Bipolar and Binge Eating: How I Broke Free

By Sasha Kildare

Medically Reviewed by Allison Young, MD

Last Updated: 5 Nov 2024

I tamed my intense cravings and calmed my binge-eating habits to help keep my diet — and my bipolar moods — in balance.

My co-worker carefully extricates her lunch from the toaster oven. The slice of leftover pizza, cheese dripping over its edges, smells divine. She observes me plopping frozen spinach, grilled chicken, and a splash of tomato sauce into a microwave-safe casserole dish and says, “You’re so good. I wish I could eat like that.”

“It’s easy to be good when you’re afraid of passing out over your keyboard from low blood sugar,” I reply to excuse my freakishly healthful lunch. I explained to her that maintaining a good diet keeps my moods in check and would go beyond the bounds of casual break-room small talk.

The steadier my blood sugar levels throughout the day, the steadier my energy, the more alert I feel, the less anxiety I experience, and the more productive I am. The more alert and productive I am, the better I keep bipolar depression at bay.

Work festivities can be a tad awkward, though. I’ve become adept at resisting temptation when someone brings in a plate of brownies, despite the bewildered urging when I refuse. “You gotta try this. It’s Aunt Bessie’s recipe.” Or, “C’mon, who doesn’t like chocolate?” I try to explain, “I love chocolate. It just doesn’t love me.”

Binge Eating and Bipolar Disorder

I used to be a binge eater, regularly losing and gaining as much as 50 pounds. After getting home from work, I could easily inhale ice cream by the pint or a sleeve of chocolate chip cookies dipped in milk — or both. The sugar was like a tranquilizer for my anxious feelings.

Several months and several dress sizes later, I would restrict my eating to lose the excess weight. I cut and cut and cut calories until I was down to diet soda, French fries, and not much else. But crash dieting crashed me into hypomania. By the time I fit into my skinny jeans, my judgment would be even skimpier.

I finally gave up the hard stuff — chocolate, desserts, anything with white flour — when I was trying to get pregnant. (Who knew that wide swings in weight can throw the reproductive hormones off kilter?) Two kids and an education in nutrition later, my weight fluctuates by a more moderate 10 pounds or so. And as long as I don’t eat sugar, I don’t crave it.

How Stress and Fatigue Cause Carbohydrate Cravings

If only it were just sugar. If I’m not careful, bagels and white bread can just as easily send me to Bingeland.

Stress and fatigue fuel our hunger for carbohydrate-heavy treats. There’s a connection between carbs and the brain’s production of serotonin, the “feel-good” hormone — although trying to piece together exactly how this works makes me remember why I flunked organic chemistry.

Here’s an easier tidbit from bio class: The body turns any carb into glucose, a.k.a. blood sugar, to use as energy. The more quickly carbs “dissolve,” the more quickly glucose gets dumped into the bloodstream. Blood sugar levels spike, and what goes up must come down — leading to lethargy and low mood.

In self-defense, I’ve become a student of the glycemic index. Originally developed to help people with diabetes keep their blood sugar in balance, the glycemic index tells you how quickly glucose levels rise after eating a particular food.

White bread, alas, ranks high on the glycemic index. As a compromise, I end my day with a slice of whole wheat bread slathered with crunchy peanut butter and a smidgeon of strawberry jam.

Finding the Right Eating Habits for Bipolar Mood Management

I live in a rush zone from 5:30 a.m. until I chase my daughter into bed at 9:30 p.m. I chow down a protein bar and travel mug of cold water while driving to the office. I write bits of stories and articles in my head while working out. The drive home doubles as a time to make business and social calls.

PB&J on whole wheat unwinds me. It quells my anxiety about everything I need to accomplish before bedtime, everything I am not going to accomplish before bedtime, and everyone I will let down by not getting to every “to do.”

Of course, it’s possible to find that relaxed, comforted feeling through journaling, writing a gratitude list, meditating, stretching, or walking around the block. When I’m tired, though, it’s much easier to use food to chase away my anxiety. And if I actually kept off that extra 10 pounds, what would I have to whine about?

Maybe that’s the real question I need to ask myself: What am I really hungry for? Understanding my needs and making small adjustments can help me balance eating habits and self-care, supporting a healthier, more stable mood over time.

UPDATED: Originally printed as “My Battle of the Binge”, Winter 2014

I had problems with binge eating when I was younger and always tied it to stress. Now I have a different perspective to mull about.

Melinda