10 Phrases Nobody With Bipolar Disorder Wants To Hear

By Tanya Hvilivitzky

Medically Reviewed by Allison Young, MD

Last Updated: 31 Jul 2024

Understanding the impact of your words can make a significant difference. Discover more thoughtful ways to express yourself and create a more caring environment.

Words have immense power. They can uplift and encourage but also wound deeply, often without the speaker even realizing it. This is particularly true for individuals living with bipolar disorder, for whom certain phrases can be not just unhelpful but profoundly hurtful. While some of these comments might seem innocuous or well-meaning, they often reflect misunderstandings about the nature of mental health conditions.

These phrases wouldn’t just be hurtful to someone with bipolar disorder; they can be upsetting to anyone, as they often invalidate feelings and experiences.

The goal isn’t to police language but to encourage awareness and empathy. Many in our community have shared that specific comments, though well-intentioned, can worsen their struggles. Understanding why these phrases are hurtful helps us become better allies and offers support that truly helps.

Here are 10 of the most common and hurtful things people with bipolar disorder have heard:

1. ‘Snap Out of It’

This phrase implies that managing bipolar disorder is simply a matter of willpower, which dismisses the complexity and challenges of the condition. Bipolar disorder is a serious mental health condition that involves severe mood swings, including manic and depressive episodes. Suggesting that someone can “snap out of it” minimizes the profound impact these episodes can have on a person’s life. It also ignores the necessity of medical treatment, therapy, and lifestyle changes to manage the disorder effectively.

A more supportive approach would be acknowledging their struggle and asking how to help, such as, “I can see you’re going through a tough time. How can I support you?”

2. ‘Everyone Has Mood Swings Sometimes’

Comparing typical mood swings to the extreme highs and lows of bipolar disorder minimizes the severity of the condition. Mood swings in bipolar disorder are not just simple changes in emotion; they can be intense and debilitating, affecting every part of a person’s life, from their relationships to their ability to function day-to-day. This comparison can make someone with bipolar disorder feel misunderstood and isolated.

Instead, try expressing empathy without comparison: “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. I’m here to listen if you need to talk.”

3. ‘You’re Just Being Overly Dramatic or Emotional’

This can be particularly hurtful as people with bipolar disorder may react strongly due to their condition, and being told they’re overreacting can feel invalidating. Such a statement dismisses their genuine feelings and experiences, which are influenced by their brain-based disorder. It’s essential to recognize that their reactions are not within their complete control.

A better way to respond would be to validate their feelings: “It seems like this is really affecting you. How can I help?”

4. ‘I Wish I Was Manic so I Could Get Stuff Done’

This comment trivializes the manic episodes of bipolar disorder, which can involve risky behaviors, sleep problems, and impaired judgment, not just increased productivity. Mania is not simply a burst of energy; it can be destructive and dangerous. You might inadvertently romanticize a very challenging aspect of the disorder by saying this.

A more compassionate approach would be to ask how they are managing their symptoms: “It must be exhausting dealing with mania. What helps you cope?”

5. ‘Maybe You Should Pray More’

While spiritual practices can be a source of comfort for some, suggesting that prayer alone can manage bipolar disorder dismisses the need for medical treatment and professional support. Mental health conditions like bipolar disorder typically require a combination of medication, therapy, and lifestyle adjustments.

A more helpful comment would be: “I hope you find comfort in your faith, and I’m here to support you in whatever way you need.”

6. ‘You Don’t Seem Like You’re Bipolar’

This is along the same lines as “You seem so normal.” This statement can make someone feel like their struggles are being dismissed or that they are being judged for not showing visible signs of their condition. Bipolar disorder doesn’t have a “look,” and many people work hard to manage their symptoms and appear outwardly stable. It’s essential to recognize that internal experiences can differ greatly from outward appearances.

Instead, you might say: “I admire how well you manage your condition. How are you really feeling?”

7. ‘Why Can’t You Just Be Happy?’

Suggesting that happiness is simply a choice overlooks the complex factors that influence mood in bipolar disorder. Happiness is not a simple decision for someone with a brain-based disorder; it can be influenced by connections between brain cells, life circumstances, and other factors beyond their control. This question can feel dismissive and make the person feel blamed for their condition.

A more supportive statement would be: “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. What can I do to help?”

8. ‘Have You Tried Just Not Taking Your Meds?’

This can be dangerous advice, as managing bipolar disorder often requires careful medical supervision, and abruptly stopping medication can have serious consequences. Medications for bipolar disorder are usually carefully prescribed and monitored by a healthcare provider to manage symptoms and prevent an episode. Suggesting someone stop their medication can undermine their treatment plan and pose significant risks.

Instead, express support for their treatment plan: “I hope your treatment is helping. How are you finding it?”

9. ‘You Just Need to Exercise More’

While exercise can be beneficial for mental health, suggesting it as a cure-all solution minimizes the complexity of bipolar disorder and the need for comprehensive treatment plans. Exercise is part of a broader treatment strategy that includes medication and therapy.

Instead of suggesting a simple fix, acknowledge the complexity of the condition: “Exercise can be helpful. What else is part of your treatment plan?”

10. ‘You’ve Got It So Good, Why Are You Depressed?’

This minimizes the person’s feelings and implies that their life circumstances should prevent them from feeling depressed, which is not how bipolar disorder works. Depression in bipolar disorder is not about having a bad day; it’s a severe symptom that can occur regardless of external circumstances.

A more empathetic response would be: “I know things might look good from the outside, but I understand that doesn’t change how you feel. How can I support you?”

UPDATED: Originally posted November 27, 2016

CAREGIVERS, FAMILY, FRIENDS, RELATIONSHIPS, STIGMA

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tanya Hvilivitzky

Tanya Hvilivitzky has spent more than 30 years in the communications field — a career that has included stints as an investigative journalist, managing editor for a lifestyle and wellness magazine, corporate communications director, and researcher/writer. She has been with bpHope (and bp Magazine) since 2016, serving in roles such as features editor, interim editor, and, currently, senior editor. She has been devoted to mental health awareness since she was the editor of Schizophrenia Digest in her early days, and now with a particular focus on highlighting the complexities of bipolar disorder through compassionate, service-based journalism. As an award-winning writer/editor, Tanya received the Beyond Borders Media Award for her 2012 investigative exposé about human trafficking for Niagara Magazine. Her work on this critical topic also earned the Media Freedom Award “Honouring Canada’s Heroes” from the Joy Smith Foundation to Stop Human Trafficking.

Melinda

Reference:

https://www.bphope.com/bipolar-buzz/the-worst-things-you-can-say-to-someone-with-bipolar/?utm_source=iContact&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=bphope&utm_content=BUZZ+-+Nov3+-+10Phrases