Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

The 3 things that keep people feeling motivated at work

IDEAS.TED.COM

Angus Greig

This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

In the modern economy, motivation is a tricky thing.

A hundred years ago, when people like Frederick Taylor were pioneering the field of scientific management, motivation was pretty easy. The idea was you could switch people from an hourly rate to a piece-rate system to do a set of repetitive tasks, and it would incentivize them to do the tasks faster. It was a rudimentary idea, but in some organizations it’s still the philosophy behind how pay — especially incentive pay — is set. And there’s actually a decent amount of research that incentives like that can work to increase motivation when there is a really clear understanding of exactly what tasks must be done to earn the reward. But in a knowledge work or creative work economy, those easy-to-understand, repetitive tasks are becoming more and more rare.

Fortunately, there’s another option to increase motivation.

The research that began to uncover that option was conducted by two men: Richard Ryan and Edward Deci. Deci and Ryan pioneered what would come to be known as self-determination theory. Self-determination theory essentially argued that people are motivated when they can determine for themselves what to work on and how to work on it.

In other words, Deci and Ryan and other pioneers in this field of research asserted that incentives could actually decrease motivation — because incentives take away a sense of power to determine the work for oneself. But self-determination theory didn’t just point out why so many well-meaning incentive plans fail. It also outlined several drivers of human motivation, drivers that could be built into a job or a team culture to make work more motivating and increase motivation.

Below, I’ll outline the three main drivers of motivation according to self-determination theory — autonomy, competence, and relatedness — and I’ll provide practical ways to leverage the power of each.

People who experience autonomy at their jobs don’t feel micromanaged. Instead, they feel empowered by their managers to pursue objectives and deadlines on their terms.

1. Autonomy

The first motivational driver is autonomy. Autonomy refers to how much people feel in control of their own life and able to make their own choices. In the context of work, autonomy means people feel they have a say in what they work on and how they work on it. They don’t feel micromanaged; they feel empowered by their managers to pursue objectives and deadlines on their terms.

Creating a sense of autonomy in an individual or on a team can come in many forms. It could be by mutually assigning objectives and establishing deadlines. It could also be giving people more freedom over where they work, or incorporating the team or individuals in decision making more often.

One easy way to judge whether you are leading from a place of autonomy versus control is to pay attention to your feedback or coaching conversations with the team. Specifically, do this: Pay attention to how many times you’re giving them advice vs. asking them questions. If you’re often giving advice or telling people how to do something, you could be diminishing their sense of autonomy. But if you are asking questions designed to guide them to finding their own solutions, then you are leaving them in control.

Remind people of the progress they’ve already made — and show them you’re trying to help them make even more progress.

2. Competence

The second motivational driver is competence. Competence refers to our desires to seek control but also to experience mastery. Competence speaks to our natural human desire to be learners, to be growing and feeling like we’re making progress. It could be progress in our career, progress towards a set of objectives or working for a team or a company that is making progress. Anything that helps individuals feel they are moving toward mastery leverages competence as a motivation.

Creating a sense of competence in an individual or on a team might actually be more about what you don’t do. Much of the job of a team leader is providing feedback or constructive criticism. But constructive or negative criticism has been found in numerous studies to decrease a person’s feeling of competence, and thus reduce motivation.

So rather than just focusing on constructive feedback, make sure you’re taking the time to celebrate wins, large and small. And make sure that even when you are giving people constructive feedback, you are pairing it with a lot of positive feedback and praise as well. That way it reminds them of the progress they’ve already made — and show them you’re trying to help them make even more progress.

If you can ensure the members of your team know who exactly is being helped by their efforts, you can almost guarantee they’ll be willing to work hard to help those people.

3. Relatedness

The third and final motivational driver is relatedness. Relatedness refers to our will to connect with others, interact and care for other people. In terms of research, we’ve only just begun to grasp just how important relatedness to others truly is. But we know that humans are much more motivated to take actions when they’re seen as pro-social — that is, when they’re seen as being able to help other people.

Creating a sense of relatedness in an individual or on a team means making sure people build connections to each other. But it also means making sure people know the significance of what they’re being asked to do and how it relates to the whole team and the team’s and organization’s larger objectives. Even better, you might frame the team’s work in a way that makes it quite clear exactly who is helped by the organization’s, the team’s and even the individual’s actions.

This is not about reiterating the company’s mission statement — instead, it’s about creating a connection between the mission and the specific people who are served when that mission is accomplished. If you can ensure the members of your team know who exactly is being helped by their efforts, you can almost guarantee they’ll be willing to work hard to help those people.

Now if you’re read this far, you probably noticed what hasn’t been discussed yet. I haven’t talked about salaries or about perks like free food or a keg in the refrigerator. I didn’t talk about how many hours people are working or any of things typically discussed when employers are working to build a more engaged and motivated workplace. Yes, those things are all great. They just don’t do much for motivation — at least when compared to creating a sense of autonomy, competence and relatedness.

When people have the ability to determine how they work, the means to judge their progress and the feeling that their work helps other people, they can’t help but be motivated to get to work.

This article originally appeared on DavidBurkus.com and it’s been adapted with the author’s permission.

Watch his TEDxUniversityofNevada Talk here:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

David Burkus PhD is an organizational psychologist and bestselling author of five books, including Leading from Anywhere: Unlock the Power and Performance of Remote Teams.

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Did you know curiosity comes in different forms? P.S.: One of them can help you deal with anxiety

IDEAS.TED.COM

May 12, 2021 / Judson Brewer MD, Ph

Kati Szilágyi

Back in 2006, psychologists Jordan Litman and Paul Silvia identified two main “flavors” of curiosity, which they dubbed D-curiosity and I-curiosity. 

The D in D-curiosity stands for deprivation, the idea that if we have a gap in information, we go into a restless, unpleasant, need-to-know state, while the I in I-curiosity stands for interest, the pleasurable aspects of the hunger for knowledge. In other words, curiosity — our drive for information — can induce a state that is either aversive or pleasant.

Deprivation curiosity is driven by a lack of information, often a specific piece of information. For example, when you see a picture of a famous actress and you can’t remember her name, you might start racking your brain to remember who it is. Trying to remember might get you into a contracted state, as though you are trying to squeeze that answer out of your brain. Then when you go to google for help and see her name, you feel a sense of relief because you’re no longer deprived of the information.

This extends to texting and social media. If you are out to dinner and you feel or hear a text come into your phone, you might notice that suddenly it’s hard to pay attention — not knowing what the text says can make you restless, causing your body temperature to rise, and that fire of uncertainty is only put out when you check your phone.

Each of the curiosity “flavors” feels different in our bodies — deprivation feels closed, while interest feels open.

Interest curiosity is piqued when we’re interested in learning more about something. Usually this isn’t a specific piece of information (like an actress’s name) but a broader category. For example, did you know that there are animals who keep growing in size until they die? They are called “indeterminate growers” and include sharks, lobsters and kangaroos. In fact, based on its size, one 20-pound lobster was believed to be 140 years old. That’s one big, old lobster! Isn’t that fascinating?

Interest curiosity is when you dive into an internet search and realize hours later you’ve learned a whole bunch of stuff and your thirst for knowledge has been quenched. It feels good to learn something new. This is different from filling a deficit, simply because you weren’t experiencing a deficit in the first place. For instance, you didn’t know about big, old lobsters but when you learned about them, you were intrigued and delighted to know more.

Unlike the D-curiosity — which is about reaching a destination — the I-curiosity is more about the journey. Each of these curiosity “flavors” has different “tastes”, and they feel different in our bodies.  Deprivation feels closed, while interest feels open.

What this means is getting more and more curious about what anxiety feels like in your body, instead of assuming you know everything about it or that it will never change.

Most of us approach ourselves and the world with D-curiosity, like a problem to be solved. But we’re all in the perfect place to tap into our I-curiosity, which we can leverage to help ourselves break old habits and build new ones.

In practice, what this means is getting more and more curious about what anxiety feels like in your body and how it triggers your worry and procrastination habit loops, instead of assuming you know everything about anxious or that your feelings will never change or you have to find a magic pill or technique to cure you of it.

Over the years, I’ve found that curiosity is a simple tool that helps people — regardless of language, culture and background — drop directly into their embodied experience and tap into their natural capacities for wonder and interest. It puts people right in that sweet spot of openness and engagement.

Let me walk you through a curiosity exercise that I teach everyone on Day 1 in the Unwinding Anxiety app. This exercise can work as a kind of panic button for when anxiety hits, and it takes about 2 minutes.

Whenever I do this exercise, I like to use the mantra “Hmmmm”. It allows me to bring a playful, even joyful attitude to what I’m doing.

Step 1: 

Find a quiet comfortable place. You can be sitting, lying down or standing up; you just need to be able to concentrate without being distracted.

Step 2: 

Recall your most recent run-in or incident with a habit loop, which is any habit you find yourself returning to whenever you’re worried or anxious.

See if you can remember the scene and relive that experience, focusing on what you felt right at the time when you were about to act out your habitual behavior. What did that urge to go ahead and “do it” feel like?

Step 3: 

Check in with your body. What sensation can you feel most strongly right now?

Here’s a list of single words or phrases to choose from. Pick only one — the one you feel most strongly:

tightness

pressure

contraction

restlessness

shallow breath

burning

tension

clenching

heat

pit in stomach

buzzing/vibration

Step 4: 

In terms of this feeling, is it more on the right side or the left? In the front, middle, or back of your body? Where do you feel it most strongly?

And was there anything you noticed about being curious about what part of your body you felt the sensation in? Did being a little curious help with getting closer to this sensation?

Step 5: 

If the sensation is still there in your body, see if you can get curious and notice what else is there. Are there other sensations you’re feeling? What happens when you get curious about them? Do they change? What happens when you get really curious about what they feel like?

Step 6: 

Follow them over the next 30 seconds — not trying to do anything to or about them — but simply observing them. Do they change at all when you observe them with an attitude of curiosity?

Whenever I do this exercise, I like to use the mantra “Hmmmm” — as in, the hmm you naturally emit when you’re curious about something (and not to be confused with the traditional mantra “Om”). I find saying “hmm” to myself gets me out of my head and into a direct experience of being curious. It also allows me to bring a playful, even joyful attitude to what I’m doing; it is hard to take yourself too seriously when you are hmm-ing.

If you notice that by being curious you gained even a microsecond more of being with your thoughts, emotions and sensations than you have in the past, then you’ve taken a huge step forward.

This short exercise is just intended to give you a taste of curiosity and to support your natural capacity to be aware about what is happening in your body and your mind at any moment instead of getting caught up in a habit loop. If you notice that by being curious you gained even a microsecond more of being with your thoughts, emotions and body sensations than you have in the past, then you’ve taken a huge step forward.

Here’s what a patient in the Unwinding Anxiety program told me about curiosity:
When I first started the program, I didn’t quite buy into the benefits of curiosity. Today, I felt a wave of panic, and instead of immediate dread or fear, my automatic response was “Hmm, that’s interesting.” That took the wind right out of its sails! I wasn’t just saying it was interesting; I actually felt it.

Sometimes I get the question “What happens if I’m not curious?” My response is to use the mantra of hmmm to drop right into your experience. Ask yourself: “Hmm, what does it feel like not to be curious?”

This helps people move from their thinking, fix-it mind state into a curious awareness of their direct sensations and emotions in their bodies and move out of their thinking heads and into their feeling bodies.

Excerpted with permission from the new book Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind by Judson Brewer MD PhD. Published by Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House, LLC. © 2021 by Judson Brewer.

Watch his TEDMED Talk here: 

Watch this TED-Ed Lesson about panic attacks here: 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Judson Brewer MD, PhD Judson Brewer is the Director of Research and Innovation at the Mindfulness Center and associate professor in psychiatry at the School of Medicine at Brown University, as well as a research affiliate at MIT. As an addiction psychiatrist and expert in mindfulness training for treating addictions, he has developed and tested novel programs for habit change, including both in-person and app-based treatments for smoking, emotional eating and anxiety. Based on the success of these programs in the lab, he cofounded MindSciences, Inc. to create app-based versions of these programs for a wider audience. He is also the author of the book The Craving Mind. 

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

How To Care For Veneers

Veneers have become much more common in recent years as they have become more affordable. Good veneers can repair your smile, and make you look younger and more confident. But they also need proper care if they’re going to last you and keep looking good. 

Image – free for commercial use

Be prepared for some temporary sensitivity

When you first have veneers fitted, some patients will experience some tooth sensitivity directly after the dental veneers procedure. This temporary sensitivity is completely normal and nothing to worry about, even if you order veneers online, although it can be uncomfortable. 

During the veneer procedure, some tooth enamel is reduced to create enough space for the veneers. Thinner teeth are more susceptible to sensitivity, so this causes this temporary discomfort. This sensitivity is completely normal and should go away on its own after a few days. 

Treat dental veneers like natural teeth

You don’t need to go overboard with dental care to keep your veneers white and in good condition.

Treat your dental veneers in the same way as your treat your own teeth, by maintaining routine dental hygiene and oral care. The best way to take proper care of your veneers is to brush twice a day, floss on a regular basis, and use a mouthwash to keep your teeth and veneers healthy. 

Buy a better toothbrush

Using the right toothbrush makes a lot of difference in taking proper care of dental veneers. Bristles that are too hard will dull the shine and the polish of the veneers. If you brush too hard with firm bristles, you can scratch the veneers.

Dental veneers are strong, but any damage to them can’t be put right without replacing the entire veneer. The best way to avoid scratching the veneers is to use a soft-bristled toothbrush and brush in the proper way.

Stop grinding your teeth

It’s common to grind your teeth while sleeping. This grinding is damaging to the teeth and is especially dangerous for dental veneers.

Grinding can wear down the veneers and damage their structure and placement. Wear a mouthguard at night to stop this from happening, if you’re a tooth grinder. Custom mouthguards can be made by your dentist to get the most comfortable fit.

Revisit the dentist

Always talk to an expert. Book any follow-up appointments and checkups your dentist recommends to make sure your veneers will be taken care of by someone who is familiar with exactly how they should look. 

Your dentist will be able to give you advice on how to avoid any damage and suggest treatments or lifestyle changes to make sure that your veneers last as long as possible.

Avoid damaging substances

Remember that if something can damage your own teeth, it can also damage your veneers. Veneers are subject to normal decay, and there are a few things that you should avoid to maintain the appearance of dental veneers. This includes hard or sticky foods or foods that stain teeth such as coffee, wine, and dark juices.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Men & Womens Health

The memo that all new moms and dads should receive

IDEAS.TED.COM

May 7, 2020 / Glennon Doyle

Michelle Kondrich

“What we need right now is more women who are full of themselves,” writes activist Glennon Doyle in her book Untamed. One thing that can hold them back: Unhelpful and unhealthy beliefs about being a mom. 

Every generation of parents receives a memo when they leave the hospital with their baby.

My grandmothers’ memo: Here is the baby. Take it home and let it grow. Let it speak when spoken to. Carry on with your lives.

My mother’s memo: Here is your baby. Take her home and then get together each day with your friends who also have these things. Drink Tab before four o’clock and wine coolers after. Smoke cigarettes and play cards. Lock the kids out of the house and let them in only to eat and sleep.

Lucky bastards.

Our memo: Here is your baby. This is the moment you have been waiting for your entire life: when the hole in your heart is filled and you finally become complete. If, after I put this child in your arms, you sense anything other than utter fulfillment, seek counseling immediately. After you hang up with the counselor, call a tutor. Since we have been speaking for three minutes, your child is already behind. Have you registered her for Mandarin classes yet? I see. Poor child. Listen closely: Parent is no longer a noun — those days are done. Parent is now a verb, something you do ceaselessly. Think of the verb parent as synonymous with protect, shield, hover, deflect, fix, plan, and obsess. Parenting will require all of you; please parent with your mind, body, and soul. Parenting is your new religion, within which you will find salvation. This child is your savior. Convert or be damned. We will wait while you cancel all other life endeavors. Thank you.

Now the goal of parenting is: Never allow anything difficult to happen to your child.

To that end, she must win every competition she enters. (Here are your four hundred participation trophies, distribute accordingly.) She must feel that everyone likes and loves her and wants to be with her at all times. She must be constantly entertained and amused; every one of her days on Earth must be like Disneyland, but better. (If you go to actual Disneyland, get a fast pass because she should never be forced to wait. For anything, ever.) If other kids don’t want to play with her, call those kids’ parents, find out why, and insist they fix it. In public, walk in front of your child and shield her from any unhappy faces that might make her sad, and any happy faces that might make her feel left out. When she gets into trouble at school, call her teacher and explain loudly that your child does not make mistakes. Insist that the teacher apologize for her mistake. Do not ever, ever let a drop of rain fall upon your child’s fragile head. Raise this human without ever allowing her to feel a single uncomfortable human emotion. Give her a life without allowing life to happen to her. In short: Your life is over, and your new existence is about ensuring that her life never begins. Godspeed.

We got a terrible memo.

Our terrible memo is why we feel exhausted, neurotic, and guilty.

Our terrible memo is also why our kids suck.

They do, they just suck.

Because people who do not suck are people who have failed, dusted themselves off, and tried again. People who do not suck are people who have been hurt, so they have empathy for others who are hurt. People who do not suck are those who have learned from their own mistakes by dealing with the consequences. People who do not suck are people who have learned how to win with humility and how to lose with dignity.

Our memo has led us to steal from our children the one thing that will allow them to become strong people: struggle.

Our terrible memo is also why we stay busy with the trivial while the world our children will inherit crumbles. We obsess over our children’s snacks while they rehearse their own deaths in active-shooter drills at school. We agonize over their college prep while the earth melts around them. I cannot imagine that there has ever been a more overparented and underprotected generation.

New memo:

Here is your baby.

Love her at home, at the polls, in the streets.

Let everything happen to her.

Be near.

Excerpted from Untamed by Glennon Doyle. Copyright © 2020 by Glennon Doyle. Excerpted by permission of Dial Press, an imprint and division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Glennon Doyle is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Love Warrior, an Oprah’s Book Club selection, as well as the New York Times bestseller Carry On, Warrior. An activist, speaker and thought leader, she is also the founder and president of Together Rising, an all-women led nonprofit organization that has revolutionized grassroots philanthropy — raising over $20 million for women, families and children in crisis, with a most frequent donation of just $25. Doyle was also named among OWN Network’s SuperSoul 100 inaugural group as one of 100 “awakened leaders who are using their voices and talent to elevate humanity.” She lives in Florida with her wife and three children.

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

What advice do you wish you’d gotten when you graduated from college? 25 TED speakers answer.

IDEAS.TED.COM

May 22, 2018 / Rebekah Barnett

iStock

Whether you put on your cap and gown last week — or last century — these honest answers can give you some insight and guidance.

“If you don’t know what you want to do with the rest of your life, you’re not a failure. Give yourself time and get yourself experience to figure things out.”
— Angela Duckworth (TED Talk: Grit — the power of passion and persistence)

“Although I think I already knew this back when I graduated from college, I didn’t do it enough: trust your instincts. Deep inside you, you already know what you need to do to pursue your goals. And just as importantly, do not seek permission to pursue your goals. Pursue them. Only by doing so can you show the world what you had in mind and get the support of others.”
— Alejandro Sánchez Alvarado (TED Talk: To solve old problems, study new species)

“Don’t take yourself, your decisions, your outcomes or even your mistakes so damn seriously. There’s nowhere special to get to and no special accomplishment to check off the list. The moment is now; the place is here; the person is you. Make choices that make you feel alive. But here’s my advice about my advice — I couldn’t have possibly done this myself when I was a new college graduate because I was Wrapped. Way. Too. Tightly. This would have sounded like loosey-goosey hokum to me, and I’d have rolled my eyes and gone back to alphabetizing my soup shelf. Truly, what I wish I’d done differently during the past 20 years is enjoyed the ride and engaged in less hand-wringing over my decisions. I wish I’d trusted myself more, trusted the universe more, trusted the love and support of family and friends more, and realized this: ‘I’m enough, and it’s all going to be great.’ Because it has been marvelous.”
— Casey Brown (TED Talk: Know your worth, and then ask for it)

“It’s okay to quit your first job — even if it was really hard to get it, it paid well, and everyone seemed to admire you for getting it. If you hate your job, you’ll be wasting your life acquiring skills, contacts and a reputation that you don’t want to use. The sooner you find something you love, the better.
— Tim Harford (TED Talk: How frustration can make us more creative)

The world can only thrive when people know what they’re talking about. Find the thing that makes you want to know what you’re talking about. Then talk about it.”
— Ruth Chang (TED Talk: How to make hard choices)

“The advice that I wish I’d gotten when I graduated from college is: Pay attention to the difference between the quick hits of excitement that come from that first kiss of a new relationship or job and those feelings you get when you think about your strong connections with family or friends. Don’t get fooled by shiny things — that shine fades over time, while the gold of strong relationships never tarnishes. Remember the differences between these feelings to help you make decisions as you go forward.”
— Judson Brewer (TED Talk: A simple way to break a bad habit)

“1) Your high heels are not too high, even if you are a scientist. Someday, your unusual shoe choice will be just the right height to carry you into prestigious research labs and important business meetings, and help you peer into a wasp nest and discover a microorganism that will change the beer-brewing world. Your heels are just right for your journey. 2) There can be great beauty and great utility in what at first evokes feelings of fear and disgust, so dare to explore. 3) Remember to stop and sniff the microbes. This will probably help you gain perspective, but it will definitely help you discover future microbial technologies.”
— Anne Madden (TED Talk: Meet the microscopic life in your home and on your face)

“Regarding relationships of all categories (platonic, romantic, professional, etc.): Don’t let someone take up your emotional real estate if they aren’t paying rent.”
— Sarah Kay (TED Talk: If I should have a daughter … )

Never stop learning. When we graduate college and start our careers, we often understand that we have a lot to learn, so we approach our jobs with a learning orientation. We ask questions; we observe others; we know we may be wrong; and we realize we’re works in progress. But once we gain competence in our jobs, too many of us stop learning and growing. The most successful people — in work and in life — never stop deliberately continuing to learn and improve.”
— Eduardo Briceño (TED Talk: How to get better at the things you care about)

“I felt a lot of urgency to ‘do good’ right out of the gate after college, working in nonprofits and government right away. I wish someone had urged me to build my skills instead, so I would have received mentoring on my professional performance and communication early on. Then, when I transitioned into the social good sector, I’d have had a good set of tools and habits to bring with me.”
— Jessica Ladd (TED Talk: The reporting system that sexual assault survivors want)

“Graduation is a euphoric moment, but soon after, people often experience withdrawal symptoms. One reason is that your immediately accessible social network has been pulled out from under you, and entering ‘the real world’ means that you lose the effortless social interaction from dorm life, organized clubs and regular parties. Rather than feeling down, be intentional about maintaining and building a social world that brings out your richest self. And, when you hit your lowest points, in addition to turning to your strongest and closest relationships for support, have the courage to widen both your thinking and your networks as well.”
— Tanya Menon (TED Talk: The secret to great opportunities? The person you haven’t met yet)

Look for people’s inner worlds. Imagine their hopes and fears and what it feels like to be them. Seeing into other hearts can make you more effective in achieving personal and professional goals. It may also give you the comfort of remembering how deeply alike we all are.”
— Bill Bernat (TED Talk: How to connect with depressed friends)

“I was the first to attend college in my family, so neither my parents nor my siblings could advise me on my graduate school or career plans. I heeded my inner calling and pursued two master’s degrees in information systems at same time, and it all worked out well. Remember: your best academic counselor and career advisor is your heart.
— Navi Radjou (TED Talk: Creative problem solving in the case of extreme limits)

“I know the anxiety-provoking notion that you have to specialize or you will never become successful is weighing heavily on you right now. There’s good news! It just isn’t true. You can do and be many things and still thrive professionally. Over the next ten years, you’ll meet amazing people who are doing all kinds of things, such as a programmer/comedian/author and a filmmaker/teacher/carpenter. It’s OK to be a complex, multifaceted person who doesn’t fit neatly in one box. In fact, it’s actually a lot of fun.”
— Emilie Wapnick (TED Talk: Why some of us don’t have one true calling)

Be less afraid of getting older — way, way less afraid. Our fears are way out of proportion to the reality, and we squander a ridiculous amount of our youth worrying about it.”
— Ashton Applewhite (TED Talk: Let’s end ageism)

“Give yourself more time. So many college graduates immediately start wanting to make all their dreams come true at once — this can go wrong in many ways. The first is the frustration that you’re not ‘there’ yet. It’s going to take time to find (or build) your dream career. The second is burnout. If you find your career early, you can find yourself setting all sorts of unrealistic goals with arbitrary deadlines and chase them until you drop from fatigue. You can have it all — but not all at once.”
— David Burkus (TED Talk: Why you should know how much your coworkers get paid)

Whenever possible, get as uncomfortable as possible. Challenge yourself to get outside of your comfort zone regularly — spend time with people you deeply disagree with, read books about experiences you will never have, travel to places where you don’t speak the language, and take jobs in industries you’ve never worked in before. And if you feel yourself resisting, try again. Those experiences will help you build deep empathy, and we could all use more of that.”
— Anjali Kumar (TED Talk: My failed mission to find God and what I found instead)

“Surround yourself with people who help you be the best versions of yourself. Avoid those who don’t. And get enough sleep.
Lisa Feldman Barrett (TED Talk: You aren’t at the mercy of your emotions)

“When I graduated, I wish I’d known the research showing that future success doesn’t lead to happiness. I sometimes got paralyzed by the fear that happiness existed only if I found the perfect job, degree or position. In truth, the research is clear: happiness exists down almost any life path as long as you are grateful for the present, and develop meaningful relationships. Choose optimism and gratitude now and invest more in others, and happiness will be a lifelong advantage as you pursue your dreams.”
— Shawn Achor (TED Talk: The happy secret to better work)

“You don’t have to pursue what you studied. I followed my heart, and now I’m happier and more satisfied with life than I could have ever envisioned. We kill ourselves looking for jobs in our fields of study, while there are a million other things we are able to do. I also wish somebody had told me money doesn’t equate to happiness. When you get a job and start working, don’t forget to live.”
— Kasiva Mutua (TED Talk: How to use the drum to tell your story)

“You don’t have to do something extraordinary to lead a meaningful life; you don’t have to cure cancer, become an Instagram celebrity, or write the Great American Novel. Freud said that the meaning of life lies in love and work. So: In your relationships, lead with love. Be generous, be vulnerable, give of yourself to others, and don’t do the expedient thing just because it’s more convenient for you. Make the effort to put others first. In your career, find work that makes you proud and adopt a service mindset — remember how what you’re doing helps others, no matter how big or small the impact may be. Touching the life of just a single person is a powerful legacy to leave behind. Finally, make gratitude a part of your daily life; don’t save it for Thanksgiving. Every day, reflect on one or two things that happened to you which you’re grateful for. Not only will it make you happier, but it will also put you in touch with what really matters. Then, when you experience setbacks or hardships, it will also be a good reminder of how blessed you really are.”
— Emily Esfahani Smith (TED Talk: There’s more to life than being happy)

“When you finish college and begin your first job or internship, you’ll be keen to learn all you can and impress your employer so you can start on the path to promotions and raises. But the important thing that you might not see amidst all this excitement is the great idea that could someday become a great business or entrepreneurial venture. I’ve found the most interesting employment that life offers is often something of your own creation that you do full time or in addition to your main job. So, after you graduate from college, take the time to identify a venture that you’d like to do by yourself or with friends, and start building it. One day, you’ll be glad you started early.”
— Washington Wachira (TED Talk: For the love of birds)

“Move toward the light — toward people, activities, ideas that make you see more, that nourish you. Do this for at least five years. At that point, you can take stock and decide if you need to do some utterly practical, careerist, traditionally ‘wise’ thing. But give yourself a chance to follow your heart and your mind first. The best careers are built by people who have had a breadth of experiences on which to draw. Don’t get anxious if for a while your life seems to be made of a lot of fragments; in time, they will seem like facets of a diamond.”
— Sherry Turkle (TED Talk: Connected, but alone?)

That adage about pursuing things you’re passionate about does eventually pay off. When? No one knows. I suppose that’s why it’s a pursuit.”
— David Sengeh (TED Talk: The sore problem of prosthetic limbs)

“It’s traditional at graduation to offer neat, packaged stories of triumph over difficulties. But life isn’t like that — it’s open-ended, subject to a million contingencies and constant change. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make plans. But it does mean you should be alert to all the changes in the world and in yourself that could render your plan suddenly obsolete, unattractive or perverse. Be open to change. Be prepared to experiment. Take risks. Keep learning. Make your life your own.”
— Margaret Heffernan (TED Talk: Dare to disagree)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rebekah Barnett is the community speaker coordinator at TED, and knows a good flag when she sees one. 

Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Gifts for People Who Love to Garden

Buying gifts is always a challenge, but one way to find the ideal gift for a special person in your life is to focus on a niche that you know is of interest to them. So if you know someone who loves gardening, you’ll be glad to learn there are lots of gifts that are ideally suited to people who love to garden. We’re going to look at the best of the bunch today, so keep reading to find out all about them.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

An Attractively Designed Bird Bath

The great thing about birdbaths is that they’re not just about adding something functional to the garden. They also act as great ornamental pieces, so if you’re looking for something to give that brings a visual impact, an attractively designed birdbath could be exactly what you’re looking for. There’s no shortage of designs and options out there to choose from these days either.

Gardening Gloves

If you want to make the process of gardening a little more comfortable for a special person in your life, a pair of high-quality garden gloves can make the perfect gift. Again, there are lots of styles and designs out there, just make sure you choose a pair that fits well. It’s a good and affordable gift option so it should definitely be considered.

A Seed Subscription

Right now, subscription services are all the rage. There’s a subscription service for just about everything, so you might not be surprised to learn that there’s also a subscription available for seeds. That means you can get different seeds sent to your door each month, so this could be a great gift idea. You could pay for their seed subscription for a year, for example.

The Latest Top Books

There’s a range of great gardening books released each and every year. They might be guide books, general advice, or even photo books. There’s something for just about every garden lover on the shelves of your local book store, so it’s an avenue you should definitely explore. This article is A Review Of The Best Gardening Books in 2020, so it might give you some interesting ideas for which you might want to buy.

Solar-Powered Outdoor Lanterns

You don’t have to choose something that’s focused on the task of gardening; it might be a good idea to choose a gift that adds something new and fun to the garden and has a social dimension. Some solar-powered outdoor lanterns allow you to light up the garden at night and carry on the party into the evening. It’s a good gift idea and they’re also eco-friendly as the battery can charge up during the night and be put to use during the day.

If you’re looking for gifts for the gardener in your life, the ideas above should provide you with the inspiration you need. Find a gift they’re guaranteed to love and help them get even more out of their love of gardening with the kinds of gift options we’ve discussed here. 

 

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

May Is Mental Health Awareness Month, My Journey

My Journey

I don’t write about my Mental Health often but it’s Mental Health Awareness Month, and I can’t think of a better time.

 

























Photo by Thiago Matos on Pexels.com

I’ve been stable for about three years and it was a long journey during that depressive period. After being stable for several years I spiraled into a dark depression, getting numb and darker by the day. I tried four different drugs before finding the drug I’m on. It has worked like a miracle.

That’s how my life has gone since I was 19 years old. Stable or depressed or hypo or manic or dark depression or unable to function. It’s been a difficult journey and one that I almost didn’t make several times. The first time I tried to kill myself was at nine years old, that should have been a sign that something was wrong with me.

I have been hospitalized several times sometimes for up to a month a time and have had 21 Electro Convulsive Treatments. The journey has been very dark at times and I’m so thankful that I had family and a husband who fought hard when I wouldn’t.

The only thing I can say to anyone who is suffering from Mental Illness or a Mental Health challenge, it can and often will pass. I’m not going to sugar coat it, there are some Mental Illnesses that reaching stable is as well as you will get, that’s a huge achievement.

I have Bipolar Disorder and for the past 25 years have been on the depressive side. For the prior 20 years, I lived in a blissful Hypo Manic state. It was blissful until I fell off that cloud and crashed so hard I almost didn’t make it up.

One key to my success is having a Psychopharmacologist as my main doctor and seeing a therapist regularly. I know Psychopharmacologists are more expensive and harder to find but they know the brain in detail and how medications work so they can connect the dots with what symptoms you’re having with the medication you need. I’ve seen my doctor for 30 years and it scares me he is about to retire and I don’t know who is going to take his practice.

I believe strongly that for ongoing challenges with Mental Health/Mental Illness medication is required for some period of time. For me, it’s a lifetime, for others it’s until they’re stable.

I also believe strongly that seeing a Therapist on regular basis is as critical as medication. Sometimes we sabotage ourself and a Therapist can help us thru negative self-talk. The key to remember is what each doctor or Therapist does as a specialty. If you’re seeing a Psychiatrist/Psychopharmacologist you are only going to get medication, you are not going to get any therapy. There are also different types of Therapists so you need to make sure you are getting a referral for the right type. I am not skilled enough to tell you what type you need but your Psychiatrist can.

I’m almost 58 years old and at times I didn’t think I’d ever see 30 years old. It takes everything you have and more to deal with your Mental Illness or Mental Health and it’s worth the effort.

What goes up must come down again!

If you’d like to read more about my journey with Bipolar Disorder, check out my archives.

Melinda

Repost from 2021

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Thinking About Moving? Don’t Forget To Do This!

Moving home can be a stressful time for anyone. There is so much involved when it comes to moving out of one place and into a new one, and it can be easy to forget just what has been completed and what hasn’t. But, it’s important that you try to stay organized as much as possible, or you could find yourself in a sticky situation when moving time comes along. As such, if you’re thinking about moving home, then the advice in this article was written with you in mind. We’re going to take a look at some of the things that you don’t want to forget to do! Keep reading if you want to find out more.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Find Somewhere You Love

You shouldn’t move just anywhere because this is a huge waste of time. If you are going to move, then it has to be somewhere that you love, and if you can’t find somewhere you love, there should at least be a reason behind this. Whether you need to move quickly for a job offer, or simply because you want to be closer to family, these are both acceptable reasons to find a house that you could potentially grow to love, rather than one that you love right now. It can take quite a bit of time to find a place that you love enough to want to call home, but we suggest you take this time if you can.

When you move, it might be hard to say goodbye to your old home, and the moving process might not seem worth it if you’re not moving somewhere that you adore. When you walk through the front door, you want to feel the excitement, and like this is the place you belong, not that you’ve had to move here even though you didn’t really want to. Look online, visit estate agents, and be sure to look around to find the best place for you if you’ve got the time to do this.

calculator and notepad placed over stack of usa dollars
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Consider All Your Finances

Another thing that you’re going to have to do is consider all of your finances. You can use a site like MortgageCalculator.org to work out what kind of mortgage you’re going to be able to afford before you start looking. This just means that you will have a better idea as to what price range you should be looking at if you’re not going to be buying outright. But, of course, there is more than just a mortgage to consider when you’re moving home. You’ve also got to think about whether you need to sell your old home first or whether you can move without this help.

Then, there are the costs of actually moving. So, you are going to need an attorney or conveyor, someone to value your current home for when you put it on the market, you’re going to need the help of services to actually get you out of one home and into the new, etc. There is so much to think about, and we want you to consider all of this before you start the process. You don’t want to get halfway through only to realize that it is costing you a lot more than you originally planned for.

Make Your Home Marketable

The home that you’ve got now is likely going to go on the market, which means you’ve got to make it an attractive prospect. This means that if you’re not going to be selling it as a fixer-upper, you’re going to need to make all the repairs. Or, you’re going to have to lower the asking price if you know there is something that needs to be fixed. This is also a good solution if you need to sell the home fast because a good deal is something that people are always looking for.

When you’re preparing your home for sale, remember that potential buyers are looking for somewhere that they can see themselves living. They don’t want to see your family pictures all over the walls or anything like this, they want a blank canvas that they can imagine their own items being in. Paint the walls white to give this effect and make sure that it’s more like a showhome than the place in which you live.

opened brown wooden french door
Photo by Dmitry Zvolskiy on Pexels.com

Consider The State Of The Market

Another thing that you should do is consider the state of the market right now. It might not be the best time to buy, and if this is the case and you can afford to wait, it will be in your best interest. There is nothing worse than selling your home at a lower price and then paying a higher one for the new property. So, it’s important that you consider what kind of state the market is in at the time. If you don’t understand how this works, then you need to speak to someone who does so that they can tell you whether now is a good time or not.

Speak To An Agent

Finally, we highly recommend that you speak to an estate agent because they have access to more properties than the ones listed. More often than not, there are at least one or two properties that haven’t been listed online or in the window just yet, but if they think it’s right for you, they will show you before anyone else gets a chance to see it. You also might be able to get a better deal on the home you want to move to if you use an estate agent as they know the market. We know that this costs money you might not really want to spend, but it’s the best way to ensure that you get what you’re looking for!

We hope that you have found this article helpful and now have a better idea about some of the things that you don’t want to forget to do if you’re going to be moving home. Good luck, and we hope that you end up exactly where you want to be without it being too much of a nightmare!

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Today Is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

A few weeks ago I participated in a collaborative post for Fibro Directory and I wanted to share the complete post. I’ve also included some additional posts from other great bloggers who posted their Fibromyalgia tips.

What is Fibromyalgia? It’s a difficult question and even more difficult to diagnose. If you feel you have Fibromyalgia and have been told no by a doctor after doctor you’re not alone. If you’ve told it’s all in your head you’re not alone! Push forward until you get answers, it’s sad to say how many years it takes some people to get a proper diagnosis.

Here are few posts from great bloggers who also share their Fibromyalgia Tips.

Mandy and Michele 

Photobaugh

Me, Myself and I 

Disabled Diva

Melinda

 

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

MAY 12TH IS Fibromyalgia Awareness Day — Guest Blogger Reclaiming HOPE

“It feels so good to feel like a real person again.” I was feeling emotional as we were leaving the park and heading to our local bookstore to continue our Saturday morning excursion. We had only been downtown for breakfast and to the park. Now we were headed to to the bookstore before we went […]

MAY 12TH IS Fibromyalgia Awareness Day — Reclaiming HOPE
Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

D’Amore Mental Health

Jane from D’Amore Mental Health contacted me and asked if I would include their organization on my resources page. With May being Mental Health Awareness Month, I can’t think of a better time to add a new Mental Health resource.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

Child Abuse and Childhood trauma can impact a person well into adulthood, often in unexpected ways.

D’Amore Healthcare is a mental health treatment center for men and women specializing in the intervention, acute stabilization, and residential treatment of mental health disorders and co-occurring substance abuse disorders. We are a Joint Commission accredited, California-certified psychiatric facility located in the sunny, beach community of Huntington Beach in Orange County, California. We treat mental health and behavioral illness.  We specialize in residential treatment for Clinical DepressionBipolar DisorderSchizophreniaGeneral Anxiety DisorderTraumaPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Mental Health Disorders affect every aspect of your wellbeing. That’s why D’Amore Mental Health’s approach to addiction and mental health treatment is holistic and personalized, providing care for the mind, body and spirit. 

D’Amore challenges the idea of inevitable hospitalization for mental illnesses and specializes in preventive treatment by creating an environment that reduces the shame cycle. Our Build Me Up Program fosters behavioral and cognitive change through positive reinforcement. 

If you or someone you know is having challenges with their Mental Health please share with this website information and the other resources listed on my Organizations Who Can Help page.

Melinda

 

 

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Fibromyalgia Thoughts #7 It’s Not A Pity Party

Fibromyalgia isn’t about me, it’s not me and it’s not a pity party.

I am a whole person who has an illness or several but has many other aspects to my life that have to be met.

There’s a saying, you become what you think about. that works for the positive and the negative. If all you think about, read about, talk, and WRITE about is Fibromyalgia you become Fibromyalgia. You control your internal language.

I am grateful for the simplest of things, if the ice doesn’t spill over into the floor I’m grateful. If I cook dinner or even participate in cooking dinner, I’m grateful. I have to give myself some grace. There are many times when these things aren’t possible but if I’m not grateful for what I have then what do I have?

Our Mental Health is as important as our physical health if not more important. We can’t function fully in life with poor mental health. If I need to take a nap or sleep several days in a row, I don’t beat myself up over it. I don’t make Fibromyalgia personal, it’s an illness, not me. Again that’s where grace comes in. Work hard to take think about the positives vs the negatives.

Fibromyalgia is one of many invisible illnesses and it can be difficult for those who love us and those around us to understand. You owe no one an explanation for your illness, by that I mean, if a person doesn’t believe or continually ask but doesn’t understand, it’s not on you to change their mind or educate them. If someone cares enough about you they will look the information up and educate themselves in an effort to better communicate and support you.

Doctors can be our greatest allies or nightmare! That’s a fact we have to accept, it sucks but it’s reality. We aren’t going to change it and we can’t keep asking why. What we can do is stay the course. Take excellent notes, use a journal or a wellness guide, be specific with symptoms or the best you can. Sometimes there aren’t words for what we are feeling, give an analogy or something to help them understand what you are experiencing. Be optimistic, go into each appointment with high expectations but know that it may not find the answer. You stay the course and find another doctor, each one will get you closer to the answer. Don’t give up.

Melinda

Men & Womens Health

Five Tips for Finding Your Dream Home

Photo by Binyamin Mellish on Pexels.com

 

Whether you’re just getting on the property ladder or you’re moving to a larger home, finding the right property is essential. When you’re searching for your dream home, you don’t want to rush the process. By taking your time and waiting for the right property to come on the market, you can be sure that you’ve truly found the property of your dreams. To help you plan your search, take a look at these top tips now:

1. Know What You’re Looking For

Before you start viewing properties, spend some time thinking about what features your dream home should have. It’s easy to be swayed once you start looking at homes, so taking the time to prioritize your ‘must-have’ features will ensure you have a clear idea of exactly what you’re looking for.

2. Get Financing in Place

You don’t want to find your dream property only to miss out because you don’t have the funds ready. By getting the financing in place now, you can ensure you’re ready to make an offer as soon as you find your dream property. Many mortgage firms and banks offer pre-approval, so you can get a mortgage lined up, ready for when you can complete a purchase.

3. Choose the Right Location

No matter what features a property has, it won’t be right for you if it’s not in a good location. Consider your commute to work, how close you are to amenities and, if you have them, what your kid’s journey to school will be like. By choosing the right location for your next home, you can ensure you have the lifestyle you’ve always dreamt of.

4. Stay Up to Date

When a dream home comes on the market, it probably won’t be available for long. Once you’ve decided what location you’re looking at, stay up to date with what properties are on the market. Fortunately, the internet makes it easy to keep on top of new properties. By searching for https://www.camijoneshomes.com/kansas-city-homes-for-sale/, for example, you can see the latest homes that are available. With regular checks, you’ll be the first in line when your dream home is listed for sale.

5. Think About Your Future

If you’re buying a dream home, then you want to think long-term. Imagining your future and how your lifestyle might change will give you an idea of how your dream home should look, feel, and function. The potential to increase the size of the property might be useful if you want to start a family, for example. Alternatively, the proximity to the local business center might be advantageous if you’re thinking about a change in career.

Searching for Residential Real Estate

If you want to locate your dream home, it can be beneficial to build a good working relationship with local realtors. They’ll be the first to know when a property is coming on the market and can let you know when something fits your criteria. By moving quickly, you can ensure that you’re in a position to make an offer when the property of your dreams comes on the market.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Men & Womens Health

These Tips will Help you if You’re a First Time Property Investor

Buy to rent has really become an invaluable asset for the last 20 years or so. Many individuals are turning their hand to this form of investment so that they can get a major source of income. Right now, market confidence is high and the property market is certainly looking bright too. If you are thinking about making a property investment then believe it or not, now is certainly the right time. If you are a first-time investor then it helps to know where to start so that you can make yourself aware of the decisions you are going to have to make when buying a property so that you can come out on top overall.

Photo by PixaSquare on Pexels.com

Before you do anything, you have to make sure that you do all of the right research. If you are a first-time investor, then you need to make sure that you think about which property is right for you and even what you can achieve from it. It doesn’t matter whether it’s capital growth, rental income, or even a mixture of both. At the end of the day, there are many different types of property out there for you to buy and it helps to consider things like renovation and even what type of tenant you are hoping to achieve. By doing this, you can then begin to get the best result out of your investment and the goals that you set for yourself overall. If you want to make a smaller property investment, why not look into bungalows for sale?

The location that you choose will make all the difference between a successful investment and an unsuccessful one. Some investors choose to actively limit their property search to areas where they live so that they can have some peace of mind. It may be wise to consider some of the other areas if you want to maximize the returns you are going to get. Do your research and find out how you can capitalize on the highest amount of profit depending on the city you choose to invest in. If you do this well, then there’s no reason at all why you shouldn’t be able to come out on top.

You have to know that purchasing a buy to let property is very different from buying a home for yourself. If you are looking to try and attract young professionals or even students as your tenants, then you need to try and think about all of the amenities that are likely to appeal to your market. Bars, shops, schools, restaurants, or anything else of the sort can easily increase your rental yield by a huge amount. While these factors might not be something that you personally look for when buying a home, you may find that it is in fact a deal-breaker for any potential tenants.

There is absolutely no doubt that buy to let can be profitable, to say the least. A lot of landlords will use the properties that they have as their sole source of income. Increasing your portfolio will give you the chance to maximize the returns that you have but at the same time, you have to make sure that you have a good outlook when it comes to your finances. You have to make sure that you make a budget and that you plan how much you can afford or borrow. It doesn’t matter whether you are a cash buyer or whether you have a buy to let mortgage because there will be various tax implications that you need to keep in mind.

Photo by Expect Best on Pexels.com

Ultimately, it is very crucial for you to decide what kind of property landlord you would like to be. If you want to remain more hands-on then you will need to try and find tenants, conduct any viewings, and also maintain the property as well. If you are a hands-on landlord then you will be able to save some money by simply opting for a DIY approach. This will give you some extra responsibility, however, and you may not be able to manage all of this. If you are time-limited or if you have a lot of properties, then you may want to think about adopting a more hands-off approach instead. If you are willing to pay a small fee, then there are tons of letting agents out there that will manage your property and you won’t have to get involved at all with the day to day dealings of having a tenant. This includes any ongoing maintenance, viewings, paperwork, and more. So many landlords prefer to go down this route because it gives them way more time to focus on some of the other ventures. It also helps to try and start out slow so that you can build gradually as well, so keep this in mind if you can.

Knowing what you want will really help you to create a nice and coordinated time frame for your achievement. If your objective is to try and make a return in a very short space of time, then it may be wise for you to flip properties instead. This may sound like the best way forward but at the end of the day, it does put you at a very high level of risk. If you want a high return over a much longer period, then buy to let may be a much more suitable option. Yields of around 12% can easily be expected, but of course, you do have to think about things such as vacancy rates and even maintenance costs as well.

Try and make sure that you don’t use more than 50% of your mortgage when financing a property. This may be difficult when you are first starting out but as you explore the idea of property investment, even more, you will soon find that you can make it more feasible. Even though there is a lot of surface attraction with mortgaging, you have to remember that it is in fact a bad idea. The longer you carry on this way, the more pain and stress it will cause you at a later date.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Even though a shared mortgage can give you the chance to take out an even bigger mortgage, they do require one person to be the main borrower. The other person will then borrow less. The person who has the highest income will usually be the core borrower. If you have a lower credit rating, then you may find that your interest rates are much higher as well and this is the last thing that you need. Shared mortgages tend to allow for one property owner as well so arranging all of this can be a stressful and daunting process.

It’s also very helpful for you to constantly review your plan. Keep some clear notes of your process and also make sure that you plan at least 6 months in advance as well. You have to remember that no two six-month periods are the same, so you have to make sure that you are able to adjust your investment according to property prices rising and falling. If you can do this, then you will soon find that it is easier than ever for you to reap the benefits.

If you do not have enough confidence in the world of domestic property, then why not try and use foreign currencies to your advantage? At the end of the day, there are so many markets out there that don’t require as much investment, but that can easily give you a much higher yield. You have to make sure that you don’t just look at the value or even the potential of the property. Instead, think about the economy, the stability, and the political state of the company too. If you know that there is a tourist hot spot then this could indicate that the market is lucrative. Overseas hotspots include Berlin, Sofia, Sao Paulo, and even Istanbul too.

You have to know that timing is everything when it comes to investments. Knowing when you need to exit is half of the job. You have to make sure that you keep an eye on the market and you also need to know when to pull out of a certain investment too. If you have a valuable workplace exit strategy, then this will save you a lot of time and effort when the time comes for you to liquidate. Remember that the property market gives you way more data now when compared to just a few years ago. Keep track of it and take your time but never make any knee-jerk reactions. If you do, then you will soon find that you are able to make better decisions and that you can also stabilize your investment too.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Organizations Who Can Help Page Updated With Migraine Resources

Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com

I’ve updated my page Organizations Who Can Help to include the following Headache/Migraine Resources. Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com Theraspecs The Conversation MRF eMedicine Migraine Trust CDC WHO BMC Neurology Huffington Post Science Daily Migraine Trust Research Gate AMF Mayo Clinic Migraine Again Statista NCBI Headache Australia MCZ Migraine.com Very Well Health Excedrin Springer Migraine […]

Organizations Who Can Help Page Updated With Migraine Resources —
Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

How to get over a friendship breakup

IDEAS.TED.COM

May 3, 2021 / Mary Halton

Angus Greig

The loss of a friendship can be devastating.

Whether it’s the slow drifting apart from a childhood friend, the sudden, sharp distance created by a disagreement, or one of the many relationships that have quietly fallen away during the pandemic, losing someone that you thought would always be in your life is profoundly jarring.

But friendship breakups will happen over the course of our lives, and we need to start learning how to deal with them in healthy ways, says friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson.

The most significant thing we need to do, says Jackson, is normalize the fact that sometimes friendships do end and that can actually be healthy.However, we haven’t been taught to carry this expectation into our friend relationships.

“We’re not looking at our friends through a lens of ‘Gosh, I hope this works out’, but we’ll do that with a romantic partner for sure,” says Jackson. “With a partner, we wonder if they’re going to be the one. But with friends, we assume they’re the one from the minute we establish that we like each other.”

And because we don’t view the loss of a friendship as a normal occurrence, it feels like a personal failing when it happens and something we should be ashamed of. Or, as Jackson puts it, “If friendship is supposed to be easy and yours ended, what did you do wrong?”

But that isn’t the case.

Friendships, like any relationship, sometimes aren’t meant to be — and even if they are, maintaining them takes real work. Kristen Newton has been interested in this work for years and founded HEARTConvos, which aims to help people who feel stuck in unsatisfying friendships have the kind of open and honest communication that keeps a friendship healthy.

“[Otherwise] I think we feel blindsided because we belittle the value and significance of our social connections and friendship. Yet we recognize the weight that they carry when they don’t work out, and we experience that hurt and disappointment,” she says. Here, she and Jackson share their advice.

How do you get over a friendship that has ended?

1. Give yourself space to grieve the loss

This is the most important place to start. Be honest with other people in your life about what you’re going through, and try using the same language and self-care that you would during a breakup with a partner.

“Definitely get the ice cream!” says Jackson. “I think some of us try to be tough, and it feels a little juvenile — maybe a little vulnerable — to say ‘My feelings are hurt and I am sad over a friendship’. Feel the feelings the same way you would grieve over a romantic breakup.”

Newton agrees. “To the brain, a breakup is a breakup,” she says. “Sometimes people are wrestling through stages of grief. Then you start asking yourself: ‘Was I unhealthily attached to this person in a romantic way?’ [Because] I’ve only ever associated this type of pain in a romantic connection or with an egregious hurt in my family.”

But friendships are just as important and the feelings tied up in them just as profound — more even, because we expect them to last much longer.When Jackson posted a TikTok about this emotional significance of friendship early in 2021, the comments took an unexpected turn. “I was surprised by how much pain there was surrounding lost friendships. That wasn’t even what the video was about, but that’s where the conversation went. So I think a lot of us are still hurt by those things and looking for a space to process how to move on.”

https://www.tiktok.com/embed/v2/6916601576593444102?lang=en-us

2. Get closure, if you can

With a romantic partner, there’s usually a breakup conversation and you know that you’re either in the relationship or you’re not, says Jackson. “But the very blurry nature of starting and ending friendships makes it hard to navigate to the end — because when is it the end?”

Newton recommends “diagnosing” what has gotten you to where you are — this means asking yourself a lot of questions. What exactly happened? How is it affecting me? No, how is it really affecting me?

Then, you can do your best to get clarity from your friend at this stage. “You can think about why everything is settling the way that it is. That is not in an effort to change the other person’s mind, but just so that you have a sense of closure as you’re going into that loss,” Newton says.

If a friendship has ended badly, this may mean accepting that you won’t get to have a final conversation with them, says Jackson. “Try your best to stop replaying and rehearsing what you should have said. But if a part of your healing process might be to say your piece, or to apologize if you are the one who did something wrong, then you need to apologize whether they write you back or not.”

3. Identify what you need to do to move on

“Once you have a proper diagnosis of the impact of the breakup on your life and on your mental and emotional state, then you can treat it properly,” says Newton.

This might mean talking through things with someone you trust, creating space for yourself to grieve some more, or removing things from your life that trigger memories you’re not quite ready to process yet.

Jackson recommends moving towards using the language of gratitude.“Once you can start to put the relationship in the language of the past tense and say, ‘You know what, I’m so thankful they were in my life during this season,’ you can have gratitude for it and not feel bitter.”

4. Assess the health and boundaries of your other friendships

One of the biggest worries that comes with a friendship breakup can be how it will impact your wider group of friends. Trust these other connections, says Newton, and don’t try to hide what’s happening. “If I cut off my hand, the rest of the body is going to notice that I don’t have a hand anymore. But when friend groups don’t have healthy boundaries as a part of their friend culture, if one person falls out with another person within the group, the whole group is going to fall away.”

Great, you’re thinking — even more loss! But if that’s what ends up happening, it means those friendships weren’t healthy to begin with, and they are not well set up to support you. A huge part of maintaining healthy boundaries, says Newton, is realizing that it’s OK to have different levels of connection with each other within a group. You can feel very close to some people; others only enter your life because they are friends with your friends.

Make it a habit to take the pulse of your most important friendships regularly. “Be in the habit of debriefing your relationships, keeping tabs on one another and saying ‘Hey, how are we doing?’,” says Newton.

It’s easy to assume our friends will always be there, but close relationships require maintenance. This involves having very real conversations, and regularly checking in with each other in a meaningful way that can flag problems before they become problems.

5. Remember that you still deserve friendship

It’s not always easy to meet new people, especially once you get past your 20s, but it’s important not to let the loss of one friend make you feel unworthy.

“I see it become a barrier sometimes to making new friends,” says Jackson, “because we find so much of our identity in our friends. So when a friendship is over, what does that mean for me and who I am?” Losing that sense of belonging and acceptance is hard and all the more reason to work on developing an unconditional sense of self-worth that is innate and can support you through difficult times.

Lastly, Newton says, it is important to understand that “the overwhelming sense of emotion that we feel amidst a breakup sometimes can feel paralyzing.” It can be very difficult to cope with. “Give yourself the freedom and permission to feel what you feel, remind yourself of what is true, and act on what you believe.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mary Halton is Assistant Ideas Editor at TED, and a science journalist based in the Pacific Northwest.

Men & Womens Health

What’s Wrong With Me? Fibromyalgia Diagnosis-Part 1 — Guest Blogger Pain FULLY Living

Looking back from where I am now, I can see the signs that things in my body had been changing for quite a while before my final year of teaching and Fibromyalgia diagnosis. What I didn’t understand was the chronic pain I had become accustomed to would demand that I give up teaching to finally take care of my body’s cries.

What’s Wrong With Me? Fibromyalgia Diagnosis-Part 1 — Pain FULLY Living
Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Nurses Week May 6th-12th Show Your Appreciation

I can’t think of any other time in my life where thanking nurses is so important. Nurses have given so much, some even their lives to help save COVID patients. They have long been the unsung heroes but with COVID we’ve seen stories on the news every day about the toll COVID has taken on their mental health. That’s not something I would normally think about but when you consider over 500,000 people have died in the United States alone, that’s a lot of death to deal with. I can only imagine how thankful families are for the nurses who spent hours every day giving their all to keep their loved ones alive.

Photo by Cedric Fauntleroy on Pexels.com

Personally, I’m preparing to have a knee replacement in June and was so relieved to find out I get to go back to the same hospital. I’ve received some of the best care in my life there. When you are totally dependent on another person for everything but blinking you really appreciate every little step they take.

When I had my right knee replaced several years ago it was quite a shake as to what you would go thru after surgery. I was in the hospital for three days and could not get out of bed by myself. There were times I wished my bladder weren’t so active when I would have to use the call button again. When you really understand the care you’re getting is when you get out of bed. You are strapped with support to the nurse who helps you walk to the bathroom. They patiently wait outside time after time, maybe that’s the best time of day in which they get to sit down. I don’t know but I wouldn’t find that a good part of my day. They were so prompt with my pain meds, right on the dot every four hours, not once did I have to ask for medicine.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

I’m sure you have at least one encounter with a nurse and I hope it was a good one because I believe the majority love their job and do their best.

The next time you see a nurse show your appreciation. It will make their day and I’m sure they need the lift.

Melinda

Men & Womens Health

Pain, Fog & Fatigue: The Reality Of Fibromyalgia Symptoms —Guest Blogger Invisibly Me

For Fibro Awareness Day 2021, here’s a look at the reality living with 3 common but difficult fibromyalgia symptoms : pain, fog & fatigue.

Pain, Fog & Fatigue: The Reality Of Fibromyalgia Symptoms — Invisibly Me
Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

In Honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, One Designer Sets Up Shop—With a Purpose

AD PRO

Amy Kartheiser, a designer based in Chicago, is spotlighting artisan-designed wares in support of suicide prevention this month

By Katherine Burns OlsonMay 3, 2021

It was after Amy Kartheiser, an interior designer based in Chicago, lost her brother to suicide in 2014 that she realized others in her community were impacted by a similar loss. She cofounded Under the Same Sky, which works with American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, to both help those struggling and to push open the door to meaningful discussions about mental health. “One of the biggest goals of Under the Same Sky, outside of raising funds to support those who have lost a loved one to suicide, is getting people to talk about suicide and mental health in general,” she tells AD PRO. “We truly believe that we must open the conversation to make a significant change for those struggling with mental health and for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. It’s the driving force of our mission.” 

Amy Kartheiser
Amy Kartheiser Vibe Tribe Creative

Alexis O’Brien, public relations director at American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, elaborates on the importance of such dialogue. “Amy found that people seemed to be afraid to talk to her and that they didn’t know how to approach the subject. This can be a common experience for suicide loss survivors, which leads to feelings of loneliness and isolation,” she says.

Kartheiser’s Under the Same Sky organization helps fund the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Healing Conversations program. “All volunteers for the program have themselves lost someone to suicide,” O’Brien explains. “Healing Conversations welcomes survivors of suicide loss as they are, wherever they are in their grief. While our volunteers won’t have all the answers, they are able to point those who are grieving to places they might find ongoing comfort, such as a local support group.”

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, observed in May, Kartheiser shares some impactful ways that the design community can get help for that journey—and get involved in the conversation.

Amy Kartheiser: The idea of “talk” is going to be threaded throughout all programming that we push out on my Instagram page, @AmyKartheiserDesign, and in tandem with Under the Same Sky’s content. We’re kicking off our very first “walk and talk” social media challenge for designers and interested participants, not only to spark conversation around the topic, but also to raise vital funds in support of our partner, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention—specifically AFSP’s Healing Conversation program.

The #WalkandTalkChallenge idea was sparked because I use my daily walks to keep me sane, and to spiritually connect with my brother, Mark. I literally walk and talk to him out loud. (I try to check over my shoulder for passersby before starting to chat to him, but sometimes I am that woman.) It’s been so therapeutic in healing and processing, so I wanted to encourage people to get out there, get some fresh air, move their bodies—it does wonders for the mind!—and talk. 

We hope this challenge will not only bring awareness to the mission of Under the Same Sky, but will also push the design community to bring mental health conversations to the forefront of all that we do. It is such a high-demand industry, and one that is focused on beautiful things and the smallest of details, but real life is messy. I’m hopeful that by sharing my own journey grappling with the aftermath of suicide following Mark’s death, I can encourage fellow designers and the A+D community at large to do their part in bringing to light these conversations. 

Lastly, we have our next pop-up taking place virtually at utsscharity.org from May 13 through June 13, where all purchase proceeds will go to AFSP. I personally source products from makers around the globe for these shops, and we also have some amazing donated pieces from artists and designers that have found UTSS and were inspired to support our mission. It’s a fun way to shop—or source—for a good cause!

How do you choose which designers and artisans to spotlight in the shop? How can designers get involved?

I chose pieces that capture my heart. Every single item featured in the shop has been handcrafted by a true artisan; their stories and processes are what compel me to spotlight their products.

When I’m on my travels, for both personal and sourcing trips, if something or someone catches my eye, I stop to learn and experience—whether it’s Egyptian vases that have been crafted the same way for hundreds of years, intricate paper artworks with imperfections and unevenness, or caftans and pajamas hand-sewn by a husband and wife right there in the market in front of me. These are incredibly skilled craftspeople that have learned and honed their work from generation to generation.

Combined with the fact that I can easily envision any of the items I select in one of my client projects, I think the collection is a wonderfully unique place for other designers to source pieces for their own projects.

In a bigger way, donations—both donated goods for the shop or monetary gifts—are most certainly a welcome way for the design community to make the largest impact in support of our mission, and to do their part in working towards the much broader mission of ending the suicide epidemic.

What are some of the moments that have been particularly meaningful for you as you’ve grown the nonprofit?

One of the first things that stuck out to me following our launch was the response that I received from a Chicago Tribune article that featured UTSS. The outpouring of support and notes from readers from around the world took me by surprise, and that was the first time I really paused and thought, Wow, we are actually changing lives!

Also just as meaningful has been the amazing design connections we’ve made along the way. We had an incredible studio—Ark Papers out of Cape Town—reach out to us on Instagram about collaborating and supporting our mission. To think our charity has found its way to South Africa kind of blows my mind.

I’ve been so overwhelmed by the designers and showrooms that have asked to donate products and floor samples, or who have inquired about making products specifically for the shop. I’ll never really be able to express how cool that is for me—to turn something so devastating and disorienting into this beautiful thing that people want to be a part of, and all within the industry that I love.

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Kristen Bell recalls Dax Shepard confronting her about her mental health

Today Show

May 3, 2021, 11:53 AM CDT 

Source: TODAYBy Rachel Paula Abrahamson

The “Frozen” star struggled to manage her anxiety and depression as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold.

Like many Americans, Kristen Bell found herself glued to the TV as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold in 2020.

“I have trouble distinguishing between my emotions and someone else’s emotions, and that’s not a compliment to myself. That’s a very dangerous thing to toy with,” Bell told Self in a story published on Monday.

The news cycle took Bell, 40, to such a dark place, that her husband, Dax Shepard, had to intervene. Shepard, 46, was concerned about how Bell’s mental health was affecting their daughters, Lincoln, 8, and Delta, 6.


MIND & BODY

Kristen Bell recalls Dax Shepard confronting her about her mental health

The “Frozen” star struggled to manage her anxiety and depression as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold.May 3, 2021, 11:53 AM CDT / Source: TODAYBy Rachel Paula Abrahamson

Like many Americans, Kristen Bell found herself glued to the TV as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold in 2020.

“I have trouble distinguishing between my emotions and someone else’s emotions, and that’s not a compliment to myself. That’s a very dangerous thing to toy with,” Bell told Self in a story published on Monday.

The news cycle took Bell, 40, to such a dark place, that her husband, Dax Shepard, had to intervene. Shepard, 46, was concerned about how Bell’s mental health was affecting their daughters, Lincoln, 8, and Delta, 6.

Related

HEALTH & WELLNESS

How to find mental health support when you need it

“‘Hey, real quick, are you helping anyone right now by sitting and crying in your bed, or are you just being self-indulgent?’” Bell remembered Shepard saying. “Either get up and donate money or donate your time or do something to help, or take that story in, give it some love, and come out here and be a good mom and a good wife and a good friend and live your life in honor of the suffering that happens in the world.’”

Initially, the “Frozen” star was outraged. Then, she realized Shepard had a point.

Bell, a longtime mental health advocate, first started taking medication to deal with her anxiety and depression while studying at New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts.

“I wasn’t suicidal…. It was just a generalized dark cloud over me. I felt like my real personality was in a tiny cage inside my body,” she revealed.


MIND & BODY

Kristen Bell recalls Dax Shepard confronting her about her mental health

The “Frozen” star struggled to manage her anxiety and depression as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold.May 3, 2021, 11:53 AM CDT / Source: TODAYBy Rachel Paula Abrahamson

Like many Americans, Kristen Bell found herself glued to the TV as the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic began to unfold in 2020.

“I have trouble distinguishing between my emotions and someone else’s emotions, and that’s not a compliment to myself. That’s a very dangerous thing to toy with,” Bell told Self in a story published on Monday.

The news cycle took Bell, 40, to such a dark place, that her husband, Dax Shepard, had to intervene. Shepard, 46, was concerned about how Bell’s mental health was affecting their daughters, Lincoln, 8, and Delta, 6.

Related

HEALTH & WELLNESS

How to find mental health support when you need it

“‘Hey, real quick, are you helping anyone right now by sitting and crying in your bed, or are you just being self-indulgent?’” Bell remembered Shepard saying. “Either get up and donate money or donate your time or do something to help, or take that story in, give it some love, and come out here and be a good mom and a good wife and a good friend and live your life in honor of the suffering that happens in the world.’”

Initially, the “Frozen” star was outraged. Then, she realized Shepard had a point.

Bell, a longtime mental health advocate, first started taking medication to deal with her anxiety and depression while studying at New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts.

“I wasn’t suicidal…. It was just a generalized dark cloud over me. I felt like my real personality was in a tiny cage inside my body,” she revealed.https://www.instagram.com/p/CKRr5xjs1Wj/embed/captioned/?cr=1&v=8&wp=1116&rd=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.today.com&rp=%2Fhealth%2Factor-kristen-bell-details-mental-health-struggle-during-pandemic-t217265#%7B%22ci%22%3A0%2C%22os%22%3A2139.0000000000005%2C%22ls%22%3A1632.0000000000002%2C%22le%22%3A1648.0000000000002%7D

In addition to a daily selective serotonin inhibitor (SSRI), Bell uses exercise to boost her endorphins. Earlier this year, she shared a photo of herself after completing a cardio workout.

“I’ve been struggling the last 2 weeks, for who-knows-why-slash-ALL-the-reasons,” Bell wrote at the time. “Today I finally got back on the treadmill, figuratively and literally. And I’m proud. To anyone who’s been feeling the same, you can do it.”

Bell has also found that knitting and working on jigsaw puzzles help to clear her mind and keep her off her phone.

“I know that I present someone who is very bubbly and happy all the time, and a lot of the time I am, because I have really good tools,” she explained while speaking with Self. “But there are definitely days when the alarm goes off and I go, ‘No, I’m staying right here. Nothing’s worth it… I’m just going to stay in this cocoon because I need to be; because I feel very, very, very vulnerable.”

Bell has been working for years to help end the stigma around mental health.

“It occurred to me that I was showing this very bubbly, bright persona, and that it was unauthentic. Because it wasn’t telling the whole story,” Bell told TODAY Parents in 2018. “I had a pit in my stomach for almost feeling ashamed that I had hidden it for so long, because it could’ve helped people before if I had talked about it.”


Kristen Bell on ‘Frozen 2,’ ‘The Good Place,’ mental health

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Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How Childhood Sexual Abuse Causes Physical And Mental Health Problems In Adults

Carrying trauma from your childhood is so draining and it has far-reaching effects on your physical and mental health. Many people experience flashbacks and PTSD symptoms after surviving sexual abuse as a child, but often, the impact is less direct. Even those that do not think about the abuse itself that much and assume that they are not affected by the trauma that much may experience a range of mental and physical health issues. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse do not always connect the dots and they don’t realize that the issues they experience are related to their trauma.

Source – Pixabay CCO License

Understanding what potential issues can be caused in adulthood can help survivors recognize when their trauma is affecting them. These are some of the most common physical and mental health issues caused by childhood sexual abuse. 

Depression

Depression is one of the most common mental health issues we face right now and there are a lot of reasons why people develop it in the first place. However, studies show that there is a strong correlation between people that experienced abuse as a child and people that suffer from serious depressive disorders. As an adult, attending depression counseling can help manage the symptoms and you may even be able to start unpacking some of that trauma.

However, research suggests that early intervention to support children is the key to avoiding this issue in later life. 

Substance Abuse And Eating Disorders 

Dangerous behaviors like substance abuse and eating disorders are also more prevalent in survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The symptoms of trauma are often difficult to manage, especially if the survivor does not have the support that they need. Many sexual abuse survivors also suffer from other mental health issues and it’s common for them to self medicate with alcohol or drugs. Eating disorders are often a way of gaining control over one aspect of their life because a person feels so out of control in other areas. 

Sexual Confusion

Sexual confusion is incredibly common in male survivors of childhood sexual assault. Boys that are abused by older men when they are too young to understand sexuality will be confused about whether they are homosexual or not. This confusion remains as they grow older and it can make it incredibly difficult for them to form meaningful relationships. 

Obesity 

We think of obesity as a fairly straightforward problem; if you eat too much, you gain weight. But it’s far more complicated than that and childhood sexual abuse often has a role to play. During a weight loss study, it was discovered that many of the participants that struggled to stop overeating had been abused as children. Further research in the area has shown that there is a direct correlation between obesity and childhood sexual abuse. 

If we are ever to deal with the issue of childhood sexual abuse and help survivors regain power over their lives, it is important that we understand just how much impact it has in adulthood. These are some of the most common ways that sexual abuse manifests in adulthood, but there are countless other health issues that it can cause.  

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Anger, Depression, And Loneliness: The Costs Of Disability

We like to believe that we live in a generally safe world where our quality of life isn’t continually on the line. If we didn’t, we’d struggle to leave the house in the morning. 

But the truth is that we don’t live on a perfectly safe planet. In fact, there are dangers everywhere. 

Photo by Polina Tankilevitch on Pexels.com

Every minute of the day, for instance, somebody is injured in a crash, and many of the victims have life-changing disabilities that stay with them for the rest of their lives. 

You can’t really understand disability until you’ve experienced it. Suddenly, you find out that you can’t do all the things you used to be able to do, and it creates a whirlwind of emotions. Life just isn’t the same afterward, either mentally or physically

For many people, the first response is anger. If their disability was their fault, they feel a kind of rage against themselves. Why did they put themselves in danger? 

If their disability was somebody else’s fault, they feel a sense of violation against the person who did it to them, even if it was unintentional. There are often long court battles as people attempt to get compensation from another party. 

The anger, however, eventually becomes a cost if it lingers. The longer it goes on, the more it taxes the individuals. Eventually, it can harm their health further, leading to forms of depression and chronic disease. 

Losing your abilities is a little bit like losing somebody you love. If you can no longer walk, for instance, you go through a process of grieving over that loss. Instinctively, you know that the ability isn’t going to come back. And so you have to psychologically and emotionally deal with that fact before you can move on. 

That kind of mentality is quite destructive, but also commonplace in people who’ve been injured or develop a chronic condition. The trick, of course, is to recognize that life does go on and that there are plenty of things you can do to enjoy your existence. 

In some situations, disability can also breed loneliness. Some people find that they are more isolated from their friends and family because of the fact that they can no longer get around as well as they used to.

Loneliness can also occur at an emotional level. When you have a disability, you feel somewhat alienated from the people around you. Unlike you, they don’t know what it is like to be housebound or bedbound. And so they can’t really understand what life is like for a person in your situation. 

The solution here is to join a group of people who do understand what you’re going through so that you can voice your feelings and make them known. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Cutting As Much Stress As Possible Out Of Home Hunting

Home hunting can be a stressful thing, right? It can take ages, and you might never find the house you really want, and you might have family on the way that makes it even harder to go from property to property, or maybe the house hunting is just getting in the way of the honeymoon period. No matter what the reason is, you’re dreading the thought of trying to find a new place to live. 

And that’s where we can help. We’ve got some ideas for stress-busting the process below, so be sure to keep them in mind if you’re about to hit the market and secure a property that could become yours forever home. 

Pexels Image – CC0 Licence

Have the Same Idea

Whoever you’re buying with, and whatever reasons you’re buying for, you all need to be on the same page. Most new home buyers are couples, either newlywed or with a young, growing family, and while both groups have a lot in common, you and your partner need to be in the agreement above all else. 

We don’t want any arguments here, or to delay the house-hunting process by any number of weeks, which will really help with keeping the stress off of your shoulders. So, you need to both be looking for the same thing – sit down together, and don’t stop workshopping until you have the same list on your minds. Only then should you get in touch with an estate agent. 

Work with an Agent

You’re also going to want to work with an agent, to allow them to do all of the hard work for you, such as scouting out properties and negotiating the price with the seller. Because when you’ve got someone knowledgeable and professional on your side, such as PropertiesMiami, you have a much better chance of scoring a smooth and budget buying process.

Plus, an estate agent will help you to decide what it is you’re looking for, or need if you’re struggling to come up with these features yourself. They can help you to come to an agreement, or even reach a compromise together. 

Have Compromises Ready

Finally, there’s a good chance you’re not going to score the home of your dreams here (but it’s not impossible!), and you’ll need to have some compromises ready in advance. What are you willing to negotiate with your partner on? What features aren’t quite a must-have, and you’re willing to live without and/or renovate in at a later date? 

You can swap out many things to bring your dream home to life, like the light fixtures, flooring, and even windows. Keep an open mind and imagine what it will look like with a change in mirrors, installing a bay window, or maybe adding a chandelier. The cost to get a window replacement company or electrician in to bring your idea to life might be cheaper than hunting down the home that already has the fixture installed. Is the kitchen boring you to sleep? Take off the cupboard doors and add your touch to them with a lick of paint and new knobs. If your taste is a bit more expensive than your current budget, don’t write off the house just yet. Instead, start saving for the changes you love. 

For example, maybe you want a breakfast nook, but none of the houses you like have one? Decide if this really matters or not, and then buy the house that could become a proper family home, and still has room for that breakfast nook when you’ve got the cash later on… 

Stress is at an all-time high when house hunting and moving, so try to eliminate it from the start. You’ve got some great tools on your side to do so!

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Looking After Your Mental Health in a Digital Age

In an age where everyone is constantly connected, and false pretenses are the norm, it can be hard to stay positive about life and yourself. Many teens have attested how social media has made them feel more insecure about how they look. This may be because filters and editing tools can make a person look entirely different from actual reality, creating false and unrealistic standards today’s generation of girls feel they need to live up to.

Plastic surgeons have even come up with a new term called “Snapchat Dysmorphia,” which is a condition doctors have found mostly in adolescent women who try to get plastic surgery in order to look more like what they look like on Snapchat or Instagram with all the added filters. Looking after yourself has never been more vital, especially when living in a world that is constantly trying to convince you of what is acceptable and considered beautiful. That said, here are some tips on what you can do to look after your mental health in a digital age.

Photo by mikoto.raw from Pexels

Limit Screen Time

It may sound like a childish approach at first, but limiting the amount of time you spend on your phone, and especially online, can do wonders for your mental well-being. The more time to spend online, the less time you spend in the real world, being productive and practicing other healthy habits. Social media is helpful in a long list of ways. Whether it is to gain exposure for your business, staying in touch with friends and family, or learning more about what’s going on in the world around you, anything you do excessively will ultimately lead to an imbalance of some sort in your life. Moderation is key, which is why setting boundaries to the amount of time you spend on social media can open up loads of time for other important things like work, family time, getting in some exercise, or even just relaxing. You’ve probably found yourself hopping on Instagram for a quick catch-up, only to find yourself an hour later, still scrolling, each post just as interesting as the one before it. This is why it’s essential to set a limit because, whether you notice it or not, it happens more than you think. 

Protect Yourself

One of the less glamorous things about social media is the fact that we can’t always control what pops up. Suggested posts are brought to your feed, and before you know it, you stumble upon something that may offend or really bother you. This isn’t necessarily social media’s fault; even though they try to keep a tight rein on what’s posted on their platform, there are billions of people posting each and every minute, making it almost impossible for them to regulate content thoroughly. They have, however, given you a small amount of authority and have taken your power of free will online by giving you an unfollow, block, and report button. These buttons aren’t just there to look pretty; they cause real action once implemented and can lead to the platform taking a closer look at the relevant content and disposing of the post (or the entire account if necessary) in order to make your experience better. Have a look at https://backlightblog.com/how-to-block-unblock-on-instagram to learn more about how to use some of these helpful tools. 

Tech Cleanse

Many celebrities have taken some time off from their social media accounts with millions of followers for a bit of a break-away. These public figures have realized how stressful and pressurizing the online world can be and have learned that taking some personal time can only benefit one’s mental health. Allowing yourself a tech cleanse from time to time will lift your spirits and make you feel like an entirely new person – this means taking a period of time and detaching yourself from the online world. No, you don’t have to lock away your phone in a drawer and throw away the key, just take a breather from the hustle and bustle of social media and do some self-reflecting, pamper yourself a bit, maybe even take up a new hobby or learn a new skill. The online world isn’t going anywhere soon and will definitely still be there by the time you get back!

Your number one priority should always be you at the end of the day, whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. Take some time, give yourself some space, and do whatever you need to do to ensure you stay happy and healthy, inside and out.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Introducing Aila Health, Precision Health For Your Chronic Illness Needs

I asked Aila Health to provide an introduction about their service offerings for my autoimmune disease and other chronic illness readers. I found their concept interesting and wanted to share it with you. The idea of tapping into a community of like-minded people is interesting and finding a place that offers one on one coaching from people who understand chronic illnesses is rare. 

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Aila Health | Newsletter Content

Welcome to Aila Health!

Precision health for chronic illness

Who We Are

Article by Rory Stanton, CEO

Hi guys! Rory here. I’m the founder of Aila Health, a company I’m building to bring compassionate, accessible care to people living with autoimmune diseases and other chronic illnesses. I wanted to let you know why I created Aila Health and tell you about the app we just released for chronic illness warriors. After watching my cousin spend years visiting dozens of specialists to help diagnose and manage her chronic illness, I thought there had to be a better way.

The Problem

I talked with hundreds of patients and specialists to try to figure out how to solve this problem. I learned that your care is siloed and your doctors can’t always see a full picture of your health. They see a couple of your symptoms at random intervals but don’t always see all of the other symptoms or factors that cause flare ups.

Not Invisible

The Aila Health app allows you to sync all of your health data in one place and identify what is triggering your flare ups. Because your health information is centralized in one place, you can better share your trends with your doctors. Your doctors can then see “invisible” symptoms like chronic pain, fatigue, insomnia with the data, even if your lab tests keep coming back “normal.”

The Community

Once you download the app, you can also connect with other chronic illness warriors in the Aila community to share insights and get support. We’d love to invite members of the Looking for the Light community to the Aila Health app.

Download the app for free to consolidate your health information and track your flare ups in one place

Personalized Coaching

If you want additional help with personalized nutrition, mindfulness and stress management training and 1:1 holistic health coaching, you can subscribe to the health coaching program. We’re offering Looking for the Light members 25 % OFF your first month.

Just enter code Light25  at checkout.

As part of building community, we’re hosting a 3-month webinar series, kicking off Thursday, May 13th. First up in the series, we’ll hear real stories from real people about living with autoimmune disease. These powerful, amazing, and inspiring individuals will share about their health journeys. Register to attend here and we’ll keep you posted on additional webinars too! https://ailahealth.com/webinar

Aila Health solutions are available to the chronic illness community with a tap of the finger. It’s one place for your one on one coaching needs, an information database, and a support system with other chronic illness warriors.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

7 ways to avoid becoming a misinformation superspreader

IDEAS.TED.COM

Apr 19, 2021 / H. Colleen Sinclair PhD

Angus Greig

This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here. 

The problem of misinformation isn’t going away.

Internet platforms like Facebook and Twitter have taken some steps to curb its spread and say they are working on doing more. But no method yet introduced has been completely successful at removing all misleading content from social media. The best defense, then, is self-defense.

Misleading or outright false information — broadly called “misinformation” — can come from websites pretending to be news outlets, political propaganda or “pseudo-profound” reports that seem meaningful but are not. Disinformation is a type of misinformation that is deliberately generated to maliciously mislead people. Disinformation is intentionally shared, knowing it is false, but misinformation can be shared by people who don’t know it’s not true, especially because people often share links online without thinking.

Emerging psychology research has revealed some tactics that can help protect our society from misinformation. Here are seven strategies you can use to avoid being misled, and to prevent yourself – and others – from spreading inaccuracies.

1. Educate yourself

The best inoculation against what the World Health Organization is calling the “infodemic” is to understand the tricks that agents of disinformation are using to try to manipulate you.

One strategy is called “prebunking” — a type of debunking that happens before you hear myths and lies. Research has shown that familiarizing yourself with the tricks of the disinformation trade can help you recognize false stories when you encounter them, making you less susceptible to those tricks.

Researchers at the University of Cambridge have developed an online game called “Bad News,” which their studies have shown can improve players’ identification of falsehoods.

In addition to the game, you can also learn more about how internet and social media platforms work, so you better understand the tools available to people seeking to manipulate you. You can also learn more about scientific research and standards of evidence, which can help you be less susceptible to lies and misleading statements about health-related and scientific topics.

Badges identify ways misinformation exploits people's minds

2. Recognize your vulnerabilities

The prebunking approach works for people across the political spectrum, but it turns out that people who underestimate their biases are actually more vulnerable to being misled than people who acknowledge their biases.

Research has found people are more susceptible to misinformation that aligns with their preexisting views. This is called “confirmation bias,” because a person is biased toward believing information that confirms what they already believe.

The lesson is to be particularly critical of information from groups or people with whom you agree or find yourself aligned – whether politically, religiously, or by ethnicity or nationality. Remind yourself to look for other points of view, and other sources with information on the same topic.

It is especially important to be honest with yourself about what your biases are. Many people assume others are biased, but believe they themselves are not— and imagine that others are more likely to share misinformation than they themselves are.

3. Consider the source

Media outlets have a range of biases. The Media Bias Chart describes which outlets are most and least partisan as well as how reliable they are at reporting facts.

You can play an online game called “Fakey” to see how susceptible you are to different ways news is presented online.

When consuming news, make sure you know how trustworthy the source is or whether it’s not trustworthy at all. Double-check stories from other sources with low biases and high fact ratings to find out who — and what — you can actually trust, rather than just what your gut tells you.

Also, be aware that some disinformation agents make fake sites that look like real news sources – so make sure you’re conscious of which site you are actually visiting. Engaging in this level of thinking about your own thinkinghas been shown to improve your ability to tell fact from fiction.

4. Take a pause

When most people go online, especially on social media, they’re there for entertainment, connection or even distraction. Accuracy isn’t always high on the priority list. Yet few want to be a liar, and the costs of sharing misinformationcan be high – to individuals, their relationships and society as a whole. Before you decide to share something, take a moment to remind yourself of the value you place on truth and accuracy.

Thinking “is what I am sharing true?” can help you stop the spread of misinformation and will encourage you to look beyond the headline and potentially fact-check before sharing.

Even if you don’t think specifically about accuracy, just taking a pause before sharing can give you a chance for your mind to catch up with your emotions. Ask yourself whether you really want to share it, and if so, why. Think about what the potential consequences of sharing it might be.

Research shows that most misinformation is shared quickly and without much thought. The impulse to share without thinking can even be more powerful than partisan sharing tendencies. Take your time. There is no hurry. You are not a breaking-news organization upon whom thousands depend for immediate information.

5. Be aware of your emotions

People often share things because of their gut reactions, rather than the conclusions of critical thinking. In a recent study, researchers found that people who viewed their social media feed while in an emotional mindset were significantly more likely to share misinformation than those who went in with a more rational state of mind.

Anger and anxiety, in particular, make people more vulnerable to falling for misinformation.

6. If you see something, say something

Stand up to misinformation publicly. It may feel uncomfortable to challenge your friends online, especially if you fear conflict. The person to whom you respond with a link to a Snopes post or other fact-checking site may not appreciate being called out.

But evidence shows that explicitly critiquing the specific reasoning in the post and providing counterevidence like a link about how it is fake is an effective technique.

Even short-format refutations — like “this isn’t true” — are more effective than saying nothing. Humor — though not ridicule of the person — can work, too. When actual people correct misinformation online, it can be as effective, if not more so, as when a social media company labels something as questionable.

People trust other humans more than algorithms and bots, especially those in our own social circles. That’s particularly true if you have expertise in the subject or are a close connection with the person who shared it.

An additional benefit is that public debunking notifies other viewers that they may want to look more closely before choosing to share it themselves. So even if you don’t discourage the original poster, you are discouraging others.

7. If you see someone else stand up, stand with them

If you see someone else has posted that a story is false, don’t say “well, they beat me to it so I don’t need to.” When more people chime in on a post as being false, it signals that sharing misinformation is frowned upon by the group more generally.

Stand with those who stand up. If you don’t and something gets shared over and over, that reinforces people’s beliefs that it is OK to share misinformation — because everyone else is doing it, and only a few, if any, are objecting.

Allowing misinformation to spread also makes it more likely that even more people will start to believe it — because people come to believe things they hear repeatedly, even if they know at first they’re not true.

There is no perfect solution. Some misinformation is harder to counter than others, and some countering tactics are more effective at different times or for different people. But you can go a long way toward protecting yourself and those in your social networks from confusion, deception and falsehood.

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. 

Watch H. Colleen Sinclair‘s TEDxTU talk here:https://www.youtube.com/embed/an8OJQDeXYo?version=3&rel=1&showsearch=0&showinfo=1&iv_load_policy=1&fs=1&hl=en-US&autohide=2&wmode=transparent

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

H. Colleen Sinclair PhD is an Associate Professor of Social Psychology at Mississippi State University. Her research focuses on interpersonal relationships, social influence and misinformation.

Men & Womens Health

15 Top recommendations for living with fibromyalgia by those who know — Guest Blogger Chronic Mom

Living with Fibromyalgia is a delicate dance, which is why May’s Fibromyalgia Awareness Month is so important. The bloggers at the Fibro Blogger Directory got together to provide the ultimate post for Fibromyalgia recommendations. Each blogger has a link with the rest of the blog post, so definitely head over to other blogs to read […]

15 Top recommendations for living with fibromyalgia by those who know — Chronic Mom