Moms and dads often feel like they can’t win. If they pay too much attention to their kids, they’re helicopter parents; too little, and they’re absentee parents. What’s the happy medium that will result in truly happy, self-sufficient kids? Here are five tips. 1. Give your kids things they can own and control. “Enlist the…
via How to raise successful kids without overparenting — ideas.ted.com
Westboro Baptist Church is infamous for attacking celebs but it was Blake Shelton who brought to light the hatred of this church. He wanted to do a concert in the arena, the city quickly said the noise level would get to high, I don’t remember every detail. Blake pulled his friends together, they found enough land and turned the show into a Charity event. I can’t recall the disaster at the time however the money went to the town affected. You could not see an empty seat, empty space, the place was over packed. He made some nice references to the church, this was not their first run in. M
She left 20 years later because strangers on Twitter changed her mind.
“Initially, the people I encountered on the platform were just as hostile as I expected,” she says. But slowly that changed. They started to ask about her beliefs, and she asked about theirs. Their conversations planted seeds of doubt, and slowly her entire worldview shifted — eventually driving her to leave the church (and the beliefs that came with it) behind.
In Megan’s TED Talk, she urges all of us to talk and to listen to the people we disagree with. Here, in her words, are her tips for how to have effective conversations:
Assuming ill motives almost instantly cuts us off from truly understanding why someone does and believes as they do. We forget they’re a human being with a lifetime of experience that shaped their mind, we get stuck on that first wave of anger, and the conversation has a very hard time ever moving beyond it.
But when we assume good or neutral intent, we give our minds a much stronger framework for dialogue.
When we engage people across ideological divides, asking questions helps us map the disconnect between our differing points of view. That’s important because we can’t present effective arguments if we don’t understand where the other side is actually coming from and it gives them an opportunity to point out flaws in our positions.
But asking questions serves another purpose; it signals to someone they’re being heard. When my friends on Twitter stopped accusing and started asking questions, I almost automatically mirrored them. Their questions gave me room to speak, but they also gave me permission to ask them questions and truly hear their responses. It fundamentally changed the dynamic of our conversation.
This takes practice and patience, but it’s powerful. When my husband was still just an anonymous Twitter acquaintance, our discussions frequently became hard and pointed, but we always refused to escalate. Instead, he would change the subject. He would tell a joke or recommend a book or gently excuse himself from the conversation. We knew the discussion wasn’t over, just paused for a time to bring us back to an even keel.
People often lament that digital communication makes us less civil, but this is one advantage that online conversations have over in-person ones. We have a buffer of time and space between us and the people whose ideas we find so frustrating. We can use that buffer. Instead of lashing out, we can pause, breathe, change the subject or walk away, and then come back to it when we’re ready.
This might seem obvious, but one side effect of having strong beliefs is we sometimes assume that the value of our position is, or should be, obvious and self-evident; that we shouldn’t have to defend our positions because they’re so clearly right and good; that if someone doesn’t get it, it’s their problem — that it’s not my job to educate them. But if it were that simple, we would all see things the same way.
As kind as my friends on Twitter were, if they hadn’t actually made their arguments, it would’ve been so much harder for me to see the world in a different way. We are all a product of our upbringing, and our beliefs reflect our experiences. We can’t expect others to spontaneously change their own minds. If we want change, we have to make the case for it.
I lost a dear friend years ago. I plan to reblog some of her best post on Domestic Violence. Teela would love to help anyone. I’ve learned you can’t tell a friend what to do, when to do it and all others things we’d like to. When the heart’s involved, they need support, trusting friends, help with planning, doing what friends do best, be there for your friend.
This post dedicated to Teela Hart. Miss you much Teela.
All we need is LOVE. M
Mental health suffers from a major image problem. One in every four people experiences mental health issues — yet more than 40 percent of countries worldwide have no mental health policy. Across the board it seems like we have no idea how to talk about it respectfully and responsibly.
Stigma and discrimination are the two biggest obstacles to a productive public dialogue about mental health; indeed, the problem seems to be largely one of communication. So we asked seven mental health experts: How should we talk about mental health? How can informed and sensitive people do it right – and how can the media do it responsibly?
Easier said than done, of course. Says journalist Andrew Solomon: “People still think that it’s shameful if they have a mental illness. They think it shows personal weakness. They think it shows a failing. If it’s their children who have mental illness, they think it reflects their failure as parents.” This self-inflicted stigma can make it difficult for people to speak about even their own mental health problems. According to neuroscientist Sarah Caddick, this is because when someone points to his wrist to tell you it’s broken, you can easily understand the problem, but that’s not the case when the issue is with the three-pound mass hidden inside someone’s skull. “The minute you start talking about your mind, people get very anxious, because we associate that with being who we are, fundamentally with ‘us’ — us as a person, us as an individual, our thoughts, our fears, our hopes, our aspirations, our everything.” Says mental health care advocate Vikram Patel, “Feeling miserable could in fact be seen as part of you or an extension of your social world, and applying a biomedical label is not always something that everyone with depression, for example, is comfortable with.” Banishing the stigma attached to mental health issues can go a long way to facilitating genuinely useful conversations.
People are too quick to dole out judgments on people who experience mental health problems, grouping them together when isolated incidents of violence or crime occur. Says Caddick, “You get a major incident like Columbine or Virginia Tech and then the media asks, ‘Why didn’t people know that he was bipolar?’ ‘Was he schizophrenic?’ From there, some people think, ‘Well, everybody with bipolar disease is likely to go out and shoot down a whole bunch of people in a school,’ or, ‘People who are schizophrenics shouldn’t be out on the street.’” Solomon agrees that this correlation works against a productive conversation about mental health: “The tendency to connect people’s crimes to mental illness diagnoses that are not in fact associated with criminality needs to go away. ‘This person murdered everyone because he was depressed.’ You think, yes, you could sort of indicate here this person was depressed and he murdered everyone, but most people who are depressed do not murder everyone.”
According to the National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH), 90 percent of people who die by suicide have depression or other mental disorders, or substance-abuse disorders in conjunction with other mental disorders. Yet we don’t give this link its due. Says Solomon, “Just as the association between mental illness and crime is too strong, the connection between mental illness and suicide is too weak. So I feel like what I constantly read in the articles is that ‘so-and-so killed himself because his business had gone bankrupt and his wife had left him.’ And I think, okay, those were the triggering circumstances, but he killed himself because he suffered from a mental illness that drove him to kill himself. He was terribly depressed.”
Not surprisingly, nearly all the mental health experts we consulted were quick to decry playground slang like “mental,” “schizo,” “crazy,” “loonie,” or “nutter,” stigmatizing words that become embedded in people’s minds from a young age. NIMH Director Thomas Insel takes that one step further — he doesn’t like the category of “mental health problems” in general. He says, “Should we call cancer a ‘cell cycle problem’? Calling serious mental illness a ‘behavioral health problem’ is like calling cancer a ‘pain problem.’” Comedian Ruby Wax, however, has a different point of view: “I call people that are mentally disturbed, you know, I say they’re crazy. I think in the right tone, that’s not the problem. Let’s not get caught in the minutiae of it.”
Self-advocacy can be very powerful. It reaches people who are going through similar experiences as well as the general public. Solomon believes that people equipped to share their experiences should do so: “The most moving letter I ever received in a way was one that was only a sentence long, and it came from someone who didn’t sign his name. He just wrote me a postcard and said, ‘I was going to kill myself, but I read your book and changed my mind.’ And really, I thought, okay, if nobody else ever reads anything I’ve written, I’ve done some good in the world. It’s very important just to keep writing about these things, because I think there’s a trickle-down effect, and that the vocabulary that goes into serious books actually makes its way into the common experience — at least a little bit of it does — and makes it easier to talk about all of these things.” Solomon, Wax, as well as Temple Grandin, below, have all become public figures for mental health advocacy through sharing their own experiences.
Just as a tumor need not define a person, the same goes for mental illness. Although the line between mental health and the “rest” of a person is somewhat blurry, experts say the distinction is necessary. Says Insel: “We need to talk about mental disorders the way we talk about other medical disorders. We generally don’t let having a medical illness define a person’s identity, yet we are very cautious about revealing mental illness because it will somehow define a person’s competence or even suggest dangerousness.” Caddick agrees: “There’s a lot of things that go on in the brain, and just because one thing goes wrong doesn’t mean that everything’s going wrong.”
Continuing from the last, Insel and Patel both recommend avoiding language that identifies people only by their mental health problems. Says Insel, speak of “someone with schizophrenia,” not “the schizophrenic.” (Although, he points out, people with autism do often ask to be referred to as “autistic.”) Making this distinction clear, says Patel, honors and respects the individual. “What you’re really saying is, this is something that’s not part of a person; it’s something the person is suffering from or is living with, and it’s a different thing from the person.”
Sometimes it just starts with speaking up. In Solomon’s words: “Wittgenstein said, ‘All I know is what I have words for.’ And I think that if you don’t have the words for it, you can’t explain to somebody else what your need is. To some degree, you can’t even explain to yourself what your need is. And so you can’t get better.” But, as suicide prevention advocate Chris Le knows well, there are challenges to talking about suicide and depression. Organizations aiming to raise awareness about depression and suicide have to wrangle with suicide contagion, or copycat suicides that can be sparked by media attention, especially in young people. Le, though, feels strongly that promoting dialogue ultimately helps. One simple solution, he says, is to keep it personal: “Reach out to your friends. If you’re down, talk to somebody, because remember that one time that your friend was down, and you talked to them, and they felt a little better? So reach out, support people, talk about your emotions and get comfortable with them.”
Says autism activist Temple Grandin: “If it weren’t for a little bit of autism, we wouldn’t have any phones to talk on.” She describes the tech community as filled with autistic pioneers. “Einstein definitely was; he had no language until age three. How about Steve Jobs? I’ll only mention the dead ones by name. The live ones, you’ll have to look them up on the Internet.” Of depression, Grandin says: “The organizations involved with depression need to be emphasizing how many really creative people, people whose books we love, whose movies we love, their arts, have had a lot of problems with depression. See, a little bit of those genetics makes you sensitive, makes you emotional, makes you sensitive — and that makes you creative in a certain way.”
Humor, some say, is the best medicine for your brain. Says comedian Wax: “If you surround [your message] with comedy, you have an entrée into their psyche. People love novelty, so for me it’s sort of foreplay: I’m softening them up, and then you can deliver as dark as you want. But if you whine, if you whine about being a woman or being black, good luck. Everybody smells it. But it’s true. People are liberated by laughing at themselves.”
Featured illustration via iStockphoto.
Released Aug 24, 2017
This self-described “Midwestern mom” found a way to heal the trauma of a violent marriage entirely on her own. She created a ritual, which her doctor now recognizes and recommends as a tool for recovery from abuse.
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/sincerely-x/id1238801741?mt=2
Christopher Mirasolo, 27, was convicted of raping a 12 year old girl and two other girls, 13 and 15 in 2008. Mirasolo was sentenced to one year in the county jail but only served six and a half months before early release to care for his sick mother. In March 2010 Mirasolo committed a sex assault on a victim between the ages of 13 and 15 years old. He served four years for this offense.
The 12 year old girl he raped in 2008 got pregnant due to being raped and Mirasolo is now seeking joint custody. THIS IS UNCONSCIONABLE! The judge not only is granting custody, but he disclosed the victim’s address and forced Mirasolo’s name to be on the birth certificate of her now eight year old son WITHOUT HER CONSENT. This judge needs to be removed from the bench and this victim needs to have herself and her young son protected from this monster. HE IS A PEDOPHILE and a CONVICTED RAPIST!
This all began because the victim had applied for government assistance and the prosecutor forced a paternity test. Judge Ross did NOT have to compel custody without the rape victim’s consent. Under the Child Custody Act, he could have compelled Mirasolo to pay support without giving custody. Read more here:
This young girl chose to protect her unborn child and now Judge Ross is trying to destroy it.
No victim should have to suffer this atrocity. There should be federal laws in place to protect the rights of victims.
See the articles here for more information:
This petition will be delivered to:
Marilyn McDermott started this petition with a single signature, and now has 136,211 supporters. Start a petition today to change something you care about.
The Children’s Bureau provides guidance to states, tribes, child welfare agencies, and more on the complex and varied federal laws as they relate to child welfare.
This page provides resources and information about new federal legislation, regulations, and Children’s Bureau policies.
The Child Welfare Policy Manual contains mandatory policies that are based in federal law and/or program regulations. It also provides interpretations of federal laws and program regulations initiated by inquiries from state and tribal child welfare agencies or ACF Regional Offices.
The Children’s Bureau issues guidance to title IV-E and title IV-B agencies on the administration of child welfare grant programs in the following formats:
Title IV-E and IV-B agencies are primarily responsible for implementing their own child welfare programs; however, federal laws and regulations provide guidance and structure for their child welfare policies and practices.
The Children’s Bureau develops technical bulletins to supplement official guidance and assist states and tribes in implementing child welfare policies and practices. Technical bulletins cover a variety of topics, and currently include: the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS), the National Youth in Transition Database (NYTD), the Statewide Automated Child Welfare Information System (SACWIS), and child welfare monitoring.
These resources provide additional information about federal legislation as well as state and tribal statutes.
We’re excited to welcome Alyssa from Fight MS Daily to the Survivors Blog Here team. Diagnosed with MS at age 19, she fights to keep her illness in check, has a full life and she a Southerner.
Please stop by to say hello and be sure to follow her journey. M
She is one Journalist who I still respect. Lack on trust goes with the times. M
Another Great TED Talk. Enjoy. M
Earlier in the year CVS changed it’s prescription policy, certain drugs could only be refilled two days before the prescription ran out. Patients were not informed nor is a list of drugs available, at my location.
This second change is huge! If you have a Chronic illness, addicted to Opioids with limited access to transpiration you’re life drastically changes February 1, 2018.
This isn’t about me, it’s about you. How will the policy change affect you? Will having only a seven-day supply of Opioid medication create hardship. The policy changes are not Local Laws, State Laws or Federal laws.
I’m mad as hell for the people whose lives are negatively affected. If you are mad as hell, good it’s your right. I am starting a Petition against CareMark/CVS and hope you will take time to sign when released.
M
(CNN) Friday September 22, 2017
In a new effort to tackle the deadly opioid addiction crisis in the United States, pharmacy giant CVS announced Friday that it will limit opioid prescriptions to seven days for certain conditions. This restriction will apply to patients who are new to pain therapy.
Posted on July, 2017 by Universal Life Church Monastery
The Church of England has voted to welcome transgender individuals into the church with open arms. By an overwhelming margin, the church’s governing body (known as the General Synod) chose to support transgender inclusion. It was a historic decision for a religious institution that for centuries clung closely to tradition and conservative tenets of the faith.
The timing of the vote was fitting, too – The General Synod vote happened to occur just as Gay Pride festivities were taking place across England.
The motion passed by church leaders provides for transgender “inclusion,” but what does that really mean?
Well, as it turns out, a lot. Their plan is to create specific church services to mark a transgender person’s “transition” from one gender to the other – thus welcoming their new identity into the church community. Just as births and marriages have their own specific religious ceremony, so too will switching genders.
Interestingly, the vote came almost immediately after another remarkable decision: to abandon conversion therapy. Church leaders agreed that the controversial practice which seeks to turn gay people straight was unethical. It would seem the Church of England has undergone a social awakening of sorts.
Read more at https://www.themonastery.org/blog/2017/07/church-of-england-embraces-transgender-members/#tvPL47J2HYBu4IUr.99
At the end of September, libraries and bookstores everywhere will be celebrating “Banned Books Week.” This got us thinking: why do people ban books (or, in extreme cases, burn them)? Literature is such a fundamental part of human life, and yet time and time again throughout history there have been concerted efforts to suppress or destroy certain books.
These days, when we talk about banned books, titles such as “To Kill a Mockingbird” usually come to mind. However, let’s not forget that one of the most commonly banned books worldwide is not some provocative piece of modern literature, it’s the Bible. Today, owning a Bible in certain countries is downright dangerous and can lead to arrest, assault, or worse.
At the same time, it’s worth noting that censorship is nothing new when it comes to political and religious texts. Almost every country or religion has experienced some form of book burning. In 213 B.C, a Chinese Emperor burned philosophy and history books from states other than Qin, because the books did not comply with his dogma. Torah and Talmud scrolls have been burned since the early days of Christianity up until the Holocaust. Catholic priests burned Martin Luther’s German translation of the Bible during the Reformation.
Unfortunately, book burning remains in fashion even to this day. Perhaps the most well-known modern example involves the popular “Harry Potter” book. J.K. Rowling’s now-famous stories have been frequently criticized by religious figures for romanticizing the occult and promoting devil worship. Some pastors, claiming the books were harmful to children, went as far as to hold public book burnings in an attempt to rid the Earth of the “ungodly” themes of wizardry promoted within.
Then again, book burning is not nearly as common as it once was. These days books deemed too offensive to read in school are put on the “Banned Books” list. Many school libraries throughout the U.S. continue to block students from reading certain supposedly-dangerous texts.
Religious leaders often choose to stifle ideas that don’t align with the core teachings of their faith. For example, Charles Darwin’s “On the Origin of the Species” is rarely welcome during discussions about creation among people of faith. But isn’t there value in understanding ideas that contradict your own? Without reading the evidence behind evolution, how could a Christian successfully defend his/her belief in Creationism?
Great literature is worth reading and discussing, whether we believe with the point-of-view of the author or not. If a person is not strong enough in their own beliefs to stand against an opposing viewpoint, then censorship is the inevitable outcome. But is it the right one?
Read more at https://www.themonastery.org/blog/2017/09/fiery-ideas-why-books-are-banned-and-burned/#UdPp7J617Vj7jicV.99
iTunes Podcast Episode-7 Mood Changer
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-7-mood-changer/id1238801741?i=1000391690504&mt=2
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Aiden Hatfield started In Music We Trust to shine a light on Mental Health by creating a music centered clothing line and donating 50% of profits to Mind Charity. He’s the first person I met on Twitter, is from across the pond and quite funny.
“We’re a music based clothing brand that helps those with depression and other mental health issues by donating 50% of our profits to the ‘Mind’ charity.” Visit http://www.inmusicwetrust.com to see the awesome tee’s for sale. Follow Aiden on Twitter @inmwtclothing or @aidenhatfield. M
Mind’s 2016-21 strategy is called ‘Building on change’.
It’s the next stage in our journey towards our ultimate ambition of support and respect for everyone with a mental health problem.
Since launching our previous strategy in 2012 we’ve seen some significant changes in mental health. In just four years, public attitudes are improving, support is growing and mental health is high on the political agenda.
Because of Mind, millions more people have access to advice and support thanks to our information and services nationally and locally, in England and Wales. We’re building on change, but we know there is much more to do.
Too many people still don’t have the things they need and deserve to stay well. And, that’s not good enough.
What did Joe Paterno know and when did he know it?
According to an explosive new CNN report published Saturday, the legendary ex-Penn State football coach may have known about Jerry Sandusky’s sexual abuse of young boys years before Sandusky’s 2011 arrest.
CNN obtained a Pennslyvania police report that described Paterno’s reaction to whistleblower Mike McQueary showing up in his office in 2001 and telling Paterno that he had witnessed Sandusky engaged in “an extreme sexual act” with a young boy in the football locker room.
SINCERELY, X AUDIO PODCASTThis week on Sincerely, X, a podcast from TED and Audible where speakers share ideas anonymously. Episode 8 features a woman whose bravery after a devastating assault allowed her to reclaim her own personal power. Available now on Apple Podcasts, the TED Android app, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
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In the 1950’s doctors diagnosed my father Hyperactive as a teen, with little knowledge doctors prescribed tranquilizers. I can only imagine how this much-loved teen prankster turned zombie like. What doctors didn’t know was my father suffered from Bipolar Disorder. After leaving home, he never sought a second opinion or took medications. He committed suicide in 1992. I can’t say if his mental illness would get a proper diagnoses or if he would take medications. It’s a question I ask myself.
I share my story to show there are different sides to the puzzle. If a doctor diagnoses your child, teen or yourself with ADD/ADHD seek out several medical opinions before starting medication. Without question include a referral for a Child Psychiatrist. Please remember anyone at any age can have a Mental Illnesses.
M
23 & Me has a wealth of information if you’re a member. To receive membership all you have to do is have your DNA tested by them. This Genetic Study discusses findings to Depression.
Did you clink on the 23 & Me link last week? Did you encounter any problems? Was the information helpful? What did you think about the Genetic Study?
I hope the information about this study helps you. M
https://blog.23andme.com/23andme-research/new-genetic-findings-on-depression/
My lyme brain is missing this week, as you tell I don’t know what day it is. I like the videos very their strong survival skills of kicking addiction, abusive behavior or coming from the depths of depression. I don’t often say, I’m fighting the black dog, I’m Survive.
TAKING CONTROL BACK, SURVIVORS! M
Another Genetic Study from 23 & Me, gives me hope and makes by blood boil. One technology will allow people who suffer with mental illness, have a better life. New drugs, clinical trials, preclinical trials, cover you ass just in case issues. I believe there are drugs being tested now who will make a difference for future generations.
I don’t foresee a cure, but anything is possible after I’m long gone. If we have the Genetic information to determine if an antidepressant will work, where is it! I spent my 20 & 30’s suffering, wanting ti die many times. Taking over 40 medications, having ECT 20 times, implanted with a Vagus Nerve Stimulator to get any relieve from the black dog.
Maybe it’s not cost effect to roll out or on the scale needed for the general public. Logically I know every generation moves the bar closer for the next generation. I firmly believe its up to us to speak out, shout out with Advocates Groups for better care and cost of insurance. We have the right to vote people in or out of office based on track record and views on Mental Illness.
I’m more outspoken and angry because the black dog has me by the neck pulling me further done. I also want people with Stigma’s to get out of dark ages and educate themselves.
Many of you know part of my brain doesn’t work so if I forgot what it said or misunderstood, please read and make up your mind what it means to our community. The black dog is choking me hard, I’m eager to hear from my doctor for some relief. I’m tired of not liking myself and not being productive.
Thank you Melinda
Have you had your DNA tested? Did the results surprise you? National Geographic and 23 & Me tested my DNA. The 23 & Me site sent information on complete chain which provided time lines for my Genealogy work. The bonus is anyone who test DNA with 23 & Me is compared to your data and sends information on anyone who is related to you. This week I recieved an email saying 53 relatives had joined in last 34 days. Wow! Last night I looked at the Blog, bingo! Articles written about Genetic Science. I found several Genetic studies on Mental Illness to share with you. Click the link to see how science has discovered the Genetic connection to Schizophrenia. M
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lookingforthelight.blog 
A rapist shouldn’t be given rights to the child born from said rape. Also, someone convicted of child molestation shouldn’t be given rights to any child! You would think that would be common sense.
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A pedophile rapist should not be granted custody of his child and access to his victim’s home. He forfeited the right when he kidnapped, raped and impregnated a twelve year old child. The rapist needs to be brought to justice and be placed behind bars, and Judge Ross needs to be removed from the bench immediately for magnifying the victim’s trauma. Shame on the judge for his horrifically regressive and damaging patriarchal judicial decisions. He is unfit to be a judge.
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Absolutely awful! Shame on you judge. You will stand before God one day and the blood of the child you subjected to that evil man, Christopher Mirasolo is stained on your hands.
This is the worst injustice I have ever seen! The immediate and permanent removal of Judge Gregory S. Ross is the necessary first step to ensuring this sick man does not destroy anyone else’s children.
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