The Disco period was great for Free Spirits, drugs flowed freely, a smell of change in the air. The music was alive, the dance floor had a rhythm like no other, leave your troubles behind and escape under the shiny ball. I started going to clubs with my father before my 10th birthday. When you have a parent with a mental illness, life can take unexpected turns. I hope you enjoy a couple of my favorites, if not pick up the request line and leave a request. Let’s Boogie! Xx M
Exciting news for Zeppelin fans, media outlets report an unknown recording of Sunshine Woman was discovered. I’m not a hard-core Zeppelin fan, who knew they could sing the Blues? Xx M
If you’re a regular on Thursdays you know I’m a James Bay Super Fan. Hold Back the River is from an EP and his breakthrough to Super Rocker Stardom. He sings of the past….we used to ride our….reflection is needed to move forward. Nickelback reflects on current times looking forward to a shift bringing everyone together. I like to think that day will come….in my lifetime? Let’s Rock.
After nine months of IV Therapy augmented with oral medication, I am off IV Therapy. It’s exciting and scary. I’m a realist, will party after doctor releases me. It is common to complete treatment only to have it return. I am optimistic and believe what you think is where you’re going. I want to find myself in good health to explore rebuilding my life.
New Treatment Protocol: One year course of oral medication
I’ve included comments from 5/31/16 office visit.
Report:
Continued severe memory loss worse since phone consultation, continued overall pain
More profoundly fatigued, pain from fall also a factor, Patient noted having more SVT, Supra Ventricular Tachycardia, lower edema
Tenderness in right knee with swelling noted, questionable hepatomegaly
Patient to follow-up with Cardiologist, MRI on right knee, continued air hunger, follow-up with Chest X-Ray
Increased dosage of Morphine Patch, patient will follow-up with labs to update ammonia, ferritin, iron and TIBC. H&H levels have dropped.
I’ll continue to fight like hell expecting a positive outcome. I will choke down the huge pills and be grateful.
Xx M
Xanax is an anchor drug in my medication combo for treating Anxiety/Bipolar Disorder. I’ve taken Xanax for 15 years, it works miracles in keeping me grounded. Working quickly is an advantage with little to no side effects, EXCEPT ADDICTION. The downside side is addiction happens quickly after starting. For me withdraw starts on second day, by fourth day I look like a street addict who would sell my soul for a pill.
The emotional and physical breakdown took me to hell. My deep secrets/scars laughed and taunted me.
Here are some of the delusions I experienced.
Learned a new language
Surviving in the desert like Jesus
Discovered potential link for Postpartum Depression
In touch with my families Indian blood
Could feel natural body rhythm
Felt small earthquake
Saw Bobcat tracks on front tree
Started writing Country songs
Tweeting Gwen Stefani, Blake Shelton and Pharrell, talked to Gwen and Blake several times, Pharrell retwetted twice. I was flooded with people wanting to follow me after seeing tweets from Gwen. I was overwhelmed.
Locked all computers down, trying to keep myself from writing.
These are some of the out of control thoughts running through my head non-stop
The physical pain is unbearable
Anger, pain, begging God to stop kicking me in stomach, wailing, screaming, throwing up, four days without food.
Having to transition back one medication a day at a time
Delayed Lyme protocol by a week, reschedule trip to DC by a month
More damage to areas already injured
Strain on marriage
Xanax is a standard drug and withdraw doesn’t cross my mind. I kept some pills in my purse, pills in my office and the remaining pills went into master pill caddy. The trouble is not keeping up with how many total pills you’ve taken. I take several addictive medications for my mental illness and 4-5 addictive medications for Lyme treatment.
I am in pain 24/7 and resisted taking pain medication instead trying to cover pain with Xanax. Two Xanax and I’m asleep a good 4-6 hours without pain. The Lyme protocol called for 4-5 addictive medications but they rarely put me to sleep. It worked the opposite and I would stay awake 2-3 days at a time which made my pain even worse.
Now all medications stay in bottle or main pill case. Photos are daily log of meds taken that day.
Don’t go thru the pain of withdraw, stay on top of how many days worth you have at all times.
Xx M
Another great Ted Talk. The story is uplifting, reminding me I can do anything if I want the goal bad enough. Xx M
Have a great day. I mixed it up this week, let me know what you think. Remember the request line is open 24/7.
Videos were taken down his week by Vevo.
Olympic athletes can face rejection daily which is broadcast for all to see. Luckily our rejection isn’t on the daily news.I hope you find tools for working thru the emotions of rejection.
Xx M
Here are the two best prayers I know: Help me, help me, help me and Thank you, thank you, thank you. Anne Lamott
I have two weeks of living to share with you. When the drugs are back in your system it takes several weeks to peak. Withdraw is on the been there & done that list. The psychological pain will linger longer than the physical pain. I am recovering from physical injuries caused from thrashing around in the bathroom. During the worst days I closed myself off to prevent my husband from seeing me. I’m resting, trying to not overdo it.
One positive from withdraw is the reminder I’m a Survivor.
I’m starting to feel human, self-critical but human. Which is perfect since I have oral surgery on Thursday.
I’ll be back in the grove soon.
Xx M
At the rate new songs hit the airways it’s easy to forget great songs from the past.Thanks to Shelton for the Simon & Garfunkel suggestion.There is nothing like an old friends. :) M
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