. Monday will be a challenge, a plumber is coming and has to come in the house, get in the attic and she is going to freak. Long reply, have a great day, I know you’re not reading tonight and that’s for the best. I’m hitting the hay soon to spend my hour of relaxing before he comes to bed. :)

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    1. I finally figured out who from WordPress was stalking me. She has a serious mental illness and I had tried to help her. I don’t do that any more or follow people with BPD or MPD. She was giving me clues from different personalities but it wasn’t till she used L that I knew who she was and acknowledged her, she then stopped. She hacked into my phone and computer and really messed me up. But stalkers are everywhere, I don’t understand or care to why people want to stalk. She din’t want to hurt me, I think she was trying to communicate from other personalities and I didn’t know there names. I hope to not go through that a 4th time. Have a great weekend.

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  5. what a nightmare! I have a friend who went out with a friend of a friend. She felt safe getting in his car. His crazy behavior started right then and she escaped when he stopped at a convenience store. He stalked her for years.

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  6. I want to add that I once knew a woman who was unattractive, had a boring basic car, a boring basic house, a boring wardrobe, she had few if any people visiting her. I lived next door to her and we(I was married at the time), had evacuated because of a hurricane. She stayed. I called her to check on any damages to our house and luckily there was none. She had told me that she was so grateful for her gas stove because she could still have her cup of tea(power outage). Today I envy that woman. A boring life that no one would desire or want to go near her with and having something so small and basic as a cup of tea making her happy.

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    1. All of us have bad experiences, it those who get up and give it another go that are survivors. There is no measurement for bad or trauma, all are bad, it how we deal with them. How we put in the hard work to get back up on our feet that matters.

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