There’s a grave in Dozenhem military cemetery where the inscription on the headstone reads: “G. Blacker. Somerset light Infantry. 9th August 1917. Age 39”. This man existed, and he mattered. This man was a member of our family. He died for his country in World War 1. And like the others who are buried there […]
You Matter — Don’t Lose Hope
The photo I’ve been using was old, back when I was younger and believe much prettier, but reality can burn sometimes. Fifteen years, anti-psychotic medications and chronic illness has changed my looks.
I have always been comfortable with how I looked. That is until three years ago when I gained over 40 pounds from taking a new medication for my Bipolar Disorder. Anyone who takes medications for mental illness can relate to this amount of weight gain in a month’s time.
I write openly, honestly, and from my heart. I have taken many photos over the past couple of months looking for one I could live with. This is the best one so far. It will probably not be the last one. I want you to see the face behind the blog.
Re-energize, Re-generate, and Seek Wellness
Melinda
Anxiety affects more people than you might realize. Now that mental health is becoming less stigmatized, it’s becoming more normal for people to talk about their anxiety and put it out there in the open. But just because more people are talking about it, doesn’t mean that coping with anxiety itself is getting any easier.
Unpredictable and at times, crippling, anxiety affects people in different ways. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, but there are some things you can do every day to help you help your anxiety and help you regain your calm.
Image Credit: Unsplash under Creative Commons
Never underestimate the power of focused breathing. Focusing on even, steady breaths when you’re feeling anxious could help you bring your heart rate down and help you clear your mind to give your attention to the task at hand. Many people find the 4-7-8 breathing technique useful for this. Taking some slow deep breaths can have an instant effect, so try practicing measured breathing to help you in the future.
If something is making you anxious, it can help you get some clarity to write it down – especially if something is overwhelming or you can’t make sense of it. People use writing as a way to cope with difficult experiences, and it can be used to tackle everyday thoughts and feelings too. Even if you just write something down on your phone, you could feel better once you’ve got it all out.
There are different remedies that can help you deal with anxiety. Many people use aromatherapy as a way to promote calm, while otc anxiety treatments can also be effective for some sufferers. Always seek medical advice before taking supplements, especially if you’re taking medication, but some natural supplements could be effective for helping you to manage your anxiety.
Exercise has many benefits for your health, and it can be great for your mental health. When you’re feeling a wave of anxiety coming on, or you’re dealing with a stressful situation, try exercising. There are some excellent short yoga routines for dealing with anxiety that could help you regain your center and help you relax too. Regular exercise is important, but it’s good to know where to find some short routines you can do as and when you need them.
Going for a run or a short walk can also be good alternatives to yoga, helping you get out in the fresh air and enjoy a change of scenery.
Anxiety brings many different challenges, but finding ways to cope can help you when you feel an attack coming on. While not every method will work for you, there are some simple but effective tips you can try to help you find what works best for you. Don’t let your anxiety beat you; make sure you get the help you need to overcome it.
Re-energize, Re-generate and Seek Wellness
Melinda
By Erin Michael
June 26, 2020
More pregnant women and new mothers are experiencing anxiety and depression during the COVID-19 pandemic, according to survey results published in Frontiers in Global Women’s Health.
Researchers surveyed 520 pregnant women and 380 women who had given birth in the last year. The participants — primarily from Canada — were recruited on social media from April 14 through May 8.
The survey included a questionnaire on self-reported depression and depressive symptoms, anxiety and physical activity before and during the pandemic.
When responding to questionnaires on depressive symptoms, 15% of women had scores indicating depression before the pandemic compared with 40.7% of women during the pandemic.
The survey also identified moderate to high anxietyin 29% of respondents before the pandemic and 72% of respondents during the pandemic.
According to the results, 64% of women reported that they had reduced their physical activity levels due to isolation measures, whereas 15% reported increased physical activity and 21% did not change their physical activity.
Researchers found that women who had at least 150 minutes of moderate physical activity each week had significantly lower depression and anxiety scores compared with those who did not.
Margie H.Davenport
Healio Primary Care spoke with lead author Margie H. Davenport, PhD,director of the Program for Pregnancy and Postpartum Health and associate professor in the faculty of kinesiology, sport and recreation at University of Alberta, to learn more about the study and what physicians can do to combat depression and anxiety in pregnant women and new mothers.
A: We know that the social and physical isolation measures that are critically needed to reduce the spread of the virus are affecting mental health; however, during pregnancy, the development of depression and anxiety can have detrimental effects on the mental and physical health of both mother and baby that can persist for years. Our previous work has demonstrated that exercise during and following pregnancy is associated with a reduced risk for depression and depressive symptoms, but access to safe places to walk or other types of exercise are greatly reduced. We wanted to conduct this survey to learn more about the impact of COVID-19 on the mental health and physical activity of women during and following pregnancy.
A: We know that in nonpandemic times, 1 in 7 women experience depression and/or anxiety during the perinatal period. Although recall bias may have influenced the pre-pandemic results, the fact that 41% of women are experiencing depression and 72% moderate to high anxiety currently is substantially higher than we would expect.
A: It is critical to increase awareness of the impact of social (and physical) isolation on the mental health of pregnant and postpartum women. Speaking to patients about the signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety, as well as continuing to ensure access to diagnosis and treatment of these conditions is a key step in supporting women through a healthy pregnancy.
A: The closures of indoor recreation centers and outdoor parks have increased some barriers to physical activity during the pandemic. However, encouraging outdoor walking or online fitness classes can be feasible options to engage in physical activity while continuing to adhere to public health recommendations for physical distancing. Extensive research supports the benefits of walking. Every minute counts!
A: Additional research needed to better understand how we can support the mental health of pregnant and postpartum women who are experiencing isolation — even in nonpandemic times — is critical. Working with women to develop supports and resources that fit with their needs — online support groups, better access to diagnosis and treatment, free perinatal fitness classes — is needed to mitigate the effects of the pandemic.pregnant womendepressionanxietycovid-19coronavirus
Additional information:
A mental health treatment center for women affirms this study, particularly in relation to their male counterparts. The Gooden Center found that “women are nearly twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with depression or anxiety,”
Women, the Gooden Center notes, are more prone to trauma, which is deeply interconnected with depression and anxiety along with stress. Complications with trauma, depression and anxiety go much deeper than a lower quality of life. It can lead to reduced life expectancy, life-threatening health complications and suicide.
If you need help please consider anxiety therapy, where there is life there is hope.
Melinda
Being stuck at home is new to many people. But I started sheltering in place in 2013 when I was diagnosed with Lyme disease. I spent three years on IV therapy, seven days a week, and walked only to the bathroom and back. The years after IV therapy was just as rough.
I required assistance with everything. The pain unbearable–going to the bathroom, taking a shower, walking down the stairs were so difficult. Mentally I struggled, too, trying to remember to make appointments and phone calls I needed to. I couldn’t even handle putting my medicine in the case each week without mistakes. I felt so much guilt. I thought my husband would leave me as soon as he could, or maybe he would have an affair. Why couldn’t I keep up with showering and fixing my hair? When was the last time I wore makeup?
But I have learned to overcome my guilt by dealing with facts, not fears, and knowing I can handle whatever reality throws my way.
In addition to Lyme disease, I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, cognitive dysfunction (which includes lack of balance), and dementia. Dementia is the real kicker. There are a host of other ailments I suffer from, and I’m sure I will have more as the years pass. I was told early on that Lyme would cause problems that seem unrelated for years to come because there is no cure and my immune system remains compromised. This past month I found that to be true again when.
I was diagnosed with a new immune disorder, hypogammaglobulinemia. Hypogammaglobulinemia is a problem with the immune system that prevents it from making enough antibodies called immunoglobulins. Antibodies are proteins that help your body recognize and fight off foreign invaders like bacteria, viruses, and fungi. Without enough antibodies, you’re more likely to get infections. People with hypogammaglobulinemia can more easily catch pneumonia, meningitis, and other infections that a healthy immune system.
This makes the COVID-19 pandemic especially scary for me. I get stressed out when I watch more than an hour of news a day, or see people not wearing masks.
In general, though, I’m very used to having to stay at home. I quit driving years ago and have only driven a handful of times in recent years. It’s not that I couldn’t drive, but my husband came along to take notes at appointments since my memory is not what it used to be. Don’t get me wrong. I miss the independence of driving without my husband having to take off work. I also miss being able to see my hairstylist, getting a manicure, and finding great spots for taking photos.
I have to get out of the house for my mental health, at least a little bit, regardless of my immune deficiencies. We still go for a Starbucks run as often as possible. We have a whole sanitation process down, including wiping down his mask, credit card, steering wheel, and both of the top of our cup to the bottom. We take all precautions when he brings groceries in and packages, we wash our hands immediately and wash again after putting everything away. He doesn’t want me to get sick, and I know he does everything possible every time he leaves the house.
I’m ready for this to pass and it will pass, but for now, I’m staying calm and entertained indoors as best as I can. I hope you can do the same.
In Health,
Melinda
Earlier in the month I was diagnosed with persistent Hypocalcemia. The lack of calcium can cause many problems but the most troubling to me at this time is more Osteoporosis which I already have in my hip and heart complications, which I already have several heart issues.
Like everyone my appointment was pushed out and we wait out the social distancing to get back to normal. I’m lucky that I don’t have the worst symptoms yet.
Hypocalcemia (Calcium Deficiency Disease)
Calcium is a vital mineral. Your body uses it to build strong bones and teeth. Calcium is also needed for your heart and other muscles to function properly. When you don’t get enough calcium, you increase your risk of developing disorders like:
Children who don’t get enough calcium may not grow to their full potential height as adults.
You should consume the recommended amount of calcium per day through the food you eat, supplements, or vitamins.
Many people are at an increased risk for calcium deficiency as they age. This deficiency may be due to a variety of factors, including:
It’s important to ensure proper calcium intake at all ages.
For children and teenagers, the recommended daily allowances for calcium are the same for both sexes. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the daily allowances are:
According to the U.S. government’s dietary guidelinesTrusted Source, calcium requirements for adults are:
Women need to increase their calcium intake earlier in life than men, starting in middle age. Meeting the necessary calcium requirement is particularly important as a woman approaches menopause.
The hormone disorder hypoparathyroidism may also cause calcium deficiency disease. People with this condition don’t produce enough parathyroid hormone, which controls calcium levels in the blood.
During menopause, women should also increase their calcium intake to reduce the risk of osteoporosis and calcium deficiency disease. The decline in the hormone estrogen during menopause causes a woman’s bones to thin faster.
Other causes of hypocalcemia include malnutrition and malabsorption. Malnutrition is when you’re not getting enough nutrients, while malabsorption is when your body can’t absorb the vitamins and minerals you need from the food you eat. Additional causes include:
If you miss your daily dose of calcium, you won’t become calcium deficient overnight. But it’s still important to make an effort to get enough calcium every day, since the body uses it quickly. Vegans are more likely to become calcium deficient quickly because they don’t eat calcium-rich dairy products.
Calcium deficiency won’t produce short-term symptoms because the body maintains calcium levels by taking it directly from the bones. But long-term low levels of calcium can have serious effects.
Early stage calcium deficiency may not cause any symptoms. However, symptoms will develop as the condition progresses.
Severe symptoms of hypocalcemia include:
Calcium deficiencies can affect all parts of the body, resulting in weak nails, slower hair growth, and fragile, thin skin.
Calcium also plays an important role in both neurotransmitter release and muscle contractions. So, calcium deficiencies can bring on seizures in otherwise healthy people.
If you start experiencing neurological symptoms like memory loss, numbness and tingling, hallucinations, or seizures, make an appointment to see your doctor as soon as possible.
Contact your doctor if you have symptoms of calcium deficiency disease. They’ll review your medical history and ask you about family history of calcium deficiency and osteoporosis.
If your doctor suspects calcium deficiency, they’ll take a blood sample to check your blood calcium level. Your doctor will measure your total calcium level, your albumin level, and your ionized or “free” calcium level. Albumin is a protein that binds to calcium and transports it through the blood. Sustained low calcium levels in your blood may confirm a diagnosis of calcium deficiency disease.
Normal calcium levels for adults can range from 8.8 to 10.4 milligrams per deciliter (mg/dL), according to the Merck Manual. You may be at risk for calcium deficiency disease if your calcium level is below 8.8 mg/dL. Children and teens typically have higher blood calcium levels than adults.
Calcium deficiency is usually easy to treat. It typically involves adding more calcium to your diet.
Do not self-treat by taking a lot of calcium supplements. Taking more than the recommended dose without your doctor’s approval can lead to serious issues like kidney stones.
Commonly recommended calcium supplements include:
Calcium supplements are available in liquid, tablet, and chewable forms.
It’s important to note that some medications could interact negatively with calcium supplements. These medications include:
Sometimes diet changes and supplements aren’t enough to treat a calcium deficiency. In this case, your doctor may want to regulate your calcium levels by giving you regular calcium injections.
You can expect to see results within the first few weeks of treatment. Severe cases of calcium deficiency disease will be monitored at one- to three-month intervals.
Complications from calcium deficiency disease include eye damage, an abnormal heartbeat, and osteoporosis.
Complications from osteoporosis include:
If left untreated, calcium deficiency disease could eventually be fatal.
You can prevent calcium deficiency disease by including calcium in your diet every day.
Be aware that foods high in calcium, such as dairy products, can also be high in saturated fat and trans fat. Choose low-fat or fat-free options to reduce your risk of developing high cholesterol and heart disease.
You can get 1/4 to 1/3 of your RDA of calcium in a single serving of some milks and yogurts. According to the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA)Trusted Source, other calcium-rich foods include:
While meeting your calcium requirement is very important, you also want to make sure you’re not getting too much. According to the Mayo Clinic, upper limits of calcium intake in milligrams (mg) for adults are:
You might want to supplement your diet by taking a multivitamin. Or your doctor may recommend supplements if you’re at high risk for developing a calcium deficiency.
Multivitamins may not contain all of the calcium you need, so be sure to eat a well-rounded diet. If you’re pregnant, take a prenatal vitamin.
Vitamin D is important because it increases the rate calcium is absorbed into your blood. Ask your doctor how much vitamin D you need.
To increase your calcium intake, you can add food rich in vitamin D to your diet. These include:
As with calcium-rich dairy products, some vitamin D-rich dairy products can also be high in saturated fat.
Sunlight triggers your body to make vitamin D, so getting regular exposure to the sun can also help boost your vitamin D levels.
Melinda
This is a must see video. Jeremy Forbes shares great information to help you have a real conversation with a friend or love one. I did not see the twist coming, he’s a Survivor.
Melinda
IDEAS TED TALKS
May 1, 2019 / Nora McInerny
I quit my job shortly after my husband Aaron died in 2014 following three years with brain cancer. It made sense in the moment, but I needed money to keep my son and myself alive so I went to a networking event to hopefully make connections. I was introduced to a successful woman in her early 70s who everyone referred to as a “legend.” She wanted to meet me for coffee and I thought, “What could she possibly see in me?”
What she saw in me was herself. She had been 16 when her boyfriend died. He was her first love and they were teenagers in a different era, when it was perfectly plausible that you would be married after high school. Instead, he went to the hospital one day and never came back. She learned later that he’d died of cancer, which his parents had kept secret from him and from his friends. They didn’t know how to talk about it, and they didn’t want him or his friends to worry.
This boy had died decades ago. She was married, a mother and a grandmother. And she told me about his death as if it had happened weeks ago, as if she were still 16, still shocked and confused that her beloved was gone and she’d not had a chance to say goodbye. Her grief felt fresher than mine did, because I didn’t feel anything yet.
The only guarantee about grief is that however you feel right now, you will not always feel this way.
Time is irrelevant to grief. I cannot tell you that it will feel better or worse as time goes by; I can just tell you that it feels better and worse as time goes by. The only guarantee is that however you feel right now, you will not always feel this way.
There are days when Aaron’s death feels so fresh that I cannot believe it. How can he be gone? How can it be that he will forever be 35 years old? Likewise, there are days when his death feels like such a fact of my life I can hardly believe that he was ever not dead. I thought I would be able to control the faucets of my emotions — that certain days (his birthday, his deathiversary) would be drenched in meaning, and most days would not.
I wish that were the case; I wish we could relegate all our heaviest grieving to specific days of the year. It would certainly be more efficient. Instead, I know that I have some friends who will understand perfectly when I call them to say that the entire world feels heavy, that I’ve been crying for reasons I can’t quite explain other than that I am alive and Aaron is not, and the reality of that happened to hit me in the deodorant aisle, when I spotted Aaron’s favorite antiperspirant. I bought a stick for myself, so that my armpits and his armpits would be forever connected.
In 2017, Lady Gaga released her Joanne album, named for an aunt who died before she was even born. The titular song is 100 percent guaranteed to make you cry, and it’s written about someone Lady Gaga never even met. In her Netflix documentary, Gaga: Five Foot Two, she plays the song for her grandmother and bawls uncontrollably. Her grandmother listens to the song, watches Gaga weep, and thanks her for the song. She does not shed a tear. Their grief — even for the same person — is different. The roots of grief are boundless. They can reach back through generations. They are undeterred by time, space or any other law you try to apply to them.
The woman I met had lived far more of her life without that boyfriend than with him. Time had not healed that wound, and it never will.
A common adage is “time heals all wounds.” It is true physically, which I am grateful for because I am typing this while hoping the tip of my thumb fuses back together after an unfortunate kitchen accident involving me attempting to cook a potato. But it is not true mentally or emotionally. Time is cruel. Time reminds me of how long Aaron has been gone, which isn’t a comfort to me.
The woman I met for coffee had lived far more of her life without that boyfriend than she had with him. Her grandchildren were now the same age she’d been when she lost him. Time had not healed that wound, and it never will. If you’re still sad, that’s because it’s still real. They are still real. Time can change you, and it will. But it can’t change them, and it won’t.
And here’s some advice for the grief adjacent. For you, time marches on, steadily and reliably. A year is just a year. A day is just a day. You are not aware of the number of days it’s been since they took their last breath or said their last word. You’re not mentally calculating when the scales of time tip, and more of your life has been lived without them than was lived with them.
We do not move on from the dead people we love or the difficult situations we’ve lived through. We move forward, but we carry it all with us.
You may be tempted to tell the grieving to move on. After all, it’s been weeks. Years. Decades. Surely this cannot still be the topic of conversation. Surely, at this point, they must have moved on? Nope.
But, you may be thinking, “This person has gotten married again or had another baby! They have so many good things in their life, this one awful thing can’t possibly still be relevant … can it?”
We do not move on from the dead people we love or the difficult situations we’ve lived through. We move forward, but we carry it all with us. Some of it gets easier to bear, some of it will always feel Sisyphean. We live on, but we are not the same as we once were. This is not macabre or depressing or abnormal. We are shaped by the people we love, and we are shaped by their loss.
“Why are they still sad?” you may think. Because this is a sad thing, and always will be.
Excerpted from the new book The Hot Young Widows Club: Lessons on Survival from the Front Lines of Grief by Nora McInerny. Reprinted with permission from TED Books/Simon & Schuster. © 2019 Nora McInerny.
Nora McInerny has a lot of jobs. She is the reluctant cofounder of the Hot Young Widows Club (a program of her nonprofit, Still Kickin), the bestselling author of the memoirs “It’s Okay To Laugh”, “Crying Is Cool Too”, and “No Happy Endings” and the host of the award-winning podcast “Terrible, Thanks for Asking.” McInerny is a master storyteller known for her dedication to bringing heart and levity to the difficult and uncomfortable conversations most of us try to avoid, and also for being very tall.
The Bikini Industrial Complex. That’s our name for the $100 billion cluster of businesses that profit by setting an unachievable “aspirational ideal,” convincing us that we can and should — indeed we must — conform with the ideal, and then selling us ineffective but plausible strategies for achieving that ideal. It’s like old cat pee in the carpet, powerful and pervasive and it makes you uncomfortable every day but it’s invisible and no one can remember a time when it didn’t smell.
Let’s shine a black light on it, so you can know where the smell is coming from. You already know that basically everything in the media is there to sell you thinness — the shellacked abs in ads for exercise equipment, the “one weird trick to lose belly fat” clickbait when all you wanted was a weather forecast, and the “flawless” thin women who fill most TV shows. The Bikini Industrial Complex, or BIC, has successfully created a culture of immense pressure to conform to an ideal that is literally unobtainable by almost everyone and yet is framed not just as the most beautiful, but the healthiest and most virtuous.
But it’s not just magazine covers, ads and other fictions that get it wrong. The body mass index (BMI) chart and its labels — underweight, overweight, obese, etc. — were created by a panel of nine individuals, seven of whom were “employed by weight-loss clinics and thus have an economic interest in encouraging use of their facilities,” as researchers Paul Ernsberger and Richard J Koletsky put it.
You’ve been lied to about the relationship between weight and health so that you’ll perpetually try to change your weight. But listen: It can be healthier to be 70 or more pounds over your medically defined “healthy weight” than just five pounds under it. A 2016 meta-analysis in The Lancet medical journal examined 189 studies, encompassing nearly four million people who never smoked and had no diagnosed medical issues. It found that people labeled “obese” by the CDC have lower health risk than those the CDC categorized as “underweight.” The study also found that being “overweight” according to the CDC is lower risk than being at the low end of the “healthy” range as defined by the US federal government and the World Health Organization.
Another meta-analysis even found that people in the BMI category labeled “overweight” may live longer than people in any other category, and the highest predictable mortality rate might be among those labeled “underweight.” Taking it further, newer research is suggesting that doctors warn their middle-aged and older patients against losing weight, because the increasingly well-established dangers of fluctuations in weight outweigh any risk associated with a high but stable weight.
Our culture has primed us to judge fat people as lazy and selfish. And it goes deep. Amelia conducts a children’s choir, and she has to teach her kids to breathe. At ten, eight, even six years old, they already believe that their bellies are supposed to be flat and hard, so they hold their stomachs in. You can’t breathe deeply, all the way, without relaxing your abdomen, and you can’t sing if you can’t breathe. So Amelia has to teach children to breathe.
Please: Relax your belly. It’s supposed to be round. The BIC has been gaslighting you.
We’re not saying the people or companies that constitute the BIC are out to get you. Frankly, we don’t think they’re smart enough to have created this system on purpose. But they recognize there’s money to be made by establishing and enforcing impossible standards.
We all encounter the BIC every day. So how can we make it through the fray?
One strategy: Play the “new hotness” game.
When we reconstruct our own standard of beauty with a definition that comes from our own hearts and includes our bodies as they are right now, we can turn toward our bodies with kindness and compassion. Well, easier said than done.
Amelia is vain about pictures of her conducting, in which she inevitably has her mouth wide open and her hair is a sweaty wreck. Emily watches herself on TV and worries that her chin is too pointy because one time, somebody said it was. (We are identical twins.)
Neither of us has ever had the skinny proportions of a model, and we watched our mom — who was model-thin before she gestated two seven-pound babies at the same time — look at her reflection in mirrors and cry at what she saw there. What she saw there is very much like what we see in our own reflections now.
Which is why we play the “New Hotness” game, a way to let go of body self-criticism and shift to self-kindness. One day, Amelia was at a fancy boutique, trying on gowns for a performance. Attire for women conductors is hard to find: solid black with long sleeves, formal yet not frumpy is an unlikely combination. Finding all of this in her size is even more difficult.
She tried on a dress that looked so amazingly good she texted Emily a dress selfie, with a caption paraphrasing Will Smith in Men in Black II: i am the new hotness.
And now “new hotness” is our texting shorthand for looking fabulous without reference to the socially constructed ideal. We recommend it. It’s fun.
Maybe you don’t look like you used to, or like you used to imagine you should, but how you look today is the new hotness. Even better than the old hotness.
Saggy belly skin from that baby you birthed? New hotness.
Gained 20 pounds while finishing school? New hotness.
Skin gets new wrinkles because you lived another year? New hotness.
Hair longer or shorter, or a different color or style? New hotness.
Mastectomy following breast cancer? New hotness.
Amputation following combat injury? New hotness.
The point is, you define and redefine your body’s worth, on your own terms. It’s not necessary to turn toward your body with love and affection — love and affection are frosting on the cake of body acceptance, and if they work for you, go for it. But all your body requires of you is that you turn toward it with kindness and compassion, again and again, without judging all your contradictory emotions, beliefs and longings.
No doubt after you finish reading this, you will go out into the world and notice the diversity of bodies around you. And you will still have reflexive thoughts about the people who don’t conform to the aspirational ideal, envious thoughts about the people who do, or self-critical thoughts about the ways the world tells you that you fall short. And then you might even have emotional reactions to your emotional reactions: “Darn it, I shouldn’t think that!”
Change happens gradually. Your brain has been soaking in the BIC for decades; any time you step outside your door, you’re back in it; any time you turn on a TV, you’re back in it; and any time you put clothes on, you’re back in it. Just notice it, as you’d notice a fleck of dust floating through the air. Smile kindly at the mess. And know what’s true: Everyone is the new hotness. You are the new hotness. So is she. So are they. So are we.
Excerpted from Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. Copyright © 2019 by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. Used by permission of Ballantine, an imprint of Random House Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Watch Emily Nagoski’s TED talk here:
Second Stage Dementia
As dementia progresses, the symptoms first experienced in the early stages of the dementia generally worsen. The rate of decline is different for each person. A person with moderate dementia scores between 6–17 on the MMSE. For example, people with Alzheimer’s dementia in the moderate stages lose almost all new information very quickly. People with dementia may be severely impaired in solving problems, and their social judgment is usually also impaired. They cannot usually function outside their own home, and generally should not be left alone. They may be able to do simple chores around the house but not much else, and begin to require assistance for personal care and hygiene other than simple reminders.[11]
I’m in Second Stage Dementia, a 17 on the MMSE and I’m going to kill myself. There’s no emotion in my voice, my husband, my Therapist, and my Psychiatrist know. I don’t want to die and that is why picking the right time is so important. I won’t lie wasting away not knowing anyone, unable to speak or eat. Someone has to bathe you and change your bed several times a day, it’s gut-wrenching to watch someone you love die this way.
I cared for my Granny, the second stroke is where she started losing touch. She would say “Why did Gramps leave me at this house.” I took photos off the wall to assure her he went to get groceries, she was lost in a terrible reality. She would bang her head against the wall and scream she wanted to die. My Granny got so violent I had to medicate her and that was the last time my Gramps could leave the house until her death.
My Dementia was caused by Lyme Disease, the Spirochetes used my brain as a host. I’m in the second stage and it’s difficult already. It’s not just the words forgotten, it’s the time’s per day forgotten. I talked with my husband last night but have no idea what we talked about. Many times the words don’t come. Maybe you’ve noticed? I try to tell myself it’s freeing to not worry about the date or day of the week, it’s sad cover.
Melinda
Feb. 22, 2018, at 9:00 a.m.
By Julie Davis
HealthDay Reporter
(HEALTHDAY)
THURSDAY, Feb. 22, 2018 (HealthDay News) — Many of us make choices about whether to eat healthy or not-so-healthy foods based on whether we’re in a good or not-so-good mood.
When a bad mood strikes, we often tend to reach for junk food. And that can be a recipe for disaster when you’re trying to lose weight.
Here’s how to keep your emotions from ruining your diet resolve.
Next, look for ways to brighten your mood that don’t involve eating at all. If you’re blue, call a diet buddy who knows how to motivate you. Or turn on a favorite movie. If you’re nervous or angry, release your emotions by working out to your favorite music mix or taking a short run.
Healthy lifestyle habits help insulate you from bad moods and the emotional eating that often follows. Boost your mood on a daily basis with regular exercise and with a few minutes of relaxation, like taking a warm bath, meditating, or reading a book.
Using a food journal can help you look for causes of a bad mood, like stress, and show patterns you can then take steps to change. For example, if giving a presentation at work always has you reaching for a candy bar, be prepared with a healthier snack, like a small container of nuts and dried fruits.
These positive steps will improve your outlook and, in turn, help you make good food choices and stick to your diet.
More information
Cornell University’s Food & Brand Lab has information to help you better understand how your mood can drive food choices, and how to overcome emotional eating.
Copyright © 2018 HealthDay. All rights reserved.
Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted or abused face the same mental and physical effects as other survivors. Cultural stereotypes about men and how they portray masculinity can sometimes feel toxic to male survivors, adding additional challenges to their experience.
Recovering from sexual assault or abuse is a process that looks different for everyone, and it’s important to support a survivor, no matter their gender identity. Focusing on self-care after a sexual assault is a vital step toward recovery. Sexual assault can affect the physical and emotional health of a survivor, so it’s important to address both components of self-care. Should a victim choose to seek professional help, therapy can provide a space to openly discuss their thoughts and experiences.
One out of every 10 rape victims is male. It’s crucial to remind male survivors that they are not alone and share the services available to help them through their recovery.
Survivors can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline 800.656.HOPE (4653) or visit online.rainn.org to be connected with local sexual assault service providers in their area. RAINN also partners with 1in6, an organization dedicated to helping men who survived unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood. If something happened to you, know that you are not alone and help is available. This Men’s Health Month—and all year round—join RAINN in supporting all survivors.
https://www.rainn.org/news/male-sexual-assault-road-recovery
Thank you for reading. RAINN is an excellent has extensive resources for men and women.
Melinda
On my first business trip, I was 24 years old and clueless. The company was celebrating a milestone. Once we were bored, around 20 of us found a bar and settled in. This is the time for a stalker, large groups of people, and pick your target.
First, he sent me a dozen white roses every day. I was young and naive about stalking. I assumed he had money.
The cards started coming and he started asking me to come to Boston. The phone calls were coming more often. I didn’t know how a stalker reeled in their target.
After months of roses and cards, I gave in. Once in Boston, his lies were easy to see. The parents owned the house, he lived in a small house over the garage. My radar is up about but nothing else. There was a party at a friend’s house, let’s see how many are losers. The party was fun I talked about food, wine, and traveling. He paraded me around like a 100-lb piece of meat.
We had a selection of drugs, hash, cocaine, and some using a needle. I don’t use a needle period. I enjoyed the selection of smokes. We left heading for his house, he was high and driving. We arrive, had problems with the stairs, which were too high, and laughing ass off. I told him before arriving, that I would not sleep with him, ok no problem he says. We started doing a line of coke, no memory of how many lines, it didn’t matter
I was stoned. He tried to get to lay on the bed and he wouldn’t touch me. The other sleeping option was the couch, I chose the couch. His personality changed to anger. He begged me for what seemed like an hour. He finally gave up, leaving him to plan his next move.
I left my cell phone at home and used his phone to call Granny. BAD MOVE. We had lunch with his parents. They seemed normal, which was good, maybe the thoughts were a reaction from past experiences.
We went to the mall so he could buy me a leather jacket. WEIRD. Before leaving he takes me to a 5-star restaurant on the water. Then off to the airport, and listened to more lies.
The calls to my office and home were nonstop, leaving messages on my phone with his voice getting angrier, making threats. What can he do to me he’s in Boston. NAIVE.
The fear escalated over six years, always looking over my shoulder, and avoiding crowds. Years went by and I thought it was over, NOT, he wrote me a letter at my new address. Dating was worse, you have to tell them about this crazy person. One guy I dated had two boys, and afraid for them he would go to the car alone in case a bomb ignited.
It’s been 15 years and more traumatic memories. Now another Stalker has me in sight. I’m 53 not a kid anymore and I still get scared. I thought the Stalker had left me alone, there still watching, always there, letting me know.
I wrote in an earlier post about how I taunted the Stalker. Don’t take my lead and attack back, expressing your anger. Their anger can grow and aggression can escalate.
Don’t keep the secret to yourself, it’s a heavy load.
Don’t allow yourself to be bait, stalkers can take years grooming,
Melinda
This is not a war to win. It cages a soul and will not allow reason of any kind. I prayed, I begged and I pleaded. You can have me, but you cannot have my daughter.
On this particular morning I thought I’d heard a knock at my front door, or was that coming from the back door? I trusted nothing. I sat in the nursery until the pounding stopped, and the sound of what I thought was my name being called, ended. Rocking my angel. I sobbed so violently. I wanted the voices and the visions to go away. I wanted nothing more than to save my baby from myself.
Something made me pause. Was that the front lock-set being opened, the door flinging open, where those real voices?
They found me. Jo and Prescilla. They found me, and they did not let go of me. One took the baby, the other took the phone directory.
And every chance I get, I tell them, “Thank you.”
I spent the following three and a half months in a locked Psych ward.
…
Each one of us has a story that shames us, it can trap us in a sort of hell, but sometimes to escape hell, we must find words to express its grievance. I used to think this would be one that I could not share for fear of losing someone whom I love(d). Now I fear that if I don’t share it, someone may lose their way, they may find themselves lost, alone, aberrant, and of course, crazy. I would rather lose every friend I have for the sacrifice of gaining that one that reached out to me in need. The one that discovered hope, when they felt there was none left. But, if you can find clarity, if you can trust that there are people in this world that care first for others, and second for themselves, than you, and they, will walk with you through hell. When we have true friends, they don’t leave us when the going gets rough. They stop at nothing to see that we realize how important we are, in their life. They don’t call you, Pyscho, MisFit, Crazy. They call you, Friend. That having us is a joy, a blessing, a God-send. A true friend does not judge, does not keep a score card and knows that we are them, should they ever need us and not out of guilt or because a favor needs returning. No, a true friend stands by knowing that without our connection we are only half of ourselves.
When others walked out, you walked in. You asked for nothing in return. You never used my illness to shame me, to discount me, to write me off. You stood beside me, carried me through my darkest hours. Prescilla, Senn, Jo McCormack, thank you for seeing me when I could not see myself. But more than anything, thank you for saving my Megan from the psychotic lunatic that I had become. We have fought hard to win, and without each of you, I would have lost. It took three and a half months, out-of-state, in a mental institution, numbers of medications and therapy sessions, but I came home, loving and vowing that one day I would share this story.
Never give up hope. When you are at your weakest, grasp for straws. Dial for help. Swallow your pride. Do not fear that you will be labeled, CRAZY, for the rest of your life, even by those you thought would stand behind you through thick and thin. One of the best pieces of advice given to me were these words:
“They already think you’re crazy. Nothing you do, or say, will change their opinion. Absolutely nothing, therefore, be yourself. Only you know the journey and the victory.”
To Megan,
I promised you I would finish a tale that I had begun earlier in one of my posts. I think I even noted Day 16 as the day that I would write it. Day 16, arrived, but the time didn’t feel ‘just right’. Today it does. I believe you will recall the post, original, and if not, I’ll help you retrieve it.
I spent three full days in bed making Pom-Poms out of tissues. And not intentionally. “No, Martha, I did not use your official cut-and-twist guide.” I fashioned mine while I tried building a dam to nowhere, for my sinus drainage. I took my temperature so many times I killed the battery in the thermometer. I’ve never slept so many hours in my life! This comes from someone who suffers extreme bits of insomnia. Food? I found two cans of soup at the back of the cupboard and considering we don’t eat processed canned items I can’t help but wonder where they came from, much less, why I consumed them.
I’d had enough of this Chit, so by 10:00 a.m., I drug my lazy self out of bed and into the steaming shower, threw on some clothes, and asked Hannah if she’d like to go for a walk.
I thought I’d heard a lot of commotion over the roar of my blow dryer, but I wasn’t in the mood to go ‘seek-and-find,’ what all the mischief was. Once dressed, and out the door, I looked up the street to see the fire truck. What the heck?!#&@
Okay, right off the bat I have to confess. I’m not into seeking out horror. I can’t handle it. Put me in a car, drive me down the freeway, and have someone shout, “Look! There’s been a car accident!” What do I do? Slither down in my seat and turn my head in the opposite direction. If I’m the one who happens to be driving, you won’t find me rubbernecking.
Where was I going with this?
The Walk…(and not on the wild side.)
Finally, on our way, we journey toward the coffee shop. I realize I can’t enter, doggie and all, but then I remember the new app I have downloaded on my phone. Hannah and I mosey up to the patio and sit down. Attempting to order, I realize this app needs a few software upgrades, but I’m not in the mood to hack up the menu in broad daylight, much less try to find a workaround on the store’s wi-fi firewall. Dang, I can’t just walk away, the pup is looking at me with those sweet, begging eyes as if to ask, “How much longer, Mummy?”
Thinking comes quick when smitten by a man’s best friend. I lasso a chair with her harness and tie the pup securely to it, placing her in full view of any area I’ll find myself at once inside the store.
…..Admit it, you’re just a wee bit bored, but you just can’t seem to pull yourself away from all the action. Consider yourself a rubbernecker and let’s get moving…..
We are at a junction in the road. If we take the route we came, we’re out 1.5 miles, but if we journey the alternate route we are out 1.5 miles. Decisions, decisions, oh, and the trick math question at the end. (Find your calculators.)
Let’s go rogue. I’m caffeinated and jet-packed by toxic chemicals from eating rancid soup. What could go wrong?
The Traffic Light!…(into the jungle)
The sucker must have been rigged for red-light runners! Hannah and I were caught in the median of a crazed intersection. Everyone dreams of a cuppa joe or a fuel tank of $2.35 gasoline. I think the only thing that saved us was the California Highway Patrol t-shirt my son (in-law) gave me. I looked, OFFICIAL!
Okay, I was only a third grey, now color me white-headed. I match the dog now. Lesson learned: Rubberneckers. “You folks are everywhere!” One of you almost put tire tracks on my bright orange and pink sneakers. Tell the truth, “We’re you wanting my eye color or that close-up of fear earmarked across my face?”
…..This painstakingly will end at some point. Why don’t you take a snooze and check back later for the mischief of the last mile and a half?….
Safely in a green space, we walk among the oak trees listening to the sound of acorns dropping in our midst. (Note to self: Bring bike helmets in the future.) Meandering along and I look up to see we are at the high school. My heart skips a beat, and then another. “Wasn’t it just yesterday?” Oh, how time does fly. But I won’t let this moment go. I grab my phone and take a couple of photos. I zip them off to my two beautiful daughters. They’ll open their messages and go back in time themselves. I wonder at what moments their day will stand still? I knew mine. I know it well. I’ll cherish it forever.
There I sat awaiting the dismissal bell. The bell echoes. Oh, I miss that bell. I miss all the ringing of that far-off bell.
Saturday my youngest daughter moves away from home. Off to her grown-up home. Not a dorm room, no, those days are gone, too. There’s part of me that wants her to go, but then there is that part of me that knows how far away she may one day travel. And yet, I must give her the pieces of the apron strings, the wings to fly, to soar, to dream and dare.
Did anyone find me a pen and some paper? Did you find your calculators? Get ready, here she blows:
If I live 1.5 miles in one direction, yet I am able to travel in an opposing direction 1.5 miles and arrive at my origination, what direction am I traveling?
We set off to run errands. Hannah’s errands, actually. I should just admit that some days I simply say to hell with the housework, laundry included, and I put my best friend in the car and we set about finding mischief.
We ran thru the CVS drive-through to pick up some of my meds and beg for the usual dog biscuit. FAIL! They were out of treats.
Starbucks redeemed her spirit though when they gave her a Puppy Whip. It’s a small cup container filled with whipped cream.
Across the railroad tracks and we head into Southlake. The outdoor shopping mall is always fun. There are fountains galore and hundreds of shade trees. Unfortunately, they have no outdoor drinking fountains. Hannah drank a bit of my iced tea as I cursed myself for not having brought along her collapsible water bowl and some water. Finally, I recalled the Whole Earth Provisions Store allows dogs in their store. I took my girl in and she made a group of newly found friends, all human and eager to dote upon her. Someone snagged a dog treat for her and everyone took turns petting her.
This picture was actually taken a bit earlier. We visited Three Dog Bakery before our walking pursuit. Seems they are in the process of doing a Facebook gallery and they wanted her photo. I expressed sadness that I’d miss seeing her posted and that’s when they kindly asked for my email so they could send her posting to me.
The girl is worn out. Now resting with a full tummy of treats and back inside to the cooled air conditioning.
I hope you’ve learned and discovered tools for Postpartum depression/Psychosis. She’s a very brave woman and has enjoyed getting to know her. This post is years old but it matters today as well.
Melinda
We will never forget 9/11
It’s interesting the events our mind suppresses or forgets. I have no problem or emotion talking about the physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother and step father. I have disassociated memories of sexual abuse by my father. I know it. My therapist and I have talked about it, she doesn’t push and knows if the door opens I’ll talk. What I will not do is force my mind and body to endure pain it’s not ready for. I have a good perspective on what I’ve survived and the methods our mind uses to deal with our deepest pain. I’m not sure if this particular memory was forgotten or suppressed. I had no emotion as my therapist was almost brought to tears.
I saw a story on the news about a 8-year-old girl tortured by her parents in some way. I don’t recall the circumstances. I always plan what I want to talk about but this day was different. I sat down and the memory of the little girl crossed my mind. I asked her if she had heard the story then adding my thoughts. I started to cry which I do easily for others in pain. As we talked about what type of parent would do that, a childhood memory flooded over me. The tears dried and it was if I was talking about someone else. When I was 8 years old I started having terrible side pains and daycare called my mother. She didn’t take off early and it was maybe 3 hours before she arrived. At that point I could barely walk and could not walk and breath. The supervisor thought I had an appendicitis attack and should get to the hospital right away. It was Halloween night and I didn’t want to miss out on the candy but pain was taking over my small body. My mother was angry for ruining things for my brother, nothing new about that. I guess we did not have insurance since the first hospital turned us away. We are talking early 1970’s. She drove to the county hospital and I waited on a bed until the people bleeding and dying received treatment. Halloween night is one of the busiest nights of the year with more shootings than normal. The emergency room was full and I was outside a mans curtain to wait my turn. During this time my mother left to take my brother to trick or treat. I didn’t realize until a nurse asked where she was. I said she talked to a nurse and went home. She was a big woman and I knew nobody gave her any shit. Asking why in the hell my mother would leave me there. My answer did not sit well with her, I knew a beating was in store for me. One thing to keep in mind is the county hospital is in the hood in one of the worst areas of Dallas. This is not a place an adult would feel comfortable let alone a child. I was on my side crying in pain and saw the man thru the curtain. He was an older man and he had what looked like wires coming out of several places on both arms. My eyes caught his, I ask does that hurt. He was a kind man saying not as bad as my pain did and then where was my mother. I told him how upset I was that my brother would not share his candy with me. He looked shocked my mother would leave me there. My mother eventually came back in the greatest of moods and was raising her voice at the big nurse. I was rooting for her to punch my mother if the mouth or grab her by the neck. I have no doubt it happened many times getting drunks under control.
The doctor didn’t think I needed surgery, just to stay overnight for observation. For a second I was glad until rolled to my room. The hospital was so overcrowded I hade to sleep in a baby bed. That is the last thing a kid (big girl) wants to hear. I cram myself in the bed and they pull the side up. It was so dark in there I thought I was alone until babies started crying. Which made it much worse for me. Not only did I have to sleep with my legs pulled up, babies are crying and my mother is home in her comfortable bed.
You would think at this point in the story I would feel some emotion but my mind switches back to the little girl. My mind turned a switch, my story was over, no big deal, that was my mother, that was my life. I couldn’t help but cry for the other girl. How can people do that to their children. As I’m talking to my therapist my story and pain never crosses my mind again. That was several years ago, it buried itself and popped back up last week.
XO Warrior
This week fatigue had a hold on me. A task requiring little effort takes twice as long. The extra effort is difficult for my multi tasking mind. Waiting on test results added to the stress. The doctor is making me wait until Sept. 19th to discuss the results. He gave me a nugget yesterday. I have Lyme, the co-infection Epstein Barr Virus and low Folic Acid. Requiring 2 new RX’s, for a total of 39 pills per day and 3 shots per week. The doctor surprised me with the Folic Acid RX, the red blood cell count was low. My grandmother could put all meds and supplements in one hand, throw them in mouth and swallow at one time. I am the opposite, one pill at a time shoved to back of throat, taking meds is a task. I’m not my best while being in limbo. I can hear gramps telling me, if you learn to enjoy reading , it will teach you patience. Mostly true.
If you have Lyme Disease a great book is The Lyme Disease Solution. My doctor uses as a reference guide. It’s spells out the two schools of thought on Lyme treatment. What a Lyme Literate doctor means and why it’s important to seek this type of doctor. The life cycle of Lyme and why it’s difficult to diagnosis. The different paths doctors may take to heal you, this is very detailed down to the names of meds used. I like the pros and cons of each treatment, it allows you to work with doctor on which is best for you. Some doctors go far beyond a Gluten Free diet, which is outlined. Hopefully my doctor won’t fall into extreme category. There are recipes in the book, they sound great if you cook. I have lived on the same bars, granola snacks, yogurt and cereal. I like Suja drinks, cold pressed, no preservatives, no sugar, all fruit including berries with high levels of antioxidants. Taste great, is expense. My husband eats some Gluten Free snacks, in general we eat separate meals unless I feel like eating meat or eggs. I have not found it difficult to transitions, down the road may be a different story.
This week I’m focusing on the effects of Lyme Disease. Outlined below is not a pity party. I think if people see what everyday is like it will stick with them. If one person uses DEET and doesn’t get Lyme, I will dance to the music. Don’t forget to check pets including cats or any other outside/inside pets. This in the prime time of year for ticks.
The information on Epstein Barr Virus was taken from CDC site. After you get an EBV infection, the virus becomes latent (inactive) in your body. In some cases, the virus may reactivate. This does not always cause symptoms, but people with compromised immune systems are more likely to develop symptoms if EBV reactivates.
*The bedtime set by the doctor is 9:00 PM, I have not made the bedtime yet. I think 11:00 PM is the earliest.
*My husband has to be home for me to take a shower. That crazy shower chair has caused me to fall twice. It’s worse when I close my eyes, get disoriented.
*One of the probiotics is liquid form to mix in drink. I can’t recall a med ever smelling so rank. I can’t breath when taking a sip.
*I take 3-4 pain pills a day, one taken at night to help me sleep. As a sleeping aid it’s awesome, the brain fog when I wake up is not. It takes a good thirty minutes to join the world.
*The fatigue and I have a difficult relationship. I can’t vacuum my office or much else. I feel tremendous guilt for not contributing to the household work.
*The edema hung around this week, up to my shins. The skin gets so tight it hurts, bumping into something is painful.
*Neuropathy in my hands along with Lyme Arthritis makes my hands very sensitive. My fingernail or pen can barely brush a finger and it feels like a razor blade. Both have little strength, causing me to ask for help. :(
*I can’t tell you the last time I cooked or washed dishes, can’t stand that long. My husband has to do both.
*When I have a good weekend , I work on laundry instead of resting. Rest is hard, I feel totally lazy. :(
*The guilt and other emotions can strain a marriage. :(
*The unrelenting headaches can render you useless. All you can do is lay down, pray for sleep.
*I have ulcers in my mouth and nose, a side effect of one med. FUN!
*The amount of hair loss daily is depressing. Good thing I wear a ball cap most of time.
*Due to the level of inflammation in my body, infections pop up, this week it’s a bladder infection. So much fun!
*I stay positive even though I’m starting year five of being sick. A year spent on diagnosing Lyme. The remainder on heart issues. A lot of guilt builds up, it’s hard not to beat yourself up.
*In staying positive I think some new clothes are needed because I’m going to leave the house. It’s depressing to see the number of shirts with tags on them. In the big scheme I know I’m blessed.
*I have cut my hair for the past 8 months, good thing I watched my hair dresser. My hair is natural color with the grays out front. Why spend $125 on coloring and haircut when I don’t leave the house. Great use for ball cap.
*Reading lab results makes me crazy. I research every line, what does this mean, what is it connected to. I have worked hard not to play doctor this time. The time on internet is unproductive.
*A DNA test was performed. I didn’t know and a bit unsettling. I have gene mutations for two illnesses. I didn’t know what the gene mutations meant in detailed medical terms. WOW! Just seeing the number of doctors involved in verifying the result makes you blink. I did spend many hours learning about the mutations. I have to wait until appointment to see how the results impact Lyme or general health.
M
PAYSON, Ariz. – Police said an 18-month-old boy is dead after being shot in the head by his 3-year-old brother, reports CBS affiliate KPHO.
The boys were at a neighbor’s apartment in Payson, Ariz., on Tuesday when they found a semi-automatic gun that belonged to the man they were visiting, according to the station. Police said the toddler’s 3-year-old brother picked up the weapon and pulled the trigger. Payson Police Chief Don Engler said officers found the boy’s mother carrying the wounded child in the parking lot outside the apartment after they received several 911 calls about a child with a head injury. The boy was pronounced dead after being rushed to Payson Regional Medical Center, KPHO reports.
“The apartment that this occurred in was a family friend of the mother and two children,” said Engler. “The children had slipped into another room unobserved by the mother and the 78-year-old occupant of the apartment,” Engler said, noting that the family had been visiting for about 10 to 15 minutes before the shooting. “Even though many of our young officers have children of their own, certainly it’s difficult for our officers in those circumstances.”
According to KPHO, police have not released the names of anyone involved in the incident. Suzy Tubbs, the director of Payson Community Kids, a nonprofit located across the street from the apartment, said the young mother often visited with her two sons. “I was always so impressed with a mom who wants to give back and help out…. [The boys] were really cute, playing on the playground, playing hard, getting dirty… typical little boys.”
This tore my heart out and left me pissed off with irresponsible gun owners. I’ve been around guns my entire life. My gramps kept a loaded shotgun by his side of the bed. When we were very young He took my brother and me to where the gun was and explained what the gun was for, what it could do, and how it could hurt somebody. He said don’t ever touch the gun, and we never touched the gun.
It’s time for accountability from people who leave a gun where a child can get access.
A semi-automatic????? Was this a drug house?
The person responsible for leaving the gun where the kids could reach it has blood on their hands. What happened to gun locks? Gun safes?
I’ve owned guns since I was fourteen, a shotgun, and two 38 Revolvers. When a child came to my house, I would unload guns, put on locks, and hide away. How could that adorable two-year-old even pull the trigger?
Have we become a society that no longer takes responsibility for our actions?
Parents need to parent their children and parent themselves. This doesn’t apply to all, JUST THE DUMBASSES RESPONSIBLE FOR A DEAD CHILD. Put them in jail as if they pulled the trigger. That will get attention, and people might think twice in the future.
I don’t have children, yet I’m human and compassionate. Too many children have died at the hands of a parent, family member, or while at a friend’s house. Stop this madness. It only takes a minute.
Warrior
Original post from 2014
In this social media world, kids form ideas of what is right and wrong. They learn from The Nons as I call them. People you think you know from social media may not be who they are. They are not your friends, I don’t think many long-term relationships start here. The reality is that kids’ self-esteem is affected by bullying especially online, which can be nasty.
I was bullied, it started in 6th grade when a rumor was started saying I said something negative about my friend’s cliff palate. Of course, it wasn’t true but that’s how some bullying starts. I was harassed walking home from school and got hit in the back of my head with a coke bottle. I was teased about braces at 12 years old, and the antics continued until I moved to my father’s which meant another school. In eighth grade, I wasn’t bullied. I learned from prior experiences and how to hold my shoulders back.
Social Media is scary to me because many people look at people and say how are skinny and have to do the same. This is where low self-esteem can start. Then sometimes they forget the influencers and they make money on every click Worse yet there are still too many pornographic posts across all platforms.
Children make impressions from day one and share positive language and affirmations. Many people are lonely and looking to make friends, fake friends I remind you. The HUGE problem is you have no idea of the motives of a stranger. I have seen what teens will do.
Teens who are reading and talking, talking trash yourself. They are blinded and don’t realize they’re in trouble or possibly worse.
It’s a total crap shoot and that is why parents have to set hard rules for all kid’s time on the phone, take their fun away, and monitor their computer usage and read some text. After that y
This documentary explores America’s teen-bullying epidemic. Millions of kids are relentlessly demeaned and physically attacked at school every day. Parents of victims and educators say that a change must take place and everyone can help. Below is a list of resources to help stop bullying and cyberbullying.
The Bully Project, and ‘Billy’ Movie: The documentary film that sparked a nationwide movement to stop bullying offers stories of those who were bullies and resources for parents, teachers, kids, and communities on how to deal with and stop bullies on their website. “Bully,” which follows the lives of five U.S. students who faced bullying daily at school, including two who committed suicide as a result, will be in theaters on March 30, 2012.
A resource website sponsored by the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services that addresses the warning signs of bullying, how to talk about bullies, how to report bullies and cyberbullying and offers a 24-hour help hotline for victims at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Teens Against Bullying: Specifically created to help teens learn about bullying, how to appropriately respond to it, and how to prevent it.
Kids Against Bullying: This was specifically created to help elementary school children learn about bullying, how to appropriately respond to it, and how to prevent it.
STOMP Out Bullying!: A national anti-bullying and cyberbullying program for kids and teens.
National Youth Advocacy Coalition: An advocacy organization for young people.
Trevor Project: A national organization that provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,and questioning youth. They also offer the Trevor Lifeline, a 24-hour, national crisis and suicide prevention hotline for LGBTQ youth. The number is 1-866-4-U-Trevor.
PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center: Offers resources for how to teach kids of all ages about bullying, state laws and what parents can do if their child is being bullied, and peer advocacy groups.
Education.com: Bullying at School and Online: A resource for both teachers and parents on how to help a bullied child.
Teaching Tolerance: Bullying: Offers guidelines and activities for teachers to help teach students K-12 about bullies.
The Human Rights Campaign’s Welcoming Schools Guide: A guide to help school administrators, educators, and parents or caring adults make sure that their elementary schools welcome all students and families. Targeted at addressing family diversity, gender stereotyping, and name-calling in K-5th grades.
GLSEN, Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network: Works with school officials to ensure that transgender, gay, and lesbian students are not harassed or bullied.
Family Acceptance Project: Launched out of the Marian Wright Edelman Institute at San Francisco State University, this organization works to decrease major health and related risks for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth.
I hope the recourses are of help.
Melinda
lookingforthelight.blog 