School counselors on what they need during this pandemic
By Mandy Savitz-Romer, Heather Rowan-Kenyon, Tara Nicola, & Laura Hecht September 16, 2020
As the global pandemic threatens students’ academic progress, recent reports have also raised alarms about students’ mental health. Fear, loss, and the anxiety brought on by uncertainty are raising already-high levels of trauma and stress among young people.
It will be tempting for schools to direct resources and attention this fall to bolstering the instructional core, given well-founded fears of learning loss and the widening of academic inequities. But our research suggests that districts need to focus just as much on deploying staff and policies that promote students’ social and emotional development. School counselors have a critical but often overlooked role to play in meeting this urgent need.
According to our survey of nearly 1,000 school counselors from across the country, these professionals faced significant challenges last spring as they sought to support students’ social-emotional, academic, and postsecondary development in a remote learning environment. Schools should now make it a priority to understand what went wrong in the spring, so they don’t repeat the same mistakes this fall.
First, we found that school counselors were not able to spend as much time as usual counseling students about social-emotional issues, career development, or postsecondary plans. This is especially troubling for a profession that was already stretched thin to begin with: Last year, all but three states significantly exceeded the recommended ratio of students-to-counselors. In our survey, 43 percent of counselors reported spending less time providing individual counseling than in their work pre-COVID-19, despite the stress and trauma caused by the pandemic.”While navigating personal stressors brought on by the pandemic, school counselors faced unique professional challenges as well.”
Instead, a large majority of the counselors—who regularly worked well beyond their usual hours—reported spending their time tracking down students with low attendance in remote learning and delivering social-service and technology information to families. These are worthwhile efforts, of course, but they limited counselors’ ability to check in with students, assess their well-being, and intervene when necessary.
Second, our results suggested that a lack of direction and leadership from school and district leaders complicated this shift in responsibilities. Approximately 55 percent of counselors surveyed reported not receiving clear directions about their expected role in a remote environment. One midsize, urban school district’s updated memorandum of understanding with the teachers’ union never even mentioned school counselors.
While school counselors appreciated ongoing communication from administration and district staff, counselors were rarely involved in planning for remote schooling. Despite their unique skills in supporting students, only 35 percent of counselors say they were asked to provide input about school contingency plans or how to maintain counseling programming. Counselors also reported that training for counselor-specific remote work was not available to them. This problem was especially acute in rural communities, where 1 in 3 counselors reported receiving no training.
Third, like all educators, school counselors struggled to adjust to remote schooling. While navigating personal stressors brought on by the pandemic, school counselors faced unique professional challenges as well. In addition to losing the valuable opportunity to connect with students in informal settings such as hallways and lunchrooms, many counselors received instructions from school leaders not to meet one-on-one with students, provide group or classroom instruction, or even use videoconferencing software because of concerns about meeting confidentiality requirements remotely.
These findings highlight long-standing challenges facing the school counseling profession. For decades, school counselors have called on principals to provide better leadership to counseling programs. Such leadership is now essential. If schools are committed to healing students and supporting their engagement in academics amid a wave of national trauma, they must heed this call now more than ever. To support their efforts, we offer the following recommendations for school and district leaders:
1. Establish a clear plan for school counseling programming and communicate it widely. School and district leaders are often not familiar with counseling models or standards, so they need to take their lead from counselors. Strong administrators understand the assets and expertise of counselors and are careful not to misdirect their time toward tasks that don’t leverage their mental-health training. With counselors’ input, school and district leaders can prioritize the availability of counseling programs and services at the systems level. At a minimum, counselors can identify counseling-related policies and practices that transfer to a virtual or hybrid context. For example, school counselors can join morning meetings to connect with students, partner with teachers to integrate strategies for well-being into classes, and collaborate with other support staff to utilize screening tools to identify depression, trauma, and other signs of distress.
2. Build time for counseling into student schedules. Face-to-face time with students—either virtually or in person when it is safe to do so—is a precious commodity. School leaders will therefore need to be intentional about scheduling time for students to meet with counselors and for counselors to provide mental-health support to whole classes, grades, or schools. Consistent advisory blocks and office hours might offer structured times for students to reach out for additional support. School counselors around the country have set up Google Classrooms and Bitmoji offices to be added to district platforms.
3. Evenly distribute the responsibility of tracking down students. School leaders must avoid the temptation of assigning attendance and noncounseling duties to counselors simply because they are not responsible for a classroom of students. Pulling school counselors away from checking in with students, delivering resources for managing anxiety, and supporting postsecondary planning will leave some students vulnerable to further disengagement.
4. Ask counselors if and how they need support and training to use virtual platforms to provide counseling. In our survey, many school counselors reported having to use their personal phones to call students. Often, parents and students didn’t answer those calls, which appear as if they come from unknown numbers. Access to a school phone, Google Voice number, or other platforms to communicate with students will enable counselors to conduct confidential or sensitive conversations with students. School counselors also need different kinds of training from what is offered to teachers. Training on virtual platforms, strategies that support telecounseling, and legal and ethical considerations are especially in demand. As the college-admission process continues to evolve during the pandemic, school counselors will also benefit from training on policies and practices that have been updated during the pandemic.
While today’s educational context is defined by uncertainty, one thing is for certain: As students return to Zoom rooms or school buildings, they are hurting. We have professionals who are trained and ready to help them heal and develop the social and emotional skills to cope with their current reality. Let’s be sure to take counselors into account in our planning this semester. Our students and teachers are going to need them.
Mandy Savitz-Romer is the Nancy Pforzheimer Aronson Senior Lecturer in Human Development and Education at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. Heather Rowan-Kenyon is an associate professor of education leadership and higher education at the Boston College Lynch School of Education and Human Development. Tara Nicola is a doctoral student at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. Laura Hecht is a research manager at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. They are the authors of the recently released report “Expanding Support Beyond the Virtual Classroom: Lessons and Recommendations From School Counselors During the COVID-19 Crisis.”
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Vol. 40, Issue 05, Page 24Published in Print: September 16, 2020, as How Ready Are We to Support Kids?RELATED STORIES
As we round out Pain Awareness Month I wanted to share my thoughts on the global opioid crisis. I have been fortunate to have seen the good and not so good but nowhere near the worst side of the opioid crisis.
First and foremost DOCTORS are responsible for educating themselves on each medication they prescribe and the side effects. Every doctor needs to share this information with the PATIENT who is also responsible for reading the directions, following the directions, report any side effects, and to be honest with the doctor when discussing your pain levels.
The type of doctors who have created this crisis is the ones who recklessly overprescribed patients and did not have a responsible follow-up and withdrawal plan. I heard a story on television about a man who was in a car wreck who has prescribed over 20 pain pills a day. No-one is in that much pain, you can’t function on that level of medication and no responsible doctor would prescribe that amount.
Doctors are responsible for monitoring their patients, if a patient can’t make it till the end of the month before needing a refill, it’s time to have a face to face and reaccess the pain. I did this with my doctor for months before reaching the right dosage.
The not so good experience I had was making the mistake of thinking my general doctor could manage my pain effectively. I went along this way for several years until I maxed out the dosage on my medication and he didn’t know where to do from there. I eventually sought out a Pain Management doctor and had real success and real failure.
The great success lasted two years, he required me to see him every time a refill was needed. We would talk about how my pain was, any issues with the medication, any other treatment options he might have in mind, have a urine sample, and discuss my concerns. After that, he would call in my refill. I think this is the responsible management of a patient.
The great failure came when COVID hit the shores. The first two months I had Telehealth visits and my refills were called in no problems. The third month I call to get my prescription refilled and I’m told I have to come into the office. I stressed to the admin that I had a new immune disorder and to talk with the doctor to see if he would make an exception. She said no, I have to come in it’s the law. I know better and cussed at her. It’s not a DEA law that a patient must come in every three months for a urine test, it’s the doctor’s call. I offered to go to the local lab for a urine test and was told no. End of story. I only received two weeks’ worth of medication and throw away like wet trash.
I did file several complaints with the Medical Review Board but I don’t think he will suffer any consequences.
Doctors should be bound by their license to not dismiss a patient who is addicted to pain medication and expect them to find another doctor within two weeks, let alone during a pandemic. He had no withdrawal plan, a responsible doctor would have said I no longer want your business, you cussed at my employee and over the next 30-45 days you need to find another doctor and I will start a withdraw plan with you now.
Every DOCTOR and PATIENT has a responsibility when taking any type of medication, it doesn’t matter if it’s addictive or not. All medications including over the counter medications, including children’s medications have side effects. It’s the doctor who needs to share the most common and the “when to call or go to ER” symptoms. We also have to reach out by asking questions and seeking information on the internet if necessary in order to manage our medications.
I still have not scheduled an appointment with a new Pain Management doctor. I am lucky enough to have had enough pills to go thru some type of withdrawal and will wait until the virus numbers stop spiking in the state. My hands still shake and I still need the medication but I need the virus less. I’m blessed my pain has not spiked.
In a couple of days, we will come together once again to commemorate Domestic Violence Awareness Month. However, this year is different and, in some ways, more critical than ever.
Domestic violence was an epidemic before COVID-19, with nearly one in four women and one in seven men reporting that they experience violence from their spouse or partner in their lifetimes. Unfortunately, the virus has dramatically exacerbated the problem. While home was supposed to be a safe place to go in the lockdown, it was even more dangerous for victims of domestic violence to be isolated and alone with their abusers. Reports of abuse have skyrocketed in the U.S. and around the world.
Even as COVID-19 restrictions are lifted, the abuse will not simply end. That’s why we need your support more than ever this October. We can only end the epidemic of domestic abuse when we talk openly about it; remove the shame, blame and stigma; support survivors; hold abusers accountable; and engage everyone—women AND men—to help end the violence once and for all.
Today we’re asking you to consider using your voice and your platforms during Domestic Violence Awareness Month to do just that—be part of the solution. Please take the NO MORE pledge, print out your NO MORE signs, talk to your kids about healthy relationships, engage your workplaces, and help raise critical funds to support our efforts to change the culture and stop the violence before it starts.
Now is the right time to plan a Domestic Violence Awareness Month Facebook fundraiser for NO MORE. Set your own goal and share it with friends and family to achieve it. Tag us in your fundraising posts so we can send our thanks and give you a shout out. Check out our Ways To Give page for more ideas on how you can champion NO MORE’s efforts this coming month and beyond.
Thank you in advance! Your contribution will go a long way not only to support survivors but also to prevent violence from starting in the first place. Stay tuned! We’ll be sharing more of our efforts and ways you can get involved throughout Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Often, it can be hard to understand the cause of these mental health problems. They may be triggered by something that has gone on in your life such as the loss of a loved one, or a big change such as moving to a new city, or a change in career. Whatever the cause, it is essential that you practice self-care.
But what can you do to treat your mental health problems?
Here are some of the steps you should take if you are experiencing any mental health difficulties in your life.
Speak To Your Doctor
If you are struggling with stress, anxiety, or depression in your life, then you should speak with your doctor at the earliest possible opportunity. Your doctor should talk you through what is happening in your life in order to understand whether you should be treated with self-care,
antidepressant medication, or whether you would be a suitable candidate for talking therapy such as cognitive behavior therapy.
Speak To A Counselor
If you are able to speak with a counselor, do so. You may be able to get referred to one by your doctor. If not, there are plenty of specialist counselors that will be able to take you on.
Different counselors and therapists will have their own approaches to dealing with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Make sure that you are happy with the counselor’s approach before you commit to a course of sessions with them.
Use CBD And Other Alternative Treatments
One of the areas that there is growing research into is the use of alternative treatments such as CBD. CBD comes from the same plant as cannabis except it doesn’t have any of the psychoactive ingredients as cannabis does. It just relaxes you and relieves symptoms of stress and anxiety.
Another alternative treatment option may be psychedelics. You can read more about this at psychedelicspotlight.com.
Eat Well
There is a lot that can be said about the way that you eat. By making sure that you are eating a balanced diet, you will be able to help to give yourself the energy that you need to keep going.
To fight off stress and depression with your diet you should look at getting your starch fix with whole grains and beans. You should be sure to eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Instead of eating red meats, you should eat fatty fish like salmon or tuna. Finally, add in healthy fats, such as raw nuts and olive oil.
Exercise
Exercising is a great way of clearing your head. It gives you endorphins which is a feel-good hormone that will balance out the stress hormones that your body will naturally be producing.
Start small. Even going for a short walk will be very helpful.
The rapper/designer/provocateur may have earned as many critics over the course of his career as he has fans. But West’s mental health, which he has been open about, should be observed with sensitivity.
His wife, Kim Kardashian West, appealed to the better nature of the public last week with a plea for compassion for her husband, who she acknowledged has bipolar disorder.
“Anyone who has this or has a loved one in their life who does, knows how incredibly complicated and painful it is to understand,” she wrote in a note posted on her Instagram stories. “I’ve never spoken publicly about how this has affected us at home because I am very protective of our children and Kanye’s right to privacy when it comes to his health. But today, I feel like I should comment on it because of the stigma and misconceptions about mental health.”
In terms of the spectacle of it all, we have been here before with Ye. But he’s not the only celebrity who has confronted such challenges in the fishbowl that is the entertainment industry:
Lewis acknowledged knowing full well what living with bipolar disorder can feel like in the public glare.
She was first diagnosed with it in the 1990s and wrote about her struggles with mental illness in her memoir, “The Mother of Black Hollywood.”
Lewis wept with concern for West at the time.
“Part of the disorder is not wanting to tame the mania,” she told me. “The high is so high and it feels great, but it’s dangerous. It’s so dangerous.”
She and I discussed the need to remove stigma surrounding mental illness — especially in the Black community.
“I cannot say enough how dangerous this disease is,” Lewis said. “And it is a disease. People need to start treating it like a disease like they do cancer, not as something to point at and laugh.”
Britney Spears: West has indeed been treated as a joke by many. Much like another celebrity whose mental health has been back in the headlines.
Britney Spears’ younger sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, weighed in last week after singer Halsey posted a series of tweets about mental illness.
“No jokes right now. I have dedicated my career to offering education and insight about bipolar disorder and I’m so disturbed by what I’m seeing,” Halsey wrote. “Personal opinions about someone aside, a manic episode isnt a joke. If you can’t offer understanding or sympathy, offer your silence.”
Jamie Lynn Spears offered her perspective.
“If you deal with mental illness or care for someone dealing with mental illness, then you know how important it is to respect the situation with privacy for the person, and the family trying to protect their loved ones, no matter how it may appear to the public, and as the public we must learn to do the same,” Spears reportedly wrote on Instagram in a since-deleted post.
She went on to defend her older sister after a commenter implored her to “clarify assumptions” about Britney Spears’ mental state.
“I would never speak our just to clarify things to the public, when the person it pertains to does not want that to happen,” Spears wrote. “I’d rather take all the hate, [than] speak about someone else’s personal matter, that they want to be kept private.”
Britney Spears has been subjected to tabloid fodder about her health since 2007, when she was hospitalized for mental health treatment and her father was granted conservatorship over her affairs.
The #FreeBritney hashtag gained traction from those who want that conservatorship to end.
Still, the #FreeBritney campaign has continued — and this month intensified due to a pending legal matter regarding the conservatorship — as her health gets picked apart by the public.
Tamar Braxton: As was the case when Braxton, who stars on the reality series “Braxton Family Values,” was reportedly hospitalized last week.
“This is an extremely difficult time for Tamar and her family as she navigates professional and personal struggles including her battle with depression,” Braxton’s boyfriend, David Adefeso, said in a statement to People.
“Tamar is currently receiving the best available medical attention to address those struggles and strengthen her mental health, and her family and I will remain by her side throughout her treatment,” he went on to say in the statement. “Mental health is a common issue, affecting 1 in 5 Americans.”
During this time of the pandemic, those numbers could increase with so many of us stressed, anxious and worried for the future.
Those in the public eye who are challenged with mental health issues should evoke our empathy and serve as a reminder to reach out for help if needed.
CNN has contacted reps for all three celebs for comment but has not yet received responses.
Read here for some of the best ways to take care of your mental health during the Covid crisis.
Staying independent as you age doesn’t have to be a stroke of luck, or hit or miss. You can ensure you remain independent as you age by taking some important steps as regularly as you can. Now, although the earlier you start the better, it’s never too late to start looking after yourself. Below, you’ll find some pointers that will allow you to master independence, whatever age you are:
The first and one of the most important things is to make sure you’re exercising regularly. You don’t need to work out like an athlete or do crazy workouts that you don’t feel ready to do, but you should find a type of exercise that you enjoy and believe you can do in the long run and stick to it. In fact, mixing up the types of exercise you do is a great idea, as this will ensure you have all of your bases covered, whatever happens. For example:
Pilates, yoga and even simple stretches can help you to stay flexible and release tension in the body.
Walking is a great way to ensure you’re balancing out the time you spend sitting down, and also helps you get fresh air and vitamin D if you do it outside.
Swimming is a great low impact exercise for the joints and can strengthen the whole body.
Strength training keeps the muscles strong, which in turn can make living easier as you age.
Classes can help to keep you motivated as you work out alongside others. They may not help you to reach ‘specific’ goals, but they can be a lot of fun and there’s no harm in doing them once in a while.
Stop Being Afraid To Ask For Help If You Need It
When many think of being independent, they think of being hyper independent. This usually means not asking for help from anybody and doing things completely alone. However, humans are social creatures, and we do need some interaction from time to time. Not only that, we can’t always do things along. Fostering independence is great, but don’t become so independent that you can’t ask for help if you do need it. In fact, many elderly people opt for a senior care service so that they can continue to enjoy life in-home as they age.
Focus On Eating A Balanced Diet
A balanced diet will work in harmony with your exercise routine to keep you healthy and happy. You don’t need to eat ‘clean’, but you certainly shouldn’t be eating a load of processed foods each day. Here are some pointers:
To make sure you’re eating enough without obsessing, opt for 3 meals and 2 snacks each day. Depending on the size of your meals, you may want to have more.
When plating your food, make sure you have carbs, healthy fats, and protein. Vegetables should be eaten with most meals and take up a large portion of the plate.
Ensure you’re getting enough fiber.
Don’t ‘ban’ foods or get sucked into unhealthy marketing tactics. Many ‘low calorie’ meals are not healthy, they are just marketed to those who want to lose weight. You will still be hungry. You’d be better off cooking a meal from scratch and actually feeling satiated afterward.
Make sure you make a note of when your health appointments are due and keep up with them. Sticking to them will ensure you can catch anything early on and give you peace of mind. There may be nothing wrong with you at all, but visiting the doctor, dentist, and optician regularly is the only way to confirm this.
Practice Using Technology
Yes, technology can cause problems. However, it’s here to stay. Getting used to using it will only be a good thing for you. Don’t call yourself a ‘technophobe’ as you have no reason to learn to use it this way. With good technology, you can make living at home easier and staying in touch with your loved ones a breeze.
Keep Your Mind Alert
Keep your mind alert by doing puzzles, reading, and learning new things. Make sure you take care of your mental health, too!
Look For New Hobbies and Challenges
Don’t stop learning just because you’re aging. Look for new hobbies and challenges and show yourself what you can do. It’s never too late to try something that you’ve always wanted to try.
Independence, as you age, is achievable for all – start now and you’ll see.
Spending time in the garden makes a massive difference in your overall wellbeing and longevity according to research by the Royal Horticultural Society – a UK-based based charity. Investigators studied more than 8,000 people between 2009 and 2016 following their daily gardening habits. They found that those who spent more time in the garden had better overall psychological and physical wellbeing.
The findings were dramatic. The research indicates that the difference in health outcomes between the people who spent the most time in their gardens compared to the least was the same size as the difference of living in a wealthy area compared to a poor one.
The findings suggest, therefore, that we should all be looking for ways to open up our gardens and spend more time in them. We should view our outdoor spaces as both beautiful places to spend time and tools for improving our mental health. Like exercise, the areas around our homes are places that can potentially alter our neurochemistry and change the way that we feel.
People With Access To Private Gardens More Likely To Report Psychological Wellbeing
The study also found that even people with access to private gardens were much more likely to be in good psychological health. Those who could have a yard or private space to themselves reported feeling much happier to the researchers.
What’s more, the evidence suggests that merely having a garden is often sufficient to confer the benefits, not the process of gardening itself. Thus, people with an outdoor space beside their home were much more likely to experience the health and wellbeing benefits compared to those who didn’t.
The lead researcher on the project suggested that the findings were indicative of the fact that people need to feel close to nature to have a sense of contentment. Gardens might have a crucial role to play in issues of public health she said.
How To Spend More Time In The Garden
So, while this research is interesting, it doesn’t answer the practical question of how to spend more time in the garden. We’d all like to be outside as much as possible, but often, it’s not possible. So what can we do?
Let’s take a look.
Purchase A Laptop
If you can work from home, purchasing a laptop can be one of the best things you do to increase the amount of time that you spend in the garden. You can connect to the internet, take it out to the garden, and then spend all day among the flowers and the birds, weather permitting.
Install Decking
Getting deck builders to install decking is another way to make your garden spaces more practical. Having somewhere off the grass to place garden furniture can encourage you to use your garden as an entertainment space.
Build A Garden Room
A garden room is simply a room in your home that connects the garden to your indoor space, encouraging you to use both.
Most modern garden rooms have sliding doors that act as a kind of interface between your indoor and outdoor spaces. But you can do it in other ways, such as bi-folding doors.
Install A Summer House
In certain parts of the world, it’s not warm enough to spend time outdoors year-round. Spending time on your patio isn’t fun when it’s freezing cold.
The obvious solution to this problem is a summer house – a strange name for something you’ll use in the colder months of the year. And because it provides shelter, you can place indoor furniture inside, making sitting in it more comfortable.
Get A Vegetable Patch
Vegetable patches offer two advantages. First, they let you grow tasty organic food. And secondly, they force you to get out into the garden and take care of them.
Your onions and leeks can become a real source of focus that takes your mind off other things. When you’re digging up soil and planting bulbs, you’re not thinking about all the things that affect your wellbeing. It’s a healthy physical activity that takes your mind off things and allows you to thrive.
Finally, subscribing to a gardening magazine is something that can inspire you to get out into the garden and create something beautiful. Editors introduce you to essential concepts, such as when you should plant bulbs and how you should arrange your beds. You’ll also learn practical things, such as how to weed and the tools you’ll need to keep your yard looking good all year long.
If your furry friend is struggling with digestive problems, bad breath, dry skin, and more, your first port of call is to reach out to your vet to get him checked out, right?
We all want what’s best for our animals to keep them happy and healthy, but some pet parents are concerned with resorting to ‘Western medicine’ when it comes to their care. One of the reasons pet owners express concern in this area is the overuse of medicines to deal with some issues. Are some of the most common side effects worth it in the long run.
Some pet owners have since looked into the use of alternative medicine for the treatment of some common animal complaints. Before considering the use of alternative treatments for your pets, it is important to speak to a registered veterinarian who will advise you on the best treatments for your pet.
Here are some of the alternative treatments you can use to treat your animals, and some of the things you need to know about them.
Acupuncture
The treatment that involves inserting small needles in certain parts of the body to balance the energy flow, thus treating pain and chronic ailments, acupuncture is a popular choice for pet owners to use on their animals, too. It is pain relief without the excessive use of chemicals from western medicine.
Food
Every animal has to eat, and a good way of sneaking medication into a pet is through their food as their favorite wet food will disguise the taste of nasty medicines. However, some companies such as petness.com provide animals with tasty hemp-based products for dogs that not only have a huge range of health benefits such as easing pet anxiety and sleeping issues, but they’re tasty, too!
Supplements
Where there are perhaps some nutritional shortfalls in the diet, nutritional supplements can benefit pets by supplying additional vitamins, minerals, amino acids, and vital fatty acids to encourage optimal health
Massage
Another popular treatment for humans. Pets can also enjoy the benefits of massage from lowering the stress hormones in the body, pain relief, increased circulation, and a boosted immune system. Once pet owners have the correct training, this could also be done at home saving a lot of time and money!
What Do Vets Think About the Use of Alternative Therapy?
While alternative therapy is increasing in popularity among pet owners, many vets do not like to encourage the use of alternative therapies. This is mainly due to the fact that, unlike western veterinary treatment and medicine, many of these therapies have not been scientifically proven to work for the treatment of various illnesses or complaints.
This doesn’t mean that these treatments are always ineffective, however- it just means that highly funded case studies have yet to be completed meaning that these alternative treatments haven’t been put to the test.
Some vets are incredibly open to the idea of the use of alternative medicine, with some schools even offering training in the area to go alongside western treatments.
Lady Gaga’s personal trauma influenced the book she is penning with her mother.
The ‘Rain On Me’ hitmaker and her mum, Cynthia Germanotta, have worked together on ‘Channel Kindness’ – which is a collection of 51 stories of kindness from young people across the world – and the pair revealed the idea for the book stemmed from the singer’s experience with mental health problems at school.
Gaga told PEOPLE magazine: “I didn’t know how to stand up for myself without feeling embarrassed.”
Cynthia admitted she feels “horrible” that she wasn’t able to support her daughter, and blames generational differences for her lack of communication at the time.
She explained: “There was a shame of sharing some of this with me. And I feel horrible about that.
“I was raised differently, where you just have to be tough and not talk about your emotions. I didn’t always understand the difference between normal biological teenage development and a real problem.”
Gaga hopes that the book can encourage “resilience” in younger people suffering mental health problems and help develop an understanding, just as she has with her mother.
The 34-year-old singer – whose real name is Stefani Germanotta – said: “There are things that create highways from heart to heart, where we can hold compassion and empathy, where we can celebrate everybody’s resilience.
“When I was younger and had mental issues, my mom didn’t know how to communicate with me about it. We’ve found a way to channel kindness into our lives in a way that’s also healed our relationship.”
Gaga added: “I’m just really grateful that my mom holds space for me to be able to talk about how I feel. And because of that, we have a very healthy relationship that is beautiful.”
Kids might find it more difficult to cope with the pandemic. Here’s how parents can help them.
When the COVID-19 pandemic hit this past spring, billions of children around the globe were abruptly sent home from school — an anchor in so many ways. Kids have been cut off from friends and loved ones, and yanked away from daily activities and passions. Many have watched their loved ones get sick or have come down with the virus themselves. It has been … a lot.
Now, as another unprecedented academic year swings into high gear, children are facing more of the same “new normal” that no one asked for.
“We don’t know how long we’re going to be living in this very strange period. For some kids, that mean that they’ve adjusted and things are a little bit easier to manage,” said Kimberly Canter, a child psychologist at Nemours Children’s Health System. “For other kids, that just means this gets harder and harder every day.”
HuffPost Parents spoke to several experts about simple, concrete ways we can help support our children during this upcoming school year. Here’s what they had to say:
1. Regularly check in with them about what they think is happening with COVID-19.
Talking to your child about what they know (or believe they know) about the pandemic is a crucial first step to understanding where they’re at emotionally, said Canter, who developed an online intervention to help kids struggling with COVID-19 stress. (The intervention is currently available to Nemours patients only, but she shared some of the broader concepts below.)
You’re looking to understand their specific concerns, she said.
“Are there things they are hearing that are frightening them that are not true?” she asked. “Are there things they are hearing that are frightening them that are true? And how can we address that?”
If your child brings up something you don’t have an answer to, or there’s no answer to, be honest. Tell them you’ll seek out accurate information together, and reassure them that they’re not facing this alone.
Parents should also pay attention to any physical, emotional or social changes they notice in their children, said Ron Stolberg, a licensed child psychologist and professor at Alliant International University.
“Typical things to look for are significant weight gain or weight loss not related to normal development, rejecting long-standing friends, major social withdrawal, and with teens, we also add unaccounted-for spending,” Stolberg said.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
2. Help them identify their emotions.
Emotional intelligence is a learned skill that is rooted in a person’s ability to identify what they are feeling. Parents can help their children do that, Canter said. It’s really about noticing their feelings and learning how to name them.
This can start even if kids are young. Simple mood meters — red for angry, blue for sad, green for calm and yellow for happy — can help young kiddos track where they are and give voice to those feelings.
If your child brings up something you don’t have an answer to, or there’s no answer to, be honest. Tell them you’ll seek out accurate information together, and reassure them that they’re not facing this alone.
Parents should also pay attention to any physical, emotional or social changes they notice in their children, said Ron Stolberg, a licensed child psychologist and professor at Alliant International University.
“Typical things to look for are significant weight gain or weight loss not related to normal development, rejecting long-standing friends, major social withdrawal, and with teens, we also add unaccounted-for spending,” Stolberg said.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
3. Build trust with their teachers.
Even if you live in an area where your child is in the classroom five days a week, this is an academic year like no other. One simple way to emotionally support your child — and your child’s teacher — is to help them feel “safe and connected to their school communities,” said Jeanne Huybrechts, chief academic officer at Stratford School, a network of private schools in California. That is true whether classes are in person, hybrid or starting the year off remotely.
“Reach out to your child’s teacher and introduce yourself and your family,” Huybrechts said. “Share family stories, values, your family’s living situation this fall, your child’s feelings about the return to school.”
More than ever this year, open communication with your child’s teachers is essential.
4. For at least five minutes a day, hang out with them however they want.
Parents sometimes hate to hear this tip because at the end of a long, exhausting day, many parents just (understandably) want to collapse, said Jill Ehrenreich-May, a psychologist and director of the Child and Adolescent Mood and Anxiety Program at the University of Miami.
But she recommends taking at least five minutes a day, every day, to just hang out together with the kids.
“Do something — not on screens — that your child wants to do with you,” Ehrenreich-May said. Follow their lead, and really try to connect through joy. They need it.
5. Remind them of what they can control.
Many children are struggling under the weight of so many unknowns. We don’t know when school will be “normal” again. We don’t know when they’ll be able to freely hug grandparents or friends. We don’t know if they’ll get sick, or if we will get sick — and how serious it might be. That’s difficult for anyone to deal with, particularly kids.
Parents can help by focusing them on what they can control right now.
“You might not be able to control if there’s a vaccine, but you can control things like washing your hands and wearing a mask,” Canter said. Similarly, kids may not be able to control when, say, soccer starts up again, but they can schedule Zoom hangouts with their teammates. And so on.
And here is something parents can control, to a certain extent: They can model the type of resiliency and self-care they hope to see in their children. That means parents need to find ways to take care of themselves.
“If I expect them to be calm and handle this really not normal situation, well, I probably need to express my own emotions appropriately,” Ehrenreich-May said.
Stolberg agreed, suggesting that parents follow a healthy sleep routine, eat nutritious food, avoid caffeine and alcohol, exercise outside if it’s safe to do so and stay connected to people, even if it’s digitally. He also recommended mindfulness exercises, such as breathing, meditation and yoga.
“You cannot be your best parent if you are not healthy and mentally prepared for the job,” he said.
At the end of the day, it’s not about pretending everything is totally OK. It’s about modeling emotional intelligence yourself and trying to show your kiddo how to live with uncertainty, while also trying to make the best of this unprecedented time.
WOW! What a huge surprise this was. To be included in this list of heavy hitters is such an honor.
I want to give a special thanks to Ruth Gray at GetBlogged.net for taking the time to understand what Looking for the Light is about and for including me among such great blogs.
Please take some time to read Ruth’s post and check out these Chronic Illness blogs. You will find many new blogs to follow and meet some great people along the way.
Buying gifts is always a challenge, but one way to find the ideal gift for a special person in your life is to focus on a niche that you know is of interest to them. So if you know someone who loves gardening, you’ll be glad to learn there are lots of gifts that are ideally suited to people who love to garden. We’re going to look at the best of the bunch today, so keep reading to find out all about them.
The great thing about birdbaths is that they’re not just about adding something functional to the garden. They also act as great ornamental pieces, so if you’re looking for something to give that brings a visual impact, an attractively designed birdbath could be exactly what you’re looking for. There’s no shortage of designs and options out there to choose from these days either.
Gardening Gloves
If you want to make the process of gardening a little more comfortable for a special person in your life, a pair of high-quality garden gloves can make the perfect gift. Again, there are lots of styles and designs out there, just make sure you choose a pair that fits well. It’s a good and affordable gift option so it should definitely be considered.
A Seed Subscription
Right now, subscription services are all the rage. There’s a subscription service for just about everything, so you might not be surprised to learn that there’s also a subscription available for seeds. That means you can get different seeds sent to your door each month, so this could be a great gift idea. You could pay for their seed subscription for a year, for example.
The Latest Top Books
There’s a range of great gardening books released each and every year. They might be guide books, general advice, or even photo books. There’s something for just about every garden lover on the shelves of your local book store, so it’s an avenue you should definitely explore. This article is A Review Of The Best Gardening Books in 2020, so it might give you some interesting ideas for which you might want to buy.
Solar-Powered Outdoor Lanterns
You don’t have to choose something that’s focused on the task of gardening; it might be a good idea to choose a gift that adds something new and fun to the garden and has a social dimension. Some solar-powered outdoor lanterns allow you to light up the garden at night and carry on the party into the evening. It’s a good gift idea and they’re also eco-friendly as the battery can charge up during the night and be put to use during the day.
If you’re looking for gifts for the gardener in your life, the ideas above should provide you with the inspiration you need. Find a gift they’re guaranteed to love and help them get even more out of their love of gardening with the kinds of gift options we’ve discussed here.
There are certain characteristics inherent to resiliency.
I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.” ~ Hermann Hesse
The way in which you deal with the stresses and our ‘new norm’ bestowed on us by the pandemic, could be an indication of how resilient you really are. Resilienceis defined as the ability to withstand or recover from difficult situations. It’s the ability to ‘spring back,’ in spite of all odds. It’s how you’re able to restore equilibrium in your life during or following upheaval. In recent months many of us have encountered many new challenges, personal, economic, psychological and/or emotional, and it’s certainly a good test of resilience.
Even under normal conditions, we all have a certain amount of adversities in our lives. Much of how we deal with an adversary basically has to do with our attitude. We don’t have to look too far away from our circle of friends and family to see the different reactions to the challenges presented by the pandemic. Positive self-talk can do wonders in dealing with scary or unknown situations, and negative thoughts can easily activate the brains’ fear center. Chances are that those who have coped well are flexible, and generally have the ability to cultivate happiness in their lives through balance and wisdom.
Those who are resilient have a certain sense of empowerment or are able to easily shift their perspective. This means that during stressful or challenging times, they are able to reframe their situation. In addition to maintaining a sense of optimism, they are most likely able to regulate their emotions. Some studies have shows that resilience might be inherited, but it’s not all nature—early childhood experiences and environments play a role in how resilient we become. Many of those who have had severe childhood traumaor those who moved a lot, such as military families, tend to be more resilient.
The Resilience Theory states that it’s not the nature of the adversity or challenging situation that is most important, it’s how you deal with it that is important. This is the same philosophy used when teaching memoir. It’s not about telling your story, but it’s about how you reacted to your story and how it transformed you. Positive psychology is connected to resilience theory because they’re both about formulation a beneficial way to foster our health and well-being. In fact, it’s been suggested that those who’ve had exposure to various degrees of lifelong adversity had better mental health and well-being outcomes than those who have had little or no adversity.
Further, there are those who are more open to new experiences and there are those who get strength from adversity as this is their way of coping with a potential threat. According to Tennen and Affleck (1999), in their study, “Finding Benefits in Adversity,” “The individual who is more open to experience—imaginative, emotionally responsive, and intellectually curious—might be particularly likely to meet the challenge of adversity through a philosophical reorientation and a new direction in life plans.” (p. 286).
In general, most people have a large capacity for adaptation and to overcome threatening events and experiences. While some individuals might be innately more resilient, there’s no doubt that resilience can be practiced and developed, and like the old adage saying, ‘from all bad comes good,’ and that when one door closes, another door opens.
References
Fletcher, D. and M. Sartar. (2013) Psychological Resilience: A review and critique of definitions, concepts and theory.” European Psychologist. Vol 18. pp. 12-23.
Moore, C. (2020). “Resilience Theory: What Research articles in psychology teach us.” Positive Psychology.com.
Seery, M.D., Holman, A.E. & Silver, R.S. (2010). “Whatever does not kills us: Cumulative lifetime adversity, vulnerability and resilience.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99, pp. 1025-1041.More
Tuning into our feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations is the foundation of caring well for ourselves. We have to know what’s going on in order to take healthy, nourishing action and just better understand ourselves.
But the way we do these check-ins really depends on our personality and preferences. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. The key is to incorporate a check-in into your day, regardless of what shape or form it takes. Make it as habitual as brushing your teeth. In fact, one way to check in with yourself is to ask how you’re feeling while you are brushing your teeth in the morning and at night.
Here are additional ideas for checking in:
Set an alarm on your phone to ding every hour and ask yourself: How am I doing right now?
Do Julia Cameron’s morning pages, jotting down whatever comes to mind first thing in the morning. Simply keep a notebook on your bedside table, and before getting up, fill up three pages of your journal.
In the evening, for 5 to 10 minutes, reflect on how your day went. What went well? What didn’t? How are you feeling about it? What might you change tomorrow?
Listen to a guided meditation that specifically helps you tune into your mind and body, such as paying attention to any present tension.
Ask yourself the same questions every day (and record your responses): What am I grateful for? What am I anxious about? What did I learn about myself today? What do I need?
Take a few deep breaths, put your hands in prayer position, and ask yourself: What’s on my heart?
Move your body in a favorite way. For you, this might be taking a yoga class, taking a walk, riding your bike, or doing a stretching video. Personally, I’ve found that any time I move my body, my emotions, which might’ve been previously suppressed as I go about my day, bubble up to the surface and I have a better grasp on how I’m doing.
Name what emotion you’re feeling, trying to get as specific as possible, and then rate the intensity of that emotion from 1 to 10.
Draw three concentric circles. In the innermost circle, jot down the emotions you’re feeling. In the second circle, jot down the physical sensations you’re experiencing. In the biggest circle, jot down the thoughts running through your mind or the stories you’re telling yourself right now or have been all day.
When you’re checking in with yourself, remember to allow whatever arises. It’s so hard, but our jobs are not to censor, judge, or criticize. Our jobs are to witness what’s going on internally, taking on the perspective of an unbiased observer.
I liken it to writing: It’s not helpful to edit while we write our first draft, because then we might miss something important. We want to write first, to spill our hearts and message onto the page. After everything has poured out, we can start to make sense of that message and refine as needed.
Pick a check-in practice that resonates with you and, again, incorporate it into your day (or, of course, come up with a practice that feels like a better fit). To make it easier, add it to something you do all the time: check in while you sip your water. Check in during your morning coffee. Check in right before you ask your kids how they’re doing.
Either way, prioritize your daily check-in—and you’ll likely find that even if you don’t respond to your needs, simply listening helps you feel well taken care of. Because as I’ve written before, listening is a beautiful, powerful gift we can give to ourselves and others.
Margarita Tartakovsky, MS
Margarita is an associate editor at PsychCentral.com. She writes about everything from taking compassionate care of yourself at any weight, shape, and size, to coping healthfully with difficult emotions. Her goal is to give readers practical, empowering tips to better their lives, and to remind you that whatever you’re struggling with, you’re never, ever alone.
Home gardening is on the rise since COVID-19, says Rose Hayden-Smith, Emeritus advisor at the University of California. But activists from food justice organizations argue that home gardening has the potential to promote emotional wellness, especially for Black women and other marginalized communities.
Home vegetable gardening can not only increase produce consumption and physical activity—it is also associated with improved emotional wellbeing, according to a recent study from Princeton University. The report finds that out of 15 daily leisure activities, such as walking and biking, vegetable gardening is one of the most beneficial activities for mental and emotional health.
“Gardening combines so many things that are positive for mental health—being outdoors around plants and nature, physical exercise,” Diana Martin, Director of Communications and Marketing at the Rodale Institute, tells Food Tank. “Something about growing food, connecting with the earth, and sharing the bounty with your neighbors and community can help you feel rooted, connected, and grateful.”
In response to the influx of home gardeners during COVID-19, the Rodale Institute offers a free Victory Gardens Starter Kit complete with an Organic Gardening 101 webinar, composting tips, and lesson plans to involve children.
Home gardening may also address some effects of long-standing social inequalities. Women, especially women of color, have disproportionately shouldered social care work during the pandemic, according to a recent study in the Journal of Sustainability: Science, Practice, and Policy. And this work may contribute to poor mental health in those responsible for it, according to a report from the Swiss School of Public Health.
“From an equity perspective, supporting household gardening would provide more benefits for women and low-income gardeners,” Dr. Ramaswami, co-author of the Princeton University study, tells Food Tank. She explains that home gardening was the only activity studied that had a greater impact on emotional wellbeing for women and people with low income, compared to men and people with medium-and high incomes.
Jasmine Jefferson, founder of Black Girls With Gardens, also believes that gardening can be a tool for self-care. An online platform, Black Girls With Gardens provides education, support, inspiration, and community for women of color interested in gardening.
Jefferson noticed that her website has gained popularity since COVID-19, as more Black women began home gardening.
“Gardening is an act of self-preservation for Black women,” Jefferson tells Food Tank. “We are able to release our rage in the soil and still not be judged by nature.
Despite the benefits of home gardening, Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) communities have been systematically disenfranchised from growing their own food, Jefferson says. She argues that food deserts, lack of access to quality soil and compost, and white-dominated gardening groups with expensive membership dues all work to keep women of color out of gardening.
“We are resisting systematic racist policies and procedures…when we make the space to grow our own food,” Jefferson tells Food Tank. “Black women deal with very stressful environments, high anxiety, and trauma on [a] daily basis. Gardening can be the escape black women need from that harsh reality of the world.”
Katell Ané (she/her) studies International Relations at the University of Edinburgh, focusing on the global politics of food. Her interests in food insecurity in her hometown led her to volunteer with FairShare CSA Coalition, a nonprofit working to create a more sustainable food system in Wisconsin by promoting the Community Supported Agriculture model. Since working with FairShare, Katell has been passionate about changing food systems to address broader questions of racial and migrant justice, health disparities, and Native sovereignty. She spends her free time hiking, dancing, and marveling at heirloom vegetable varieties.PREVIOUS ARTICLE
Activated charcoal is something you will see in most health stores. While most people now go straight towards something like CBD oil for all their ailments, there’s a lot to be said for activated charcoal. For those that don’t know, it is a black powder that stops toxins from being absorbed into the stomach by binding itself to them. It is something used in hospitals if somebody suffers from alcohol poisoning. As the body cannot absorb charcoal, the toxins in your body bind to the charcoal, which will then leave your body in the form of feces. But what else can we use this underestimated supplement for?
Benefits Teeth Whitening and Oral Health
Many people struggle to find affordable dentists these days that will give good advice on brushing teeth. Many people look to making their teeth whiter. And there are many teeth whitening products out there that contain activated charcoal. It’s believed that oral health products with activated charcoal may be detoxifying, antibacterial, and antiviral.
Reduces Intestinal Gas and Diarrhea
Studies have shown that people that had excessive gas in their intestines reduced this by taking activated charcoal and had improved symptoms. And because it is used as an adsorbent in cases of poisoning and overdoses, activated charcoal might prevent diarrhea by absorbing the toxins from bacteria and drugs that can cause diarrhea.
It Can Help Kidney Function
It may be able to help kidney function by filtering out and digested toxins. Activated charcoal needs more research but it appears to be very effective at removing toxins derived from urea. While more research is needed studies have shown that activated charcoal might help reduce gastrointestinal damage and improve kidney function for those who have chronic kidney disease.
It Can Be a Deodorant
It is an ingredient in deodorant. As charcoal might absorb smells and harmful gases it becomes an ideal underarm deodorant. As it can absorb excess moisture and supposedly control humidity in small ways, it may prove very beneficial to those who have issues with body odor.
It Can Help With Skin Infection
Various traditional medicine practitioners use activated charcoal to treat tissue conditions like skin infections. Activated charcoal can absorb the harmful microbes from wounds which has an antibacterial effect.
Can Help With Food Intolerances
For people who have food intolerances like gluten, taking activated charcoal after consuming foods they have a reaction to can minimize the absorption of toxins. While this is not beneficial to those who have extreme reactions such as celiac disease, for those that have a low-level intolerance to foods like gluten, they will feel the benefits upon taking activated charcoal soon after food.
While activated charcoal can yield many benefits, it’s important to not overdo it. For example, if you take medication, having activated charcoal within 2 hours of consuming it may render the medication ineffective. Activated charcoal can certainly help in small doses of toxicity, especially after eating foods, but it’s important to use sparingly and always follow the instructions on the packet. Use it right and it may help you in many areas of your life.
Getting into a fitness routine, pushing yourself, and reaching your goals takes a lot of time and energy, as well as a big commitment to yourself and your health. So when your health suffers, either through an injury or an illness, it can really set you back and put you right back at square one.
Feeling like you’ve got to start over with your fitness is a common feeling, and it can really affect your confidence. Whether you feel like you can’t do it or that things are harder than they used to be, it’s important to get back on that horse. Exercise will help improve your physical health and boost your mental health, and it can be a welcome part of your routine once you’ve found your feet again.
Here is some advice to help you regain the confidence to work out when you’ve suffered a setback.
While it’s understandable that you’ll want to be back where your fitness used to be, it isn’t going to happen overnight. If you try to move too quickly, you could end up injured or losing further confidence from not getting the same results as you once did.
Start by setting yourself some manageable fitness goals, aims you can work towards slowly, helping you to regain technique and basic fitness first. From increasing the times of your workouts to making it to the gym a certain number of times a week, start with goals that are realistic before building up to bigger ones.
Choose workout clothes that help your performance
The workout clothes you wear can help you feel more confident about working out. You should choose items that are comfortable, supportive, and can help keep you cool too. Treating yourself to some new outfits will help you feel in a better mindset for working out. Brands are more attune to the different needs of people now, so you can find great selections for curvier shapes, as well as amputee leggings and other items that can help give you a boost. Always make sure you have the right type of shoes for your workout to make sure you’re better protected against injury.
Ease yourself in, and consider working with someone else
Fitness is something that needs to be built up over time. So if you’re getting back into things after a long period away, ease yourself in gently. Walking and swimming can be gentle, effective exercises to start until you’re feeling fitter and stronger. Take a look at fitness plans from others in your position to see how they’ve eased themselves back into exercise.
It can also help if you work out with someone else, such as a friend or personal trainer who can help make sure you’ve got the right form to prevent injury, as well as help you train as needed.
If, for any reason, you feel pain – stop! Consult your doctor or take a rest to stop yourself from overdoing things.
Exercise is something that can help you begin to feel a semblance of normality, helping you form a routine and get back into activities that you once enjoyed. Take it slow, put your health first, and soon you’ll see your confidence creeping back up as you start to reach your goals once more.
From the outside looking in, Thomas Rhett and his wife, Lauren Akins, seem to have a nearly perfect relationship, however, it hasn’t always been easy.
The country star opened up about his relationship with his wife during an interview on The Bobby Bones Show, revealing that the couple turned to marriage counseling after a “hard” moment in their lives. Referring to Akins’ new memoir, Live In Love, Rhett said the book had “parts where I wish I wasn’t made out to look like such a jerk.”
The “Be A Light” singer continued on to explain some of the challenges the couple faced throughout the adoption process for their now 4-year-old daughter Willa Gray. At the time, Akins was traveling to Uganda while pregnant with their now 3-year-old daughter, Ada James.
“Lauren called me because it was 9 o’clock in the morning in Uganda and…she hears all of her friends in the background. Meanwhile, Lauren is seven months pregnant and throwing up in a bathroom in Uganda,” he said. “That was when Lauren was like, ‘We are living two completely separate lives right now.'”
“That was a really humbling experience for me, just knowing what she was dealing with in a sense of aloneness while I’m kind of living life as usual,” Rhett added. “That part was really hard for us, for sure. Kind of getting over that and going through some therapy, especially over that one night.”
“Coming on the other side of that, I feel like I learned so much from that experience. It made me know that, in a marriage, you do have to figure stuff out. You have to talk about it. You’ve gotta be real about it. You’ve gotta be honest about it.”
Rhett and Akins, who also share a 6-month-old daughter, Lennon Love, hope their story helps other couples.
It’s surprising how physical grief can be. Your heart literally aches. A memory comes up that causes your stomach to clench or a chill to run down your spine. Some nights, your mind races, and your heart races along with it, your body so electrified with energy that you can barely sleep. Other nights, you’re so tired that you fall asleep right away. You wake up the next morning still feeling exhausted and spend most of the day in bed.
Amy Davis, a 32-year-old from Bristol, TN, became sick with grief after losing Molly, a close 38-year-old family member, to cancer. “Early grief was intensely physical for me,” Davis says. “After the shock and adrenaline of the first weeks wore off, I went through a couple of months of extreme fatigue, with nausea, headaches, food aversion, mixed-up sleep cycles, dizziness, and sun sensitivity. It was extremely difficult to do anything. … If there’s one thing I want people to know about grief, it’s how awful it can make your body feel.”
What causes these physical symptoms? A range of studies reveal the powerful effects grief can have on the body. Grief increases inflammation, which can worsen health problems you already have and cause new ones. It batters the immune system, leaving you depleted and vulnerable to infection. The heartbreak of grief can increase blood pressure and the risk of blood clots. Intense grief can alter the heart muscle so much that it causes “broken heart syndrome,” a form of heart disease with the same symptoms as a heart attack.
Stress links the emotional and physical aspects of grief. The systems in the body that process physical and emotional stress overlap, and emotional stress can activate the nervous system as easily as physical threats can. When stress becomes chronic, increased adrenaline and blood pressure can contribute to chronic medical conditions.
Research shows that emotional pain activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain. This may be why painkilling drugs ranging from opioids to Tylenolhave been shown to ease emotional pain.
Normal vs. Pathological Grief
Depression is not a normal part of grief, but a complication of it. Depression raises the risk of grief-related health complications and often requires treatment to resolve, so it’s important to know how to recognize its symptoms. Sidney Zisook, MD, a grief researcher and professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Diego, says people can distinguish normal grief from depression by looking for specific emotional patterns.
“In normal grief, the sad thoughts and feelings typically occur in waves or bursts followed by periods of respite, as opposed to the more persistent low mood and agony of major depressive disorder,” Zisook says.
He says people usually retain “self-esteem, a sense of humor, and the capacity to be consoled or distracted from the pain” in normal grief, while people who are depressed struggle with feelings of guilt and worthlessness and a limited ability “to experience or anticipate any pleasure or joy.”
Complicated grief differs from both depression and normal grief. M. Katherine Shear, MD, a professor of psychiatry at Columbia University’s School of Social Work and director of its Center for Complicated Grief, defines complicated grief as “a form of persistent, pervasive grief” that does not get better naturally. It happens when “some of the natural thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that occur during acute grief gain a foothold and interfere with the ability to accept the reality of the loss.”
Symptoms of complicated grief include persistent efforts to ignore the grief and deny or “rewrite” what happened. Complicated grief increases the risk of physical and mental health problems like depression, anxiety, sleep issues, suicidal thoughts and behaviors, and physical illness.
How Does Avoidance Harm Your Health?
Margaret Stroebe, PhD, a bereavement researcher and professor of clinical psychology at Utrecht University, says that recent research has shed light on many of “the cognitive and emotional processes underlying complications in grieving, particularly rumination.”
Research shows that rumination, or repetitive, negative, self-focused thought, is actually a way to avoid problems. People who ruminate shift attention away from painful truths by focusing on negative material that is less threatening than the truths they want to avoid. This pattern of thinking is strongly associated with depression.
Rumination and other forms of avoidance demand energy and block the natural abilities of the body and mind to integrate new realities and heal. Research by Stroebe, and others shows that avoidance behavior makes depression, complicated grief, and the physical health problems that go with them more likely. Efforts to avoid the reality of loss can cause fatigue, weaken your immune system, increase inflammation, and prolong other ailments.
How Do Role Adjustments Affect Your Health?
When someone close to you dies, your social role changes, too. This can affect your sense of meaning and sense of self.
Before losing Molly, Davis says she found a personal sense of value in “being good at helping other people and taking care of them.” But after Molly died, she felt like she “couldn’t help anyone for a while.” Losing this role “dumped the bucket” of her identity “upside down.” Davis says, “I felt like I had nothing to offer. So I had to learn my value from other angles.”
Caregivers face especially complicated role adjustments. The physical and emotional demands of caregiving can leave them feeling depleted even before a loved one dies, and losing the person they took care of can leave them with a lost sense of purpose.
“Research shows that during intense caregiving periods, caregivers not only experience high levels of stress, they also cannot find the time and energy to look after their own health,” says Kathrin Boerner, PhD, a bereavement researcher and professor of gerontology at the University of Massachusetts in Boston.
“This can result in the emergence of new or the reemergence of existing ‘dormant’ health problems after the death of the care recipient. These health issues may or may not be directly related to the caregiver’s grief experience, but they are likely related to the life situation that was created through the demands of caregiving,” Boerner says.
It can be hard to make life work again after a close family member dies. Losing a partner can mean having to move out of a shared home or having to reach out to other loved ones for help, which can further increase emotional stress and worry. Strobe says the stress of adjusting to changes in life and health during and after a loss can “increase vulnerability and reduce adaptive reserves for coping with bereavement.”
What Can You Do to Cope With Grief?
Emotional and physical self-care are essential ways to ease complications of grief and boost recovery. Exercising, spending time in nature, getting enough sleep, and talking to loved ones can help with physical and mental health.
“Most often, normal grief does not require professional intervention,” says Zisook. “Grief is a natural, instinctive response to loss, adaptation occurs naturally, and healing is the natural outcome,” especially with “time and the support of loved ones and friends.”
For many people going through a hard time, reaching out is impossible. If your friend is in grief, reach out to them.Amy Davis
Grief researchers emphasize that social support, self-acceptance, and good self-care usually help people get through normal grief. (Shear encourages people to “plan small rewarding activities and try to enjoy them as much as possible.”) But the researchers say people need professional help to heal from complicated grief and depression.
Davis says therapy and physical activities like going for walks helped her cope. Social support helped most when friends tried to reach out instead of waiting or asking her to reach out to them.
“The thing about grief and depression and sorrow and being suicidal is that you can’t reach out. For many people going through a hard time, reaching out is impossible. If your friend is in grief, reach out to them. Do the legwork. They’re too exhausted!”
Davis’ advice to most people who are grieving is to “Lean into it. You only get to grieve your loved one once. Don’t spend the whole time trying to distract yourself or push it down. It does go away eventually, and you will miss feeling that connected to that person again. And if you feel like your whole life has fallen apart, that’s fine! It totally has. Now you get to decide how to put yourself back together. Be creative. There’s new life to be lived all around you.
Melinda
Reference:
WEB MD
By Stephanie Hairston
“WebMD News Special Report Reviewed by Neha Pathak, MD on July 11, 2019
This walker is so sturdy and lightweight. I can get it out of the trunk without problems. The basket is large enough for a water bottle and a scarf, or light jacket not much more. It is comfortable to sit on and is adjustable to your height.
WaveLife’s No Pain Energy Cell is a non-invasive, non-chemical pain management method that is based on over thirty years of research. It’s been developed in cooperation with over 2800 clinics in Germany, Switzerland, and Austria. It’s reported to help a wide range of pain, such as arthritis, headaches, lower back pain, post-surgery pain, upper back pain, and osteoporosis. You can find out more about the device and whether it could help you here.
I can’t live without my WaveLife Energy Cell. It’s versatile and can be used in most places on the body and last for six months, making it a great investment in your health. I focus on my arthritis and left knee which is in need of replacement surgery. I have used the stick-on patches that came with and now use whatever tape I have in the medicine cabinet. As mentioned in my review, I start to see relief in about 20 minutes and can oftentimes reduce the number of pain pills I take a day while wearing. Here is my review of the WaveLife Energy Cell.
Ease Magnesium Spray contains 100% of the purest form of magnesium chloride hexahydrate – an essential mineral your body needs in good supply to keep more than over 330 enzymatic functions working optimally. The liquid magnesium mineral does not leave any sticky residue on your skin and goes on smoothly and easily to perfectly supply the exact amount of pure magnesium your body needs. Magnesium is a calming ancient mineral, sourced from the Dead Sea, that nourishes your nervous system.
I love this spray and use it on my hands all day long. I use on my hands, knees, and other arthritis spots at night. It drys fast without any residue and my Aromalief Hemp Pain Cream goes over and soaks right in.
The capacity is large enough to fit your daily hydration needs. You can also store coffee or any other liquids. The stainless steel repels any lingering flavors. Put your portable sports water bottle in your gym bag or the side pouch of your backpack or as your daily companion.
This Sierra bottle by MIRA is a whopping 40 ounces! I load up with ice three times a day, refill and drink all day long, it’s perfectly insulated with no sweating. It’s so insulated that whenever I leave water overnight it’s cold enough to drink the next morning. It’s easy to get enough to drink each day knowing it’s 40 ounces.
Quercetin is a pigment that belongs to a group of plant compounds called flavonoids.
They’ve been linked to several health benefits, including reduced risks of heart disease, cancer, and degenerative brain disorders (1Trusted Source, 2Trusted Source).
The beneficial effects of flavonoids like quercetin come from their ability to function as antioxidants inside your body (3Trusted Source).
Quercetin is a supplement recommended by my Lyme doctor to boost the immune system and help ward off COVID 19. I bought this brand due to the concentration levels of Quercetin compared to other brands.
This post may contain an affiliate links that don’t cost you extra to use and help supply my coffee habit.
What are some of the items or services you use every day to help with your health?
No Fourth River is a must-read for anyone who has experienced a dysfunctional household with domestic violence, child abuse, humiliation, electroshock therapy, boarding school, and most importantly survived to see much better days.
Reviewed in the United States on February 28, 2018
Verified Purchase
This is a candid memoir in which Christine confronts all her demons and inspires readers to do the same. Her family life was an open secret in the small town where she lived, yet she received little to no help from the outside world. Her father’s extremely strict and abusive ways made the whole family, including Christine’s mother and brothers, live in fear. The punishments he invented for them ranged from beatings to being forced to kneel for hours on end.
The boarding school Christine attended was not much better. It was a system of endless humiliation and abuse.
Growing up with these burdens, Christine reached a turning point where she knew things needed to change, and she took control of her life. Readers will cheer her on as they discover how she overcame many years of feeling powerless and not good enough to become a successful businesswoman.
Dysfunctional families are a complex web that continues to affect people even into adulthood. It was really interesting to see Christine’s relationship with her father impact every part of her life, even though she left home intending to be free of his influence. Whether we like it or not, our parents make us who we are to a great extent. Ironically, Christine became driven and successful in business, just like her father.
Throughout the book, she describes some truly disturbing scenes, but what keeps you reading is knowing she survived in the end. This book is a real inspiration for anyone who has suffered from abuse or anyone who simply wants to make a change in their life. It shows that once you resolve to change, things can only get better.
I’m thrilled to take part in the Blog Tour for Christine Clayfield’s first novel “No Fourth River”. Christine, it’s great to talk with you this morning. Let’s jump in.
Your novel “No Fourth River” is incredibly personal. Starting with the brutal abuse from your father to all the siblings. What convinced you now was the right time to write your story?
There are four influencing factors that made me decide to write my story.
1) My husband and daughters kept telling me, over the years, that I should write a book about my life.
2) I don’t usually share my story with others. However, sometimes when I unintentionally mention things from my past, people are intrigued. They want to know more about my life. I’ve often been told that I should write a book because my struggles would resonate with others and my life story could be an inspiration.
3) I had been jotting down ideas for a while but never started to write. When I collected enough courage to speak on stage, people often burst into tears during my speech. They came up to me after my speech to thank me for sharing my story and to tell me how inspired they were. That moment was when I decided to write my life story. I didn’t realize until then that my life story was an inspiration to others. Very shortly after that, I started writing No Fourth River.
I transformed my life and I wanted to spell out valuable messages in my book too. If I can change one person’s life who will read my book, I will have achieved my goal. I have shared my life experiences, deeply personal ones too, and hope to make a difference in someone else’s life. I want people to know that you can change your life, no matter what you have been through. I am a living example.
4) I am not getting any younger so I needed to do it sooner rather than too late when I perhaps won’t remember all the details of my life.
Your fans responded to “No Fourth River” by rating the book with five stars on Amazon.com. What was your first reaction?
I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my first review as I was curious to read people’s thoughts about my story. When I saw my first review, I was pleased as punch and totally overwhelmed with happiness. The review confirmed what I wanted my book to be: an inspiration to others.
How long did the writing process take?
From the moment I started jotting down dates of events in my life until the manuscript was totally finished, 2 years went by. However, I wasn’t writing full-time at the beginning, just a few hours per week. Once I’d written a few chapters, I started thinking: “I can actually do this; write a novel”. I had written five business books prior but this was my first novel. From that moment, I started writing most days of the week and I finished the book one year later but had a long break in between as my mum moved in with me and I looked after her in her last stages of dementia.
“No Fourth River” is your first novel, what’s your next book?
I am planning to write a book about “How to market a novel” , based on my experiences. I believe there is a big gap in the market for an informative book on this subject.
I am also scribbling down ideas for my second novel: a fiction novel.
Writers are often avid readers. What type of book do you read for pleasure?
Aside from reading books about all aspects of doing business, I love true stories and inspirational stories.
What are some of your other personal leisure activities?
A leisure activity is doing what you like and as I like working, I consider that as one of my leisure activities. When you enjoy what you are doing, it doesn’t feel like working. I also enjoy watching my husband play drums in his touring theatre show. Apart from that, I love traveling, watching a good movie, and dining with friends and family.
Recently I have become addicted to Tik Tok, I’m not proud of it but they say the first step of beating an addiction is admitting you have one. So here I am. Haha I’m totally kidding but I really do love watching Tik Tok videos. A few months ago I stumbled across a page where […]
A microfiber wand beside the bed hasn’t been touched in days. The amount of dust in the house is a full-time job I can’t work.
I’m so glad only to have four-legged kids to get on my nerves and wear out my patients.
My body doesn’t hurt as bad as the muscles tense and twitching. Hip pain is now on both sides, I wonder if Osteoporosis has moved to the left hip. My shoulder has decided to ache all the time making it difficult to sleep.
I noticed more wrinkles on the face today, feeling old again.
Self-care has gone by the wayside this week, too tired to care.
My mental health is good surprisingly for being in the middle of a pandemic in a state with rising numbers.
I have canceled all doctor’s appointments out of fear of the virus, have only had three face to face visits and two lab trips since March. So many health issues and follow-ups are slipping behind.
I’ve had hives for two months, General Doctor is trying medication before referring me to a Dermatologist. I’m taking two histamine blockers and steroids, still no change. Have scars from the scratching. I have cut out all supplements except probiotics, calcium, and a multivitamin. Had just started several herbal supplements for the immune system. Don’t think there’s a connection but can’t come up with anything to set the hives off.
Trying to decide if all the symptoms are Fibromyalgia or a Lyme relapse or both.
Over the past decade or so, the divorce rate has been increasing, and in some areas quite rapidly at that. This is an unfortunate stat and statistic but a very real one, so why is the divorce rate reaching such a high level?
The recession
At present, the economy is suffering because of the impact of the recession from COVID-19, and this can cause a lot of financial strain on individuals. If finances are running low, people become stressed and worried and this can cause a lot of arguments with the blame being shifted from one individual to another. This can lead to cracks in a relationship and result in the unfortunate occurrence of a divorce.
More lenient divorce laws
The rules and laws concerning separation and divorce are much more tolerant than they once were, which means that getting divorced is much easier. Years ago those who desired to get separated had to have a legitimate purpose for requiring this, for instance, cheating or abuse, however, nowadays all states in America have adopted a no-fault divorce law, meaning you do not need a reason to separate from your partner via law.
More independent women
In the past there was a distinct role between men and women; men were the breadwinners and women stayed at home and looked after the house and children. Nowadays that notion has been well and truly challenged and many women are the main breadwinners in the house. This can lead to added conflict and result in many arguments and possibly divorce.
Less traditional views
In the past, people tended to stay together because of concern they could be looked down on and even ignored. Nevertheless, now society is much more accepting of people who divorce and do not see it as a type of problem. With countless family members and friends being supportive of divorce, most couples know that if the worst happens, a comprehensive support system will surround them. Plus, empathic professional support is available from the likes of Brown & Dahan, LLP and others.
Media celebrating divorce
Another reason is that divorce is so present in our everyday lives because of the media. Every day you see a different celebrity having marriage problems or going through a divorce e.g. Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Anniston. This has an impact on individuals as they read this information and so they see divorce thru a different lens. If their favorite star can go through a divorce and be an independent woman, why can’t they? Divorce can often be glamorized by the media rather than frowned upon, if celebrities don’t see divorce as such a big deal we should we?
Many people with Lyme disease are incorrectly diagnosed as having fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome. In my Seattle practice, before I became a Lyme disease physician, my main focus was treating fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. In 2004 one of my patients asked for Lyme disease testing. Her pcr test for Lyme came back positive. This got me thinking that others in my practice could have Lyme disease too. So I tested everyone in my practice for Lyme that had a diagnosis of fibromyalgia and/or chronic fatigue syndrome. I discovered that 30 percent of my patients actually had Lyme disease causing their problems.
Chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia are diagnosed when no other cause of fatigue or muscle achiness can be found. They are both a diagnosis of exclusion. This means we exclude any other causes of these problems.
If someone actually has Lyme disease causing muscle pains or fatigue, then it is no longer correct to say they have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome. They actually have Lyme disease causing muscle aches or severe fatigue and all the other symptoms associated with these two diagnoses.
Patient Beware
Be aware the current trend in medicine is to label fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue associated with an infection as post-infection chronic fatigue syndrome or post-infection fibromyalgia. Physicians use this term to imply that an initial infection triggered the health problem – but the infection is no longer active and causing the problem.
While this can be true with many infections, Lyme disease infection can persist and lead to ongoing health problems. Thus, it is wrong to call people with active Lyme infection as having post-infection chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia. They actually may have an active infection leading to health problems. These patients actually have chronic Lyme disease.
How to Tell You Have Chronic Lyme Disease
First, you should know 50 percent of people with chronic Lyme do not remember a tick bite. And at least 30 percent of people do not remember the classic bullseye rash. So it is very important to get proper testing.
But testing is extremely complicated. The standard way most physicians test for Lyme is to perform a two-step test method involving an elisa test. If the elisa is positive, then another test called a western blot is performed to determine if the elisa is correct. But here is the problem, studies show that nearly 50 percent of elisa testing will miss Lyme disease when someone has it.
In my practice, I use a test by IGenex called the Immunoblot. This test looks to see if a person has antibodies against eight kinds of Lyme bacteria. According to IGenex validation studies, this method can find Lyme when it is present 95 percent of the time. For more information about Lyme testing and this specific method read A Review of Lyme Infection Tests: Pass or Fail.
Making a diagnosis of Lyme disease is complicated. It is possible to diagnose Lyme disease, even when testing is negative. For more information about how to diagnose Lyme disease especially when testing is negative see How to Diagnose Chronic Lyme Disease, More Than A Test.
A Few Words About Lyme Disease Treatment
If you discover you have Lyme instead of fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome this means you have a great chance to improve your health. As you consider your treatment options, be aware recovering from Lyme requires more than antibiotics. To recover most people have to address additional imbalances and health assaults that contribute to the illness. For a list of possible things you should address see What is Lyme Disease? A Mess of Things. In The Ross Lyme Support Protocol, I lay out a full treatment approach that addresses the most important issues to improve your health.
Disclaimer
The ideas and recommendations on this website and in this article are for informational purposes only. For more information about this, see the sitewide Terms & Conditions.
It’s all too easy to let your garden go to waste when you don’t put enough time into using it properly. Many people specifically choose homes with outdoor spaces, only to let their garden become overgrown and unusable after just a few short months. Of course, though, a big part of this problem is simply knowing how to use your garden effectively. To help you out with this, this post will be exploring some easy ways to make your garden the ideal space for pilates, yoga, and just about any other static exercise. You don’t need any extra equipment once you’ve gotten started.
Clear A Space
The first part of this journey is going to involve clearing a space for your pilates area. You won’t need too much room for this, with just enough space for you and your friends to do your exercises while maintaining proper social distance. The more people you have, the more space you will need, and this can often mean having to break into parts of the garden that can long be taken over by nature. Tree removal, weed services, and even landscaping companies can help you with this process, making it possible to make a good start on this side of your garden.
Add Some Ambience
Once you’ve made space, it will be time to start making your garden feel extra relaxing. There are loads of ways to do this, but you want to make sure that your changes are ambient, rather than sticking out and demanding attention. Water fountains, wind chimes, and speakers can be used to generate sound that will make your garden feel natural and open, while different materials can be used to highlight different aspects of your garden. Many people go over the top when they are doing this, but it is worth keeping in mind that you’re trying to capture nature, rather than making your space feel like a disco.
Start Planning
Planning your pilates area will always be a good idea as you go through this process. You need to think about when you’re going to use it, building a routine that will make it easier to keep up with your exercise. Alongside this, though, it can also be good to think about who will be joining you for each workout. Having friends to enjoy a space like this with you will always improve the way that it feels and the use you’re able to get out of it. Of course, though, you will need to take the first step and invite people if you’re going to find success.
With all of this in mind, you should be feeling ready to get started on making your garden perfect for pilates. Having a space for activities like this can make it much easier to keep on top of them and continue your good work. Of course, though, at the same time, and a lot of people find themselves struggling when they get to points like this, and you may need some help from friends along the way.
The secret to successful and permanent chronic pain management comes from understanding and dealing with the human condition both from a physiological and emotional perspective.
Therapists in Switzerland, Austria, and Germany who have used professional Vital Field techniques for chronic conditions for decades stress the importance of combining sound lifestyle adjustments with frequency methodology. The quick solutions – like drugs, surgery, and manual adjustments – designed to address the symptoms hardly ever deliver long-term results on their own.
The NO-PAIN Energy Cell allows customers for the first time to gain long-term effects due to a revolutionary innovation in addressing cell regeneration and healing directly with subtle frequencies. Still, if the same physical and emotional stressors persist, issues may arise later in a different body part. This could take place many months or years later. Our goal, however, is to help our customers achieve permanent relief.
Here are the Top 7 simple lifestyle adjustments you should consider with the NO-PAIN Energy Cell.
1) HYDRATION
The majority of people are chronically dehydrated. For the body to regenerate, detox, and heal, drinking enough pure water is an absolute condition. Eliminate sugary drinks and sodas, and make sure you drink at least 8 x 8-ounce glasses of water every day, starting in the morning. A fresh lemon combined with at least two glasses helps you hydrate even better.
2) INTERMITTENT FASTING
We’ve been misinformed about the need to eat three or more times per day. Cellular and mitochondrial regeneration (and the cascade effects of inflammation and pain) is vastly accelerated when the body is not constantly digesting nutrients. Try to eat within an eight-hour window, and when your body adjusts, shoot for a six-hour window.
3) SLEEP
Regular and plentiful sleep is a precondition to healing. Make sure you get at least eight hours of sleep on average. Some people can manage with six to seven hours, but avoid long stretches of sleep deprivation if you want to heal your body.
4) MINIMIZE SIMPLE CARBOHYDRATES
Dramatically reduce sugar, wheat, pasta, rice, and packaged foods, most of which hide industrially processed sweet, short-chain, soluble carbohydrates. Focus on whole foods, healthy fats (olive oil, coconut oil, nuts, seeds, avocado…) and avoid processed vegetable oils.
5) DO THINGS YOU LOVE
It’s easy to say that you need to reduce stress, but if you flip this message around and tell yourself that it’s important to engage in at least two things every day that you love, whether it’s spending time with the people that give you energy, or engaging in hobbies and activities that you genuinely enjoy, the problem often takes care of itself.
6) MOVE
Dragging yourself to the gym against your will can increase the stress level if you don’t enjoy the activity. Make sure you enjoy the movement you commit to – whether it’s walks, hikes, or other sport activity. A sedentary lifestyle is a huge factor in exacerbating chronic conditions. Make sure you break the pattern and stretch every hour, even if you have to sit for work. Schedule “enjoyable movement” into your calendar even in the busiest of times.
7) NATURE
Exposure to nature a few times a week helps to accelerate cellular healing significantly. Minimizing exposure to humanmade microwaves (cellphone, wifi routers, etc), especially when you sleep, does the same. Nature regenerates, humanmade microwaves degenerate. Find a balance to help your body heal. You don’t have to be a disciplinarian to get a benefit. Adopt aspects of the above tips that suit your lifestyle, and make sure you don’t unnecessarily dull your pain with chemicals that only address symptoms.
The NO-PAIN Energy Cell is designed to give you long-term relief without side-effects. Combined with proper lifestyle adjustments opens a window for your body to reach permanent health and painlessness.
—Robert Neubecker for Education Week
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