Category: Men & Womens Health

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

INTERIM CEO A KEYNOTE SPEAKER AT AMERICAN MASSAGE THERAPY ASSOCIATION CONVENTION

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October 31, 2019/ U.S. Pain Foundation/ 0 Comments

Interim CEO Nicole Hemmenway was one of three keynote speakers at the closing session of the American Massage Therapy Association (AMTA) national convention last weekend in Indianapolis, IN.

In her talk, “Massage for Chronic Pain: What our community wants you to know,” Hemmenway shared her personal journey with complex regional pain syndrome and why she’s dedicated herself to helping others with pain through the U.S. Pain Foundation. She gave attendees a glimpse into the programs and services U.S. Pain offers, and provided insight into the scope of the chronic pain health crisis in America.

The emphasis of Hemmenway’s remarks was on the barriers to multidisciplinary care, particularly massage, and how massage therapists can best help people with pain.

“It truly was a privilege to be invited by the AMTA to speak at their annual convention,” Hemmenway says. “There is a greater need, maybe now more than ever, for affordable access to multidisciplinary care, such as massage therapy. I was so impressed with the therapists I spoke to who are genuinely invested in patient’s overall wellness. But like the pain community, they also feel discouraged by the lack of access. That is why it is so important for us to use our voices to fight for better coverage of options like massage.”

Hemmenway shared feedback from the pain community about what they wanted massage therapists to know, including:

  • People with pain have bodies that are very sensitive and complex. Pain continually evolves and changes, which means communication is vital to ensure that the massage is beneficial and to avoid making the pain worse.
  • Maintaining a baseline can be just as important as achieving improvement (sometimes improvement isn’t possible); setting realistic goals is necessary.
  • Massage therapy can be an important treatment option, but barriers exist, namely cost and transportation. Massage therapists should take into consideration things like providing more flexible pricing packages, offering in-home massages for those who are homebound, etc.

To learn more about U.S. Pain’s recent efforts related to complementary therapies, click here.

Men & Womens Health

Sadfishing: Social media trend threatens teenagers’ mental health, report warns

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Pupils seeking support online are being affected by latest trend

Eleanor Busby

Education Correspondent

Tuesday 1 October 2019 07:38 

A new social media trend called “sadfishing” is threatening teenagers’ mental health, report finds.

Youngsters facing genuine distress who seek support online are being accused of jumping onto the same publicity bandwagon as celebrities, according to research commissioned by headteachers.

“Sadfishing” has been used to describe when someone posts about an emotional problem in an attempt to attract attention, sympathy or hook an audience.

The term was coined after a number of celebrities, such as Kendall Jenner, were accused of teasing details about personal issues on their social media sites to drum up publicity and attract more likes.

A new study, by Digital Awareness UK (DAUK), says sadfishing is among the new trends that damage teenagers’ self-esteem, with teenagers reporting that they have been bullied as a result.

The report, which is based on face-to-face sessions with more than 50,000 pupils aged 11 to 16, argues that students can be left feeling disappointed at not getting the support they desire and it can subsequently make their emotional or mental health problems worse.

One Year 7 student told researchers that he used Instagram to share his feelings when he was feeling down due to problems at home.

“I got a lot of people commenting on and ‘liking’ my post but then some people said I was sadfishing the next day at school for attention,” the student said.

“Sharing my feelings online has made me feel worse in some ways but supported in others.”

There are also concerns that youngsters could be left vulnerable to online groomers, who prey on them by providing sympathy in order to gain their trust.

The report says: “DAUK is concerned about the number of students who are bullied for sadfishing (through comments on social media, on messaging apps or face-to-face), thus exacerbating what could be a serious mental health problem,”.

“We have noticed that students are often left feeling disappointed by not getting the support they need online.

“Groomers can also use comments that express a need for emotional support as a platform to connect with young people and gain their trust, only to try and exploit it at a later point.”

It goes on to give a case study of a teenage girl who had started a relationship with someone she met on social media through a mutual friend, after sharing her experiences of depression online.

He had responded to her post and shared his own experiences.

The young girl ended the relationship when she discovered he was much older than he claimed and he was pressurising her into sharing explicit images of herself.

Despite these negative findings, the report does also note that youngsters are becoming more tech-savvy and are more likely to manage their own use of technology responsibly.

The study was commissioned by the Headmasters’ and Headmistresses’ Conference (HMC) – a group of headteachers from some of the most prestigious private schools in the UK.

Chris Jeffery, chairman of the HMC wellbeing working group and headmaster of Bootham School in North Yorkshire, said: “It is encouraging to read of the growing signs of increased control that many young people are taking over their use of technology, but it is also helpful to know new ways in which it is proving to be a burden for them as .”

Charlotte Robertson, co-founder of DAUK, said: “Over the last year we’ve seen the digital landscape evolve at such rapid pace – particularly when it comes to the prevalence of data misuse, access to anonymous platforms and increased sharing of upsetting content.

“This has left many parents feeling overwhelmed by how best to empower their children to navigate the online world safely.”

Men & Womens Health · Moving Forward · Survivor

The hidden abuse that can hurt your mental health: Gaslighting

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Nearly half the women and men in the U.S. say they’ve endured psychological aggression from intimate partners.

OCT. 4, 201903:45Oct. 4, 2019, 6:22 AM CDTBy Bianca Seidman

Domestic abuse is a leading problem in American homes and it can take many different forms. When the abuse leaves no physical marks, outsiders may not recognize when all is not well and the abused person can find it challenging to translate what’s happening.

“Gaslighting” — a term that became popular after the 1944 movie “Gaslight,” in which a husband slowly makes his wife think she’s going crazy through a long game of deceptions — is an insidious form of psychological abuse. It’s an intricate web of lies woven to break down one partner’s sense of self-worth and perception of what is real.

“When you’re black and blue, you can point to the bruises and you can say ‘This happened to me,’” Dr. Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, told TODAY. “But when somebody is undermining your reality and you simply have this feeling that there’s something wrong … women moreso than men, but men too, tend to point their fingers at themselves and say, ‘I did something wrong.’”

Nearly half of all women and men in the U.S. said they’ve been subjected to psychological aggression by an intimate partner, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

How couples can spot warning signs of domestic abuse

OCT. 3, 201906:42

For the person trying to control the partner through psychological tricks, the goal is often to make that partner feel completely dependent. By instigating this deep self-doubt and playing the role of the only one who knows what’s right, abusers can wear down their partners and gain control.

“People become hopeless, they give up on themselves,” said Stern, who wrote the book “The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life.”

“They’re so busy defending themselves over time, and then they’re so busy agreeing with the gaslighter, that they begin to think, ‘He’s right.’”

At its more extreme, gaslighting can be a carefully calculated plan to slowly isolate the person and erode trust in anyone else. The perpetrator may sow seeds of suspicion about close friends and family and plant the idea that the partner doesn’t know how to do anything right.

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Stern believes women are more often the victims of gaslighting because they learn to focus on others and see things from their points of view, as well as prioritize other people’s feelings over their own.

Not all gaslighting is intentional abuse, however; sometimes it’s learned behavior. But it is always manipulative. More subtle forms or isolated incidents can happen when people want to sway situations in their favor. When one person expresses concern over an issue or a desire to change something, the partner who wants to control that moment might brush it off and respond with something like, “You don’t really mean what you’re saying.”

“People are not born gaslighters … it’s social learning,” Stern said. “[Maybe] you grew up in an environment where the people around you used gaslighting or psychological manipulation to control the moment … or somebody treated you like that or you somehow stumbled on it and it worked.”

The National Domestic Violence Hotline describes gaslighting as a form of domestic abuse that can build up over time.

“The abusive partner’s actions may seem like just a harmless misunderstanding at first,” the organization said on their site. “Over time, however, these abusive behaviors continue, and a victim can become confused, anxious, isolated and depressed.”

The typical signs of gaslighting, according to the hotline, are when the abusive partner:

  • Refuses to listen or pretends not to understand
  • Challenges the partner’s memory or accuses them of being wrong
  • Changes the subject or suggests the partner is imagining things
  • Trivializes the feelings of the partner
  • Pretends to forget what happened or denies that anything happened at all

Related

ALLDAY

Ways to support victims of domestic violence

Victims of gaslighting should remember there are ways out of these situations and, when it’s not long-term abuse, options to improve the relationship, Stern said. Try these steps to start turning things around:

  • Write down incidents that felt manipulative
  • Talk to the person doing the gaslighting, staying aware of the tactics
  • Know the emotional triggers the partner uses
  • Assess whether the relationship can be saved, if the person stops gaslighting

“Another way to free yourself of gaslighting is to begin to move from negative self-talk to positive self-talk,” Stern added, “and make yourself do it, because it won’t come naturally.”

Bianca Seidman

Bianca Seidman is Senior Editor with TODAY.com.  She is a multimedia journalist, writer and video producer with specialties in health, science and culture.by TaboolaSponsored StoriesESQUIREThe 50 Best Crowd Photos of Woodstock 1969GOOD HOUSEKEEPING50 of the Best Celebrity Halloween Costumes

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

How To Care For Yourself When Dealing With Difficult People

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By Dana Belletiere
Last updated: 3 Oct 2019~

One of my friends tells her story of growing up with a mother with “issues” rather matter-of-factly, but the details are pretty grim to listen to. “She would stop talking to me for no reason, for days at a time, and put a gift on my bed when she decided she was done being mad at me. We never talked about why she was angry, and most of the time I didn’t know. I just knew not to talk to her until she left something on my bed, and then I’d hold my breath until the next time she got upset about something.” 

My friend’s mother sometimes disappeared for lengths of time without anyone knowing where she went or when (or if) she would return. When she fought with my friend’s father, she frequently brought my friend into the arguments as a mediator, despite her being a child. “Everything was about her,” my friend says. “Even as an adult, forty years later, everything is still about her.”

Whether we are born into families with difficult people, or enter into relationships with them as friends, coworkers, partners, etcetera, it can be challenge to know how to best respond to someone who is emotionally unwell. In order to do so effectively, it is paramount that we understand that the behaviors that are being presented are not our fault, develop firm and clear boundaries about what we will and will not tolerate, and practice asserting ourselves confidently and consistently. 

IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S THEM. NO, REALLY.

More times than I can count, I’ve had clients sitting across from me in the therapy room, blaming themselves for the erratic and unacceptable behavior of someone else, and puzzling over what they might have done differently. It sometimes seems as though difficult people have special powers that enable them to sniff out the highly sensitive and empathic among us, and attach themselves to them. Inevitably, those sensitive individuals become sponges for all the negative emotions of their difficult friend, and seek support from a clinician like me, wondering why they just can’t do better. 

The answer is (and trust me, this took ages for me to learn personally, too): You cannot fix a problem that does not belong to you. It’s just not possible. As much as you would like to, as much as you might be a stronger person, or better emotionally equipped, or have supernatural empathic healing powers – if someone does not want to do the work on themselves, then the work simply cannot be done. We cannot work on anybody but ourselves. When we start with the assumption that we are unable to do anything to change the behaviors of those around us, then we create space to make plans to care for ourselves. These plans often begin with identifying our boundaries. 

BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES.

Once we’ve let go of the notion that we can change or fix the person in question, we can go ahead and set some boundaries. The beauty of this is that there is no right or wrong to setting boundaries – they are truly based on whatever we individually want and need. Do you need to set limits about the frequency and length of visits to a relative? Perfect. Do you need to allow yourself to walk away from conversations that become shaming and/or emotionally abusive? Awesome. Do you need to only see a certain person if you have a support person with you? Go for it. There are a billion ways to design your boundaries, and you can create them based on what your insides are telling you feels safe and right. 

Remember to watch out for “shoulds” here. The “shoulds” get in the way by dictating to us what we “should” be able to do in any given situation, and making us feel bad about it. Some classic “shoulds” include: “You really should be able to deal with this behavior for a few days over the holidays;” “You shouldn’t be so sensitive to that language – they were only joking;” “You should spend time with this person because they are older/related to you/a person in authority.” The problem with the “shoulds” is that they are typically culturally dictated and have little to do with what might be right or wrong for us as individuals. By ignoring our gut instincts and doing what the “shoulds” tell us to, we betray ourselves, and sometimes cause ourselves unnecessary suffering and harm. 

Be kind and stay true to yourself. Don’t let anyone but you dictate your boundaries. 

CONSISTENT AND CONFIDENT SELF-ASSERTION.

For many of us, self-assertion is difficult to put into practice. Once we’ve identified our personal boundaries, we have to go about implementing them by saying them to a difficult person, out loud. This can be incredibly challenging. We might be much more comfortable avoiding the subject (forever),  or allowing our feelings to build up until we explode. Truly, self-assertion is a hero’s mission, and we must be gentle with ourselves as we attempt to master this very difficult and hard-won skill. 

I’ve found that seeking support from a good therapist (or a very unbiased friend) can be helpful when beginning to practice self-assertion. It is useful to have an objective party translate one’s boundaries into language that is level, direct, and un-muddied by emotion. Another reasonable option is to begin setting small boundaries, which help us gain traction and build trust and confidence in ourselves. Not ready to call off a visit on Thanksgiving? Set a smaller boundary to stay home for a lower-stakes holiday, and assess how it feels. Baby steps lead to big steps. 

Conclusion 

To wrap it all up, let’s acknowledge again that this is hard work, and requires patience, practice and time. Many of us have spent a lifetime walking on eggshells around difficult folks, and the idea of suddenly unleashing a confident boundary seems as likely as running a marathon with no training – anxiety is to be expected. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, and implement your new skills at a pace that feels comfortable to you. As you do, you may notice a greater sense of peace and self-empowerment when dealing with the challenging people in your life. 11022

Dana Belletiere

I am a licensed therapist serving clients in New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and Massachusetts. In my practice, I focus on helping clients to shape their own narratives, accept and value all parts of themselves, and empower themselves to cultivate an authentic and meaningful life. Learn more about me and my practice on my website: http://www.danalicsw.com.

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Gluten-Free Salmon with Lime and Sesame Seeds Great for Holidays

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Gluten-Freedom by Alessio Fasano, MD with Susie Flaherty

 

Ingredients:

1 1/2 to 2 pounds salmon (wild-caught preferred with skin on)

Juice from 2-3 limes

Olive Oil

Sesame Seeds

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line baking sheet with parchment paper and coat very lightly with olive oil. Place salmon, skin side down, on parchment paper in the pan.

Squees the juice of 2-3 limes into a bowl. Use a pastry brush to coat salmon with lime juice. Coat the top of the salmon with sesame seeds. Bake for 15-20 minutes. Fish is done when it flakes easily with a fork. Be careful to not overcook.

 

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

#Art Through Pain #KNOWvember

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Dear pain warriors,
Each November, U.S. Pain Foundation organizes a month-long educational campaign for the pain community. Recognizing that art and writing can help kids and adults cope with and/or express chronic pain and its effects on their lives, this year’s KNOWvember campaign will focus on creativity.
During the month, titled “Art through Pain: How Creativity Helps Us Cope,” U.S. Pain will be:hosting three virtual events, soliciting visual art submissions to showcase at a later date,and highlighting information about art and pain on social media (#ArtThroughPain).If you’d like to submit your artwork, you have the option of sharing it with us privately or allowing us to use it in a future project (such as in a blog post on Remedy or an INvisible Project magazine) through the link below.
Submit your artwork >>
Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Why Patient Advocacy is Important — Guest Blogger The Disabled Diva’s Blog

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For healthcare to work, we the patient, need to be heard. Find out what I am doing to give the medical community a better understanding of what is important to us.

Why Patient Advocacy is Important — The Disabled Diva’s Blog
Men & Womens Health

Interview with Jay Jasper from The Alchemist — The Alchemist’s Studio

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Originally posted on For the Love of Art: Please welcome Jay Jasper from The Alchemist at https://rakupottery.ca, He is a self-taught Raku pottery artist. He’s on the eve of publishing his first book, A Potter’s Dream: Myth and Legends. Jay takes an interesting approach to each piece of pottery by associating it with myths and legends…

Interview with Jay Jasper from The Alchemist — The Alchemist’s Studio
Gluten-Free Spicy Italian Sausages-One Fork Easy
Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Gluten-Free Spicy Italian Sausages-One Fork Easy

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Gluten Freedom by Alessio Fasano, MD with Susie Flaherty

Photo by PhotoMIX Ltd. on Pexels.com

Ingredients:

Spicy Italian sausage (one per person)

One 7 oz. jar sliced, sweet red pepper hulls

One 8 oz. can tomato paste

Heat a large skillet or frying pan. Add sausages and cover halfway with water. Cook over medium heat until sausages are halfway cooked (15-20 minutes). During the process, prick the sausage with a fork to release the juices from the sausage.

While sausages are cooking, place sweet peppers in a colander and rinse off the water. Add the peppers and tomato paste to the sausages. Cook for another 10-15 minutes, stirring occasionally until the sauce thickens.

Cut sausages in 2-inch pieces, making sure that they are cooked all the way through.

Men & Womens Health

#WATWB Home Depot Workers Help Neighborhood With Clean Up After Tornados

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We Are The World Blogfest in white

This week the DFW area was hit with 10 tornadoes, several in densely populated areas, most neighborhoods. Thankfully no one was killed and only a few injured.

Several of the neighborhoods had 100-year-old trees that were torn out by the roots, it was heartbreaking. More heartbreaking was to see the number of homes with roofs were torn off, some mostly destroyed and so many displaced until repairs and clean up could take place.

A nearby Home Depot was severely damaged and workers were unable to go to work so they went to the hardest-hit neighborhoods and help with clean up. HEB the grocery store chain brought out a semi-truck that served as a restaurant serving meals to those impacted. Several churches in the area were damaged, a couple beyond repair, the members of the church set up food lines in the parking lot for the neighbors who needed a hot meal.

Many big cities have their problems and I can complain all day about our own but when the chips are down, we somehow put everything aside and come together to serve.

Here is the link to read more.

https://krld.radio.com/media/audio-channel/home-depot-workers-helping-tornado-victims-dallas-area

Melinda

 

 “We are the World” Blogfest” aims to spread the message of light, hope and love in today’s world. We are challenging all participants to share the positive side of humanity. This month’s co-hosts, Sylvia McGrath, Lizbeth Hartz, Shilpa Garg, Mary Giese, and Belinda Witzenhausen welcome participants and encourage all to join in during future months. #WATWB comes on the last Friday of every month. Click HERE for more information. You are always welcome to join in!You can find more stories of hope, light, and love on the WATWB Facebook Page. Click HERE to be part of the Light.

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

The Flower of Purpose —Guest Blogger Shedding Light on Mental Health

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Five years ago I began a friendship with my friend H.Dale who was incarcerated because of a psychotic episode. We began exchanging letters. Since that time I have come to know him as a brilliant young man who like many of us got blind sided by a serious mental illness. Unless you’re the one who […]

The Flower of Purpose — Shedding Light on Mental Health
Men & Womens Health

#SoSC New Badge Entry #1

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Hi Linda

My favorite and first choice! I don’t know or have software yet to write on photo, I’m looking for one this morning. Thanks.

Hey friends, what do you think of the photo for the new Stream of Consciousness Badge 2020?

Men & Womens Health

“#SoSC” Prompt for Week is “oh”

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Have a great weekend and thanks for reading, I appreciate all your comments. M

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “oh.” Use it as a word or find a word that starts with “oh.” Bonus points if you start and end with “oh.” Enjoy!

Oh, well that seems an easy prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday. I haven’t participated the past couple of weeks, my body let me down, I’m feeling better today. I’m excited to write this week and see what comes from these fingers.

Soho in New York is a cool neighborhood to hang out, eat great food and it’s oh so expensive to live. The area is vibrant, alive and buzzing 24 hours a day. Oh, I have to say you should visit if in the area.

Join us for the fun and sharing good media stories. 

For more on the Stream of Consciousness Saturday, visit Linda Hill’s blog. Here’s the link:https://lindaghill.com

Here are the rules for SoCS:

  1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
  2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
  3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.
  4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
  5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.
  6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
  7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
  8. Have fun!

 

Today in History
Men & Womens Health

Today in History

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Photo by Andrey Grushnikov on Pexels.com

1931

Brooklyn native Al Capone is brought to justice after a violent criminal career, but it’s not a rival’s bullets or a murder conviction that finally does him in. The 32-year-old known as ‘Scarface’ is convicted on tax evasion charges and sentenced to a prison term of 11 years.

1943

After 600 prisoners attempt a daring escape from the Nazi extermination camp Sobibór, it’s ordered shut down by Holocaust architect Heinrich Himmler. Efforts will be taken to hide the site, but later excavation will uncover the machinery of death that killed upwards of 250,000 Jews.

1979

Personal computers get down to business as VisiCalc is released for the Apple II. It will go on to sell about a million copies, with versions for the IBM PC and other platforms added in the coming years. The day will later be known as National Spreadsheet Day.

1989

Just minutes before Game 3 of the World Series is scheduled to start in San Francisco’s Candlestick Park, a violent earthquake hits Northern California, severely pounding the San Francisco Bay Area. The quake collapses bridges and freeways, causes $7 billion in damage, nearly 4,000 injuries, and 67 deaths.

Number One Song in 1989

Men & Womens Health

My Brother Witnessed Domestic Violence And Child Abuse * Everybody Hurts*

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Original post 3/2014

Everyone suffers in an abusive environment. Our house was always in chaos. An alcoholic stepfather who abused my mother and a mother who abused her daughter. There were three other children in the house who saw the abuse, heard the screams and threats. I used to think the victim was the only person with scars. At 9 years old I survived almost daily beatings by taking drugs, plenty of alcohol and trying to kill myself. It never occurred to me my brother suffered from witnessing the abuse. My brother’s scars are from seeing our stepfather beat our mother. Dragging her down the hall beating her head from side to side. Putting a knife to her throat saying he would kill her. Most of their fights ending in front of our bedrooms. We had front row seats to hell. My mother abused me, the methods escalated as I aged. I heard stories of abuse as early as six months old. I don’t think my mother was trying to kill me. She’s like the women on the news who allow their kids to die. She didn’t push my head under the water but would have crocodile tears if I drowned accidentally.

One weekend driving back from Houston we passed the exit to my mother’s house. I had strong emotions about my brother not me. I didn’t understand the emotions. It hit me like a train, my brother was not physically abused yet was still a victim of abuse. He heard his sister scream and cry while his mother threw me to the floor, hit my head on the countertop or down the hallway walls. He saw my stepfather hit me in mouth with his fist. He saw my stepfather threaten to kill my mother while holding a knife to her throat. The realization was an eye opener, I had overwhelming guilt. My brother and I never talked about it. The pain was swept under the rug. I didn’t know how he felt about the violence he saw. Neither of us knew how the violence would manifest itself in our souls. We had no idea how it would affect decisions we made as adults.

My brother holds almost all emotions inside, it doesn’t even show on his face. I don’t think he realizes how the violence shaped him as a man. He has a good relationship with my mother yet he lives with the knowledge of what his mother did and allowed. I went to live with my father at 12 years old which meant I only saw my brother a couple of times of year. On my fathers designated holidays we went to my grandparents. We drifted apart from only seeing each other a couple of times a year. After college he moved to Arlington we were both alcoholics by then. Our meetings were at drunken parties at his apartment. We quit calling each other. It took the death of my father to bring us back together. It is the only positive from my father’s death.

I developed a strong relationship with his fiancé. We talked like old girlfriends. She was at my house one night enjoying wine and chatting. I had no control over my mouth, it spilled out. I asked her if he acknowledged my abuse. She shared how much it effected him, the guilt he carries. A missing piece of the puzzle filled my heart. I thought I was invisible. We are very close, talk or e-mail very often. We live only 30 minutes apart but his travel schedule doesn’t allow much time together. A perfect example, their Christmas present are still in the closet. The difference is when we are together it’s like no time has passed. It has been very touching to get e-mails from him as I deal with my health issues. His tone is of true concern. There was a time when I didn’t think this day would come. I’m so happy. I love my brother. I love him enough to attend his wedding even though I would have to see my mother. I did not want to look back knowing I missed his wedding. I realized another level of love and what you will do for love.

XO  Warrior

 

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Here’s the truth about CBD, from a cannabis researcher

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IDEAS.TED.COM

Sep 23, 2019 / Jeffrey Chen, MD

Is CBD a cure-all — or snake oil? Jeffrey Chen, executive director of the UCLA Cannabis Research Initiative, explains the science behind the cannabis product.

CBD gummies. CBD shots in your latte. CBD dog biscuits. From spas to drug stores, supermarkets to cafes, wherever you go in the US today, you’re likely to see products infused with CBD. There are cosmetics, vape pens, pills and, of course, the extract itself; there are even CBD-containing sexual lubricants for women which aim to reduce pelvic pain or enhance sensation. CBD has been hailed by some users as having cured their pain, anxiety, insomnia, depression or seizures, and it’s been touted by advertisers as a supplement that can treat all of the above and combat aging and chronic disease.

As Executive Director of the UCLA Cannabis Research Initiative, I’m dedicated to unearthing the scientific truth — the good and the bad — behind cannabis and CBD. My interest was sparked in 2014 when I was a medical student at UCLA, and I discovered a parent successfully treating her child’s severe epilepsy with CBD. I was surprised and intrigued. Despite California legalizing medical cannabis in 1996, we weren’t taught anything about cannabis or CBD in med school. I did research and found other families and children like Charlotte Figi reporting success with CBD, and I knew it was something that needed to be investigated. I established Cannabis Research Initiative in the fall of 2017, and today we have more than 40 faculty members across 18 departments and 8 schools at UCLA working on cannabis research, education and patient-care projects.

So what exactly is CBD and where does it come from? CBD is short for cannabidiol, one of the compounds in the cannabinoid family which, in nature, is found only in the cannabis plant (its official scientific name is Cannabis sativa l.). THC — short for tetrahydrocannabinoid — is the other highly abundant cannabinoid present in cannabis that’s used today. THC and CBD exert their effects in part by mimicking or boosting levels of endocannabinoids, chemical compounds that are naturally produced by humans and found throughout our bodies. Endocannabinoids play an important role in regulating mood, memory, appetite, stress, sleep, metabolism, immune function, pain sensation, and reproduction.

Despite the fact that they’re both cannabinoids found only in the cannabis plant, THC and CBD are polar opposites in many ways. THC is intoxicatingand responsible for the “high” of cannabis, but CBD has no such effect. THC is addictive; CBD is not addictive and even appears to have some anti-addictive effects against compounds like opioids. While THC stimulates the human appetite, CBD does not. There are areas where they overlap — in preliminary animal studies, THC and CBD exhibit some similar effects, including pain-relieving and anti-inflammatory properties and anti-oxidant and neuroprotective effects. In some early research, they’ve even shown the ability to inhibit the growth of cancer cells, but years of rigorous studies need to be conducted before we’ll know whether they have the same impact on humans.

Even though humans have been using cannabis for thousands of years, the products available today are not the cannabis that has traditionally been consumed. After cannabis was prohibited at the federal level in 1970 by the US Controlled Substances Act, illicit growers were incentivized to breed strains that had higher amounts of THC, so they could increase their profits without needing larger growing spaces. What they didn’t know was that by driving up THC content, they were dramatically reducing the CBD content. In 1995, after decades of surreptitious breeding, the ratio of THC to CBD was ~15:1, and by 2014 the ratio had jumped to ~80:1 as CBD content further plummeted.

Due to decades of research restrictions in the US and growers’ focus on THC, there are very few human studies that look at CBD and its effects. The strongest evidence we have is that CBD can reduce the frequency of seizures in certain rare pediatric disorders — so much that a CBD-based drug called Epidiolex was FDA-approved in 2018 for this purpose. There is also preliminary human data from small clinical trials with dozens of subjects that suggests CBD may have the potential to be used for conditions like anxiety, schizophrenia, opioid addiction, and Parkinson’s disease. But please note that the participants in these studies generally received several hundreds of milligrams of CBD a day, meaning the 5mg to 25mg of CBD per serving in popular CBD products may likely be inadequate. And even if you took dozens of servings to reach the dosage used in these clinical trials, there is still no guarantee of benefit because of how preliminary these findings are.

But while there is a lack of concrete and conclusive evidence about CBD’s effects, there is considerable hope. Recent legislative changes around hemp and CBD in the US and across the world have enabled numerous human clinical trials to begin, investigating the use of CBD for conditions such as autism, chronic pain, mood disorders, alcohol use disorder, Crohn’s disease, graft-versus-host-disease, arthritis and cancer- and cancer-treatment-related side effects such as nausea, vomiting and pain. The results of these studies should become available over the next five years.

Furthermore, in an effort to protect consumers, the FDA has announced that it will soon issue and enforce regulations on all CBD products. Buyers should beware because the products being sold today may contain contaminants or have inaccurately labelled CBD content — due to the deluge of CBD products on the market, government agencies haven’t been able to react quickly enough so there is currently no regulation in the US whatsoever on CBD products.

While CBD appears to be generally safe, it still has side effects. In children suffering from severe epilepsy, high doses of CBD have caused reactions such as sleepiness, vomiting and diarrhea. However, we don’t know if this necessarily applies to adults using CBD because these children were very sick and on many medications, and the equivalent dose for an average 154-pound adult would be a whopping 1400 mg/day. And while CBD use in the short term (from weeks to months) has been shown to be safe, we have no data on what side effects might be present with chronic use (from months to years).

Right now, the most significant side effect of CBD we’ve seen is its interaction with other drugs. CBD impacts how the human liver breaks down other drugs, which means it can elevate the blood levels of other prescription medications that people are taking — and thus increase the risk of experiencing their side effects. And women who are pregnant or who are expecting to be should be aware of this: We don’t know if CBD is safe for the fetus during pregnancy.

So where does this leave us? Unfortunately, outside of certain rare pediatric seizure disorders, we scientists do not have solid data on whether CBD can truly help the conditions that consumers are flocking to it for — conditions like insomnia, depression and pain. And even if it did, we still need to figure out the right dose and delivery form. Plus, CBD is not without side effects. Here’s the advice that I give to my friends and family: If you’re using CBD (or thinking about using it), please research products and talk to your doctor so they can monitor you for side effects and interactions with any other drugs you take.

So is CBD a panacea or a placebo? The answer is: Neither. CBD is an under-investigated compound that has the potential to benefit many conditions. While it does have side effects, it appears as if it could be a safer alternative to highly addictive drugs such as opioids or benzodiazepines. And thanks to a recent surge in research, we’ll be learning a lot more about its capabilities and limits in the next five years.

Watch his TEDxPershingSq talk now: 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeffrey Chen, MD , is the founder and Executive Director of the UCLA Cannabis Research Initiative where he leads an interdisciplinary group of 40+ UCLA faculty conducting cannabis related research, education and patient care. You can follow him @drjeffchen or visit his website http://www.drjeffchen.com.

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Survivor

PTSD is a Mental Injury, not a Mental Illness

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This is a repost I thought you would find interesting.

Psychology Today

Tracy S. Hutchinson, Ph.D.

New research suggests that PTSD is a normal response to common life events.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 7.7 million adults suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Along with a surge of awareness regarding PTSD, there are also many misconceptions. For example, some believe it is only associated with war veterans, events such as 9/11, or natural disasters.

Although this diagnosis has historically been associated with military veterans who undergo multiple deployments, there are many other events that can trigger symptoms of PTSD. For example, prolonged exposure to emotional and psychological abuse (e.g., verbally abusive relationships, alcoholism, or stressful childhoods) are risk factors for developing symptoms. Some of these lingering misconceptions may be due to the fact that development and recognition of the disorder is relatively recent and has really only blossomed in the last three decades.

History

In 1980, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) formally recognized PTSD as an actual mental health diagnosis. Historically, it had been formally recognized as “shell shock” and was thought only to occur in military war veterans. Further, PTSD had historically been thought of as something that someone “gets over” over time. This may be true for some, but it isn’t for others.

Researchers continue to discover risk factors that can cause PTSD symptoms. This includes emerging research on the study of what happens in childhood and how it affects adults in their lifetime (van Der Kolk, 2014). For example, some of my clients may have grown up with “tough love” and were disciplined with physical violence by a family member or a teacher. As adults, they may suffer from trauma-related symptoms but not realize the origin of their suffering.

Many who suffer from PTSD symptoms may have behavioral consequences such as binge eating, or they may self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, gambling, or other compulsive behaviors. Equally as important as identifying PTSD symptoms is understanding that they are a natural response to overwhelming events.

Pexels

PTSD symptoms are an injury.      Source: Pexels

PTSD is a Mental Injury, Not a Mental Illness

Researchers argue that it is important to view PTSD symptoms as a mental injury, versus a mental illness or something pathological (Zimbardo et al., 2012). This is because PTSD symptoms are a natural reaction to a distressing event where one may have felt overwhelmed, afraid, or helpless. Historically, mental illness is pathologized as something that is “wrong” with the person, versus simply a manifestation of how most people would respond.

For example. if a person falls and cuts their leg, that would be an injury. Bleeding could occur, which would be a symptom of the injury; the amount of bleeding would be based on the severity of the wound, previous injuries, etc. Similarly, PTSD symptoms may manifest into problems with concentration, angry outbursts, sleep disturbance, sadness, anxiety, and even nightmares. These are natural responses to overwhelming circumstances, whether they are obviously traumatic to most (war, natural disasters) or less obvious to most people.

Obvious vs. Less Obvious Trauma

Researchers state that forms of trauma can be categorized into obvious and less obvious trauma. Obvious traumas include war, childhood abuse and neglect, sexual assault, rape, and natural disasters such as hurricanes. However, there are also less obvious forms of trauma that include:

  • Parental divorce, child abandonment, or betrayal
  • Toxic relationships with emotional and psychological violence (name-calling, verbal abuse)
  • Narcissistic parent(s) or caregivers with mental health issues
  • Bullying, cyberbullying
  • Witnessing violence in the home
  • Alcoholism or addiction during childhood
  • Invasive medical procedures; higher risk if performed on children who may have been restrained or had chronic issues.
  • Falls and accidents, particularly in children or the elderly
  • Natural disasters like hurricanes, fires, or earthquakes
  • Being left alone as infants or children
  • Automobile accidents or whiplash

A mental health professional can formally diagnose and treat PTSD. However, some people have symptoms but do not meet the full criteria.

It may be irrelevant whether a person meets the full criteria—what matters is if symptoms are causing problems in their life. Symptoms include feelings of irritability, angry outbursts, issues with concentration and sleep, feelings of detachment from others, and nightmares of the event.

A mental health professional can formally diagnose and treat PTSD. However, some people have symptoms but do not meet the full criteria.

It may be irrelevant whether a person meets the full criteria—what matters is if symptoms are causing problems in their life. Symptoms include feelings of irritability, angry outbursts, issues with concentration and sleep, feelings of detachment from others, and nightmares of the event.

‘There is an increasing number of books on evolutionary psychology that are available on the market focused on outcomes rather than ticking off boxes. When it comes to PTSD there is no doubt that while all survivors don’t fit into the same boxes, what really matters is that they can be helped back to a place of health from where they can move forward.’

There are several treatment recommendations for PTSD, including Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). This is a highly effective treatment used by the U.S. Department of Defense to help veterans with PTSD.

Originally published on www.drtracyhutchinson.com

Today in History
Men & Womens Health

Today in History

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Photo by Andrey Grushnikov on Pexels.com

 

1845

Seven professors will teach 50 midshipmen in Annapolis, Maryland, as the Naval School, later known as the United States Naval Academy, begins its first term. Commodore Matthew Perry has helped plan the five-year curriculum, with the first and last year taught on land, and the middle three at sea.

1911

The building of railways by foreign powers in China stokes nationalistic fervor, and unfair financial gain for those same foreign powers leads to violent protests. Today’s Wuchang Uprising will start the Xinhai Revolution, the overthrow of more than 2 millennia of imperial rule.

1956

The drama starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rock Hudson, and James Deandebuts, telling the tumultuous story of a Texas ranching family. It marks Dean’s third and final big-screen role, as he had died in a car accident a year earlier after completing work on the film.

1970

The paramilitary group Front de libération du Québec is demanding independence for Canada’s primarily French-speaking province of Quebec and has already kidnapped British Trade Commissioner James Cross. Now its members kidnap Quebec’s Labour Minister, Pierre Laporte, ratcheting up tensions in this ‘October Crisis.‘

Men & Womens Health

Entrepreneur, Activist, Survivor: Why Janet Jensen Supports RAINN

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Each month, RAINN features a member of its National Leadership Council (NLC). The NLC is a group of dedicated individuals who have shown their commitment to RAINN’s mission of supporting survivors and ending sexual violence. This month we checked in with Janet Jensen, founder and CEO of the Human Investment Foundation, The Jensen Project, and Enjen.

Why are you passionate about ending sexual violence and why should everyone be? 

As a survivor of a violent rape, I know first-hand the havoc that sexual violence has on an individual and those closest to them. After my attack, many of my daily habits changed due to my internal heightened alerts. It took me over 10 years to park in a parking garage, even though that wasn’t the location of my attack. I was afraid of putting myself in a vulnerable position where I could be attacked again. Sexual violence is an issue of safety and human rights. Everyone deserves the right to go through life without unjust fear.

How can we all be better supporters and advocates for survivors in our lives? 

It is on all of us to create an environment of empathy and compassion. Be willing to listen. Be less judgmental. Be willing to help direct survivors to resources that are available.

What is your message to survivors? 

It takes tremendous courage to come forward. The best words that need to come out of our mouths is “I believe you.” In my personal experience, I had one less obstacle from belief because I was brutally beaten. Not everyone’s wounds are visible, but that shouldn’t speak to whether or not we believe survivors. Physical wounds heal much faster than the mental or emotional ones. It’s a heavy burden to settle into life after someone has violated you. That’s why resources like RAINN exist to help.

How do you wish Americans would change sexual violence prevention? 

We need society to prioritize prevention. We need more men to speak out and be positive role models. Great programs do exist, but they’re not getting in front of Americans fast enough or at an early enough age. This needs to be a central issue that we’re putting into a plan to teach adolescents prevention at warp-speed.

Why did you want to be a part of RAINN’s National Leadership Council? 

RAINN has been a leader in the field of sexual violence education and prevention for 25 years. I am honored to be in such company.

How has your passion for ending sexual violence influenced other areas of your life? 

My passion for ending sexual violence has spilled over into all areas of my life. Ever since my attack 36 years ago, I’ve devoted my life to the education and awareness of sexual violence and cultivated an environment of empathy, compassion, and trust for survivors. Through partnerships, I’ve supported many survivors, I’ve been a public speaker, and I operate my foundation full-time.

What goals are you most excited about working toward in The Jensen Project right now? 

“Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.” We’re at a critical moment in society. At The Jensen Project—the nonprofit organization I founded focused on fueling strong partnerships in the fight against sexual violence—we’re empowered to make change and grow for the better. There is much excitement in being part of the solution to end sexual violence. The more agile we can be to figuring out solutions to these problems, the faster we will solve them. We are extremely agile and are actively searching for creative partnerships.

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

You Left Your Job Because of Sexual Harassment. What Now?

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OCT 04, 2019

Some victims of workplace sexual harassment are reluctant to report what happened because they fear the effect on their career. For those who leave their job after experiencing harassment or assault, it can be hard to know how to approach a new job search, application, or interview process.

“It’s a challenging issue. It’s a difficult scenario that more and more people are being placed in. The main thing is to remember you’re not to blame and this situation doesn’t define you,” says Pete Church, a member of RAINN’s National Leadership Council and Chief Human Resources Officer at Avangrid, a leading sustainable energy company that operates in 24 states.

What to do during your search 

“If your goal is to assess how a potential employer understands and addresses harassment in the work environment, then there’s a lot of helpful research you can do before you’re in an interview,” Church suggests. He also recommends going on Glassdoor and reading reviews of the company. Even if you don’t see specific mentions of sexual harassment in the reviews, you can learn about the company culture.

It can also be helpful to find past employees of a company you’re interested in on LinkedIn. You can reach out for a networking phone call to ask about what their experience was like, about the company culture, and if you feel comfortable doing so, why they left the organization. Approach the situation optimistically and know that most companies promote a harassment-free environment.

How to navigate the interview process 

Once you’re in an interview process and asking about the company, you can ask questions that are a little more benign, but still bring you into the core of what you really want to know. These can be things like:

  • Tell me a little bit about the company culture?
  • Why might someone not feel like a good fit at your company?
  • Does your company do an employee survey?
  • How does your company show it cares about employees?

If you feel comfortable doing so during the interview process, Church suggests asking questions that avoid being personal but are still focused on sexual harassment, such as: “Unfortunately we see way too many headlines in the newspapers today about workplace violence and workplace harassment. I’m curious about what your company has in place to protect employees?”

What to say about why you left 

The goal is to explain your employment story in a truthful and respectful way that doesn’t raise any red flags for a future employer. Give enough of an explanation so that they aren’t left wondering what happened. But remember, your story is yours. You’re never obligated to tell anyone more than you’re comfortable with. If you signed a non-disclosure agreement with your previous employer, you also need to be careful not to share anything that violates the agreement.

At some point in this process you’re going to be asked why you left. Practice how you want to answer this question ahead of time, either by yourself or with someone you trust, so that you don’t leave any questions or concerns in the mind of the interviewer—but in a way that doesn’t bring back too many difficult memories.

Your answer may be different if you are still employed and are looking for a new job so you can leave versus if you already left your job and are currently unemployed. Either way, it’s important that you rehearse the answer and know exactly what you’re willing and not willing to say during the interview.

“If you’re still employed, it’s best to frame your interest in the job as an opportunity you’re excited about. If you’ve already left your last job, you’ll need to explain the gap on your resume and you should never lie about this,” says Church. Instead, he suggests giving an answer that addresses any questions or concerns the interviewer may have, while not revealing anything personal about what happened. You could say something like, “It was a really difficult decision to leave the company after having been there for x number of years.” However, Church suggests focusing on what excites you about the organization where you are interviewing and how the position aligns with your interests, skills, and career goals.

How much to disclose to a possible employer 

The interviewer wants to hear about how your current skills will add value to their organization. A negative experience with a previous employer doesn’t necessarily provide insight into who you are as an employee and the potential you have to add value to a new company. Negative comments about your previous employer, even when warranted, are risky. They may lead some interviewers to think think you are likely to say negative things about your new employer in the future. The safest approach is to avoid saying negative things about your previous employer.

How to deal with reference checks and retaliation 

Many people who have experienced harassment or assault in the workplace wonder how this will impact future reference checks. “Though most companies are only required to verify dates of employment and title, if you’re worried about retaliation or malicious behavior, it’s best to proactively provide a list of references you’ve chosen who would be appropriate for a potential employer to call,” says Church.

If you feel that everyone at your previous company could be a liability as a reference, then you don’t have to list them. You can give a list of references including past mentors, organizations you’ve volunteered with, etc. If asked why you cannot give your previous employer as a reference, you can say something like: “I left voluntarily because it was not a great culture fit. I loved the work I was doing, but my experience there was not ideal and I’m not confident that they would give the best summary of my job performance.”

A company’s culture is defined not by moments of the worst thing that happened, but by how the company responds once they know about it. Learn more about the work RAINN’s consulting services team does every day to help companies and organizations improve their prevention and response practices.

Men & Womens Health

“#SoSC” Prompt for Week is *tast-

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Have a great weekend and thanks for reading, I appreciate all your comments. M

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “-tast-.” Find a word that contains “tast” and use it in your post. Enjoy!

The one thing you never know when you are chronically ill is when you will feel “normal” again, do much needed activities and much needed self-care. I struggle with several chronic illnesses and I’ve hit a good run for the past month and it feels FANTASTIC! I work hard not to over do things but work diligently to take advantage of the time I have for quality time with my loved ones, including my four legged babies.

Thanks for reading and stopping by my blog today. I appreciate all your comments.

Melinda

Join us for the fun and sharing good media stories. 

For more on the Stream of Consciousness Saturday, visit Linda Hill’s blog. Here’s the link:https://lindaghill.com

Here are the rules for SoCS:

  1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
  2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
  3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.
  4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
  5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.
  6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
  7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
  8. Have fun!

 

Today in History
Men & Womens Health

Today in History

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Photo by Andrey Grushnikov on Pexels.com

52 BCE

The Gallic Wars have raged for eight years, with Julius Caesar leading much of the Roman Republic’s charge against the tribes of Gaul in Western Europe. An inability to band together against their common enemy dooms the Gallic tribes, and the struggle ends at the Battle of Alesia.

1895

Stephen Crane’s novel ‘The Red Badge of Courage‘ is released in book form for the first time. Not yet born when the Civil War ended, the young author weaves a narrative of America’s great cataclysm, now 30 years gone, with such verisimilitude that critics will call him a master of Realism

1942

A new Nazi ‘Wunderwaffen,’ or ‘weapon of wonder,’ is fired in a test flight, and the missile’s top 52.5-mile altitude is so high it becomes the first manmade object to enter outer space. In less than two years Germany will begin launching thousands of V-2 rockets, mainly against Belgium and the UK.

1990

In what will later be celebrated as ‘Unity Day,’ a country torn in two after the Second World War is reunited as the once Soviet-controlled East Germany is dissolved and its territory and citizens merged with the Federal Republic of Germany, formerly known as West Germany.

Men & Womens Health

Helpful advice for aspiring writers of all ages

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IDEAS.TED.COM

Sep 11, 2019 / Daryl Chen

Being a writer is all about expressing your unique perspective with feeling and originality, not about having a huge vocabulary or getting published, says author Jacqueline Woodson. She shares a little of what she’s learned in the process of writing a lot (30+ books!).

This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of great advice from someone in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

“Write something good, and feel good about writing it.” 

That sentence is from award-winning writer Jacqueline Woodson — she just released Red at the Bone, a novel for adults — in response to the question “What’s the goal of writing when you’re 15?” (Side note: I, the interviewer, did not pose that query; she did. Yep, Woodson is the kind of intimidating and articulate person who can come up with thoughtful questions and during an interview.)

That sentence is great advice for writers of any age. And so, just because I can, I will repeat it: “Write something good, and feel good about writing it.”

Woodson and I are talking about writing because I’m a fan of hers and because I’m a mentor in a writing program for high-schoolers in New York City (Girls Write Now). I wanted to hear what insights and inspiration she had to offer those who aspire to do what she does. Once upon a time, she was a girl with a passion for words — “from the gate, I was like, ‘I want to be a writer — I want to write everything: poetry and short stories and fiction and …’” She’s gone on to write more than 30 books — including Miracle’s Boys, Brown Girl Dreaming and After Tupac and D Foster — that span all those categories and then some. Decades later, she still loves to write and re-write (more on the latter below).

Here’s what she had to say to aspiring writers: 

Do you know lots of impressive words? Good — but keep them to yourself 

“You don’t need to have a great vocabulary. What you need to have is a creative way of using the words you have. I think sometimes it is detrimental to writers to have too much of a vocabulary because they just rely on the word that they know how to define and they end up breaking the first rule of writing: Show, don’t tell.”

No one else sees the world quite the same way you do, so share your unique perspective 

“Writing is about narrative language and creative language and being able to get a point across in a way that is not ordinary. More than having a large vocabulary, one needs a large vision and be able to see the world in a different way than other people see it.”

Look at picture books, even if you think you’re too old for them 

“Young writers can learn so much from reading picture books and really engaging in the text and how the language is laid on the page. With picture books, [writers] are working with a reader who has a very short attention span and you have to get them from line one and hold them to page 32. That’s a challenge, but it’s also a challenge that’s not going to be intimidating for a young writer. It also allows them to experiment with tone and form, especially poetic form, because picture books are intentional, the line breaks are intentional, and each line is laying down an image.”

Woodson recommends checking out the illustrated books that have been named recipients of the Caldecott Medal or the Coretta Scott King Book Award. 

Write with feeling

“Writing is visceral. If you write something down and don’t feel some kind of way, then it’s not working. It’s not doing what you wanted to do.”

If it’s possible, set limits on the initial feedback you receive

“When I first write something, I show it to three people I trust. I tell them: ‘Tell me every single thing you love about it.’ That’s all I want to hear because it’s embryonic. It’s so fragile at that point because it’s so new that I’m not ready for questions, I’m not ready for it to be evaluated in any way. I just want to know what you love, because that’s going to make me excited to go back and write more of it.”

Seek out books that reflect you and your experience 

“Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop talks about the importance of kids having both mirrors and windows in their fiction. (editor’s note: Bishop is referring to kids having the chance to read books that reflect them and their lives and books that give them portals onto different kinds of lives.) I think especially in our culture kids get a lot of books by white writers, no matter their color, so they can’t even imagine themselves as an Asian girl, a black girl, someone who is indigenous [and] being able to have a narrative. It’s hard to have a writer believe, ‘Yeah, I have license to tell a story without getting in trouble.’ To see parts of her narrative in cultures as close to hers as possible is helpful.”

If you can’t find writing that mirrors you, take it as your chance to fill in the gap 

“As a kid, you have a right to be in the world fully and you have a right to see representations of yourself wherever you go. And if you don’t, write your way out. (editor’s note: like Alexander Hamilton.) Figure out why that is so, and rather than fixating on the dilemma of it, challenge it. Write the challenge, and that’s where your writing’s going to break through and create something new.”

Being a writer means being a re-writer

“Writing is a lot of work. When I look at Brown Girl Dreaming, I rewrote that book 33 times. When I look at Another Brooklyn, I rewrote that about 16 times. I think people like the idea of being writers; I don’t think they like being re-writers.

but what if you don’t like to re-write? 

“You’re not going to like everything. There are some things that are going to be painful and you don’t want to do them, but the end result is going to be something that is better. I love re-writing now, but I’m old. I love it because I know when I finish re-writing, it’s going to be better than it was when I first wrote it.”

Get ready for your stories, articles, poems and essays to unravel — all of them

“It happens with every single piece. Your writing gets to this point, and it’s so fabulous and you love it. And then it falls apart. That’s the point where you have to start scaffolding it and building it and trying to figure out what is this piece trying to say and how is it trying to say it. A lot of people stop when the piece falls apart and think they’re going to start another one and they’re all going to fall apart.”

don’t stop. 

“It’s going to be the difference between finishing something and having a whole bunch of half-finished things in your drawer. For people who are starting out writing, know that your piece of writing is going to fall apart and it’s going to get really hard. But it’s the best place to be, because now your work is ahead of you. And you know what you have to do to make it better.”

Don’t fixate on getting published. 

“Whenever kids start asking me about their stuff getting published, I’m like, ‘That’s not what you should worry about. You should worry about writing the best piece that you possibly can.’ Writing is such a process. It’s an ongoing process, and you don’t write something in September and have it published by December. It takes much longer. If you really want to invest in the world of writing, you have to invest time and labor and faith in it.”

Jacqueline Woodson spoke at TED2019 in Vancouver; her talk will be posted here shortly.