Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful is hurtful, but it’s more complicated when dealing with sexual addiction. Like other addictions, sexual addiction destroys relationships and affects a person’s mental and physical health and quality of life. Sex addicts have the impulse to have sex or perform sexual acts such as masturbation even when there are negative consequences. Sometimes, they don’t work or are incapable of undertaking other responsibilities to feed the urge. In some cases, love addiction may go hand in hand with sexual addiction. What can you do to make your situation better?
Finding out about the addiction can hurt; don’t make any rash decisions. Don’t immediately file for divorce, move out of the house or take the kids away. Give yourself a few months to consider possible solutions. Moreover, understand that just like any other addiction, if your partner is willing to change, he/she needs your support. If he is ready to go for counseling, start rehabilitation and make the necessary adjustments, be there to support him.
Have Protected Intercourse
Immediately after finding out, get tested for STDs and protect yourself after that. Even if your partner is addicted to sex, don’t risk contracting a sexually transmitted disease by having unprotected sex with them if they are unfaithful. Understandably, it will be hard to engage in any sexual activity with him/her after the discovery.
Doing so only leaves you more confused, hurt, and exposed to STDs. Take time for yourself to decide if you are willing to stay. If you stay with your partner, and he shows a considerable amount of effort to change, be supportive, and have protected sex if you want to.
On the other hand, don’t blame yourself. You might think that you weren’t giving your partner enough attention, prompting him to cheat. Don’t be compelled to have more sex with him to keep him from other women. It won’t work. The decision to cheat has nothing to do with you; it’s upon him to make up his mind to change. You should not have sex with him for some time until you sort the mess and feel you are ready. Don’t be coerced or forced into sex to keep him around. It will affect your self-esteem and mental health.
Get Help
As much as your partner is the one who needs professional help, it would help if you had counseling too. It’s not easy dealing with an addict, and you need a professional to help you cope with the pain and make the right decisions.
Go for Counselling Together
If your partner agrees to get help, go for some of the sessions together. You will understand the addiction better. The professionals will help you restore trust and faithfulness in the relationship and rebuild areas of your life the addiction affected.
As hard as it is to accept and rebuild a relationship after cheating, sometimes it’s the right thing to do; but more importantly, take care of your emotional and physical health.
I had a simple procedure yesterday but the anesthesia kept me sleeping most the day. I’m behind in my reading and want to say, hang in there I’ll catch up over the next couple of days. And a special thanks to for all the comments I have not been able to reply to from last week.
It has a 3.5 inch needle in my hip, I’ll write about when I catch up.
Kids might find it more difficult to cope with the pandemic. Here’s how parents can help them.
When the COVID-19 pandemic hit this past spring, billions of children around the globe were abruptly sent home from school — an anchor in so many ways. Kids have been cut off from friends and loved ones, and yanked away from daily activities and passions. Many have watched their loved ones get sick or have come down with the virus themselves. It has been … a lot.
Now, as another unprecedented academic year swings into high gear, children are facing more of the same “new normal” that no one asked for.
“We don’t know how long we’re going to be living in this very strange period. For some kids, that mean that they’ve adjusted and things are a little bit easier to manage,” said Kimberly Canter, a child psychologist at Nemours Children’s Health System. “For other kids, that just means this gets harder and harder every day.”
HuffPost Parents spoke to several experts about simple, concrete ways we can help support our children during this upcoming school year. Here’s what they had to say:
1. Regularly check in with them about what they think is happening with COVID-19.
Talking to your child about what they know (or believe they know) about the pandemic is a crucial first step to understanding where they’re at emotionally, said Canter, who developed an online intervention to help kids struggling with COVID-19 stress. (The intervention is currently available to Nemours patients only, but she shared some of the broader concepts below.)
You’re looking to understand their specific concerns, she said.
“Are there things they are hearing that are frightening them that are not true?” she asked. “Are there things they are hearing that are frightening them that are true? And how can we address that?”
If your child brings up something you don’t have an answer to, or there’s no answer to, be honest. Tell them you’ll seek out accurate information together, and reassure them that they’re not facing this alone.
Parents should also pay attention to any physical, emotional or social changes they notice in their children, said Ron Stolberg, a licensed child psychologist and professor at Alliant International University.
“Typical things to look for are significant weight gain or weight loss not related to normal development, rejecting long-standing friends, major social withdrawal, and with teens, we also add unaccounted-for spending,” Stolberg said.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
2. Help them identify their emotions.
Emotional intelligence is a learned skill that is rooted in a person’s ability to identify what they are feeling. Parents can help their children do that, Canter said. It’s really about noticing their feelings and learning how to name them.
This can start even if kids are young. Simple mood meters — red for angry, blue for sad, green for calm and yellow for happy — can help young kiddos track where they are and give voice to those feelings.
If your child brings up something you don’t have an answer to, or there’s no answer to, be honest. Tell them you’ll seek out accurate information together, and reassure them that they’re not facing this alone.
Parents should also pay attention to any physical, emotional or social changes they notice in their children, said Ron Stolberg, a licensed child psychologist and professor at Alliant International University.
“Typical things to look for are significant weight gain or weight loss not related to normal development, rejecting long-standing friends, major social withdrawal, and with teens, we also add unaccounted-for spending,” Stolberg said.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
3. Build trust with their teachers.
Even if you live in an area where your child is in the classroom five days a week, this is an academic year like no other. One simple way to emotionally support your child — and your child’s teacher — is to help them feel “safe and connected to their school communities,” said Jeanne Huybrechts, chief academic officer at Stratford School, a network of private schools in California. That is true whether classes are in person, hybrid or starting the year off remotely.
“Reach out to your child’s teacher and introduce yourself and your family,” Huybrechts said. “Share family stories, values, your family’s living situation this fall, your child’s feelings about the return to school.”
More than ever this year, open communication with your child’s teachers is essential.
4. For at least five minutes a day, hang out with them however they want.
Parents sometimes hate to hear this tip because at the end of a long, exhausting day, many parents just (understandably) want to collapse, said Jill Ehrenreich-May, a psychologist and director of the Child and Adolescent Mood and Anxiety Program at the University of Miami.
But she recommends taking at least five minutes a day, every day, to just hang out together with the kids.
“Do something — not on screens — that your child wants to do with you,” Ehrenreich-May said. Follow their lead, and really try to connect through joy. They need it.
5. Remind them of what they can control.
Many children are struggling under the weight of so many unknowns. We don’t know when school will be “normal” again. We don’t know when they’ll be able to freely hug grandparents or friends. We don’t know if they’ll get sick, or if we will get sick — and how serious it might be. That’s difficult for anyone to deal with, particularly kids.
Parents can help by focusing them on what they can control right now.
“You might not be able to control if there’s a vaccine, but you can control things like washing your hands and wearing a mask,” Canter said. Similarly, kids may not be able to control when, say, soccer starts up again, but they can schedule Zoom hangouts with their teammates. And so on.
And here is something parents can control, to a certain extent: They can model the type of resiliency and self-care they hope to see in their children. That means parents need to find ways to take care of themselves.
“If I expect them to be calm and handle this really not normal situation, well, I probably need to express my own emotions appropriately,” Ehrenreich-May said.
Stolberg agreed, suggesting that parents follow a healthy sleep routine, eat nutritious food, avoid caffeine and alcohol, exercise outside if it’s safe to do so and stay connected to people, even if it’s digitally. He also recommended mindfulness exercises, such as breathing, meditation and yoga.
“You cannot be your best parent if you are not healthy and mentally prepared for the job,” he said.
At the end of the day, it’s not about pretending everything is totally OK. It’s about modeling emotional intelligence yourself and trying to show your kiddo how to live with uncertainty, while also trying to make the best of this unprecedented time.
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My Two Cents:
Go for counselling together
Parent-child counselling sessions are gaining popularity due to their many advantages. It is a program designed to help improve the relationship between parents and their children. These programs are beneficial and can help you support your child’s emotional health in the long run. They are especially important for those parents who find it difficult to get their children to open up and talk about their feelings.
As a parent, attending sessions can help you learn new skills to support your child’s mental health. A counsellor or therapist will start by observing how you interact with your child. Then they can suggest ways to improve your interactions. After attending the session, you can arrive home safely after reading more info here and without any worry of your child experiencing extra stress since you are equipped with how to handle any situation. You will know how to enhance how you communicate, solve problems better and understand your parental boundaries.
Sara Serrano who is a Community Outreach Manager for AdditionResource.net contacted me to see if I would be interested in sharing their company information on the Organizations Who Can Help page on Looking for the Light. After reading more about the company I was happy to include AddictionResouce.net to the list. The more resources available the greater the chances you will find a resource when time may be of the essence.
Sara shared some thoughts on why AddictionResouce.net
It’s difficult to find reliable information on addiction and rehabilitation on the internet, so we created a site that provides up-to-date, accurate, and evidence-based information related to addiction, substance abuse, mental health, and treatment.
The facilities chosen for our Top 10 lists are put through strict criteria during examination, which you can find on our “How We Choose” page. No facility can submit themselves or pay to be on a list.
Topics are selected based on research, which tells us what our audience may be looking for, which types of addiction individuals across the nation may be facing, and which types of treatment may be most helpful and effective.
My mission is to build a comprehensive resource for people to turn too for contact information for all types of resources across the board in one easy to find location.
You might have noticed something different about someone close to you recently. Perhaps they seem a little more closed off than usual, or maybe you’re just noticing that things they used to enjoy, don’t seem to do it anymore. It could be any number of things, but if you know that life is getting them super stressed lately, this is probably the answer. In this article, we’re going to be looking at some of the things that you can do to help someone close to you deal with stress.
The first thing that we think you should do is offer to listen. Sometimes, people who are suffering with stress just need to talk about what they are feeling. Often, coming up with a solution to help someone who is stressed out won’t be possible, especially seeing as a lot of the causes are things that they don’t always have the power to change. Of course, if they can change them, then you should absolutely suggest that they do. However, it is far more important that you listen to what they have to say and make them feel heard, rather than offering advice. You will often find that they know what they should do, but they still need to speak to someone about the way they are feeling. Be that person for them. Offer them your shoulder.
Find What Helps Them
While it may not always be possible to get rid of the thing that is stressing them out, you can still help them by finding the things that help them cope with stress better. For example, you could get them into sport of some kind and do it together. Or, you could look into some herbal remedies that may help reduce the stress and purchase some weed pipes to make the experience a bit better. It really depends on what the person close to you finds relaxing. You’ve just got to remember that not everything is going to work, so don’t get too frustrated when you’re going through the trial and error phase.
Finally, you should never make fun of the problems that somebody is experiencing. This is harsh, and it will make them go into a shell and never want to speak to anyone about their issues again. Don’t try to make light of the situation. Don’t tell them that they are overreacting. Don’t compare their life to yours and tell them why they shouldn’t be stressed. None of this is going to be helpful. Just be supportive, that is what they need the most.
Hopefully, now you understand some of the things that you can do to help those close to you deal with stress. It’s a hard thing to cope with at the best of times, and if it’s getting too much for them, you need to support them as much as you can. It’s going to be difficult for them to admit, so be patient, and above all, be kind.
Hair loss can affect anyone, whether male or female. When you start to experience your hair falling out, it can be shocking, especially if you’re still young. Typically, people expect hair loss to start happening closer to middle age, but there are many reasons people experience it in their twenties. This can severely impact your self-esteem and can have a damaging psychological impact. To overcome this, it’s beneficial to understand the reasons why you might experience hair loss.
Hereditary
The most common reason for hair loss is genetics. If you have a history of hair loss in your family, it is more likely that you will lose your hair as well.
This is known as pattern baldness, both male and female. It will often start slowly and in patterns, such as thinning hair and bald spots at the crown or a receding hairline. Most of the time, people who have a family history of baldness will expect hair loss, but this doesn’t make the initial occurrences much easier to deal with and accept.
Stress
Just like stress can cause your hair to turn gray, it can also contribute to hair loss. Too much stress leads to your hair thinning out, and you will usually find it most frequently when washing your hair in the bath or shower.
Such stress can come from a traumatic event, and the hair loss symptoms will usually last for at least a few months after. However, the good news is that this is usually temporary.
Treatments, Shampoos, Products
Some hair treatments, such as certain hairstyles or products you use in your hair can also contribute to hair loss. The more strain your hair is put under, the less healthy it becomes, and this can cause the hair follicles to fail, causing your hair to fall out.
Chemicals can also impact the thickness of your hair, but like stress, this can be temporary if you catch it early enough. If you experience hair loss after changing shampoos or testing new products, go back to your previous products to see if there is a difference or consider searching for PRP (Platelet Rich Plasma) treatment to help slow and stop hair loss.
Medical Conditions
Hair loss can also happen as a reaction to certain illnesses and medications, such as cancer, arthritis, and depression. Often, this is a side effect of medication you take for the illness, although the stress of the sickness can also be a factor.
There are also medical conditions like alopecia related to your immune system and leads to hair falling out in patches, ringworm, a scalp infection, or even chronic hair pulling, a disorder also known as trichotillomania.
Is Your Hair Tied To Your Identity
For anyone who considers their hair part of their identity, suddenly losing hair can make you feel entirely unlike yourself. It can cause stress, lack of confidence, and affect your mental wellbeing. However, if you can understand why you are losing your hair, you can come to terms with it more easiely and take action to prevent or halt losing more hair.
Here we are two weeks in to 2021 and I haven’t written a post about New Years resolutions. It’s simple, I don’t make resolutions. Years ago I realized that at some point in the year my resolutions had gone by the wayside and or were not important any more.
Instead of resolutions, I set goals. The reason this works for me is that goals are fluid and so is life. I didn’t approach my resolutions like goals and that is one reason I would find myself disappointed several months into the year with a list of items that were no longer relevant. Setting resolutions always felt like a Wish List not an action plan.
I like to spend time during the last month of the year reflecting on what I’ve learned, what did I accomplish and determine if my goals are still valid. Validity is just as important as having goals and sometimes they are no longer relevant as you grow as a person.
If you have a goal, you have to take repetitive actions to get to the end result. If your actions on a daily basis don’t support/reinforce your goals you will not reach your destination. If you find yourself not taking action on a goal, chances are it’s time to evaluate why you made it in he first place and is it really important.
How do you take the lessons learned in 2020 and turn them into an action plan that will carry for you through 2021 with success?
Too many of us struggle to achieve a body ideal that’s just not obtainable by humans. It’s time to redefine what’s good, healthy and attractive on our own terms, say writers (and sisters) Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski.
The Bikini Industrial Complex. That’s our name for the $100 billion cluster of businesses that profit by setting an unachievable “aspirational ideal,” convincing us that we can and should — indeed we must — conform with the ideal, and then selling us ineffective but plausible strategies for achieving that ideal. It’s like old cat pee in the carpet, powerful and pervasive and it makes you uncomfortable every day but it’s invisible and no one can remember a time when it didn’t smell.
Let’s shine a black light on it, so you can know where the smell is coming from. You already know that basically everything in the media is there to sell you thinness — the shellacked abs in ads for exercise equipment, the “one weird trick to lose belly fat” clickbait when all you wanted was a weather forecast, and the “flawless” thin women who fill most TV shows. The Bikini Industrial Complex, or BIC, has successfully created a culture of immense pressure to conform to an ideal that is literally unobtainable by almost everyone and yet is framed not just as the most beautiful, but the healthiest and most virtuous.
But it’s not just magazine covers, ads and other fictions that get it wrong. The body mass index (BMI) chart and its labels — underweight, overweight, obese, etc. — were created by a panel of nineH individuals, seven of whom were “employed by weight-loss clinics and thus have an economic interest in encouraging use of their facilities,” as researchers Paul Ernsberger and Richard J Koletsky put it.
You’ve been lied to about the relationship between weight and health so that you’ll perpetually try to change your weight. But listen: It can be healthier to be 70 or more pounds over your medically defined “healthy weight” than just five pounds under it. A 2016 meta-analysis in The Lancet medical journal examined 189 studies, encompassing nearly four million people who never smoked and had no diagnosed medical issues. It found that people labeled “obese” by the CDC have lower health risk than those the CDC categorized as “underweight.” The study also found that being “overweight” according to the CDC is lower risk than being at the low end of the “healthy” range as defined by the US federal government and the World Health Organization.
Another meta-analysis even found that people in the BMI category labeled “overweight” may live longer than people in any other category, and the highest predictable mortality rate might be among those labeled “underweight.” Taking it further, newer research is suggesting that doctors warn their middle-aged and older patients against losing weight, because the increasingly well-established dangers of fluctuations in weight outweigh any risk associated with a high but stable weight.
Authors (from left) Emily and Amelia Nagoski. Photo: Paul Specht.
Our culture has primed us to judge fat people as lazy and selfish. And it goes deep. Amelia conducts a children’s choir, and she has to teach her kids to breathe. At ten, eight, even six years old, they already believe that their bellies are supposed to be flat and hard, so they hold their stomachs in. You can’t breathe deeply, all the way, without relaxing your abdomen, and you can’t sing if you can’t breathe. So Amelia has to teach children to breathe.
Please: Relax your belly. It’s supposed to be round. The BIC has been gaslighting you.
We’re not saying the people or companies that constitute the BIC are out to get you. Frankly, we don’t think they’re smart enough to have created this system on purpose. But they recognize there’s money to be made by establishing and enforcing impossible standards.
We all encounter the BIC every day. So how can we make it through the fray?
One strategy: Play the “new hotness” game.
When we reconstruct our own standard of beauty with a definition that comes from our own hearts and includes our bodies as they are right now, we can turn toward our bodies with kindness and compassion. Well, easier said than done.
Amelia is vain about pictures of her conducting, in which she inevitably has her mouth wide open and her hair is a sweaty wreck. Emily watches herself on TV and worries that her chin is too pointy because one time, somebody said it was. (We are identical twins.)
Neither of us has ever had the skinny proportions of a model, and we watched our mom — who was model-thin before she gestated two seven-pound babies at the same time — look at her reflection in mirrors and cry at what she saw there. What she saw there is very much like what we see in our own reflections now.
Which is why we play the “New Hotness” game, a way to let go of body self-criticism and shift to self-kindness. One day, Amelia was at a fancy boutique, trying on gowns for a performance. Attire for women conductors is hard to find: solid black with long sleeves, formal yet not frumpy is an unlikely combination. Finding all of this in her size is even more difficult.
She tried on a dress that looked so amazingly good she texted Emily a dress selfie, with a caption paraphrasing Will Smith in Men in Black II: i am the new hotness.
And now “new hotness” is our texting shorthand for looking fabulous without reference to the socially constructed ideal. We recommend it. It’s fun.
Maybe you don’t look like you used to, or like you used to imagine you should, but how you look today is the new hotness. Even better than the old hotness.
Saggy belly skin from that baby you birthed? New hotness.
Gained 20 pounds while finishing school? New hotness.
Skin gets new wrinkles because you lived another year? New hotness.
Hair longer or shorter, or a different color or style? New hotness.
Mastectomy following breast cancer? New hotness.
Amputation following combat injury? New hotness.
The point is, you define and redefine your body’s worth, on your own terms. It’s not necessary to turn toward your body with love and affection — love and affection are frosting on the cake of body acceptance, and if they work for you, go for it. But all your body requires of you is that you turn toward it with kindness and compassion, again and again, without judging all your contradictory emotions, beliefs and longings.
No doubt after you finish reading this, you will go out into the world and notice the diversity of bodies around you. And you will still have reflexive thoughts about the people who don’t conform to the aspirational ideal, envious thoughts about the people who do, or self-critical thoughts about the ways the world tells you that you fall short. And then you might even have emotional reactions to your emotional reactions: “Darn it, I shouldn’t think that!”
Change happens gradually. Your brain has been soaking in the BIC for decades; any time you step outside your door, you’re back in it; any time you turn on a TV, you’re back in it; and any time you put clothes on, you’re back in it. Just notice it, as you’d notice a fleck of dust floating through the air. Smile kindly at the mess. And know what’s true: Everyone is the new hotness. You are the new hotness. So is she. So are they. So are we.
Emily Nagoski is the author of “Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life.” She has a PhD in health behavior with a minor in human sexuality from Indiana University, and a MS in counseling, also from IU, including a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute sexual health clinic. A sex educator for 20 years, she is the inaugural director of wellness education at Smith College.
Amelia Nagoski holds a DMA in conducting from the University of Connecticut. An assistant professor and coordinator of music at Western New England University, she regularly presents educational sessions for professional musicians discussing the application of communications science and psychological research, including “Beyond Burnout Prevention: Embodied Wellness for Conductors.”
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.
Have you ever tried to fix an ongoing lack of energy by getting more sleep — only to do so and still feel exhausted?
If that’s you, here’s the secret: Sleep and rest are not the same thing, although many of us incorrectly confuse the two.
We go through life thinking we’ve rested because we have gotten enough sleep — but in reality we are missing out on the other types of rest we desperately need. The result is a culture of high-achieving, high-producing, chronically tired and chronically burned-out individuals. We’re suffering from a rest deficit because we don’t understand the true power of rest.
Rest should equal restoration in seven key areas of your life.
The first type of rest we need is physical rest, which can be passive or active. Passive physical rest includes sleeping and napping, while active physical rest means restorative activities such as yoga, stretching and massage therapy that help improve the body’s circulation and flexibility.
The second type of rest is mental rest. Do you know that coworker who starts work every day with a huge cup of coffee? He’s often irritable and forgetful, and he has a difficult time concentrating on his work. When he lies down at night to sleep, he frequently struggles to turn off his brain as conversations from the day fill his thoughts. And despite sleeping seven to eight hours, he wakes up feeling as if he never went to bed. He has a mental rest deficit.
The good news is you don’t have to quit your job or go on vacation to fix this. Schedule short breaks to occur every two hours throughout your workday; these breaks can remind you to slow down. You might also keep a notepad by the bed to jot down any nagging thoughts that would keep you awake.
The third type of rest we need is sensory rest. Bright lights, computer screens, background noise and multiple conversations — whether they’re in an office or on Zoom calls — can cause our senses to feel overwhelmed. This can be countered by doing something as simple as closing your eyes for a minute in the middle of the day, as well as by intentionally unplugging from electronics at the end of every day. Intentional moments of sensory deprivation can begin to undo the damage inflicted by the over-stimulating world.
The fourth type of rest is creative rest. This type of rest is especially important for anyone who must solve problems or brainstorm new ideas. Creative rest reawakens the awe and wonder inside each of us. Do you recall the first time you saw the Grand Canyon, the ocean or a waterfall? Allowing yourself to take in the beauty of the outdoors — even if it’s at a local park or in your backyard — provides you with creative rest.
But creative rest isn’t simply about appreciating nature; it also includes enjoying the arts. Turn your workspace into a place of inspiration by displaying images of places you love and works of art that speak to you. You can’t spend 40 hours a week staring at blank or jumbled surroundings and expect to feel passionate about anything, much less come up with innovative ideas.
Now let’s take a look at another individual — the friend whom everyone thinks is the nicest person they’ve ever met. It’s the person everyone depends on, the one you’d call if you needed a favor because even if they don’t want to do it, you know they’ll give you a reluctant “yes” rather than a truthful “no”. But when this person is alone, they feel unappreciated and like others are taking advantage of them.
This person requires emotional rest, which means having the time and space to freely express your feelings and cut back on people pleasing.Emotional rest also requires the courage to be authentic. An emotionally rested person can answer the question “How are you today?” with a truthful “I’m not okay” — and then go on to share some hard things that otherwise go unsaid.
If you’re in need of emotional rest, you probably have a social rest deficit too. This occurs when we fail to differentiate between those relationships that revive us from those relationships that exhaust us. To experience more social rest, surround yourself with positive and supportive people. Even if your interactions have to occur virtually, you can choose to engage more fully in them by turning on your camera and focusing on who you’re speaking to.
The final type of rest is spiritual rest, which is the ability to connect beyond the physical and mental and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance and purpose. To receive this, engage in something greater than yourself and add prayer, meditation or community involvement to your daily routine.
As you can see, sleep alone can’t restore us to the point we feel rested. So it’s time for us to begin focusing on getting the right type of rest we need.
Editor’s note: Fatigue can also be associated with numerous health problems, so please get checked out by your physician if it persists.
Saundra Dalton-Smith MD is a physician, researcher and the author of the book “Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity.” Her work has been featured by Fast Company, FOX, MSNBC and Psychology Today. Learn more at DrDaltonSmith.com or by following her on Instagram (@DrDaltonSmith) or LinkedIn (Linkedin.com/in/drdaltonsmith).
On Saturday morning while standing on the back patio I noticed a drone not very far up in the sky and just over the fence in the alley. My first reaction was fascination, WOW if I were a kid and had a toy like that I could have so much fun.
Then my fascination moved to who the hell is behind this device staring at me from my backyard. It just hovered perfectly just outside our fence. I came in and grabbed my phone, I have to take a photo of this.
When I came back outside, the drone when high in the air but no far from where it was then came over close to me not far off the ground. This happened very quickly and scared me a bit. Who the hell is watching me on the camera and they getting a good laugh and me taking photos of it.
About fifteen or twenty photos later it moved back, yet up and then lowered into my neighbors backyard.
I’m not one to rain on anyones parade but it left me unsettled that someone who’s intentions I have no way of knowing could hover around looking into my house and watching me in the backyard.
I felt my privacy had been invaded! Then thought it’s probably not legal to fly drones in the city limits. I did a quick search and it was clear that there were laws around flying a drone. Someone under 13 years old is not legal to fly a drone and every drone has to be certified and registered.
Now I really felt invaded. Chances are it was a kid who promised it’s parents not fly it while not at the park and they were away from home. I don’t care! I will rain on the parade if I feel violated in someway.
I called the police to see if it was legal to fly a drone within the fly in the city limits. Of course it’s not legal, there are designated areas they can fly and very clear laws is to where they can’t be flown.
Since I did not know my neighbors address at the time I did not tell the police who it was. After confirming their address I thought hard about what I wanted to do with the information. I’m not looking to start a neighbor dispute.
I decided to write an anonymous letter, obviously it’s not a total surprise to who was flying the drone since they are cameras. I stated that it was not legal to fly a drone in the citylimits, I felt my privacy was invaded and next time I would share their address with the police.
It feels passive but I want to defuse a potential situation with the people I live next to. If it was a kid disobeying their parents by flying while at home alone I won’t see it again. If it was the owners then hopefully they will learn where they can fly the drone legally. I don’t want them playing with their invasive toy/camera in my backyard.
Why do anything at all? I feel strongly that my rights were violated, I have no idea what potential danger or threat it could be and I live in a country where I have the right to privacy.
Have you had a similar encounter? How did it make you feel? How would you have handled the situation? I’m very curious to hear your feedback.
I’m devastated by the scenes played out on television yesterday by thugs claiming to be patriots to America. People have the right to demonstrate peacefully for their beliefs, to have their voices heard but PEACEFULLY is an absolute must here. We are not that type of country, we will not be run my terrorist. When you cross over the line to violence you are a thug, and in this case a domestic terrorist. I believe everyone of the thugs who claim to have America’s best interest at heart need to go to jail for crimes against our country. Let’s see how committed they are when held accountable for their actions. Blood is one their hands.
I’m concerned about what other countries think about America, many of their voices heard over Twitter last night and I fear for our future relationships with our neighbors.
To anyone who is forming an impression of America based on the antics and behavior of this election, I ask you to please not judge America by our soon to be past President and a few misguided thugs.
As a longstanding Republican I write this with a heavy heart.
When you have been involved in an accident, your physical well-being is understandably at the forefront of your mind. However, sometimes when you’ve been seriously hurt, you need a longer period of time to heal mentally as well as physically. Sometimes, even long after your body has healed and you’re back on your feet again, you may still be feeling the effects of your mental health. In these situations, you need to give yourself the time to recover, and here are some tips on how to cope mentally after a serious accident.
After a serious accident and injury, you may develop fears and anxieties around that particular situation. For example, if you nearly drowned from falling off a boat into choppy seawater, you may find that you’ve developed a fear of boats or deep water, and that’s completely understandable! Talk to your doctor or counselor about your fears, as they’ll be able to help you overcome these fears through therapy.
Gain some financial help
Being in an accident may cause you to be out of work for some time, and this can negatively affect your finances, causing you to fall into debt. Your mental health may be struggling to cope with these debts, and you may find yourself worrying about them often, causing you to lose concentration elsewhere. You can get financial help for many accidents such as an automobile accident by speaking to car crash lawyers to see if you’ve got a viable case. Alternatively, you could speak to a debt advisor about how you can reduce your debts with the budget you’re on.
This also applies to a motorcycle accident. It would be best to hire a motorcycle attorney who specializes in motorcycle accidents. They can help you navigate the court system, which may prove to be pretty challenging for an average person. They know how to build a strong case by getting all the necessary evidence and will also ensure you get a fair trial.
They will also help you get a proper settlement, which most people don’t get even after spending a lot of time in court. A favorable motorcycle settlement will be possible in the hands of a good attorney who has enough years of experience. Another area they can come in handy is when dealing with insurance companies.
This can prove to be quite challenging as your insurance provider may not be willing to cover all the damages. But with a reliable attorney by your side, they will help you maintain your cool when dealing with an insurance company. And lastly, a lawyer will help interpret all legal terms you may be unfamiliar with. All these will help keep you mentally sane.
Take time to discover the new you
If your accident has changed you physically, such as paralyzation of the legs or spine, you may be struggling to adapt to who you are now. Going through something like that is a major life change, and you need to take as much time as you need to discover the new you. This might mean taking some time away from work to work on yourself, or it might mean changing careers to something that you can enjoy.
Refrain from hiding away
It’s very common after an accident to hide away from the world due to anxiety about another accident lurking around the corner. The problem here is that the longer you leave returning to normal life, the harder it’s going to be to adapt. Be brave, take the step! There’s nothing wrong with taking extra precautions in your day to day life, just don’t avoid it altogether!
Use the support around you
Finally, after an accident, it’s very likely that your family and friends have rallied together to help you recover and then some, and there’s nothing wrong with asking for some extra help if you need it! You’ve just experienced a major event in your life, and you can’t be expected to bounce back straight away. Alternatively, you may be able to find support groups near you where you can talk about your experiences with people that have been through the same thing. Whatever you feel will help, reach out to it!
We like to believe that we live in a generally safe world where our quality of life isn’t continually on the line. If we didn’t, we’d struggle to leave the house in the morning.
But the truth is that we don’t live on a perfectly safe planet. In fact, there are dangers everywhere.
Every minute of the day, for instance, somebody is injured in a crash, and many of the victims have life-changing disabilities that stay with them for the rest of their lives.
You can’t really understand disability until you’ve experienced it. Suddenly, you find out that you can’t do all the things you used to be able to do, and it creates a whirlwind of emotions. Life just isn’t the same afterward, either mentally or physically.
Anger
For many people, the first response is anger. If their disability was their fault, they feel a kind of rage against themselves. Why did they put themselves in danger?
If their disability was somebody else’s fault, they feel a sense of violation against the person who did it to them, even if it was unintentional. There are often long court battles as people attempt to get compensation from another party.
The anger, however, eventually becomes a cost if it lingers. The longer it goes on, the more it taxes the individuals. Eventually, it can harm their health further, leading to forms of depression and chronic disease.
Depression
Losing your abilities is a little bit like losing somebody you love. If you can no longer walk, for instance, you go through a process of grieving over that loss. Instinctively, you know that the ability isn’t going to come back. And so you have to psychologically and emotionally deal with that fact before you can move on.
For many victims, this means a protracted period of depression. You don’t feel like doing anything. Your life feels incredibly limited and you don’t think you have the ability or the skills to enjoy it to the full anymore.
That kind of mentality is quite destructive, but also commonplace in people who’ve been injured or develop a chronic condition. The trick, of course, is to recognize that life does go on and that there are plenty of things you can do to enjoy your existence.
Loneliness
In some situations, disability can also breed loneliness. Some people find that they are more isolated from their friends and family because of the fact that they can no longer get around as well as they used to.
Loneliness can also occur at an emotional level too. When you have a disability, you feel somewhat alienated from the people around you. Unlike you, they don’t know what it is like to be housebound or bedbound. And so they can’t really understand what life is like for a person in your situation.
The solution here is to join a group of people who do understand what you’re going through so that you can voice your feelings and make them known.
We all have to go through the cycles of life with our parents. When we’re younger, they’re in charge of giving us a great life. Then we become adults, and the relationship becomes more like a friendship; everyone’s standing on equal terms. And then, when they get older, the job comes down to us. We have to work to ensure that their later years are as happy as possible. It does, after all, become increasingly difficult to live life to the fullest once we’re deep into our retirement years.
In this blog, we’re going to take a look at some of the key ways you can help ensure that your parents live well, no matter how old they are.
The first step is to simply be aware that your relationship with your parents will change. This will give you the presence of mind to help them when it’s required. It’s a good idea to just keep an eye on how they’re doing; are they living well, do they seem happy? If things begin to dip a little, then take action, without being overbearing. It’ll be easier to transition into the new dynamic if you do so slowly, and before it becomes critical.
Support and Extra Help
It’s normal for a person to require some additional help when they get older. This is because taking care of the basics of life can become a little more difficult to manage. Older people can be hesitant to ask for help, so why not take a proactive stance, and get help for them? This could involve hiring a carer or support worker, or you could even manage some of the tasks yourself. When things become a little more serious, you may need to find out more about hospice services or nursing homes. The good news is that no matter what level of help they require, there will always be something available.
Trips Down Memory Lane
Your parents will know that their best years will be behind them once they reach the twilight of their lives. This doesn’t have to be a sad thing, it’s just how it is — however, if you want to give your parents a good gift, then you could look at taking trips down memory lane with them. They’ll love going back over their life and remembering all the awesome moments that they’ve had. It can be a great way to spend an evening. This is also an effective way to highlight their legacy since you’ll be showing all the lessons and memories you’ve taken from them, and which you’ll pass onto your kids and so forth.
Involved in Life
However, even though their best years might be behind them, that doesn’t mean that they should stop living entirely! If you’re going to do something fun, then invite them along. They could well be very happy to get all dressed up and go to a restaurant. You won’t know for sure if you don’t ask them!
Stress can be a huge factor in our lives that drags us down and makes everything ten times more difficult. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about stress outside of just running away from it unless you deal with the root cause.
When it comes to working at home, there are countless things that can cause stress which affects our productivity and makes it hard for us to focus on our tasks. This can result in extremely unproductive days that we look back on and feel extremely bad about. So in this post, we’re going to talk about how you can keep your stress levels low when you work from home.
One of the first things to deal with is distractions. Make absolutely sure that you keep distractions at bay by understanding where they come from and why they happen. For instance, if you find that your dog is restless whenever you start working, consider taking them out for a walk and feeding them before you get started so they spend their energy and laze around. Similarly, if you find that you keep getting distracted by the TV, turn it off! If you can’t focus on something in the background, get rid of it (if possible!) and work in silence if you have to.
Make time for breaks
A lot of people forget that taking breaks is important when it comes to working from home. They don’t realize that taking a break helps to reset your mind and gives you an opportunity to catch up with other tasks. This could include returning phone calls, it could involve feeding your cat, or it could just be to stretch and walk around to give your legs a break. If you’re not already taking breaks, make sure you start doing it regularly!
Work in a comfortable environment
It’s also a good idea to start working in a comfortable environment. Make sure that your chair is comfortable and that your posture is supported. You should consider looking at companies such as obVus Solutions to find ergonomic devices and accessories that will help you work from home without causing pain and stress on your body. A lot of us find it hard to adapt to a work-at-home environment because it’s different from our offices that are designed around healthy ergonomics, hence why many of us feel stressed when we’re stuck at home.
Separate your work and your leisure
It’s also a good idea to separate leisure and work if you have to work from home. Sure, a lot of people answer phone calls, chat with friends, and even listen to music when they work from home. However, these things can lead to distractions and they might bleed into your regular work schedule, making you less productive. As such, you should try to separate your work and leisure as much as possible before your work tasks end up merging with your free time at home.
Stress is a major thorn in the side for many people. While it is natural and beneficial in certain scenarios, chronic stress is very unhealthy. It can have negative effects on your physical and mental health. If you are regularly hampered by stress and anxiety, it’s important to address it. Failing to acknowledge continuous stress can trigger further problems.
Before taking action to combat stress, it’s important to acknowledge what it actually is. Stress is one of the body’s natural defense mechanisms. In times of danger, people generally react through a fight-or-flight response. Your mind and body recognize the danger and get prepared for you to either fight or flight.
When you’re body goes into fight or flight mode, it is in a state of stress. Your senses are heightened, your alertness and focus are peaked, and your energy leaves are fueled by adrenaline. While this is beneficial in times of true peril, stress does not add value to your life in most scenarios.
If you suffer from unnecessary stress, you should find some ways to manage it. With this in mind, here are four tips for avoiding unnecessary stress in life.
Exercise is a natural stress reliever. It provides a mental escape and keeps your body physically fit. During exercise, the human body produces endorphins. These have a tremendous impact on your mood and work wonders in battling stress. A natural release of endorphins can also help you sleep better, further reducing stress levels.
Make an effort to stay active as much as possible. Rhythmic exercises such as walking, biking, or running are particularly beneficial as they produce a meditative effect.
Time management is key when you live a busy lifestyle. Failing to effectively manage your regular workload can lead to long-term and chronic stress. At times where you’re under serious pressure, organization and time management can guide you.
One of the best ways to get on top of time management is to schedule. Different scheduling styles work for different people. Some work best with extremely detailed plans, while others work best with more vague to-do lists.
Find out what you’re best suited to and start to manage your time more efficiently.
Beware of scams
In the technological era, there are countless manipulative scams out there that prey on the vulnerable. Having confidential information or money stolen from you can leave you in a financial predicament. What’s more, it can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety.
Practice mindful activities
Mindfulness revolves around centering your mind and being present in the moment. This helps detach your mind from unnecessary stress and it relieves your consciousness of clutter, bringing clarity to your mental state.
Practicing mindful techniques such as meditation and yoga can work wonders for reducing stress. There is a myriad of free online guides to help get you started. Meditation apps are a great way to get into a routine, as they have a number of guided sessions.
I’m sending warm wishes to you and your family for Christmas today. This year will look a little different than previous years but the reason for the season hasn’t changed. Next year we will be able to gather as in years past and can talk about new traditions started during the 2020 season. I […]
It’s Wednesday! I’m so happy you’re here! This photo was taken years ago during a Toys For Tots Christmas Run. Every year thousands of people get together on their motorcycles and take toys to a designated location for the Marines Toys for Tots Christmas campaign. Yes, I’m drinking a beer at 9:00 in the morning while talking to Santa, I’m not driving.
It’s Wednesday! I’m so happy you’re here! This is a sculpture of a Samari Warrior taken by my husband in Tokyo. I’ve also included an artistic interpretation of a beautiful ceiling panel found in a monastery. I hope you enjoy it.
Are you currently feeling lost, not knowing what to do or where to go? While you may be confused and unsure of yourself in certain moments, you have much more clarity than you may be willing to admit. The feeling of confusion arises when you have too many conflicting thoughts running through your mind, and you do not have a way to hold them back and keep them at bay.
But life is full of ups and downs. So, it is not a surprise that anyone can fall victim to confusion. Even though you may feel all alone, you are not. Try focusing on persevering and getting through the problem.
But how do you go about it? What should you do when you are feeling lost and confused with life?
Be Honest with Yourself and Accept the Situation
Running from problems never solves anything. Rather than pretending that everything is okay, admit that you have a problem and take responsibility for it. You will only make the situation worse by ignoring it. The first step towards solving any confusing situation is by admitting that you have a problem. Only then can you get clarity of the confusing situation that you are facing and find a solution.
Relax and Avoid Panicking
Every time you run from a problem, there is a high probability of panicking and developing anxiety—panic and fear sets in when you start becoming afraid. If you allow it to drive you, you may create negative thoughts that may lead you to make the wrong decisions.
Instead, it would help if you strengthened yourself to face the problem through relaxation. Relaxing helps to quiet your mind making you feel calm and peaceful. Relaxation is not only good for overcoming confusion but also for stress relief. Some relaxing methods you can use include practicing mindful meditation, listening to soothing music, soaking in a warm bath, and breathing exercises.
Focus on What you Know
When confusion sets in, your mind may be thrown through a web of repetitive and consistent thoughts without a beginning or end. To get yourself out of such a situation, you should focus more on first solving what you can understand. Only then can you slowly lift off the cloud of confusion that hovers over your life.
Be Patient
Confusion is a sign that you need to take some more time before making a decision. You should accept and be at peace with the fact that you may not have all the answers. Instead of rushing to make a decision when your mind is clouded with confusion, you should take a step back and consider listening to your gut feeling.
You do not have to make your decision quickly. Take your time until you are comfortable and confident enough to trust your gut.
Take Away
Apart from stress, panic disorder, and anxiety, several other reasons may lead to confusion. For this reason, you should seek medical attention if you or anyone you know shows signs of confusion and anxiety. It may not be very comforting at first, but you can quickly deal with it by taking immediate action to boost your mental health.
Being stuck in confusion is not necessarily bad. It highlights that no matter the path you decide to take, you will overcome the feeling of being lost.
Every year, one out of four people will experience some form of mental health problem. If you feel as though your anxiety and depression are taking hold, then here are some suggestions that will help you.
Tell Someone How you’re Feeling
Take charge of your own wellbeing and try and share any concerns you might have. Believe it or not, talking can help you to put everything into perspective and it can also help you to feel way more supported and less isolated too.
Did you know that fish can be very relaxing if you feel as though you are constantly overwhelmed by stress? Fish are easy to take care of and Tiger fish are especially beautiful. When you do invest in a tank, you can kick back, enjoy, and relax for years to come.
Stay Active
Regular exercise can easily help you to sleep and it can also boost your self-confidence. Your brain and all of your vital organs will benefit, and you will feel way better mentally as well. Of course, if you are having a hard time staying active because you don’t feel comfortable going to the gym, then you have nothing to worry about. There are many exercises that you can do from the comfort of your own home and you may even find that you are able to burn more calories this way as well. If you are always out of the house and if you have a hard time really finding the time to exercise, then you have nothing to worry about. You can still incorporate exercise into your routine if you simply choose to walk to work or even if you ride to work instead of taking the bus, as this can help you with your stress even more.
Eat Well
Ensuring that you have a balanced and nutritious diet will benefit your mental health in more ways than one. It will also help you to ensure your own wellbeing as well. If you are having a hard time eating well because you are busy then this is understandable, but you do need to try and take the time to try and change your lifestyle so that you can accommodate your eating. This could include you trying to pack a healthy lunch the night before so you don’t have to eat junk food during the workday or it could even mean that you need to try and explore healthy alternatives when dining out. Sure, this may require you making conscious choices but at the end of the day it will help you out way more than you realize.
Keep in Contact with your Friends
It’s so important that you stay in touch with your friends and your family. You can do this in person, or you can do it online. When you do, you will soon find that it is easier than ever for you to stay grounded and supported at all times. You don’t need to cope on your own. Ask your family or even your friends to see if they can give you some local support so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is an older term for Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) with a seasonal pattern. It’s a psychological condition that results in depression which is normally provoked by seasonal change. The condition most often occurs in women, adolescents, and young adults.
Many times people will start to see a pattern to their depression as the seasons change. This is common in the winter months and in areas where it is darker more than there is light outside. SAD is more common the countries like Alaska and Canada than in South America.
SAD is classified into two types, one in the Summertime and the other in the Wintertime. The symptoms are markedly different.
Summertime symptoms are:
agitation
difficulty sleeping
increased restlessness
lack of appetite
weight loss
Wintertime symptoms are:
daytime fatigue
difficulty concentrating
feelings of hopelessness
increased irritability
lack of interest in social activities
lethargy
reduced sexual interest
unhappiness
weight gain
How do you know if you have Seasonal Affective Disorder?
If you notice these symptoms you should talk with your doctor right away and it would help if you kept a journal as to when the depression started. This will help the doctor make a correct diagnosis especially if you notice the changes appear to be seasonal. The more information you can provide the doctor more accurately they can diagnosis your depression.
How do you treat Seasonal Affective Disorder?
Your doctor can determine the best treatment and in severe cases, may prescribe medication or a combination of treatments. One treatment known to help is Light Box Therapy or a Lamp because they are specially designed to put out a minimum of 10,000 Lux full-spectrum light.
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