Suicide, What’s Left Behind?
Chronic Illness · Health and Wellbeing · Medical · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Mental Illness

Suicide, What’s Left Behind?

Looking for the Light

This is a previous post I feel is important to shine a light on for Mental Health Awareness Month.

Some states like Colorado have what’s called a Red Gun Law. It basically allows someone who is concerned that a person may harm themselves or others to go before a judge and if warranted, have their weapons taken away for 30 days. This type of law could save many lives, in that 30 days, you might be able to get your loved one or friend the help they so desperately need.

5/30/21

Melinda

Photo by Micael Widell on Pexels.com

My father committed suicide in 1992 after a long struggle with mental illness, he was 52 years old. This post isn’t about how to prevent suicide, or that it’s preventable, this post is about what is left behind after a person commits suicide.

September is Suicide Prevention Month and I’ve struggled with what to write. I do believe strongly that as a society we have to talk about suicide. As much as I advocate for everything I believe in suicide is something so personal to me that it’s different. It’s not the stigma, I don’t care what anyone thinks about my father’s death. It’s that in order to prevent suicide you have to start so far in advance of the person wanting to commit suicide.

My father abused me and we were estranged from the time I was a teenager. When I lived with my father I knew he was emotionally unstable but I was a kid and had my own problems. After 14 years my father calls me and starts talking about suicide. About how he can’t work, how he doesn’t have any money, and on and on.

The daughter and human in me responded, I was heartbroken, in shock, felt responsible and started paying his bills, sending him money and we talked all the time. He constantly talked about people bugging his phone, and people following him. I didn’t realize at the time my father was delusional.

I continued to beg him every time we talked to not kill himself, to think about my granny, his mother who would be devastated. I talked and pleaded for months. Begged him to go to the doctor. I did what I could.

I got a call late one Sunday saying “your father did away with himself” from my gramps. I was in such shock I called right back and asked was he dead or on the way to the hospital. No, he’s dead.

Here are a few things I learned after my father died.

He had been in a downward spiral for years by looking at his living conditions. He had boxes and boxes of cassette tapes by his bed, recordings he had made. I remember him talking about someone bugging his phone so I listened to every one of those tapes several times. There was nothing on most of them, some were recordings of my father talking on the phone. Some were just noise or his breathing. My father was delusional.

I could go on and on but there are a few takeaways.

One of the most difficult things you have to deal with in a suicide death is a closed casket funeral. You can’t see their face and say goodbye so there is an unmet emotional void that never goes away.

I did everything within my power, my dad was a grown man. A man with his own free will. I could not make him go to the doctor for help. There wasn’t a Gun Law in Texas where you could call the police and they would come out to take away a gun. There may not be one now.

I felt unbearable guilt, the pressure of the weight of thinking I could have prevented my granny’s pain was so much I drank myself crazy.

What I did learn from his death as we had the same mental illness, Bipolar Disorder, and I was 75% more likely to commit suicide because my father had. I took that information and I found the best Psychiatrist I could. He is still my doctor today and has saved my life many times.

You can’t stop someone from killing themselves if they are determined. They will find a way now or later.

What we can do is look for signs early in life and during a crisis to see if a person needs help and guide them in that direction. If you’re a parent you have much more control when your child is younger.

The key to preventing suicide is to bring all the emotional damage to the surface to be dealt with and treat mental illnesses with the help of a Therapist & Psychiatrist. I will also add that if you’re inclined you can push for laws that allow the police to be called and for them to take the gun away for some period of time. Each state is different. You can also push for stronger gun laws if that is your wish.

It took me many years to grieve my father but I have reached the other side. You can too.

Melinda

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30 thoughts on “Suicide, What’s Left Behind?”

  1. Thank you for your heartfelt post. Suicide is certainly something I think about regularly having a wife and daughter, seeing myself as a failure. I don’t abuse them physically, emotionally and verbally, but my wife is aware of my struggles. We have a roof and food but at the end of the day i struggle. At 45 years old I’ve come to the end my road as I plan for my impending death, carefully planning to make sure my family is financially secure before taking my final breath. I’m okay that that since I attempted Suicde in 2007 but was saved by my sister.

    My mind says people are better off . Your post lets me think there is life after death since your father died in the 90s you’re still here . I know we’re all different I can’t compare my mental to yours or anyone else but at the of the day it’s our minds that allow us to push forward but unfortunately I’m weak minded but that will end soon , as I weed out the weakness from my families life once and for all.

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    1. You are very strong to admit your feelings and struggles. Our mind tells us many lies when we are so down and don’t have to fight them very hard. This is personal so you don’t have to answer. Do you have a mental illness or a very traumatic background? If you have a mental illness, like I do, Are you seeing a Psychiatrist and being honest with them? If not a mental illness, are you working with a therapist to help you work thru the trauma, and helping you to think positive thoughts about yourself and the future? My father was not diagnosed and never saw a doctor. Seeking the right help is the reason I’m alive but also realize everyone has different demons and reasons to commit suicide. I think you have started on the right path by thinking about your family but if I’m honest you have to work on yourself. I’m always here to talk to or answer any questions. I’m happy to share what I have experienced. :) Hugs.

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      1. Thank you for your response, yes I would consider myself bi-polar diagnosed years ago when I saw a psychiatrist and a therapist but haven’t seen one for years. Maybe because I found wants to not be on meds. I was in okay for many years but over the last years I’ve had struggles financially, making sure we always had a roof over our head and food, it’s exhausting. I love my family and like most we’d do anything for them and have, but mind is tired, I feel broken and about to give up. I ask myself where’s my peace of mind, my relief, when can I feel
        Okay .

        Growing up yes I can say I was verbally abused from childhood into adulthood, feeling just forgotten . Today I feel forgotten for the most part. I know my wife and daughter would be devastated if I died but in my mind they’d eventually recover. Seeing them finish the race is important for me even if I lose my race.

        I have written blogs and books in preparation for my departure so my family has my last words and legacy, in addition I am decluttering my life to avoid extra pain for my family when and if they have to move. All these thoughts always running on my tired mind every day.

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        1. I’m Bipolar as well and as tired as I get taking medication, I have to take too stay balanced and not go down the rabbit hole. I am treatment-resistant and have taken so many medications for over 30 years, and believe me it was frustrating as hell, like you there were tired when I wanted to give up on medication but I knew the outcome. My worst trauma was, child abuse, insest, emotional as well as being raped and staked several times. They hurt me deeply and changed how I thought about myself for the longest time. It was gut-wrenching to work thru that but I’ve been seeing my threapist for over 30 years. I’m not saying that’s the answer for you, everyone has different needs. I’ll stop by your blog and read your background information and how you think. I can only share my story, can’t tell you what to do or stop you, I’ve learned that’s not possible. I will send a comment back with some resources you may want to turn to for more urgent help. Thinking about you.

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        2. Mental Health Resources

          NIMH.NIH.gov

          ADDitude Magazine

          CHADD.org

          ADD.org

          New Method Wellness

          Addiction Rehab Treatment

          Addiction Group.org

          D’Amore Mental Health

          Addiction Rehab Treatment.com/mental-health/depression/

          Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

          International Bipolar Foundation

          Mental Health America

          MentalHealth.gov

          National Institute of Mental Health

          National Institute on Aging

          National SuicidePreventionLifeline.org
          1-800-273-TALK (8255)
          Press 1, Veterans Crisis Line USA
          Press 2, Se Habla Español
          LifeLine Chat

          CrisisTextLine.org
          Text 741-741
          Facebook.com/CrisisTextLine

          IMAlive.org Crisis Chat

          TheTrevorProject.org (LGBTQ Youth)
          1-866-488-7386 (24/7/365)
          TrevorChat (7 days/week from 3PM–10PM ET / noon–3PM PT)
          TrevorText — text START to 678-678 (Mon–Fri, 3PM–10PM ET / noon–3PM PT)

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          1. I appreciate your kind words and that our paths crossed. I’m glad that you have not given up the fight. It sounds like you have been grew a lot and you’re still standing.

            Thank you for the resources

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  3. Really good to hear you.

    I believe it helps to write about this stuff, but my family would never even talk about, (let alone write about) these important things in our lives. Gavin.

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    1. It’s difficult when you can’t have open conversations with your family. I shared very little with my grandparents even though I know they would have listened. The best thing I did for myself was start seeing a therapist, I see her next week and have been seeing her for 33 or 34 years. Take good care of yourself.

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  5. A powerful post dear lady. I remember talking with a friend with bi-polar and she was going through a very rough patch. And as she got more distressed, Spirit showed me this little girl inside crying to be let out. And at that instant I left my body and was shown the beauty beyond it. Unconditional love.

    There truly are no words to express something so profound, but it did make me see that yes, there is so much ‘hard stuff’ in this world. But ‘through’ it is something worth every step we take. The hard parts allow us to see what unconditional love ‘is not’, so that we can see and understand what unconditional love ‘is’ when we break through to it.

    It is a hard, hard world kind lady, and I even considered ‘letting go’ myself in my youth. But because I have now been shown so much, I can now see why we go through it all. It is indeed a powerful teacher.

    All I can give is this understanding, a hope of something worth every single step we take down here, no matter the pain. Because beyond it is so profound, because we did take these steps down here.

    A great share, and thank you in letting others feel its pain and understand just what it means to touch those very hard parts in our journey…and can reach out for help ❤️🙏

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  7. Your courage in sharing such a deeply personal and painful journey is powerful beyond words. Shedding light on what’s left behind after suicide is a necessary truth that many are afraid to confront—but you’ve done so with strength, compassion, and purpose. Your advocacy, vulnerability, and commitment to mental health awareness will undoubtedly help others feel less alone and more empowered to seek help. Thank you for transforming your pain into a beacon for others.

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      1. You’re doing something truly brave and compassionate by speaking out and creating a space where others can feel seen and supported. You’re absolutely right—suicide is often wrapped in silence, and that silence can be so isolating. Your words, your honesty, and your willingness to help others through your blog do make a difference. Even one life touched is a life changed. Keep shining your light—it’s needed more than you know. Take gentle care of yourself too. 💙

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