While it’s estimated that nearly 93% of soon-to-be brides use the internet to plan their wedding, we might have more tech to thank when it comes to making our marriage last. According to new reports, home listening devices, like Alexa and Google Home, might have the ability to detect common problems in your relationship.
These virtual assistants are always listening. Back in October, Amazon even filed a patent for a new Alexa feature that can detect when you’re feeling sick based on coughs and sniffles. The device could then offer medicines and other advice to ease your cold symptoms, like chicken noodle soup or aspirin.
The same idea is being applied to your relationship. Alexa, and other home devices like Google Home, might be able to listen in on the conversations between members of your household.
This was revealed in a new study between dating site eharmony and the Imperial College London. According to their research, Google Home and Alexa might be able to tell if you’re experiencing struggles in your relationship with up to 75% accuracy.
The report claims that it can help alleviate communication struggles between heterosexual relationships, in particular. This relies on the idea that men typically rely on factual modes of problem-solving, thus hindering emotional communication in the process.
“AI can pick up missed cues and suggest nudges to bridge the gap in emotional intelligence and communication styles. It can identify optimal ways to discuss common problems and alleviate common misunderstandings based on these different priorities and ways of viewing the world. We could be looking at a different gender dynamics in a decade,” says Aparna Sasidharan, a researcher from the Imperial College Business School.
Of course, this means that 25% of the advice proffered by the system will be incorrect. In some instances, it may even be harmful if the system suggests there are problems that aren’t even there.
Luckily, there are other ways to help improve the communication between you and your partner. It’s estimated that 84% of couples who travel together claim they communicate well with their partner as opposed to 73% of couples who don’t travel.
Traditional methods of therapy and couples counseling can also help bridge the communication gap between partners who aren’t able to see eye to eye.
However, the new study says that the AI can do more than just identify problems in a relationship. It might even be able to influence online dating.
“With AI, online dating version 3.0 is upon us. While traditional algorithms were limited to recommending profiles, these days they can predict compatibility, enhance dating experiences and help manufacture chemistry,” Sasidharan continues.
“But in another decade we could be seeing revolutionary changes with dating apps moving to continuous relationship coaching or marriage counseling as well as improving relationship health and helping people project a more attractive persona.”
The study also suggests that AI could be paired with genetic components to help determine the sexual chemistry and overall compatibility between singles looking for love.
If this idea excites you, don’t hold your breath: this chemistry matching won’t be ready for nearly 10 years, and even then, there’s no guarantee it can be used in a casual setting, like in the home or your local coffee shop. So far, no patents for Alexa and Google Home have been filed as of yet and the USPTO receives an estimated 500,000 patent applications every year, potentially putting this idea at the bottom of the barrel.
Luckily, some dating apps have already begun to use AI in order to recommend first date spots and more. In the meantime, we’ll just have to keep our eyes peeled for the next big trend in dating.
If you’re a human who uses social media, you’ve likely seen flocks of folks commenting on Netflix’s recently released psychological thriller, Bird Box. Based on the post-apocalyptic novel by Josh Malerman, the adaptation has spiked in recent popularity as Netflix claims it has been watched by over 45 million viewers in just one week.
Bird Box has become a light-hearted meme-sensation, but has also evoked serious food for thought in viewers pondering the deeper meaning of the movie. Some are starting to wonder about hidden messages linking topics such as racism and social media. Many viewers versed in mental health awareness have called for trigger warnings and have also critiqued the popular movie for further perpetuating villainized stereotypes of mental illnesses. While I will not claim to know the true underlying meaning, I will confess that I do recognize that there are mental health lessons to be learned through this film. I will do my best to refrain from spoilers beyond the trailer, but if you do plan to watch the movie, it may be best to read lesson one and then make an informed decision of whether to watch first, after, or maybe even not at all based on what is best for your mental wellness.
There’s no harm in trigger warnings.
Developed by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), the Classification and Ratings Administration (CARA) was established in 1968 with the aim of helping parents make informed decisions about viewing choices for their children. The “R” rating precedes Bird Box, alluding to the potential for “adult themes, adult activity, hard language, intense or persistent violence, sexually-oriented nudity, drug abuse or other elements.” While this rating is a helpful, it’s rather broad and fails to include specific elements pertaining to mental health. A system designed to flag potential warnings for children is an excellent start, but adults are not immune to being affected by triggering themes as well. The current classification could benefit from specifiers pertaining to mental health trigger warnings for themes such as anxiety, trauma, self-harm, and suicidality. Many viewers have flocked to social media to share their personal experiences and warnings, and while their messages are helpful, it may help to preface movies with mental health warnings.
Mental illness or mental health?
Hollywood has a long history of stereotyping mental health. Unfortunately, it isn’t novel to see mental health depicted in a poor light. While some movies have been lauded for more accurate depictions of mental health, Hollywood is notorious for villainizing mental illness, as in popular films such as SplitandGothika. Bird Box has received criticism for perpetuating negative portrayals of individuals living with mental health concerns, specifically those who are hospitalized. Some hidden messages could be gathered as well, such as the inability for others to see the problem and the subsequent tendency to minimize the gravity of the problem. While we have come a long way in terms of recognizing the importance mental health, there is much to be done to continue to destigmatize mental illness and advocate for mental health awareness.
The truth is in there.
Many are on the hunt for the true meaning of Bird Box. While we might be able to ask Malerman himself, there is something to be said for each person’s unique interpretation. I promised to not attempt to convey a potential theory, and that is only out of respect for your own. A good movie prompts us to think. Aspects such as gaps in time and underdeveloped characters could be the foundation for film critique, or opportunities for your own truth. The difference in opinions are projections of our own perspectives. Some people may experience triggers pertaining to their lived experiences, while others may not. Some people may view the film as negatively depicting health disparities, while some may point to scenes that highlight positive portrayals. Some people may see a statement on the state of society, while others may feel a poignant connection to their own life. Being a reflection of you, your reflection is just as valid as any other. Therefore, respecting your personalized view can help to promote your mental well-being. This may look as simple as honoring your view as much as those of others. However, if this movie, or any other, brings themes to the surface that become distracting for you, the responsible action to tend to your mental wellness would be to use this occurrence as a signal to practice self-care and/or to seek help.
“Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing.” Seneca
“Time means a lot to me because, you see, I, too, am also a learner and am often lost in the joy of forever developing and simplifying. If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.”
I’m not one for resolutions, they seem to fade with the first day. Setting goals works for me, I feel accountable to a goal. I also make stretch goals, like my sales career, stretch goals pay the highest reward. Goals may need adjusting as the year goes on.
Life can derail your goals, pick yourself up, and set new goals. My goals have been derail for the last several years but I don’t feel let down or bad. Health can derail all of your goals, reset new ones.
Remember, the resolutions or goals are for us, written by us. Don’t get down on yourself if you can’t check off every goal. Not many can.
I discovered my free online university, WordPress, and learned not only about writing but another subject that interest me also, so since this blog is called Crazy Life, there is a person https://lookingforthelight.blog/2018/12/27/for-the-love-of-art-plans-for-next-year/ wich I decided and… ordered! What is up with this art thing, always intrigued me. So I send her some questions and the person actually responded to this Crazy Blog, very interesting I might say..
Do you Paint?
No I don´t paint, and neither I have goals to learn.
(That took me by surprise, yet again I kept on asking)
What does art do for you? Art takes me to the time period, it allows me to travel without leaving the chair. I look at the complexity of the art, were they appreciated at the time period. Even if I don’t like a time period or particular piece, I try to put myself in their shoes imaging…
While overall memory declines as we age, that’s far from the end of the story. In fact, there are certain things older people continue to remember quite well, says researcher Alan D. Castel.
Our memories are our identities, and at my lab at UCLA, I’ve worked to understand how we remember what matters to us, especially as we age. Memory decline is one of the first things that concern people about growing older — it can start after the age of 20, so being more forgetful when you are 60 or 70 is often normal. And while a vast amount of research has shown the deficits that accompany aging, it’s far too simplistic to say that the elderly have impaired memories. In fact, there are many things older adults remember quite well. Here’s a look at a few of them:
Older people tend to remember the essentials
A great deal of memory research focuses on what might be considered by some of us to be mundane — word lists, face-name pairs, studying and being tested on pictures — and it’s unclear why this might be important to remember. But how about things that are of real concern or interest?
Imagine you’re packing for a trip. You want to make sure you’ve put in the most important items, the ones that would be extremely costly and/or inconvenient if you forgot them (e.g., your passport, your credit cards). While I wish we could have followed people on their vacations to see what they left behind, we created an experiment to examine this in the lab. We presented subjects with 20 possible items that you might pack on a trip (e.g., medications, passport, sunscreen, toothbrush, phone charger, deodorant, swimsuit, sandals). When we later asked them to recall the items, the older adults (average age was 68) recalled more of the items that they felt were important than the younger adults (average age of 20.4), even though they remembered fewer items overall. We’ve since done other studies showing older adults will have a greater memory for important medication side effects from a long list and for a grandchild’s dangerous allergens than younger adults.
We did another experiment when we came up with a list of words to remember. Some were more important and paired with higher point-values or rewards, while others were less important and associated with lower point-values or rewards. The goal was to maximize one’s overall memory reward — to do that, you needed to remember the words paired with the highest values. We found that older adults remembered fewer words overall but recalled just as many of the highest-value words as younger adults.
Older people tend to remember what they need to do in the future
Sometimes the most important things for us to remember involve future actions. This is called “prospective memory” — and it might take the form of remembering to take medications at a certain time tomorrow, or paying a credit card bill on a particular date or else we’ll get penalized. While prospective memory might be worse in older age, there are important exceptions. Researchers have found a “prospective memory paradox”: despite older adults doing poorly on laboratory tasks of prospective memory, they fare well in the real world.
For example, in research studies older adults may be asked to perform a future task such as “When you see the word ‘president’ on the next page, please raise your hand.” Sometimes they get so focused on reading that they forget to react when “president” appears — but does that mirror the forgetfulness of not taking one’s medication at noon in 2 days? As many of us know, older adults have often developed strategies to prompt their prospective memories, like putting their wallet by the front door or their medications by their eyeglasses. To bridge this gap between lab-based prospective memory tests and real life, one study asked people who came to the lab to mail back postcards every week; researchers wanted to determine how younger and older adults would compare in remembering to do this future-focused task. To their surprise, it was the older adults who diligently mailed in the postcards each week.
Of course, some older adults remember to do things the old-fashioned way: they write it down in a calendar they consult every day. When I called then-97-year-old John Wooden, retired from a legendary career as a basketball coach, to schedule an interview, he wrote it in a calendar. Then, he called me the day before to confirm I was still coming to see him — he was reminding me!
Older people tend to remember what intrigues them
Humans are curious from an early age. My young son loves the adventures of the mischievous Curious George and of learning about the world. Our curiosity blossoms with age, but we typically become interested in different things as we get older. After all, Curious George is not the favorite bedtime reading of most adults.
To test your own level of curiosity and memory, read the following trivia questions, decide how interested you are in learning the answers (on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being not interested at all, and 10 being extremely interested), and then try to come up with answers (the answers are at the very bottom of this article):
What mammal sleeps the shortest amount each day? What was the first product to have a bar code? What was the first nation to give women the right to vote?
These are fairly difficult trivia questions, and some are probably more interesting to you than others. In one study done in my lab, younger and older adults were given questions like those that you just read. Much like those, all of the queries were chosen such that we guessed almost none of the participants knew the correct answers. Afterwards, the subjects gave each a curiosity rating — showing how interested they were in learning the answer. They were then told the answers. A week later, the same subjects were presented with the same questions and asked to recall the answers. It was the older adults who remembered the ones they were more curious about — and they forgot the less interesting ones. The younger adults didn’t show this pattern.
There’s a certain pleasure in recalling trivia and absorbing new information about the world. I’ve noticed the most popular games at senior centers and retirement communities often involve this kind of random knowledge. People sometimes worry about having too many stray facts in their minds. But even though trivia may appear to have little useful value, the fact that it continues to arouse curiosity — and sticks in older people’s minds — shouldn’t be discounted.
OK, older people may forget what they’re doing in a particular room, but they can jog their memory
Our surroundings can influence how we remember things. Have you ever found yourself in the kitchen and not had the faintest idea what compelled you to go there? This is a common occurrence for everyone, but especially for older adults. Some research suggests that walking through doorways or crossing physical boundaries may actually trigger forgetting. When you move from one place to the next, the doorway leads to a new environment that does not provide the necessary cues to remember what you were doing in the other room. As you enter the new room, your brain must either keep in mind or re-create what you were thinking when you were in the earlier room — but our minds often wander as we go to another room or we start thinking about something else.
The best way to remember what you need is to walk back into the first room where you originally had the thought of why you needed to go to the other room. The context of that original room can trigger your original intention. In addition, walking is one of the best ways to keep your memory sharp. With enough time and walking, you’ll find the memory eventually comes back.
P.S. But don’t get too hung up on what you can and can’t remember.
Our beliefs about our memory can be very influential. In fact, many of us have negative beliefs and expectations about aging’s impact on the brain. This kind of “stereotype threat” can make people perform stereotypically — in a way that is consistent with what they think is expected of them. Stereotype threat has been examined to determine if it causes older adults to underperform on tests of memory. Labeling something a memory test, or asking people to come to a memory study, does appear to invoke anxiety, and research has shown that renaming it as a “wisdom test” (and then administering the same memory test) leads to better performance by older adults. So, the next time you start to worry about forgetting a world capital or a famous actor’s name and wonder what this means about your brain and your memory, try not to sweat it.
Note: The research covered here involves mostly healthy older adults who report memory changes in older age. However, if you experience more frequent and concerning memory problems, you should consider consulting a neurologist.
Answers to trivia questions: giraffe; Wrigley’s chewing gum; New Zealand.
These incredible pups catch poachers, sniff out invasive plants and diseases, and more, thanks to the work of wildlife biologist and conservation-dog expert Megan Parker.
What happens to those dogs that are just too much dog for people to handle? “You know them — you go to your friend’s barbecue, their dog is so happy to see you that she pees on your feet, and she drops a slobbery ball in your lap,” says Megan Parker (TEDxJacksonHole talk: Dogs for Conservation), a wildlife biologist and dog expert based in Bozeman, Montana. “You throw it to get as much distance between you and the dog as possible, but she keeps coming back with the ball. By the 950th throw, you’re thinking, Why don’t they get rid of this dog?” All too often, their owners reach the same conclusion and leave their pet at a shelter.
Thanks to Parker and the team at Working Dogs for Conservation (WD4C), some of these dogs have found a new leash lease on life. They’re using their olfactory abilities and unstoppable drive in a wide variety of earth-friendly ways, working with human handlers to sniff out illegal poachers and smugglers, track endangered species, and spot destructive invasive plants and animals.
Chai is shown here with a trainer. After a dog learns to recognize a particular scent, the education isn’t over — their handler works with them regularly so they maintain their skills. These days, you can find this sweet German shepherd protecting wildlife in Zambia, along with her brother Earl.
Parker first considered using dogs in conservation when she worked on the reintroduction of wolves to Yellowstone Park and was asked how researchers could track wolves through their scat, or droppings. “I started thinking how best to detect their scat off a large landscape, and the idea came up for dogs,” she says. In 2o00, she cofounded WD4C to train and use canines in conservation work. Most of their dogs are adopted from shelters or from organizations or work settings where they didn’t quite fit in.
While it’s fair to say almost all dogs love toys, wildlife-detection dogs areobsessed with them. “They’ll do anything to chase a ball or a tug toy,” says Parker. If their preferred plaything is thrown far into the brush or buried in a massive pile of leaves, no worries — they won’t stop looking until they find it. No food, obstacle or distractions can deter them, and WD4C staff have turned this single-minded focus into a powerful incentive. Their canine friends are rewarded with their favorite toy every time they locate a desired wildlife-related scent, anything from elephant ivory and poachers’ guns in Zambia and trafficked snow leopards in Tajikistan to predatory Rosy wolf snails in Hawaii and invasive Argentine ants on California’s Santa Cruz Islands. The dogs are careful not to disturb or touch any specimens they pinpoint; it’s all about the toy.
Lily, a yellow Lab, is one of the group’s many sad-start-happy-ending stories. When the then-three-year-old came to the attention of WD4C trainers, she’d already bounced her way in and out of five different homes. She couldn’t sit still and she never, ever wanted to stop playing. Oh, and she was a bit of a whiner. Since joining WD4C in 2011, she has been trained to recognize a dozen different conservation-related scents and been deployed to track grizzly bears and sniff out the eggs, beetles and larvae of emerald ash borers, an insect that has killed millions of trees in the US and Canada.
Hilo was originally meant to be a guide dog for the blind, but when that didn’t work out, he found a place at WD4C. Here, he wears the standard orange vest that tells conservation dogs it’s time to get to work. Hilo helps detect quagga and zebra mussels on boats.
The three-dozen-strong WD4C pack also includes purebred working dogs who weren’t right for their intended occupations. Orbee, a border collie, had the enthusiasm and live-wire energy required of ranch dogs, but there was one problem: he had zero interest in herding sheep. He also barked a lot. Since joining WD4C in 2009, Orbee has had a globe-trotting career — he has spotted invasive quagga and zebra mussels on boats in Alberta and Montana, monitored the habitats of the endangered San Joaquin kit fox in California, and assisted scientists in northern Africa in counting up Cross River gorillas, the world’s rarest gorilla.
Jax is a Belgian malinois, a sturdy breed frequently used by the police and military. He was in training to serve with the US Army’s special unit, the Green Berets, until his handlers realized Jax doesn’t like to bite people — just toys. And, boy, does he loves toys; he’s even tried to climb trees to reach prized objects. Since 2017, Jax’s athleticism and high spirits have been used by the WD4C to perform tasks such as mapping the movements of bobcats in the western US.
Tule gets to roam the great outdoors for WD4C, using her keen nose — dogs have around 300 million olfactory receptors compared to humans’ 6 million — to track animals such as the endangered black-footed ferret in Wyoming.
“Different dogs have different strong suits,” says Parker. She and the WD4C team try to place their charges in environments that match their skillset, likes and dislikes. Unlike many dogs, Tule (above), a Belgian malinois who flunked out of a job with US Customs and Border Patrol, has absolutely no desire to chase small animals such as cats, squirrels and rabbits. This made her the perfect fit to help researchers monitor black-footed ferrets, which live in the same territory as a large, scampering prairie-dog population. The ferrets, once thought extinct in the US, were reintroduced in Wyoming in recent years. Tule alerts her handlers to the scent of live ferrets or their scat, information that allows state wildlife officials to map their distribution and see if the population is recovering. Without Tule and her pack, researchers would be forced to study the elusive creatures with cameras or live traps, undependable methods at best.
The dogs’ efforts have resulted in positive, substantial changes. The organization teamed up with the nonprofit Wildlife Conservation Society so their dogs could track the scat of four keystone carnivores (grizzly bears, black bears, mountain lions and wolves) through the Centennial Mountains in Idaho and Montana. Five years of doggie data showed that all four species depended on the mountains to move between the Greater Yellowstone ecosystem and central Idaho wilderness areas. Thanks to this information, activists were able to stop construction of a housing development that would have interrupted their migratory pathway.
Tobias is a former stray who was found on the streets of Helena, Montana. He has searched for Argentine ants on California’s Santa Cruz Island, and now he spots invasive mussels on watercraft in and around Glacier National Park.
Some dogs are searching for animals and plants that are most wanted for the opposite reason: they’re invasive species proliferating where they don’t belong and driving out native flora and fauna. There’s the previously mentioned zebra and quagga mussels, which spread by clinging to boats and watercraft, and which clog water and sewage pipes, foul up power plants, and destroy good algae. Tobias (above) is a specialist in finding them. In one test, WD4C dogs identified 100 percent of the boats with mussels aboard (human screeners spotted 75 percent). The dogs did the job more quickly, and they could also detect the mussels’ microscopic larvae.
Former shelter dog Seamus (shown at the top of the post), a border collie, is an expert in searching out dyer’s woad on Mount Sentinel in Montana.Humans have tried to eradicate the invasive weed by spotting its flowers and pulling out plants by hand, but these attempts barely made a dent. By the time it’s found, it’s often already seeded (and a single plant can produce up to 10,000 seeds). Seamus’s keen nose, along with those of three canine colleagues, learned to sniff out woad before it flowered, a time when it’s extremely hard for human eyes to see. They also found root remnants left in the ground. At a recent checkup, just 19 of the invasive plants were found on the mountain. “It will be a complete extermination,” says Parker. “It’s just going to take a long time because we don’t know how long their seeds last in the soil.”
The dogs’ hunting grounds even extend into the water. Although prized in their native habitat, brook trout are an invasive species elsewhere; in some places in the Western US, they are pushing out the native cutthroat trout. WD4C was brought to Montana by the US Fish and Wildlife Service, the US Geological Survey and the Turner Endangered Species Fund to see whether their animals could learn to sniff out live fish in moving water. Reports Parker, “This project confirmed what we long suspected: that dogs can detect and discriminate scents in water.”
Pepin can recognize 20 wildlife scents, including the scat of snow leopards, wolverines and cheetahs. In one cheetah study, he and another conservation dog located 27 scats in a 927-square-mile area. How many did humans find in the same territory? None.
Pepin (above), who worked on the brook trout project, is part of an ambitious charge to train the dogs to detect infectious diseases in animals.“He’s done the first of a lot of things for us, because he’s so game,” says Parker. Some wildlife carry brucellosis, a bacterial disease that is particularly harmful to cattle. It’s difficult to tell when animals are first infected because they typically don’t display symptoms, so in areas where the disease is prevalent, ranchers tend to keep livestock and wildlife as far away from each other as possible — severely limiting the territory and movement of both kinds of animals. The hope is that dogs could provide a fast, reliable way to identify infected herds. So far, Pepin has shown he can discriminate infected elk scat with higher and lower concentrations of the bacteria, and W4DC is eager to explore this use of dog power. “We have proof of concept,” says Parker. “I’d like to move that work forward.”
There are so many other unexplored capacities and environments where dogs could help, Parker believes. To that end, WD4C started a program in 2015 called Rescues 2the Rescue, which aims to help shelters around the world identify would-be detection dogs and place them with wildlife and conservation organizations. What kind of dogs are they looking for? Ones that are, uh, crazy.
To clarify that adjective, we’ll close by telling you about Wicket, a black Lab mix who retired from WD4C in 2017 at the top of her game, having detected 32 different wildlife scents in 18 states and seven countries. Wicket languished in a Montana shelter for six months, barking up a storm and scaring away potential owners, until WD4C cofounder Aimee Hurt found her there in 2005. When she went to adopt her, the shelter director said, “You don’t want that dog — that dog’s crazy!” To which Hurt replied, “I think she might be the right kind of crazy.”
I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.
Jimmy Dean
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’
Eleanor Roosevelt
There is a great message in the video, I don’t know much about Drake but I know a true believer, pure heart to help and a stand up man. M
The huge Art Deco theater is the anchor for John D. Rockefeller Jr.’s 12-acre complex, the Rockefeller Center in Midtown Manhattan. Tonight’s opening is a lavish stage show featuring dance by Martha Graham and vaudeville acts by Ray Bolger and others. It will be the top tourist destination in New York for years to come.
Delayed by weather, the Beagle finally sets sail with a 22-year-old Charles Darwin on board, setting out on what will be a five-year journey to explore the far reaches of the southern Atlantic and Pacific oceans. Darwin’s extensive notes during the expedition will later be published as a popular travelogue.
The author of the bestselling book ‘Gorillas in the Mist‘ is found hacked to death at her isolated research station. Fossey was considered the leading expert on the endangered mountain gorilla, but the reclusive zoologist had made enemies in her campaigns against poachers and wildlife tourism.
Making your own essential oil is easier than you think. Gather dried herbs and oil of choice. Dried herbs are better than fresh to prevent mold.
Here are some single oils you can infuse along with their healing benefits.
Calendula Oil–Use for any skin remedies, like in lotion or facial oil.
Peppermint Oil–Wonderful for relieving aches and pains. It can be used as a massage oil or added to bath water. If you have a headache, rub a bit on your wrist and breath in the healing aroma.
Rosemary Oil–If you have hair troubles, such as poor growth, lice, or dandruff, rosemary is a great option. Add the infused oil to shampoo or use as a hair mask.
Lemon Balm Oil–Lemon balm is a natural astringent and has antibacterial properties, which are amazing for healing cold sores and other skin irritations.
To Make
Place the dried herbs in a clean 1 quart mason jar. Cover the herbs with the oil of your choice with a 1-to-2 ratio. Add enough that the herbs are completely covered by at least an inch oil. Seal the jar with an airtight lid, add either place outside or in a sunny window. Let infuse for at least four weeks. When the oil is ready, strain it through cheesecloth, making sure to strain as much oil as possible. Store the oil in same mason jar.
Great suggestions from Willow and Sage by Stamptington
Simple Sleep Remedies
Set a consistent sleeping schedule. Going to sleep and waking up at the same time each day helps regulate your internal clock, making it easier to fall asleep and get up in the morning refreshed.
Drink plenty of water throughout the day, but stop at least two hours before bed. Otherwise, you’ll be waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Helpful tip: Start the morning with a cold glass of water to jump-start your day.
Put down your smartphone or tablet, and journal before bed to quiet your thoughts. When you stare at your electronics before bedtime, the blue light can suppress your body’s natural melatonin production, thus interrupting your sleep.
Utilize white noise to clear your mind. Use a sound app or a noisy fan to quite your surroundings.
Enjoy an Epsom salt bath. To detox and calm your body, dissolve Epsom salt in a warm bath, add baking soda to reduce itchiness and a few drops of essential oil if desired, and soak for twenty minutes.
Apply moringa oil to help with insomnia. Use either aromatherapy or apply on your temples or chest.
Incorporate essential oils into your nighttime routine. Diffuse blends as you prepare for bed or spray a lavender blend on your pillow for a soothing effect.
Charity Navigator tracks information on all charities and how the money is spent or is the overhead to high. It will show how much is spent on administrative cost, those mailers every week after you’ve begged to take you off list. This is the best place to confirm the charity you support is spending your money as you would.
I’ve struggled with Chronic Lyme, Fibromyalgia and Dementia for six years, every week it’s a follow-up or test for the latest ailment. I’ve made the decision to step off the Doctor Hamster Wheel in 2019.
I saw a Rheumatologist a two months ago, the clueless PA told me there wasn’t Lyme in Texas. REALLY? The doctor named a few possible illnesses and took my blood. The doctor’s visit was a bust but the lab work revealed my Calcium is high. Which can cause serious complications. She suggested to have my Parathyroid checked. WOW, something came out of the lab work, I have another ailment to deal with!
I saw the Endocrinologist, it was straight forward. A blood test, a scan at the hospital and possible surgery. We scheduled the scan immediately since it was effecting my heart. I fell down the stairs and banged myself up a good one. I landed a perfect 10! NO, I can’t lean my head back for two forty-five minute sessions. The test was rescheduled.
2019 is starting like the other six years, with a heart test scheduled, Parathyroid scan with possible surgery, test for Traumatic Brain Injury from the fall. There are few days left in 2018, I want to know who I am, how have I changed in that time. I developed Agoraphobia, haven’t driven in six years and have only seen the inside of doctor’s offices.
I took the first step for 2019, decided which test to cancel, bought two patterns for knitting and opening an Ebay store. Most importantly I get decide who I am, not remain another patient.
I can’t begin to say how much I appreciate your support, the comments and emails helped push me forward. The WordPress family means so much to me. I pray your year starts healthy as possible. I look forward to developing new friendships and reading and learning from your post.
Christa is a Survivor of Sexual Assault, her story is hard to read and yet she comes out on top. She was able to more forward and rebuild her life. She has the strength like many of you. She turned to RAINN.org for support.
I support RAINN and want to share a postcard with the good news of how many SURVIVORS were helped in 2018. The bad news is many are not receiving the support due to long hotline wait times. Please consider RAINN when you give this season. You can donate at donate.rainn.org/2018. Thank you for reading and your continued support. Melinda
More than 260,000 SURVIVORS and their loved ones this year have turned to RAINN’s victim services programs to seek help–a record and the need continues to increase.
Unfortunately, because of hotline wait times that have reached 5 1/2 hours, thousands of survivors have left before we were able to be there to provide support. We need your help to be there for the survivors today and everyday.
This month, your gift will go twice as fast to ensure SURVIVORS get the help they need. When you give to RAINN through December 31st, a group of generous donors will match your gift, dollar for dollar.
As a teacher in a Title I elementary school I serve students with a low socioeconomic status. My students are faced with several challenges both in and out of the classroom. Despite the many challenges they face, I am aiming to increase Social/Emotional intelligence, the understanding of feelings, and using them to inform actions. Children who exhibit healthy social, emotional, and behavioral adjustment are more likely to have good academic performance in elementary school.
The sharp distinction between cognition and emotion that has historically been made may be more of an artifact of scholarship than it is representative of the way these processes occur in the brain (Barrett and others 2007). From the minute they walk in the door of my classroom I focus on their potential and growth while they are with me. I may not be able to control their home lives, but I can certainly guide/influence their experiences during the school day.
Donors will be helping bring Children’s Fiction Social Issues Emotions Feelings Books in my classroom to help build
Social-emotional development including the child’s experience, expression, and management of emotions and the ability to establish positive and rewarding relationships with others.
My Project As a teacher, I feel it’s important to recognize that social intelligence is different from just “getting along” with others or following rules. The books that I have selected will help students be able to find solutions during conflicts with others, demonstrate respect for the feelings of others, and adapting to different social situations.
Social/Emotional intelligence is the understanding of ones feelings and using them to inform actions.
Although there is some disagreement about the exact terminology to use, social and emotional intelligence both refer to the ability to understand your own and others’ feelings and emotions and then to use this understanding to inform your decisions and actions.
Socially/emotionally intelligent people solve interpersonal problems quickly by understanding what is upsetting others and being empathetic to these concerns. They tend to recognize when they’ve said something that made someone uncomfortable and know what makes others “tick.” Socially/emotionally intelligent people are able to thrive in many different relationships and settings because they quickly learn the social rules.
Teachers love to read books not only to invoke a students love of reading, but also to help them make connections. The books I have chosen were specific to the behaviors I have seen over the last three years of teaching the 5th grade. One example is the book “That Rule Doesn’t Apply to Me!” A lot of my students think they can get around the rules or they can bend the rules enough without breaking them so this book was perfect. Also, the students in 5th grade tend to ask why and challenge every rule so this book had great examples of why rules were needed in many different settings.
I still gather all my students to the carpet and read to them. With the book mentioned above I would read a few pages and then ask them to turn and talk to their shoulder partner about a time they, or someone they know broke the same rule and how it impacted the class or them directly. We then come back together to talk about a few whole class. We reference the book the entire year.
I have found that all of my students benefit from the books and they love the social stories. It makes learning “rules” or anything really much more fun. You are setting your expectations but through a funny social story. Almost all of them can relate to the stories I have chosen.
With gratitude,
Mrs. Orozco
Her letter she sent and surprises were the best gift!
I received handmade cards from 50 students.They were funny, cute, some had pictures drawn on them, reading each one was quite emotional, these are 5th graders. Mrs. Orozco sent photos of the kids working on projects and a group photo.
Donors.org post teachers across the states who need projects funded. There is a process of approval but there are so many teachers who need tools for their classrooms. Please think of Donors.org when you support charities.
Charity doesn’t require a dollar amount, anything is welcome. Their are times when $5 is all I can give to a new Charity. We have a core list of Charities we donate to each year. During the year I receive emails and occasionally will fund but on a smaller scale.
Frank Capra’s film starring James Stewart and Donna Reed debuts at New York’s Globe Theatre. Though not a critical or box office hit right away, it will become a holiday classic, showing in theaters and on TV for decades to come.
The 22-year-old refuses special treatment, despite thousands of fans writing letters asking for this national treasure to be spared. Presley will serve two years and reach the rank of sergeant. An Army pal will introduce him to 14-year-old Priscilla Beaulieu, whom he will later marry.
1803
The French surrender Orleans to the U.S.
Without a shot fired, the French hand over New Orleans and Lower Louisiana to the United States. In April 1803, the United States purchased from France the 828,000 square miles that had formerly been French Louisiana. The area was divided into two territories: the northern half …read more
Hip hop was born when DJs began rapping over dance records, and no dance records were better suited to rapping than those that included a “breakbeat”—a drum break that could be repeated almost endlessly as an accompaniment to rapping. It is impossible to know who first employed …read more
Some pregnant women find family events, work parties or holidays more difficult than usual because they are often laden with conversations and comments about what they’re not doing right, what they should be doing, or horror stories of birthing or parenting.
How do you navigate the challenges of relationships that are often part of large group gatherings?
Living in your upper brain is a life strategy that will help you to manage difficult relationship situations. I call this a life strategy because it will help you now…and well beyond your pregnancy. You can use it in your daily life, and it will help you to be calmer.
Your Upper Brain
Our brains can be roughly divided into three parts:
1) Our upper brain, which is where we do our best thinking, creating, and decision-making;
2) Our middle brain, which is largely emotional; and
3) Our lower brain, which is our stress and survival brain.
You know you are living from your upper brain when you feel calm, you are clear-headed, you come up with several creative solutions to a problem, and you are not experiencing conflict or stress.
But when you are working from your lower brain, you feel stressed, your muscles tense, your thinking narrows to black-and-white, you’re irritable and edgy, and you’re literally poised to jump on anyone who disagrees with you or simply says something the wrong way. This is normal! After all, the stress and survival brain is meant to protect you from danger and threat. When you feel stressed, you’re actually experiencing threat.
Unless we’re in a war-torn country, the threats we face are largely social threats. And these social doubts and uncertainties feel even worse when we’re pregnant. We worry about what others think about our appearance. We angst over the thought that others might think we’re not going to be good mothers.
We can’t avoid dipping into our lower brain 100% of the time. After all, detecting threat is our brain’s job to keep us safe. The goal is to understand and manage our brain’s signals.
Living in Your Upper Brain: The Secret to Calm Living
Here are four how-tos for living in your upper brain:
Decide to operate from your upper brain. Even if the world around you is falling apart, you have control over whether you are thinking from your upper brain or reacting from your lower brain. If you stay in your upper brain, you’ll be able to deal with the chaos around you better.
Catch your thoughts before they spiral. You can only stay in your upper brain when you are aware of your thoughts and catch them before they spiral downward.
Take deep breaths. At the moment that you realize that you’ve slipped into your lower brain (e.g., you feel stressed, you can only see the situation as good or bad, you want to escape the situation), breathe deeply several times. This is the best in-the-moment way to get back to upper brain living.
Make sure that you are getting the rest you need. It’s harder to live from your upper brain when you’re sleep-deprived. This is especially important before you head into (and during!) holiday festivities.
How to Apply Upper Brain Living to a Work Party: A Scenario
Imagine that you are in the middle of a conversation with your co-worker, and she says: “Wow, you look like you’ve gained a lot of weight since I saw you last.” Your immediate thought might be: “That is such a cruel thing to say!” At that moment, you take a deep breath. You catch that reactive thought and don’t let it go to a second one. Instead, your second thought is intentional – meant to keep you in your upper brain: “I have gained weight. After all, we haven’t seen each other in 4 months. And my doctor is happy with my weight.” Your intentional response (not reaction!) to your co-worker might then be: “Yes I have! I’m so glad I feel great and am healthy.” You have purposefully redirected the thought. Instead of ending in conflict, you created calm in the moment and preserved the relationship.
Feed Your Brain Healthy Thoughts
Living in your upper brain takes practice. But, taking control of your not-so-helpful thoughts has spin-off benefits. You’ll be calmer because you’re not dipping into your stress reaction as often. You’ll feel energized because you’re not letting stress chemicals flow and you’re keeping your thoughts healthy. And, you’ll feel more confident because you’re mastering your mind…and, therefore, your actions and relationships.
Living from Your Upper Brain as You Prepare for Holidays, Work Parties, Visit With Friends, and Family Gatherings
Plan to live from your upper brain. Anticipate what situations you might face that could lead to lower brain thinking. Reflect on your responses ahead of time. Let your get-togethers be marked by wonderful memories rather than stress!
Not sure what the difference between depression, anxiety, and mood swings are? Check out this post to help tell the difference.
I wrote an article recently on the various ways in which passive-aggressive behavior can undermine and destroy relationships. And it certainly can do just that.
But as I was outlining the behaviors and language typically associated with the passive-aggressive personality, I couldn’t help but feel that several of the traits and habits seemed out of place. At the very least, they seemed to require a separate category of their own.
What is Passive-Aggression?
Passive-aggression is described as the indirect expression of anger and hostility, and is largely considered a learned behavior in response to an environment or upbringing in which these ‘negative’ feelings are not permitted. Veiled insults and criticisms, a generally sullen or negativistic attitude, stubbornness, sabotage, and deliberately failing to take care of required tasks are all ways in which the passive-aggressive person might express their underlying hostility towards another as a means of control or manipulation.
What About Fear?
But what of those of us who struggle to express any strong emotions, such as jealousy, worry, fear, hurt feelings, even love?
In a culture where appearing strong, independent and capable at all times is considered a marker of success, expressing emotionality is often viewed as weakness, neediness, or ‘softness’. As a result, many are hesitant to reveal their true feelings and emotional needs out of a fear of judgement, reprisal or rejection. We don’t want to appear as though we don’t have it all together.
Carrying this fear of expression into our personal relationships can lead to many of the same behaviors and language associated with passive-aggression, but without the underlying desire to control or manipulate.
For example, if a man believes it is a sign of weakness to express insecurity, fear or sadness, he will likely feel far too vulnerable to show these emotions, and so his need for reassurance or consolation may go unmet. He may eventually resent his partner for not meeting his buried and unexpressed needs, engaging in passive-aggressive behavior such as childishness or stubbornness, or he may become detached and ‘emotionally unavailable’ in order to avoid his painful feelings.
Girls and women are often taught that it is unacceptable to express anger or assertiveness, and as a result may feel that it is unattractive or undesirable to communicate these feelings or needs. Instead of addressing their anger in a healthy way, or of stating their needs in a direct and tactful manner, they may instead engage in nagging, complaining or passive-aggressive tactics such as withdrawing affection or giving the cold shoulder.
Learning to express our strong emotions and needs in our close relationships can be intimidating. Our culture does not encourage vulnerability, and yet it is this very vulnerability that leads to healthy, strong relationships in which trust and non-judgement make us feel safe enough to do so.
Taking that first leap into the unknown and frightening territory of vulnerability can be daunting, but it is the only way to overcome our fear and give voice to our very personal, very normal feelings and needs.
How to Express Your Emotions and Needs
Become aware of your true feelings; we often skip over the really uncomfortable ones of pain, fear and insecurity, and jump into anger as an avoidance tactic. When you feel yourself getting angry, ask yourself what the originating feeling is. If you have difficulty naming your feelings, take a look at a list of emotions to get you started.
If you have veered into anger, wait until you have calmed down before discussing with your partner. You’re much more likely to say things you don’t mean when in the grips of anger. Count to 10, take a series of deep breaths, go for a walk around the block – whatever it takes.
Start small, perhaps letting your partner know the next time you feel sad or worried. When he or she asks you what’s wrong, instead of answering with a defensive “I’m fine” or laughing it off with a joke, try “Actually, something is wrong. I feel lonely today for some reason.”
Always speak from your own perspective instead of accusing or pointing the finger. This is a key component of Non-Violent Communication. For example, instead of “You’re so insensitive. You really acted like a jerk today”, try “I feel very hurt right now. Can we talk about the comments you made today in front of our friends?”.
Once you have shared your feelings, follow it up by talking about what you needfrom your partner or the relationship, if anything. For example, perhaps you’re feeling disconnected and lonely, and you’d like more time together. Don’t demand or whine, just state your need: “I feel like I need a little more alone time with you. Could we schedule in a date night once a week?”, instead of “We never spend time together anymore because you’re always working!”
Address emotional issues and needs as soon as is practically possible. You may not want to launch a heavy emotional discussion right before your partner leaves for work, but waiting and allowing feelings to fester will only make things harder to bring up, and this is how hidden and building resentments blow up into arguments and shouting matches.
Not all emotions need to be shared and discussed; at times, simply sitting with a feeling and looking at a situation from a calm perspective is enough to resolve it. Journalling, meditation, and body work such as yoga or tai chi are all very helpful in this regard.
Healthy expression of our emotions and needs, without judgement (from self or others) and without demands or accusations, is vital to creating strong, healthy relationships. Though many of us have been taught that it is unwise and unsafe to be open and vulnerable with others in this way, it is only by having the courage to do so that we create the safe, supportive and resilient relationships we deserve.
“Don’t worry” falls short when someone experiences anxiety. There are better things to say when a love one needs support.
Everyone experiences anxiety differently, but if you’ve ever been around someone who is having a panic attack, suggesting “Try not to worry” is not the best idea.
“You can say things that make anxiety worse,” Dr. Ken Duckworth, medical director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), told TODAY. “People don’t like to be dismissed.”
Anxiety is unique because everyone experiences it in normal amounts. It helps people avoid danger and be successful, for example. But anxiety can become worrisome.
“Anxiety has always been interesting because it is the only psychiatric illness that is also experienced by people without a psychiatric illness,” Dr. Robert Hudak, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh, told TODAY.
Saying “Don’t worry” might seem helpful, but in reality, it falls short as advice for someone experiencing serious anxiety. While there are different types of anxiety disorders and one script won’t work for everyone, the experts agree a few supportive words can help.
1. ‘TELL ME ABOUT A TIME WHEN THINGS WENT WRONG.’
When people experience anxiety, they often worry about what may happen in the future. That’s why Ken Yeager, director of the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center Stress Trauma and Resilience Program, recommends that people engage in constructive discussions.
“Help them carry out the concern to the future,” he told TODAY. “People could say, ‘Give me an example of when things went wrong.’”
After hearing what went wrong, people should ask the person what they could “have done differently to change the outcome.”
“You’re working this through,” he said. “You hear what’s going on and you help the person to process.”
After talking about when things went wrong, Yeager said it is important to consider what the person does right.
“Build their strength,” he said. “You can say, ‘What are the times you have done this and it worked out for you? What did you do then and would it work for you now?’”
3. OFFER SUPPORT IN A HELPFUL WAY.
When people receive treatment for anxiety disorders, their clinicians often give them “homework assignments” or coping mechanisms to help them manage their anxiety. It could be something like deep breathing, for example.
“Some of what you offer is help focusing. ‘I am here for you. What did the therapist say to do?’” Hudak said. “Give support and redirection.”
If people have dealt with anxiety before, they might feel comfortable sharing their experience and coping mechanisms with a loved one. It’s still important not to be dismissive when offering help.
“Sharing one’s experience brings people closer as a general rule,” Duckworth said. “You could say, ‘Here’s what I learned from my own experience’ so it is about you and not (the other person). Instead of saying, ‘You should not feel that way’ or ‘You should ignore your feelings.’”
5. ‘WHAT DO YOU NEED?’
If you frequently experience panic attacks, it may be beneficial to tell loved ones what would help, prior to an attack occurring.
It would require a good working knowledge of the medical problem,” Duckworth said. People can offer suggestions to loved ones like:
“I want you to be quiet, supportive.”
“Pick me up from work.”
“Please don’t judge me.”
“Be kind to me. Be warm to me.”
“Please don’t dismiss this.”
Remember, saying “calm down” or “don’t worry” isn’t very helpful. If you don’t know what to say, listen, and just try to be there to support your loved one.
I want to see the day when men are supported when we think of Sexual Assault and Sex Trafficking. The numbers are staggering and if we sit by change can’t take place. M
Men are the most overlooked victims of sex trafficking. The International Labor Organization (ILO) reported that 98 percent of people trafficked for the purpose of sexual exploitation are women, but what about the other two percent? Male survivors of sex trafficking are the silent victims of an already hidden crime. Rarely does the public hear about cases of male sex trafficking and due to feelings of shame or humiliation, victims are unlikely to report the crime. As the number of people forced into human trafficking has increased, so has the number of male victims. Domestic Male Sex Trafficking Survivors
For male victims of sex trafficking the path to recovery and rehabilitation in the United States is long and full of challenges. Male victims of sex trafficking are less likely to receive support services than female victims. In a recent study of the number of beds in residential treatment centers for domestic victims of sex trafficking only 5 percent of the beds were allocated for men. While this statistic is troubling, it becomes even more dismal when its revealed that until 2014, there was not a single bed available for minor male victims of sex trafficking in the United States. Shared Hope International’s newest report interviewed domestic human trafficking service providers and found that none of the 43 organizations provided services exclusively for male survivors. Lack of residential housing for survivors of human trafficking has been a continual problem for service providers and continues to be a complex issue for the anti-trafficking community.
International Male Sex Trafficking Survivors
Internationally, there has been a greater response to male victims of sex trafficking, especially in Asia and the Middle East where the crime is much more rampant. Service providers in the UAE recently opened the first center for male victims of human trafficking in Abu Dhabi and anti-trafficking organizations focusing solely on men such as Urban Light are common in Southeast Asia. In general, there are more foreign organizations working with male victims of sex trafficking because of the high rates of HIV / AIDS in Asia and the global south. Treatment for HIV / AIDS is often part of the rehabilitation and recovery services offered for male victims of sex trafficking. Even in developed countries, there has been a concern for male victims of sex trafficking. For example, in the United Kingdom there is growing awareness of the number of male victims after a report by the Salvation Army stated that 41 percent of human trafficking victims in the United Kingdom were men. Regardless of location or gender, what it really comes down to is that all victims of sex trafficking need a safe place for recovery and rehabilitation.
The program is overdue and my hope is the word gets out for people to use the services. M
RAINN.ORG
Department of Defense Safe Helpline is excited to share that their program, Building Hope & Resiliency: Addressing the Effects of Sexual Assault has been redesigned. Building Hope & Resiliency: Addressing the Effects of Sexual Assault is a self-guided, online, anonymous, educational program that seeks to help individuals begin to recover, heal and build resiliency within themselves after sexual assault. In 2015, the Secretary of Defense directed the development of a self-guided educational program to assist members of the Department of Defense (DoD) community, including cadets and midshipman, who have experienced prior sexual trauma. Recognizing the impact that trauma can have on an individual’s performance, this program is part of a comprehensive effort to enhance individual and collective resilience and improve readiness across the Total Force.
The program features definitions, helpful information about coping mechanisms, practical relaxation exercises, and links to resources and referrals for on-going support. Also included is a brief, optional self-assessment for survivors to gauge how effective their current coping strategies are and whether they may benefit from additional support and resources. Learn more about the program here.
Safe Helpline launched in February 2011 and is operated by the Department of Defense Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Office (DoD SAPRO) through a contract with RAINN (the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)—the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. DoD SAPRO is responsible for the policy and oversight of the Department’s sexual assault prevention and response program. SAPRO works hand-in-hand with the Services and the civilian community to develop and implement innovative prevention and response programs.
DoD Safe Helpline provides anonymous, confidential, specialized support, information and resources to help empower sexual assault survivors in the DoD community as they take the next steps in their healing process. Safe Helpline services are available worldwide, 24/7—ensuring access to help, anytime, anywhere.
Christa is a Survivor of Sexual Assault, her story is hard to read and yet she comes out on top. She was able to more forward and rebuild her life. She has the strength like many of you.
“When you speak with a survivor of sexual assault, imagine that they are a loved one who has gone through this. How would you want them to be treated?”
Christa Hayburn was sexually assaulted by a superior at the Police Department where she served as a law enforcement officer.
For the next two years she did not report the assault to the department for fear of losing her job. When she experienced an unrelated injury and found out that she could no longer work as a police officer, she finally felt that she could report the assault to the Internal Affairs Department. After turning in a written description of the assault, she was taken to an interrogation room and questioned by two detectives for 6-8 hours.
“They whisked me away as soon as they saw that this involved a person in a position of power. That day was very retraumatizing.”
Christa says the department and the city did not take her report seriously or take measures to ensure that the perpetrator could not sexually assault others. After filing her report, Christa faced retaliation from the city. They expressed doubt about Christa’s medical reports regarding the injury that prevented her from continuing to serve on the police force, and appointed a private investigator to follow her.
Over the next four years, Christa fought against city officials to make sure that her report of sexual assault was investigated appropriately and that her injury was taken seriously. She eventually resigned from the department. Later, two more women reported being sexually assaulted by the same perpetrator, who had been promoted to deputy inspector.
Christa filed a federal retaliation lawsuit against the city, entering an extended legal process. She ultimately decided to discontinue the case for the good of herself and her family. “The day before my deposition I read through my internal affairs report and saw all the transcripts attacking me and attacking my credibility…trying to find flaws in me and my story,” says Christa. “I thought to myself—I’m done. How much more can I put myself through? When do I say, ‘enough is enough? That’s when I started a journey of setting boundaries for myself.’”
Christa is disappointed in the way her case was handled and believes that police departments need to have more training about how to work with survivors and those who have experienced trauma. At the department where she worked, Christa says that “Not only are these incidents happening, but then the institution goes after the victim and protects the perpetrator.”
Meet Christa
5 ways to describe me:
Resilient
Compassionate
Genuine
Fierce
Advocate
On the healing process:
“Sexual assault and domestic violence are two crimes that are not treated with the same respect as investigating someone who is murdered. That has to change.”
On believing survivors:
“My foundation is finally concrete. I have my integrity and my truth—no one can take that away from me.”
As a law enforcement officer herself, she saw her role as someone who should act with integrity to protect and serve her community. “I’ve led my life following the law. It’s so disheartening to see the department not following the standards of honor and integrity they hold others to.”
Christa is thankful that she can continue to help survivors through sharing her own story and letting others know they are not alone. “Who am I? I had no position of power within the police department. But I knew that consistently telling my story would help someone else.” Christa served as a star witness for another victim of the same perpetrator, and her testimony helped win the case.
Because of the sexual assault, Christa has experienced PTSD, depression, and suicidal ideation. She found therapy and medication helpful in getting her through some particularly difficult periods of her healing, but regaining her sense of self has been most crucial. ”What’s been helpful for me has been learning who I am again. My identity was ripped away from me, and I had to relearn who Christa Hayburn was.”
She has also found meditation, exercise, and spending time outdoors to be helpful. “I’ve learned to treat myself with more self love than I have ever done in my life. I make sure to do things with my family, go out in nature, cook, spend time with my pets, spend time with friends—just be a normal human.”
Christa’s advice for other survivors is to not be afraid of relying on a support system of people you trust during the healing process. For Christa, her husband has been her greatest advocate. “He’s walked through this journey with me—through some ugly points. We are still together, and he is my biggest supporter,” says Christa. “I know what it’s like to have that support from someone, and that’s why it’s so important for me to give that support to others. If they can feel heard, then they’ll pass it on. It’s a ripple effect of love, compassion, and empathy.”
Christa finds strength, purpose, and healing in being an advocate for other survivors. “I never wanted to be a victim of my circumstances. I had to be an advocate for others and through that, for myself.” Christa recently worked with city officials to create a bill that would require all city workers to regularly receive sexual harassment training. “Being part of that was wonderful.”
Christa now works at a crisis center for sexual assault survivors where she finds fulfillment and continued healing through helping others and sharing her story. “I’m so glad I can be there for survivors. I will continue to advocate for change until true change takes place across the country. People in these institutions have to take sexual assault seriously and be more supportive of those who come forward.”
“Having the opportunity to share this is truly a gift—no one talks about it,” Christa says in regards to speaking about sexual assault within police departments. “But this is something we desperately need to talk about so that we can offer support and create true change in these communities.”
Christa’s hope for the future of sexual violence is that no one will have to fear coming forward to share their story. “No healing can be done when you’re afraid of losing everything from under you.”
“I’ve learned to step outside of my experience and realize that I have the ultimate control over my story and what the ending to that story looks like. The moment I realized that, I got my power back.”
Looking for the Light 