When you have Bipolar Disorder it’s not just up or down, there’s an in-between, it’s called Hypomania. Of all the states of Bipolar Disorder, this is one of the most dangerous because you don’t see it and if you do, you don’t want it to end.
I experienced Hypomania for 10 years, some of the best years of my life and after the fall, some of the worst years of my life.
My career was at an all-time high, I was an Executive Salesperson, number one in the company, winning award after award and making a very comfortable living.
When you have Bipolar Disorder, hypomania can make almost anything possible. I went to Russia by myself, traveled to France, around the United States, and the Caribbean with my friends.
My doctor kept telling me the higher you go the harder you fall. I didn’t want to give up the person I was. It’s intoxicating, so powerful, and hard to accept that it’s your illness in control.
I crashed hard, straight into the darkest depression. I got fired from my job, blew through my savings, and filed for bankruptcy. Did I mention getting divorced and building a new house? I lost everything.
What I lost was not worth the high. All the negative thoughts came back. My life is not as exciting, anxiety kept me in the house. Many days I didn’t get of bed. I was suicidal, requiring hospitalization on several occasions to receive ECT treatments to help bring me out of the darkness.
It’s been 20 years since I’ve felt manic in any form and it’s been a blessing. I’ve suffered several debilitating bouts with dark depression requiring hospitalization and ECT but my life stayed intact.
I have to give credit not only to my Psychiatrist and Therapist but to my husband. He started going on my doctor’s appointment with me from the beginning and this made a world of difference. I didn’t have to try and explain what was going on, he saw it from my conversations with the doctor and hearing it firsthand. My husband has been critical in helping me manage my Bipolar Disorder.
Don’t let the rollercoaster lure you in! As my doctor said, the higher you go the harder you fall. I know this to be true.
Melinda
Looking for the Light 